All Comments on 'The Magnificent Eight'

The story is very unrealistic in many ways, and I don't find totally bogus stories very appealing. I just cannot see Amy agreeing to a swap without Tim's agreement. The rest of the story seems contrived and too closely following standard unrealistic motifs with the sailing trip.

I agree with someoneother's message.

The exchange configuration would be possible, but the execution makes the Magnificent Gang look like a gang of Morons.

And the worst thing is to make the main character, a husband so saintly that he's ultimately responsible for everyone, that he can't even get laid even though he's almost divorced, into a pro at jerking off.

Does he walk around with a halo over his head?

A good story with an enjoyable conclusion, but it does suffer from an avalanche of mundane detail.

Although well written and I in fact quite enjoyed it; realistically it is so very improbable that the wives would initiate a swap without any input from their husbands. Not all males are happy to share their wives with others and doing so without any form of discussion is a recipe for disaster.

I gave you 5 stars for the writing/story. However, I am a BTB type of person, so the forgiveness is hard to accept. The stupidity of the wives collective idea and execution of the swap without telling the husbands was wrong, PERIOD.

The fact that neither had a relationship with any others during the couple of years they were separated kind of made me accept their getting back together. Still hard for me to reconcile it with my mind set after my divorce many, many years ago even though my present wife is in fact a gem. So ignore my blathering on, and just keep on writing You are doing a good job.

Thanks and congratulations on your first story. I do find the unwanted swap theme quite interesting. Your writing is quite good. However, I found this lacking. The wife never really apologized. The friends never really apologized. Somehow, the husband is the bad guy for rejecting Carla. Being beautiful does not mean she can do shitty things and become the victim. There is no way the husband hugs Jarrod again. It is extremely cruel to force the one who was betrayed to interact with his betrayers. I don't hate all reconciliations, but what did the wife do to deserve one? It was extremely rushed. It was very hard to like anyone in this story. Still, I hope you keep writing.

Ignore the complainers. This is a wonderful love story. The descriptions of the lab research were fun. A person does not have to say “I’m sorry” to communicate they are sorry, and she did write him a letter asking for forgiveness. I’m glad they made up. And, of course she should never have cheated without his permission. That was just stupid & selfish. Please, keep writing.

5Stars.

I’m so confused. Why was he to blame for anything? What’s wrong with rejecting a hot girl for sex? What’s wrong with losing your erection? To me it sounds like everyone but him was already playing around and they thought they could force him into it. Sounds like a lot of privileged people whining.

Great story!

FAN-TAS-TIC STORY!!!!!

Really well written!!! I love it!!!

Amazing entrance in Literotica!

5 stars from here totally deserved!

Six pages of "I don't think so". That was just too much to swallow.

Wonderful story, keep writing - 5*

Decent enough. Very similar to Out Of Love by Jezzaz

So in the twilight years Amy can look back and remember Jerrods big cock with loving fondness, a nice little memory. Poor Tim gets to look back and think of the day he accepted being a cuck.

Is it an American authors thing that the only male MC they can think of is an apologist spineless moron. At one point they all conspired against him and he’s the one apologising and as for later when it’s all hugs and kisses after their business success, well it just goes to show how detached from reality US authors are.

NT great first story. You worked the RAAC right. I give you a 5* rating for this effort. The LW category is tough for a first timer & i give you a lot of credit. Good character development.

Nice story and good writting…what can I say, I’m a sucker for happy endings

You are a great writer. Your material reads well, it makes sense, it has good descriptions sand a good original story setting. It brought up all the emotional feelings we expect from loving wife’s stories. I Hope you keep writing, in spite of some of the comments you might be getting

Why was the MC excluded from the decision to swap?

Excellent story... love, hate, anguish, pity, revenge, success, failure, and finally, really reconciliation !

5 stars, a follow, and please keep writing.

Great story Nick!

Wow - great story 5* - keep writing

Great story! It truly demonstrates how bad communication can screw things up. It also shows growth on the part of most of the characters.

I had slight problems with his feeling bad about not being aroused by his wife. After (what to him was) cheating with his best friend, that's to be expected, and SHE also should have expected it. The idea that he was somehow a villain because his natural rejection hurt her is a bit unrealistic in my opinion. He tried! The fact that his mind and body couldn't cooperate is really on her and Jarrod and the others . . . not on him.

Carla's (or Clara's?) upset didn't quite make sense to me either, but perhaps some people might feel that way.

It was nice that he forgave Jarrod, though I also found that a bit unrealistic. Letting Jarrod know that he could only deal with him on a professional level, but that things could never be the same, would have been a bit more realistic.

