All Comments on 'The Meek Shall Inherit'

One of my all time fantasies was to have a pretty girls thank a nerd for helping her with her homework...love to see more.

I liked the Angela the Angel. The gift she gave him was nothing more then confidence but it worked. Keep running with this story

Well, I must say that the concept was good...where you take it from Angels point of contact we shall see.

As to the character havng the power was a good point but I havent seen him "use" it yet.

In his first conquest he is introduced to sex..but in your writing I dont see him using the power. I really would like to see this expressed more. To feel what he feels...and when he uses the power...telling the reader how he is using it.

This isnt a hit...it is a good story concept..but if your going to use the gift he had gotten from Angela...then tell us how he uses it ..

Thanks

This is good but it has the potential to be even better. Have the hero stuff up a bit, requiring a bit of help from Angela. Don't let it be just another "fuck" story . Remember imperfect characters with doubts, fears, inhibitions, as well as hopes are much more interesting. It might be fun to have your hero liaise with some female authority figures.eg a priests wife,or a lady professor who want him to do or be something and then they find the tables turned. Equally your hero's persuasiveness can get him in deeper to a situation than he intended. etc.

This story is a little bland, to put it bluntly. It barely qualifies as a mind control story since he does practically nothing. Mainly though, it lacks conflict. A typical mind control story is the funny looking loser gets/invents/develops some sort of power and exacts his revenge. Not that you need to write your story like that, but this one doesn't even have that cliche element going for it.

The guy's only problem is he doesn't get laid. While that sucks for him there's nothing in the story that makes you care whether or not he gets laid. From the way you tell it, he wasn't even really that concerned about it. What you need to make it more engaging is a conflict of some sort. Something to make us care about the charachters in your story. And if you want it to be a Mind Control story, actually do some sort of mind control.

You also had a tendency to throw in useless details. For instance, what does it matter that we know the exact make and model of his mothers car? It doesn't necessarily hurt the story, but when you do things like that, a reader stops for a moment and says "why does that matter?"

I don't think this is a bad story, just not very interesting. You write well and I think you have the potential to create a really good story, just be careful of your dialogue. It got a little hokey in a few spots.

-S-

If she really wanted to give him confidence ,she would clean his pipes. Why would he waste his time looking for other girls when he can just do Angela the Angel?

Some nice sex for the puppy dog protagonist, but there is no conflict and hence no story. The reader will go along for a while, but it is disappointing to find that there is still nothing but some puppy dog sex.

Moliere

that was great please continue

Nice Story so far.. Would like to read more. I like your writing style descriptive but not so much you lose the flow of the story.. GOOD STUFF KEEP WRITING

I hope you finish the story it has been great so far...

Really good, but maybe a little too quick for the nearly perfect woman to show up - and she just takes over. I have the feeling this will turn into a series of great adventures, though, and mind control will play a part in those others as the protagonist learns more about himself and women, as well as the world outside his narrowly constricted domain so far. Perhaps he will become a guardian angel of sorts, and use his power of persuasion to help his conquests become more than they believe they can be, with the result being that he has a harem of lovers who not only take care of him in every way, but also enjoy their sisterhood.

Hope you will continue on with more chapters. Nice to read about a guy who shows romantic feelings while doint it.

thoroughy enjoyed reading the story, hasa great flowing continuity to it.

Great story, but I was sort of hoping something would happen with Angela.

I like that the main character didn't get these powers and turn immediately into a dick with a walking hard on for every girl who ever 'wronged him.' I especially like that your character is... well, boring. This kind of character makes for a great baseline that can be easily related too by a casual reader who takes what he wants from the character and leaves the rest.

The character Angela could go either way. I am glad no sex occured with such a clearly dominant figure. In my opinion it would be poor writing for her to be used as a Deux Ex Machina or an actual guardian angel. If she weren't an angel at all however, but instead some corrupting influence. That would make for a much more interesting plot device. Perhaps you've already had this idea, I'm eager to find out.

I would like to see this character gradually spiral into actual depravity, taking the idea of 'karmic justice' and 'just desserts' too far with some of the girls who have used him. Some girl on girl would be nice, humiliation would be very nice. And if you can write it well, the main character trying to justify his selfishly motivated actions as the intervention of a higher power would be perfect when taken with the divine nature of his powers.

good story and he coming along slow like a virgin would.

Please write more sooN!

Great effort....Glad he found his Guardian Angel. Too bad he didn't get it on with her! Maybe he can "Convince" her to take human form....feel guilty and think he's headed "South" only to find she wanted to be convinced....and he finds out what heaven is REALLY about?

great

Love your first chapter; polite and kind starts get to me; what's next?

took too long to get to the good part

Well allow me to dispense with the preliminary congratulations by saying that it was indeed an excellent story. My only complaint would be that your central figure seemed to lack the self discovery I would associate with ones first sexual experience. So as much as I did appreciate the character you built i would suggest, should you continue the story, to allow for a more aggressive instinct as his confidence builds. Much obliged for the story and for posting it for us all to enjoy. Cheers.

Richard The Red

You should definitely write more.

well written an entertaining to read. Good Job

A very descriptive read, your style is not so over the top with the description as some making it readable, hopefully you can find time to continue this

Great story, would like to read more about this kid.

So to reiterate more please.

It goes something like this:

They are both fully dressed

Cheryl takes off her top

Cheryl takes off her pants

he masturbates her

she touches him and starts to give him a blowjob

STOP!

When did his clothes disappear? This character is too meek/naive/unassuming to have removed them without being told to, yet he goes from fully dressed to nude, how? The last we read of his state of dress is this:

"My erection was semi-hard when we were kissing, but now that I felt

her voluptuous breast in my hand, I was completely rock-hard and straining to be released from my pants."

From this, he appears to still be dressed, yet the next thing we read about is:

"Cheryl looked down at my penis, which had still maintained an erection this whole time. "You certainly look good as well." A mischievous grin covered her face as her hand went from my cheek down to my groin. She rubbed the underside softly, up and down, making me gasp."

Sounds like he doesn't have clothes on now (at least, not his pants), so where/when did he get naked?

please

This was great, looking forward to future chapters if u plan on it

Please continue, it was a very good story!

Continue!

There's not really much 'persuasion' in the story.

I think it would be more accurately categorized in the Erotic Couplings, First Time, or Sci-fi/Fantasy sections. And to be honest, if that's all I can think of to complain, you have a damn well written story. I'm pretty hard to please.

~Miguel

Nicely put together story , a little more persuasion using his power would be nice .

Waiting for the next installment with interest .

Judging by when this story was written I think the word busy would be a profound understatement. Shame as it was looking interesting.

The most disappointing part of the story was when you said you are busy! Epic story

This is my kind of mind control story. The girl had a mind and she was in control.

Very sexy in that it was never crude or vicious but just good wholesome sex.

keep going

This was a great story. You really should follow up with more chapters.

I really loved this story, however its written like a precurser for a series. Otherwise the first half of the story and the second half have no connection. I hope you will pick it up and continue the chapters.

Fantastic story. However, it really needs additional chapters. Looking forward to them. TY!

Cheryl looks like she was building up to be different from the girls she hangs with and she says she refused guys that wanted to date her because she knows they're only after one thing. To me this sounds like she's smart, different, and would be a virgin. But then it's revealed she's not later and it's implied she's slept with multiple partners. Ultimately not really different from the sluts she hangs around with after all. I found that to be rather disappointing.

Wow. 20 years and no additional chapters. In fact, this was the last story the author ever posted here. Too bad. It had some potential. I guess he really was a dejected Geek.