by Bebop3
The opposing narratives really felt like they came from two different people and this authentic dynamic came from an inspired partnership of the authors. This gets five stars all day, every day.
about how to score this but in the end the fact that I had to read to the end won out.
It was a good story and what sex there was was inconsequential.
First time is probably the right category but it was truly a romance.
Scored it four and then couldn't change it to a five...sorry
Fantastic read
Two of my favorite authors collaborating - wow. Very successful. You both should work together more often. I loved the story and the clarity of the two characters. Thanks for putting your time and energy into something so enjoyable.
POV changes are notoriously difficult to get right, so I thank you for the master class in how to do it absolutely perfectly. At the same time, you didn't fall into the trap of clumsily trying to explain the different POV, but let the story carry the explanation so that the reader was in on the secret. At the same time, the duet between both writers gelled so well as the two paths converged to become one - both male and female characters rock steady in their portrayal.
And the fact that it was a damned fine romantic interlude didn't hurt either. I look forward to reading contributions from both of you to the St. Paddy's day parade of fine stories in Blackrandi's event.
Thank you, ma'am and sir. 5*
I think this is a great story, but then again, I'm biased. Thanks for inviting me to work on this collaboration and I hope the readers enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed working on it!
Like giving Bebop3 a five! This was a very nice romance! Great job, both of you!
What a lovely story with two well-drawn characters. The supporting characters were nicely done, too, and really helped to make the world feel lived in. Craig's visit to her apartment was both funny and touching. It's no small effort crafting a story of this length and quality. Thank you both for sharing your time and talent with us.
Absolutely loved it. Though like a few others I feel this was more of a romance than a first-time story. This doesn't bother me at all as it's the type of story I like to write myself. A terrific collaboration, and I hope to see many more like it.
This is just page after page of rambling nothingness.
boring and devoid of eroticism.
The names Mandy and Michelle and Madison are all too similar, and that got confusing.
What an incredible story!!! I almost stopped on page two in order to go forward and tell the both of you that this an incredible story. I hope that you both collaborate on some more stories.
A delightful addition to my favorites. Thanks for sharing this with us, I'm looking forward to your St Patty's Day offerings.
Really enjoyed this. As an ancient UC alum I recognized the setting and really liked the main characters. However, there’s always room for improvement.
1, is Mandy necessary to the story? Less time on her and more development of Madison early on would make the flow of the story better.
2. More time on the development of emotions toward the end would be better. People aren’t light switches. Change involves a bit of time, multiple meetings and dialog.
3. Maybe Madison needs a female confidente?
Amazing...this is one of the few stories that I’ll say needs to be made into a movie...it’s that good.
For a first time story, this was really excellent. You seem to work very well together, I enjoyed reading it. Good job, Cheryl. Ah, yes, and that other dude as well.
Well, you two knocked that one out of the parc. I don't even have the words...
Extraordinary
My word, such an enterprising, daring, convoluted, absolutely mind-whirling story, buried here in literotica. I am astonished at the dexterity of your effort, and the means of dipping adroitly into these complicated characters, then juggling plot zig-zags with confidence and purpose.
'The chances of someone not in the math department knowing about Feynman was remote'
Love this, the details all make it work.
Splendid, a fruitful collaboration.
An incredibly engaging story. My only complaint was the similarity in Madison and Mandy's names. I had trouble telling them apart.
...from beginning to end. The fact there was very little sex was not an issue at all, since the plot was very engaging and the quality of writing was high.
Oh, and I love the fact that "reeses pbc" is a tag for this story. I may need to go have one of them now. :)
Lately it's been all First Time _______ anal, gang bang, hot wife, cuck'ed, gay, pegged, bi, with my mom/dad/brother/sister/etc., with my married teacher/neighbor/friend's parent/sibling, BDSM, ... name your perversion.
Thank you Bebop3
*****
Thank you very much as well for this wonderful story!
Was pretty obvious early on that it was Madison, and a bit too much cheap drama, just too predictable overall, though the premise itself is cute..
Kinda made all those shifts to HER a bit annoying, made the story feel more fragmented and distanced when being so coy with info from her POV.
And ending on her just seems off, like the author couldn't decide who the protagonist was throughout the story, and it just slowly slid from Craig to Madison.
You two have done it again. Another great read.
Thanks for sharing your talents.
Hooked
It was refreshing to read a real first time story. As soon as Madison was introduced I was rooting for her. I could totally relate to her.
I went to your page and just picked this at random, thinking it the first of yours I'd be reading. Surprised to find it's a collaboration with Cheryl. I'd read your contest winner with her so I'll have to find something else just yours. Have read all of hers and find both them and this totally rewarding. This certainly explored some different things than most stories here, but did it well and made it finally believable. Great job!
I don’t think you two were being cutesy at all. Nice character development, so it really did feel like two distinct voices. That’s nice. Did you two each write a separate one to make that distinction more clear?
I agree that the similarity in names isn’t helpful. Mandy and Madison? I find many authors here do that. Would it hurt to have each characters names start with a different letter? There are 26 to choose from, after all, plus digraphs. Also, a specific name could imply a different race or ethnicity and make the story more inclusive. Not every kid going to school in Chicago is white.
Agree with the issue of the three names all starting with M.
Agree that Madison was clearly the culprit from early on.
The first four 1/2 to five pages were quite good but the ending just fell flat somehow.
The whole story could have been told in four pages easily with cleaner editing.
That being said, it’s still in the top five percent of all the stories here.
I loved this I thought it was very clever. It's a shame there are people about who would delight in the discomfort of others. Deserved more than 5 stars.
I love this story (as well as this kind of story), with likeable characters who seem real and three dimensional, unlike the cardboard sex machines that populate stories on this site.
This story also had a depth of plot that seemed real and avoided being driven by superfluous sex scenes.
Real people.
Well constructed plot.
Freedom from typos and grammatical blunders.
As I am fond of saying, this puts the Lit in Literotica.
Keep up the good work.
Wonderful story. The loose end for me is Madison's mom. Was she able to free and reclaim herself? I like to imagine that Madison and Craig's relationship was the catalyst for her to liberate herself.
LMJ