Still, all-in-all, a great story. Friends and lovers destroyed, but eventually finding paths PARTWAY back to what they once had . . . with all older but wiser. Nice work!

Not in this lifetime

Of course the main plot device is the main plot fault: deciding to fuck some other man and not get your husband's specific acknowledgement and consent? And then she Forgot her phone? And these people as a group are supposed to be supreme at technical and people knowledge and skills? Upon reflection the entire swapping idea as described is ridiculous.

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OK, but you got them to that place. Then what? Then, eventually, the wife decides that she is just going to wait for as long as it takes, become celibate, forever, until her husband finally decides to come back to her. And then she disappears? And she knows he hasn't even read her pledge of waiting? What the fuck? Lack of communication or miscommunication is a Lazy plot device. You could have done so much better. So Michelle knows that's Anne's plan, but then she asks him if Anne has initiated divorce proceedings when she already knows Anne has promised to wait, forever? Why didn't Michelle just tell him that he should have read Anne's letter, and that she is simply giving him all the time he needs? Oh, that would mess up your miscommunication plot device, gotcha.

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It was a decent idea for a story, but the execution was lame, and tedious. What's with the battery development seminar? It added nothing to your adultery plot theme, and was puzzling. I wish you better luck with future efforts.

Keep writing. Your theme is excellent... execution decent. I didn't care for the main characters, but you have MASSIVE potential.

Why was he apologizing? He couldn't help it that his body didn't respond to his cheating wife. And while I had sympathy for Carla/Clara, he didn't do anything to her either. He even clarified shortly after that night that he thought she was beautiful and his rejection was not due to her.

I enjoyed a lot of the story and I even like the reconciliation. But I can't stand it when the wronged party is made into a bad guy or one of the bad guys when he didn't do anything wrong. Also thought he should have stuck to his original plans regarding their business. They weren't bad people but he had no obligation to make them wealthy.

Maybe they should be asking why THEIR husbands were so willing to cheat on them, instead of why Tim wasn't willing to cheat on his wife.

As an electrical engineer I enjoyed the technical details, but imagine that a lot of people would be put off and either stop reading or skip over it.

Overall it was well written and the emotional drama realistic and I found it moving.

I was hoping that they would reconcile as they obviously loved each other so much.

Hug Jarrod? Fuck no! The level of disrespect from all 7 of these asshats could simply not be ever overlooked or forgiven. Franceman makes a good point about our mc being a jack off king when he's young, handsome and rich as fuck. Amy treating him the way she did actually does provide a cause of death for any love he might have had for her. Any guy in his circumstance would then have sought out reclaiming his manhood by proving he could fuck a different woman every day of the week. That would have added a level of believability to this take.

If she cheated to get Olivia with her husband how can we not believe that she cheated so she could have Jarrod? As others have stated the story isn't realistic but as a work of fiction it is a good read. Not sure I agree with him taking her back but I'm a jaded guy.

Extremely well done. You have a great future writing loving erotica.

Has anyone told these “literary critics” that this a site dedicated to erotica and not exactly literature. Get a life !… This was a well written story.

Good read. I thoroughly enjoyed the story

Please keep writing

Clicked on this with the expectation of being very disappointed- marital bonds being thrown out and everyone enjoying free love with whoever, the free and open sex being the paramount focus of the story. Surprise! turned out very different and I liked it a lot. Yes, a lot of misspelled words but written in an interesting fashion. And yes, the MC is the brains of the whole operation, but at least he didn't have the biggest dick. Starting the story out with the 8 most studly and beautiful people was not smart, but they turned into regular humans. Please write some more.

Just one more ridiculous slut swapping story.

Ridiculous. 1. The sluts did what they did with absolute premeditation. Everybody knew what was happening except the cuck. That wasn't a fucking accident. The comment by Catalina (the stupidly stereotyped Hispanic woman character) about Amy not cheating on purpose suggests that the author lost track of what he'd written.

2. The slut left her phone, which was no accident. Even worse, she said that even if she had it, it would have made no difference. That shows utter disregard for the marriage and the cuck.

3. The cuck initiated blame spreading and blame shifting are inane. The cuck is partly to blame? For what? Failing to say "Oh, never mind." after his wife's vicious betrayal? Failing to treat it as just a"spanking offense"? (The idea that a typical Hispanic husband would treat what Amy did as a relatively minor transgression is risible.)

And Carla? He's responsible for her feeling "ugly" because he refused to commit adultery?

