The Man Next Door Ch. 02

Sometime after dinner I couldn't handle it anymore. I grabbed the keys and announced I was going to the drug store.

Will was propped up in his chair, reading some boring book. He glanced at the clock. It was around 9. "Want me to come?"

"No, it's okay. I won't be long."

I could tell he wanted to ask what I was getting, but he restrained himself. I could almost hear his thoughts: "Don't want to be nosey. She's been weird lately but I don't want to make her more skittish. Maybe I'll ask her about it later."

Eventually he smiled. "Okay."

"Need anything?"

He deliberated a minute. "No, thanks. See you later."

Moments later I was out in the cool air. It seemed like every star was out. They were my witnesses.

Jackson stood in a crowd of his friends, a cigarette dangling from his lips and his eyes on me. His friends shut up as I came closer.

"Hi, guys."

A few of the men grunted in response. Jackson flicked ash off the tip of his cigarette.

"Going somewhere?" he asked.

I nodded. "Just to the drug store."

He blew out some smoke. He looked completely at ease, like a relaxed tiger lazing under the sun. "Which one?"

"The one on the corner of Viola Avenue."

"Have fun," he said. It was a dismissal.

My eyes blinked a few times. I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but that wasn't it. A few of the guys smiled at the ground. It was incredibly awkward.

"Thanks. Have a good night, guys," I managed.

The drive over was a disaster. As thoughts flurried and taunted, I sped through the roads like a demon. What the hell was I thinking going over there? Why did I formulate the ruse that I was going to the fucking store? What the hell did I think I'd get out of that?

I was pretty depressed by the time I parked. I stopped my car a ways back from the store under complete darkness. I sensed a crying session and I didn't want any more embarrassing scenes tonight.

Just as I cut off the ignition, my driver door flung open and a large arm dragged me out. Before I could scream, a hand covered my mouth.

"Shh," Jackson whispered.

Then he fell into my driver's seat, pulling me along. The door slammed and we were stuffed in, with the wheel practically up my ass.

He kissed me. "I didn't hear your bike."


He wasted no time in skimming my hips with his hands. "I took the car."

"What the hell are you doing?"

"What you asked me to," he replied simply, pulling my shirt down so he could suck my nipple through my bra.

Though his tongue and smell was distracting enough, I wanted answers. "I didn't ask you to do this."

Jackson laughed. His head fell back so he could look at me. "Honey, you have no idea what your eyes told me tonight."

Fuck. "This is wrong."

He nodded slowly. His hand slipped my bra strap down. "But you want it."

"More than anything."

"Feel guilty later," he suggested. His fingers pinched my bared nipple.

I smiled, though I fought really hard not to. "It doesn't work that way."

His lips curved, but he didn't move his stare from the excruciating tightness of my nipple. "It doesn't? Do you feel guilty now?" His fingers traveled down, unzipping my jeans.

"Yes," I whispered.

His hand snaked in and found me panty-less and wet. "Do you want to stop?"

My eyes shut. "No."

We fucked there, squeezed together. It was awkward and uncomfortable being rammed between the wheel and Jackson's rock hard body. Sometimes we had to stop and readjust. We'd laugh for a few moments, and talk until the passion overcame us once again.

It was the best sex I ever had.

When we were finished it was hard to come back down, to face the reality that the world had continued spinning while we were in my car, even if I was sure everything must've stopped.

He kissed me. Before he got out, he leaned close to my ear. "Next time, don't make me wait so long."

He stepped out, letting the freezing air in.

___________

It was snowing by the time I got home. Will was standing outside, his cell up to his ear.

I walked up and heard him telling someone, "It's okay, she's here. Yeah, thanks," before hanging up.

He stalked up to me and grabbed my shoulders. "Where the fuck have you been?"

"I--"

"You were gone two hours! Do you know how fucking terrified I've been?"

"I'm sorry."

His eyes catalogued my messy hair, my rumpled clothing, my wild eyes. "Where were you?"

"The store. I got carried away."

"You didn't buy anything."

Frantically I tried to think of an excuse. "I didn't want anything so I drove around for a while."

"This isn't like you, Ashley."

"I'm sorry."

He hugged me tight and kissed my neck. "I was so worried. Don't do that again."

"I'm sorry," I repeated, knowing that would never be enough.

____________

Sunday passed uneventfully. Jackson's house was dark and still. I never saw him enter or leave, and I hated that I cared so much. Terrible fantasies filled my mind of him fucking thousands of faceless girls, and it tore at me that I had no right to mind.