The story, when you get past the slick prose, can't withstand the slightest scrutiny. Ultimately, Tim is just the usual weak, needy, cuckish, stereotypical, lw husband character who cucks-out for no other reason than being a weak needy cunt of a man (the cuck-out was telegraphed early on by his self initiated, utterly unjustifiable blame spreading and blame shifting.)

This, BTW, is essentially the same plot as one of the tyranny, Cagivagurl's stories.

The RAAC was to obvious and to much. Also so unrealistic, how can a rich fit Guy go Monk way for 2 years its impossible.

Nice writing and i Hope for something else than RAAC , its so boring, there lot lot of grey zone between RAAC and BTB , much more interesting than an obvious RAAC

A totally unrealistic fem fantasy around two slut wife and two donothing idiot husbands coming from the planet of apes. In real life this sluttish behaviour would have led to two marriages destroyed. Good thing this is just a fiction, even though a very dangerous one.

Thank you all for your comments. In retrospect I should have not allowed an easy reconciliation with the gang but they were his long time friends so at the moment of triumph I thought there'd be a moment of qppreciation as regardless of Tim's input, they had all helped build the company that enabled him to achieve what he did. Secondly I thought Tim the MC should have picked up women but my wife asked that the two MC's stay celibate. I think if I had condensed their time away from each other to a total of ten - twelve months it may have been better. I also think I rushed the ending but I wanted to hurry up and get it published. Lastly I don't develop a concise qnd rational story skeleton. I write organically so even I'm not too sure what my characters will do until I get there.

My next two are considerably better crafted.

There's no love in this story, just cum dumpsters and assholes.

This is a great idea and story. Keep them coming..

There is a saying "Don't sh*t where you work" but they sure did. They did about the most stupid thing that you can imagine and then blamed the MC because he had morals. Then the wife said she would have done it even if he would have gotten a hold of her. That is pretty damning.

well written, but a bad ending.

Very good first story, thanks for sharing

Very well written story. I enjoyed it very much even with the RAAC. She was sorry, but sorry doesn’t unscrew her or make it right.

There wouldn't be all that much variety if we stuck to only probable stories. I'm fine with improbable but plausible stories. Solid writing. I have what sounds like a common quibble. I've seen a lot of writers do this thing where they make the protagonist overly apologetic. I suspect it is intended to show how "great" or "nice" a person they are but it rubs a lot of us the wrong way. He could have sympathized with the woman he rejected while still letting her know he didn't do anything wrong by rejecting her and still come across as a cheated-on "saint". He also doesn't need to apologize to his wife for not reading her letter or for moving on for the better part of two years. He can still feel empathy for what she's gone through after he reacted in a perfectly justifiable way to an incredibly wrong and stupid decision his wife made without pretending he shares blame. There is a huge difference between the common annoying little flaws of daily life with a spouse and adultery and the "we both were to blame at least a little" comments that are so common are grating to many of us readers. Still, I liked the protagonist. I even liked his wife although her actions were definitely anger-inducing and justified divorce. She suffered. She claims she waited for him. She has repented and promises to do better. I've been though a divorce. If I had thought my ex had been repentant (of all the myriad poor decisions she made) and willing to do better I would have likely made a go of it. But, she was clearly a damaged person and unrepentant even though she pretended to be. Good story

I guess this author is a foodie? We’re learning more about food and cooking than anything else.

I wish authors would quit describing in excruciating detail the mundane financial steps to take when filing for divorce. No one gives a shit!

Author has some talent. Can write. Didn't hate the story.

But...I kept finding parts of the story where the MC was apologizing for shit that was not his fault.

Not his fault that all these sluts thought it was a good idea to fuck other husbands. Without first talking to the husbands about it. Not his fault his wife thought it would be just fine to fuck his best friend. Thought that it wouldn't have any effect upon their relationship. Not his fault that he actually had some sense of morality, faithfulness, and loyalty with regards to his marriage while his wife and best friends had zero such sensibilities. Not his fault he didn't want to fuck the whore who drew his name in this wierd game. A whore is a whore is a whore. Not his fault he was haunted and traumatized by thoughts of his supposed best friend fucking his wife. Not his fault he couldn't bring himself to fuck the slut he was married too...that she couldn't even get him hard anymore.

Those are all very probable (or at least possible) results from this stupid scenario. So why the fuck was the MC tripping all over himself apologizing throughout this entire story to all these dumbass supposed friends (and wife) of his for shit that was THEIR fault??!

The stupid bitch who felt "less than" because he didn't wanna fuck her like a cheap whore in this scheme? Oh boohoo..."he ruined my life because he actually felt loyalty to his wife and took his marriage vows serious...my life is ruined."

Someone needed to turn to this character and say "Narcissist much? Way to make this fucked up tragedy all about yourself. Geez...just shut the fuck up." Instead this MC finds her and apologizes profusely for not wanting to fuck her. And then let's her beat the shit out of him for some reason? It made no sense to me.

He goes to talk to her? OK.

Apologizes to her? For what?

She hits him? Repeatedly? Uhhh...he should have backhanded her so hard she'd be picking up her teeth off the ground.

It makes no sense.

Apologizing to the wife because she wanted to be a slut and cheat? Makes no sense?

There's a popular saying. "Fuck around. Find out."

The stupid character bitches in this story fucked around. And they all found out.

I also find it really hard to believe that this (or any fairly normal, straight, vanilla) group of people would have actually agreed to this idea. "Hey...I know we've never discussed this before. And never had a conversation with our alpha, ultra athletic and competitive husbands about this before. But I THINK we should all just swap husbands without any warning...and just fuck a new guy! What do you all say? Who wants to fuck my husband and potentially put their marriage at risk as well as our business, future, and livliehoods?"

So...kind of an interesting story. Fairly well written. Just unlikely. And the apology parade got ridiculous...therefore the reconciliation just didn't work for me. At all.

Who the hell is Clara?

For Christ’s sake did we really need your detailed description of your version of the flux capacitor? This story could have been half the length if it deleted the useless content filler!

Decent first effort. 3*

Great story, but the main character is a bit of a bitch. But alot of these kinds of stories are like that, where the husband leaves the letter unopened, turns off the phone, gets a new one, disappears, then pisses and moans he still loves her but can't contact her. The original act of fucking each other really was a dumb thing to do, being in business together, but he should have been able to forgive her using a therapist or hypnosis.

Agreed story showing off the American predilection of going off half cooked. Why do they refuse to talk and only see things in absolutes? They seem to not understand nuance. Refusing to read letters, text and deleting messages without listening to them seems to be a uniquely American character flaw. What is that all about?

A well crafted story that kept me engaged all the way through.

Not bad for a debut, I liked it, obviously not 3.95, this work deserves more. But I didn't like a couple of thoughts that it was her husband's fault, his fault wasn't there at all. Although the wife has suffered enough to deserve forgiveness for this particular mistake. Again, there is something else, the wife's guilt is not fully disclosed, the author seems to ignore to the last how calculating, narcissistic and stupid she was. I don't even want to talk about friends, they are not friends, they are bastards who tried to reduce the degree of their guilt and partially shift it to her husband.

Your prose is good, but the plotting and character development won't stand up to scrutiny. If you want the praise of the sentimental elderly and the cucks, this will do. If you want to do better, then you need to listen to your critics. With more thought put into your work, you could be one of the good writers here. I suspect you may be deleting negative comments. Don't do that, and don't respond to comments. While some negative comments will be eminently "ignorable", some may hurt but be helpful. Best of luck!

Appallingly bad plot line and incoherent character development. I can think of at least two stories with the same plot (there are probably more). You can't sell a reconciliation on the basis of what you've presented, at least not to anyone who can think while he reads. Your prose is good enough that you should be able to do better than this. Don't be fooled by the score.

I find it hard to believe that this o ly got 16 comments. Very odd.

Solid 5, especially for a [presumably] first submission. This is a plot device that has been used before here in LW, and it can be a great one for many reasons. The betrayal of one of the would-be swappers is a great angle when written well.... and this is. Maybe a bit over the top, but hey, that's not necessarily bad in fiction. I also think the reconciliation was legit.

The message about how 'effed up swapping can be for most people is real.... sorry if that's your bag, but the majority of people would feel just as betrayed as the MC. Wanting to do it, especially when drunk, is very understandable. Going through with it, and furthermore doing it to one without consent is not and is the crux of the plot device.

Well done. Looking forward to more.

Lately it seems that it's an eternity between good stories here. This one was very good.

Turned out to be a really good story even with the RAAC ending. I suppose he thought her remorse was sufficient to reconcile.

Good story. Similar situation to one of my favorites "Holiday Hammer Blow" (https://www.literotica.com/s/holiday-hammer-blow) by Cagivagurl with a different reaction from its MC.

Nice!