Monday morning I walked to my car long after Will had left. A dead bird lay miserably on the walkway. I wasn't one for superstition, but I shuddered at the possibility this was some omen, portending something disastrous headed my way.

Then I snorted. I didn't need a dead bird to tell me that.

I walked by, hoping Will would do something with it later.

When I got to work Cathy was leaning against my desk, a cup of coffee in her hands. Her eyes were intense and burning. She knew something.

I tried to act casually. "Morning."

"Will called me Saturday night. He was terrified."

I put my purse down and sighed. "I know. I drove around for a few hours, thinking."

Cathy didn't look convinced, but she went to her own desk after that. I typed angrily the whole morning, thinking it wasn't any of her business, anyway. Sure, she was my friend and a friend's duty is to tell you when you're fucking up. She did that for me. I couldn't stop fucking up right now, even though I wanted to badly, and her constant judging wasn't helping matters.

By noon my stomach was so unsettled that I started to wonder if I was developing an ulcer.

My boss came over around 3. Bob scanned my desk with a strange amount of interest. Goosebumps rose all over my skin. Something was up.

Bob handed me a few spreadsheets with an apologetic smile. "Is everything okay with you?"

I took the sheets and looked them over. "Yeah, why?"

"There were a lot of errors on these spreadsheets, Ashley. It isn't like you."

I had difficulty speaking. "Errors?"

Bob nodded and then shrugged. "A few computations were very off. Maybe we've been working you too hard."

"No, not at all. I'm sorry. I wasn't feeling well and--"

"Don't worry about it, Ashley. It's not a huge issue. At least, not yet. I just wanted to make you aware."

I forced myself to swallow. "Of course. It won't happen again."

He touched my shoulder. "I'm sure it won't."

After he walked away, Cathy came over to my side. She picked up the papers and made a noise in her throat. "This affair is really messing with you."

"Look, I didn't tell you about it to have you throw it in my face every five seconds." I realized how loud I was getting and looked around to make sure I hadn't garnered any more attention. "I'm really trying to be better."

"Really? Is that why you went to fuck your lover boy on Saturday?"

My eyes widened and I swear my heart stopped.

She shook her head. "I wasn't sure that's what you did until right now. What is going on with you? This is just so not like you."

I could hardly look at her. "I can't control myself."

"Did you look into therapists? I can give you a name."

I sniffled. "Okay."

She stroked my hair. "Sorry to be such a meanie. I just love you, and I feel responsible for you. Especially since you can't run to your mom for advice now."

"I know. Thank you."

"Do you think maybe you should tell Will now? It might make you stop."

My head snapped up and I shook it frantically. "No. No, I can't. I promise I won't see Jackson again."

Cathy's expression turned stern. "Good. Or else I'll have to tell Will, myself."

My inhale was sharp. "You wouldn't. That would be so wrong. You wouldn't."

She nodded. "To save you from yourself, I would."

"It's none of your business!"

"You're my business. You're my best friend and I refuse to see you throw away everything you have because of some bad boy in a leather jacket!"

She returned to her chair, leaving me a shaking mess.

_______________________

Cathy and I didn't talk much for the rest of the day. We were pissed at one another. We both had our reasons, but I thought she was especially in the wrong. She was my friend! She was supposed to stand by me through the bad, not run behind my back and tell my husband. I was going to have to be extra careful now.

Then I realized what I was thinking and smacked myself. There would be no need to be careful. Jackson and I were done. Let him bring those girls home from that seedy bar, girls wearing too much lipstick and not enough skirt. I'd bring counseling up to Will. He would go along with it. I knew it from the whisper of concern in his face lately.

When I got home, I walked up to the house in total distraction. My heel was a half step away from crunching down on that damn bird. Will had left it there, grey and lifeless, for me to take care of. Its feathers were matted down, its feet stiff and in the air. Its beady eye stared back at me as I inspected it.

I grabbed the shovel, cursing Will under my breath. I scooped it onto it wondered what the fuck to do with it now. It seemed wrong just tossing it in the trash.

Sighing, I brought it along with me into the backyard. On my hands and knees, I dug an adequate grave. I placed the bird inside and moved the dirt back on top.

"Should we say a few words?"

I jumped and turned back. Jackson leant against our fence.

"Can you please stop doing that?"