Solid first posting on the site, but not without a few "bumps". I kept passing this story by as I'm not a sharing kind of spouse and the swap by-line kept me away. I finally got bored with mediocre posting and decided to give it a chance based on the higher score. I'm not a hard core BTB or RAAC kind of LW reader as I tend to let the writer convince me their fiction is "real" - LOL! One of the misses in the plot line was the "swap" with absolutely no prior story hints of sexual tension among the eight. You presented Tim and Amy as a fully connected couple, yet a key plot line was 180 out from being connected. You had Karla freak when Tim rebuffed her advance claiming he was attacking her beauty/ego. Again, with no prior mention of unique sexual tension between the two prior to finding her naked in bed, I call BS any woman would react that way and not see it for what it was, Tim was not into sharing his wife. The smarter play would have been "Amy hasn't talked to you about this, has she?" Then Karla could be upset with the other six for setting Tim up without knowledge. Maybe some additional clarity on how they picked who would be with who would help as well rather than a general statement "all the women" came up with the idea at the same time. Final miss was Karla became Clara in the last 1/3 of the story and stayed that way. Couple miss types are no big deal, but complete name change was annoying as hell. I did think the ending reconciliation was fairly well done. Not perfect, but convincing. 3.8*

Great job. 5 stars. Best first effort I have ever read and I have edited and read thousands. Keep with the good work. And if you need an editor, e mail me at krazicat99@gmail.

Ridiculously overlooked, but the author has potential if he thinks harder about better plotting and character development

Just not buying story. Wife gets to screw another man, Tim puts himself in two years of blue balls. What a man! No wonder his wife needed someone else. 2 stars.

It was never explained why the MC was not consulted before the decision to swap was made. Did Amy think so little of her husband's opinion (have so little respect for him) that she felt he did not need to be consulted in a matter of marital fidelity? If so, her attitude and actions would destroy the vast majority of marriages, I suspect. More globally, all of the other six members of the group of eight showed profoundly poor judgement as well, and none of them were suitable to hold a position of authority in a business. A reconciliation between the MC and his wife would be possible, but it would require the issue of her respect for him to be much more fully discussed and shown to be appropriately adjusted beforehand. The author bypassed this crucial step and thus made the reconciliation confusing and weak. Having no way to unfuck Amy, in reality Jarrod would simply be persona non grata in aeternum. No man would forgive a supposed friend that transgression. It would not happen - no way, no how.

You can do better than this. I read the comments and your critics are your friends on this one. If you listen to the "praise" you'll be writing slick prose delivering dreck. There's a lot wrong with the substance here, and the negative comments, on the the whole, tell you what to fix. But, you can write. You've gotten the mechanics down and have style. Now, engage your brain more.

Very good story but the one thing that wasn’t addressed enough was that if all 8 are such great friends why did seven know and agree to keep him from saying he was ok with a swap? It’s not a swap without him agreeing. Even he rejected his hot friend. The phones left behind and his best friend not answering as he fucks his wife without consent. This not for the story but in reality the excuse of a married person saying I slept with others before you is a terrible excuse. For most guys I know they try and block that out . You know other men did it all with her sexually and she may still think about them , liked it with them more , etc. His friend never again the reconciliation with his wife for story purposes great in reality for me I never could get past the sneaky betrayal of the seven .

Not one likeable character. They are a bunch of narcissistic jerks, full of themselves. They should be called the arrogant 8. The mc blames himself though he did nothing wrong. And the one friend who he rejected, (carla?) Has her whole life come crashing down because she needs to be spoon fed compliments. She should also be in jail for assault...swing and a miss on this one. Thanx!

Loklie

Thank you all for the feedback. Both positive and negative. I must say that the Loving Wives genre has the most vociferous critics but that's because it evokes the most emotion. I have a huge piece almost finished and a third in it's early stages so I hope to publish more in LW soon. Hopefully I'll improve the plot elements. To krazicat99@gmail. I'll PM you on Monday

1 star - I did not read one word of this story.

However, the comments section really points out all the good reasons why my choice was best. I am one of those readers who does not like even the thought of sharing my wife with any one. This story seemed to be about 7 people who wanted to share and one person who was left out of the discussion loop. What an incredibly bad idea that was? It pretty well guarantees there will be at least one divorce. There is no possible way for a RAAC to even be considered in this story - just not happenin'. The bitch made her choice without discussion and deserves to live the rest of her life as a carefree single loser. As far as the violence goes - any story submitted to the LW category ALWAYS gets a one star rating from me, no matter how well written. From my perspective, using humour, or indifference, or just walking away is always the better choice.

Hopefully, you will do better with your next story.

Very well thought out, written and presented. Keep up the good work!

Really well written! I also had a big problem with the premise that four wives would arraign a swop with out the husbands consent and no way to stop it once initiated. I like that Tim and Amy both stayed celibate for two years, although also unlikely, but that made the RAAC work. Looking forward to seeing more from Nicktee.

Wonderful.