He lifted his eyebrows.

"That fucking sneaking-up-on-me bullshit? I've had enough scares lately, thank you."

"Been worried, sweetheart?"

"Shh." I looked back at the house. All I could make out through the window was the flashing of the TV. "Go home."

"Yeah, yeah. Can I see you tomorrow?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

I ran a hand through my hair and laughed mirthlessly. "This isn't a joke, Jackson. This is my life."

"I wasn't aware I was laughing."

"I can't see you again."

He stood up tall and tilted his head. "You will."

"I can't!"

He rubbed his jaw, not before I caught the smile on his face. "Okay. Whatever you say. Goodnight, Ashley." He made his way back to his house.

Fuck. Why did I feel like there was a string attached to the both of us, connecting me to him? It was so annoying. As he took each step away from me, my heart beat in a furious staccato, begging me to follow him.

My feet moved before my brain could stop them. My heels stuck in the dirt as I ran after him. He was just reaching his back door when I jumped on his back, hugging him with all the ferocity I could muster.

"Ashley."

"Be quiet."

"It's not that dark out. People will see."

I squeezed him harder. "I don't want to stop seeing you."

"I know."

"I have to, though."

He was silent.

"Can't you understand?"

"All I understand is how much I want to bring you upstairs."

The threat in those words was enough to make me free him. I walked back a few steps, pushing my hair back behind my ears. My unexpected and needy gesture embarrassed me.

"Come to me tomorrow," he whispered.

My eyes slid to my house. Smoke danced out of the chimney. Will had the fireplace going. He was probably drinking a glass of wine, watching the news. Waiting for me.

"What time?"

"Any time."

I rushed towards him for a quick but heated kiss.

Then I ran back home to face my husband.

__________

"Ash. Wake up."

I groaned and pushed Will's hands away from me. He laughed.

"Time to way up."

"I can't."

He tickled my sides. "All these years and you're still impossible to wake up."

I sat up and rubbed my bleary eyes. "I'm not feeling so great."

Will sat next to me and felt my forehead. "You don't have a fever."

"I'm just exhausted." I rubbed his shoulder. "I think I'm going to take a sick day."

Will gave me a disbelieving look. "You never call out."

"Well, today I'm going to." I might have sounded a little snotty.

"You've been out of sorts lately, babe. Is everything okay? Did I do something?"

Instantly I felt horrible. "No. You didn't do anything wrong. It's all me."

He cupped my cheek. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just stressed out." I swallowed. "I could use a break."

He still looked at me oddly, but he nodded. "Okay. If you need anything, call me, okay?"

I kissed his hand.

Finally I heard his car zooming down the street. I jumped out of bed and slipped on my shoes, and ran to the man next door.

_________________

"Sorry, I just didn't like Casablanca."

Jackson snorted. "You have no taste."

I rubbed the loofa up his dripping wet chest, playing with the bubbles on the way.

"It's a blah movie."

He shifted in the water and pinched my ass. "Ow!"

"You're supposed to agree with everything I say. That's how this works."

"Oh, yeah?" I asked. His face made me smile, so I kissed him.

We were quiet for a while after that. I loved his tub. Baths were everything to me, and that he had such an awesome tub made me squeal. I ran my hands over my body. The silky water made everything feel luxurious.

Jackson watched me with sleepy eyes, his head resting on the tiled wall.

"Are you going to leave your husband?"

I froze. He moved his hands to my shoulders, kneading them to soothe me. I relaxed a little. "I don't know. Do you think I should?"

"Don't you?"

I wasn't sure what he was asking. Did he want me to leave him for me, or for him? He must have sensed my thoughts because he gave me a wry smile.

"Yeah, I'd like to be with you all the time without all that married bullshit. It doesn't feel great to know the girl you're screwing is wearing a fancy wedding ring. But I think you're unhappy, am I right? Why else would you be in this bathtub with me?"

I took a breath. "I don't know."

"You're obviously unhappy. That's why you're cheating on your husband."

I rolled my eyes, more than a little irritated he brought the whole subject up. "Is that your expert opinion?"

"No, you're the first married woman I've been with. I'm just saying... Why do people cheat?"

"I don't feel like getting philosophical right now, okay?"

He ran his soapy hands up my back. "Why do they cheat, Ashley?"

I sighed. "I don't know why I'm doing this. Because you taste so good?" He squeezed me and smiled faintly. "Really, I think I was just... unsatisfied. The communication between Will and I broke down at some point and neither one of us bothered to work on repairing it."