One of the things I enjoyed the most was that the wife argued back, rather than sit like a passive sorrowful object. Their conversations were well done. (A lot of things were well done.)

Why would you rush publishing a story, on a free to read site?

Many authors here did the same and admitted to it.

If you rush your writing, readers could also just skim through it.

•And reading through the comments...

RAAC is never a good thing. There are no 'working' RAAC.

RAAC is a slur, an insult against a bad reconciliation story.

It means Reconciliation At Any Cost, and it is meant to label a story that have a plot where it reconciles a divorced/broken-up couple without any effort by the characters especially the cheater.

The worst RAAC is where the 'wronged' party spent more energy and emotion on reconciling than the cheater/offender.

Imagine reading about the victim exhaustingly laboring themselves to fix their broken marriage while the offender only need to ask for forgiveness and granted. If that is all it need for a reconciliation, it's a bad story. That is an RAAC.

Ambitious first attempt.

I find train wreck plots interesting but most authors aren't up to cleaning up the wreckage adequately.

This is a very interesting plot device that's been explored a couple of times already.

Your MC was far too weak (a bloody nose and kicked crotch are not enough) and even ended up hugging the donkey dick that cucked him after a while.

That was really gay and should have been in the gay male category.

As usual, the passage of time, bullshit and whacking off were used to somehow mystically fix the marriage after the dipshit whore fucked his big cock best friend.

Your writing is entertaining and readable but I would advise you to really delve a little deeper and stronger if you are going to write about interesting train wreck scenarios like this.

Amy needed far more dissecting regarding her ridiculous faults, her fucking with Jarrod and how it could all be reconciled with her husband.

That isn't an easy task but it's necessary for a good story with this particular plotline.

There are some lines that once crossed, eliminate any possibilities of going back.

The reestablishing of the friendships with everyone was too much suspension of disbelief.

Hope you keep writing.

The two main characters put themselves through hell because of what? Stupidity, arrogance, stubbornness? But they came out the other end in much better shape.

Well written

Ugh, more cuck shit.

The whole boy scout persona was waaay overdone and made him seem like a cuck in the end

Very good first effort. While I’d recommend another “problem” the unwanted swap is a decent trope for a reason. I’d recommend maybe a bit more of a twist, but I think it being a small company with the core couple being destroyed was pretty good.

I appreciate your taking the time to bring back Carla because the aborted swap would actually hurt someone’s feelings.

This last note may be more personal preference one, but I liked you getting into the nitty gritty of the battery control. It made Tim a personalized main character. Overall, I enjoyed the structure, I appreciated the world building in the first portion.

Thank goodness for Catalina.

I enjoyed your story. I thought the writing was excellent. A great story, whether it was your first or your hundredth.

Two points meant as constructive criticism:

1. "Then why Tim?" That was Amy. "Why did you reject Carla?"

"Because I wasn't given a choice in the matter!"

It’s certainly your character, but I think it would have been a stronger statement if it was evident that he wasn’t given a choice AND if he had been given the choice he would have said ‘No’. I believe that is what he was saying. Otherwise, he’s just a petulant child because he wasn’t asked first. The real problem wasn’t his not being asked, it was that he didn’t want to have his wife fucking someone else.

2. "Why didn't you take your phone with you?" I barked. "One call would have stopped it."

She shook her head, tears glistening in her eyes. "I forgot it... But it wouldn't. It wouldn't have made a difference. It probably would have made things worse for everybody."

This was too good to be a throw-away line. My impression is that she “surprised” him because she knew, even subconsciously, that he would say ‘No’. It may also have been subconsciously that she left her phone knowing that he couldn’t call her to try to stop it. And her statement that “It wouldn't have made a difference” clearly indicated that she intended to go through with the swap regardless – she really didn’t care what he thought or felt. I thought that this, more than anything, was the crux of the story and would have made the reconciliation at the end improbable if not impossible.

I look forward to more of your writing!!

>>I'm male with tertiary education working in the Marketing field for 40 years. << Now, you dolt, apply all that education to creating and using TAGS on your stories! Respect your readers by giving them a preview, an idea of what's in your story, especially if you're a new writer.

First, you are an excellent writer and a superb storyteller. Your writing is technically excellent and well-measured. The details are not distracting, instead adding to the overall well-polished feel and high readability. The moon-landing ruminations added to that scene. The following argument on the patio bench did not degrade into the usual LW verbal back and forth or the betrayed husband's manifesto/name-calling fest. Kudos for that. Not the usual rambling, over-writing, and long diatribes. I suspect that your marketing is related to batteries, minerals, or high-tech manufacturing. VERY good dramatic context.