His fingers tiptoed over my collarbone. "Think you can still repair it?"

I stared at his lips. "I don't know."

His lips pressed down on my nipple. "Are you going to leave him, Ashley?"

I reached down and brought his cock inside me. We stopped talking.

___________

He made us tea while I walked around the living room. Margaret, his mother, had left most of her stuff behind. A framed family portrait, one of the few Jackson said, hung on the wall. Margaret stared down at me, judging me as hard as I judged myself.

I was still in a towel. Jackson was entirely naked. I liked this, this cozy familiarity we had. It wasn't like the early uncertainty you had around a new boyfriend. The butterflies were there, and they were exciting, but we were so adult and comfortable with one another. It was astonishing how little we had to say to one another, and still we got one another so well.

The kettle whistled. I turned my head to the kitchen and saw that Jackson had been watching me. Our eyes met and neither of us looked away. Something exchanged between us in that moment, something that made my heart warm and my mind delightfully fuzzy. We shared something incredibly special. I wondered if it would be enough to get me to leave Will. I knew I'd never feel this way again.

He finally turned, giving me a spectacular view of his ass as he went to turn off the stove.

Nearly a second later the doorbell rang. Jackson groaned, and I tightened the towel around me. He slipped his boxers on, rubbed his hair, and walked proudly over to the door in spite of wearing next to nothing. If it was one of the women on the block, they'd probably have a heart attack being greeted that way.

I tried to stay out of sight, but there was really nowhere I could go. I hovered by the entrance to the kitchen, hoping whoever it was would go without looking around Jackson.

Jackson opened the door and immediately his body tensed up.

"Hi," a familiar voice said. "I'm looking for my wife. Have you seen her?"

Jackson cleared his throat. "Uh, no. I haven't?"

"Really," Will muttered. He did not sound convinced. "Mrs. Thompson, the lady who lives across the street, said she saw Ashley come over here. You sure you haven't seen her?"

Jackson shook his head. "Nope."

They were silent for a minute. My eyes shut and I prayed to a God I never believed in that he would believe him.

"Her car is still in the driveway."

"Maybe somebody picked her up," Jackson said. It was so smooth I almost believed it.

Will was not persuaded. "I doubt it."

"Look, if you need help looking for--"

"I know she's here. Please tell her to come out. Right now."

Everything fell away. If I didn't know any better, I would think I lost my hearing. The world around me became so quiet. I couldn't even hear my heart beat.

But the lights, the colors, all around me seemed so frightfully bright now. It hurt my eyes.

"Ashley!" Will's scream was frantic. Hurt. Furious. "Come out here!"

My legs walked on their own. I peeked around Jackson and saw Will's body sag. It was as though all his blood had left him, all his muscles had stopped working.

"It's true," he whispered.

"I'm so sorry." Tears came to me too late. "I'm so sorry, Will. I don't--"

"Shut up," he murmured. "Just stop talking."

Clouds covered the sun and all the painful colors went away. "Will-"

"I said shut up!"

His eyes held mine. The anger and uncaged wildness in them made me take a step back.

He turned his attention to Jackson. He stared at him hard, sweeping up and down. He took a moment to catalogue his boxers, no doubt figuring out why we were both barely dressed. His expression shifted to disgust.

"Step out."

I wasn't sure who he was talking to. Jackson looked back at me. Will grabbed Jackson's arm, shoving him into the fading daylight. "You're a fucking piece of shit. You like fucking other men's wives?"

Jackson stood firmly on his feet. "Only the ones who come to me."

Will deflated a bit. His eyes flicked back to me. Then he swung at Jackson. The two began fighting so quickly I wasn't even sure who threw the first punch. I inched toward them, trying to stop them without getting struck. I screamed and pleaded. Tears ran down my cheeks. The towel slipped and fell.

What a sight we must have been. Neighbors walked out of their homes to watch. Jackson and Will were rolling around, jamming each other's head into the pavement whenever they got the opportunity. Minutes later cop cars showed up.

They shouted things I couldn't hear, couldn't understand. It all sounded underwater.

I watched, naked and cold, as my life disintegrated before my eyes.

____________

We sat on a gurney in the ER. Will and me. I didn't know where Jackson ended up. I could only hope he hadn't been brought into jail.

Every now and then I'd look over at Will, hoping for some sign he was okay. I never received one.