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On the cautionary side, your MC came close to becoming that unlikeable, petulant, passive-aggressive male critter so endemic to this site. You managed to walk that fine line, though, which speaks to your writing skill.

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You've created unique characters who each carry a piece of the story. Usually, the characters in these stories are clones of each other, beginning with their speech patterns. Again, your writing experience shows.

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A DUI/DWI in the US is a huge deal. Nobody walks away the next morning with their operator's license intact and no days in jail to think about it, except maybe certain politicians. Then, shortly MC is back drinking in public, which usually is proscribed as part of the pre-trial release. The $250 fine and classes were relevant punishment about 1980.

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Also, mash? No way, Jose. Not in the United States. 'Mash' is either a sad old 70s TV sitcom based on an excellent book or the first step in making moonshine. But hey, you're tryin', son! Finally, when writing stories about the US, use Yank spelling, such as 'apologize.' I have templates in US and UK/Commonwealth English. Also, when referring to a specific person as Dad, it needs to be capitalized.

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This paragraph is that transition, that pivotal climactic moment that 99.999% of writers on this site cannot master: >> I had gone from the wounded hero of the story to the villain who had stabbed the heart of the woman who loved him. I no longer held the high ground. Whether I liked it or not, my body had betrayed me at a moment I needed to show her that there was a way back if we somehow found the means and the desire to go there. Amy had driven a knife in our marriage but I had gone back and twisted it. I lay sleepless in the dark, with real fear in my heart. Up to now I had viewed the possibility of us parting as a theoretical problem. Now it was real and my heart ached ready to burst. I waited and waited for sleep to come until I couldn't any more. I got up got dressed for gym and drove out.<< This is excellent writing.

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This was worth five stars after the first sentence. I'm anxiously awaiting more from you.

So I seem to think my MC was watching CSI not Mash...;-) didn't I say CSI? The problem of not having the piece edited shows...

But thank you all for the feedback. I haven't lived in the US for a long time so some of my understanding are probably dated.

I wonder how you would all feel If I were to re-post it the way I probably would have edited it if I had spent some time on it or got it to an editor... I have a big piece coming up next. We'll see if it impresses the LW audience

Interesting premise with some good pieces of writing. But also some holes that were not explored. Her admission that she left her phone behind and it wouldn't have made a difference anyways, would (in the real world) make reconciliation much, much harder. Wasn't explored, just like his statement that he had no choice. He says it and then nothing more is discuswed. Also his one time subconscious rejection of her body, should not set off such a firestorm of marital strife. It is a pretty reasonable reaction. It doesn't have to kill the marriage. It just means they have real problems. Instead of her getting mad and moving out and him running off, if they wanted to try to save their marriage there is counseling for exactly such situations. At least fight for the marriage, if they so choose. Instead a they both felt her hurt and didn't fight, though her letter was heartfelt, except he didn't read it (the one thing she had the right to be piswed off at Tim about). The makeup with all his friends and coworkers including the asshole "friend" after solving the battery problem is way too simple. Surprised that once he filed, she did not try to seek him out. Michelle asked if he read the letter because if he had, she would have told him where Amy was but since he didn't, she kept quiet. Amy talked of soon begging his oarwnts for contact information but was only 3.months away from closing. Huh? Instead there is a deus ex machina / coincidence where he finds her in thr Caribbean coaching rowing teams on St Vincent. And without Catalina, he would have just run like a coward anyways. He seems good at that. Meanwhile Amy while mostly upset at herself is good at tossing anger back in his face for what was almost totally her fault (and their "friends"). But to me the stuff about her phone, just shows that she did feel entitled (which she admitted in the letter) and was fully premeditated and she would.not stop, regardless of consequences (which is what she did). With all the separation, neither side fighting for their marriage beyond her letter, and their mistaken assumptions about each other, the phone issue and the kick of actually discussing why he is upset and felt lied to and manipulated with no choice, graduated this from reconciliation to a RAAC with some amazing coincidence to boot. Be honest. If he had screwed Carla. Given her attitude, her being pissed at him (because in this story he didn't screw Carla as planned)), her sense of entitlement, while they would have remained together for awhile, she would have stepped out on him in the not too distant future and blown everything up. Don't get me wrong, I like a reconciliation as much as the next guy, but her admission that bringing her phone with her would have changed nothing was a big problem that stripped the mistaken swapping veneer. She was committed, and didn't care what Tim thought about the whole thing. That is hurtful and juvenile and makes reconciliation way harder. Comoany stuff was at times interesting to heighten tension with the friends but also distracted from Tim and Amy and really setback any possibility of them working to fix their marriage prior to the deus ex machina. Hence cokes off as a RAAC not a reconciliation. Clearly Tim has some issues running from any confrontation or just walking away without reading the letter and abdication all agency. She gave him some of that back after he finally read the letter. Anyways with some tweaking this coukd have been a great story. And some of your writing elements are quite nice. Reconciliation stories are tricky. Make the betrayal too small (and no Amy did NOT make a mistake, the phone stuff kids that and shows she made a conscious choice to get what she wanted) and comes off as more of a farce. Make. It too big and have to put a ton of effort in rebuilding relationships (time apart, special events, counseling, therapy, etc). Here the betrayal was a bit too big, but there was little to show.in terms of penance or fighting for their marriage, except her letter. Just a thought. Please write more stories.

If Amy loved Tim, why did she desert him? Why did she have sex with Tim's supposed friend Jerrod without first making sure that Tim would not be wounded? Was she so impaired that she thought the could cram that down Tim's throat and he would never feel any pain? And, why did she think Tim would ever trust her again to be faithful to him? Was she just another arrogant, entitled, selfish modern American woman thinking that Tim's role was to lovingly provide support and necessities to her while she treated him like dog feces?

Good story

I read it. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the MC introspection.

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I would not recommend that you redo it with edits. The editing mistakes did not interfere with the story. But if you do, please note at the beginning that it is an edit version of a previously released story. And add tags.

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However, a rewrite where you addressed some of the points in these comments would be welcomed.

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A rich white guy might get exactly the gentle treatment for DUI that you described.

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In the lawyer's office, when Jarrod said, "All this because I had sex with Amy!" I might have had the MC launch into a discussion about ethics. What the less than magnificent seven did was not ethical. Ethical behavior supersedes good intentions. People who behave ethically, do not make those kinds of mistakes. They don't rationalize that he will be OK with 8-way adultery. It is still adultery even if they all agree. And it is often destructive. How hard would it have been to check with the MC. And why did Jarrod turn off his phone? Was it he did not want to get a call from the MC? Finally, the MC would simply state that he did not want to be associated with unethical people.

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And then Amy's admission that bringing her phone with her would have changed nothing. That is a big point and you just left it hanging. That means something. See ethics.

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Amy's admission that she had been an entitled jerk and claimed to have grown up a bit was the needed piece to allow reconciliation. She took full responsibility. That is crucial. I hope she offered atonement.

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Atonement doesn't have to be big, but it should always come at some cost to one offering it. It should be specific. Not, "I'll do anything."

Another home run,

Everyone was against him from not wanting him to throw away their nest egg to getting back with her. With friends like that who needs enemies. Should've moved on is what is say..

Great story, great ending. Thanks for a 5-star story, but don't design any more batteries.

Awful tale about a slut wife and a sheep cuck husband. Too many of these kind.

Where are the tags ? With 95% of the lw tales belonging to the fetish-cuck category, it's risky to spend hours to read another one.

RAAC endings are always pure fantasy. Unfortunately this wasn't an exception.

Reconciliations are a terrible idea... every single time.

I don't get this obsession with getting back together with a partner that cheated on you. There are quite literally millions of attractive single women available. Why have anything to do with someone that betrayed you?

Women are the same all over the western world full of their own self entitlents they look for money, security, looks, the males willingness to give all they want and control of everything. Love is spoken and used to keep it all under cootrol. Their pussy is used so much to make this happen. It is used too often. Then when you get to the middle years of kids growing up, you find out the truth and start to fight back. Which is met with the divorce and her getting it all but a pittance for the male to live on. They then use the pussy again to get another sucker, but keep the first husband paying for what they are not getting. There are some decent ones out there with a concience, but how many really happy couples are there when they get to middle age. I feel they are the minority.

Great story, feels like it will be one of my all time favorites. Thank you!

Didn’t read this when it was published because it had swinging in the subtitle. This was a good story. I like a good recon story almost as much as I like a good BTB story. Nicely done 5*.

P.S. it really seems like Amy and all his "friends" were some kind of sociopaths. Why did any of them think they had any right to be mad at Tim?

They destroyed everything and it was totally their fault.

I still don't buy this playing out to this resolution.

It's not selling.

I skipped this story originally because it just didn't sound up my ally, I'm not a fan of swinging. Read the authors other work and liked it so read this one too, pretty good. A very interesting story about close friends taking down barriers and suffering for it. The thing I took away is it wasn't the swinging that nearly destroyed them, it was Tim not being told. If they hadn't just sprung it on him with Carla climbing in his bed he might have been down for it. 5 stars, really liking this author's work so far.