All Comments on 'The Murdered Wife'

this ain't exactly Elmore Leonard, but it was fun read in a fluffy insignificant way. I enjoyed the literary ride Francis Macomber provided. Barry got it in and on, a little soon-ish with Jill, before Kelly was cold in the ground, but that's a limitation of short story format. Gather ye dishy, cutie-pie, grieving widowers while ye may, it seems.

before the trust issue. TK U MLJ LV NV

FM always has interesting and smooth delivery. Here we have a murder mystery full of twists.... I love the kneejerk response to pin the murder on the surviving spouse. They really do not worry about evidence. Unfortunately statistics seem to support them.....

Top tier as a storyteller..thanx for sharing.

An editor is a wonderful help.

But the plot is contrived. And not erotic.

I have to agree that the husband's behavior was pretty cold. His beloved, sexy wife is shot to death and he bangs this other girl a few days later? Where is his pain? I never had it happen, but I would think if a man's beloved wife was murdered, he would not be feeling too randy for some time. I would also think a woman would not be too quick to give her virginity to a person of interest in a murder investigation. I also think her sister the cop would be much more vocal about such a stupid decision. That's all I'm going to say about that.

less certain. I've seen surviving spouses need connection as soon as possible after the death. Frequently this includes sex with near strangers, usually someone with no memories of the deceased spouse attached to them.

I find this writer's tendency toward sociopathic wives interesting. Lost at Sea, I may be dumb....., and some of the Miz Sara stories leave me wondering about the female characters......

The story is well written, but there is one loose thread. The husband's comment "what if I'm guilty?" Leads me to believe that his not making the meeting in the barn was intentional.

Fun, but there was not enough tension in the story to really hold me to it. I didn't feel much passion from the characters, I didn't really care about them all that much. well written and a fun whodunit.

great thank you, please more stories

One small comment; Barry should have asked 'what if a jury find me guilty?' not 'what if I am guilty'.

Nice story – Although this is not your best work, I always love your style. At several places you became sloppy with names though.

Really liked this story. It would have been nice to show the aftermath of the discovery, where Barry is exonerated in the press, He and the sister marry, et cetera

its a few days after his wife's death and he is already bedding somebody else? i still liked the story

More like a page skimmer. Liked the set up and the police interview, then came "Nancy Drew" the virgin writer and it ended up like a plot from a bad seventies television movie.

Well written and I like your style but only three from me. 3*

Your knowledge of Richmond impressed me. I hope you will write some more stories set in Richmond and environs.

the story was OK but not up to your usual high standards.

Enjoyed the read.

RSKY

Enjoyed the read. Well written, not contrived, very good dialogue. Interesting plot.

Thanks for sharing,

Kinda of a "Heart of the Prairie" meets Miz Sarah variation...not bad, but nothing really to jump up and talk about either.

At least four people find out that Murdered Sweetie had a lover! Hubby, The two sisters and Sweetie's BFF ... one of those is a COP ... GMAFB ... Not a one of them considered that such information JUST MIGHT be of interest to the Homicide Investigation!

The rapid deflowering was odd, and IMO made Our Heroine suspect in her potential for objectivity in this scenario. On the other hand, this was the only sex in an erotica submission, therefore de rigeur. Not the outstanding FM contribution!

4*

Loving Wife combined with a mystery story! What's not to like?

Has the feel of a 1940's detective movie to it.

I liked it.

I know. I say this every time you submit a new story, but I was engrossed from the get-go. Thanks again for all your hard work and creative writing.

qhml1 wrote a story the same day you did. Both of you are 'must read' authors on my list, so of course I read both stories.

His story is 6 pages...and is a little fluffy. Not much, but a little. It was a short exploration of the dynamics of a swinging group.

I started reading this story, got the gist of the plot in half a page, and IMMEDIATELY scrolled down to the bottom to find out how many pages this story was.

Imagine my disappointment that I saw the number 5. I knew there was no chance of doing this story justice in such a short time frame. This needed a minimum of 10 pages to explore this, and preferably 15 or more.

Writing is hard I know and it takes enormous effort to write a longer piece. This felt truncated to me.

You've written some amazing stories, but this one just had very little tension, no intrigue, very disappointing ending. You can do a whole lot betters, sorry

Quite a tale. I almost hated it being I could relate to it. However, I like the way things turned out and I'll use my favorite expression in reference to the dead sociopath. Fucking cunt.

Oh, and they all lived happily ever after. Five stars

I enjoyed reading the story but you called Bridget Kelly a few times which made things a bit confusing.

Five stars. I always love your stories.

I agree with FD45's comments on the story.

The only thing I would add is that there was not information on Kelly's liaison with Bill McAvoy. If she was at the barn and had changed her mind then why did she not text or phone Barry to inform him not to turn up to the ambush !

Also how was she going to handle the Bill McAvoy situation. As it would be only a matter of time before Barry found ( even if it long after she stop seeing him and was rebuilding her marriage to Barry ) be it from one of Kelly's friends or even McAvoy him self.

How was she going to contain this problem.

This I am sure could at least be another 5-10 pages to the story.

Still a good read though

Great story. Honestly the only thing that bugs me is; If Rayburn shot Kelly for being a cunt, instead of by accident, why try to kill Barry? Yes it was a way to get the truth out in the open and wrap the story, but if his death statement was true, why not skip town. Barry would have almost assuredly stood trial for Kelly's murder, now if the prosecution got enough to sway a jury is hard to say, but Rayburn was free and clear.

Other than that little bit I thought the story was great.

You know by now u called Bridget ,Kelly . Why stick around after you killed kelly, their was no point to do so , then he goes after Bridget to rape before killing both. He just lost his wife , how do you seduce a virgin a week after her death, before he even new of her sociopathic behavior. Like I said a lot of holes and a fast ending.

There was no point to expose himself after he killed his ex wife. To many holes for a very good story teller.

U could have extended the ending with more details and a different outcome.

Well written as always Francis. My only issue, like with some other posters, was Rayburn hanging around to kill hubby. Rayburn could not in any way profit from Hubby's death and would only shift the eyes of the police from Barry to another suspect. Hell, forensics would match the bullets from two killings to the same gun.

Having Rayburn get caught with the gun commiting a crime at a later date and then the full truth of wife's actions coming out to the reader without having a major plothole could have worked out better imho.

from a fine author.

Good story, well done, Thanks for posting!

The problem with setting the bar so high is sonetimes you fall short. Okay story. Seemed to try too hard to set up the husband, but still predictable about wife and ex. The emotions seemed disingenuous too (falling into bed days after your wife's murder? Lack of caution on her part?) Good compared to the average submission, but I hope for better from your next :-)

I liked this story. A thai woman married a Canadian wealthy man and the thai lover of the wife killed the Canadian for money after the marriage. The police arrested them.

For detail, setting, oddity or quiddity of character, and plotting, perhaps the finest writer of this genre on a site I suspect you don't denigrate as merely vulgar but rather, one providing a unique opportunity to display particularly apt talents. Now I've at last read all you have posted here, and can only await others. A long, happy life, FM!

Great story Francis !! Read it at work when I should have been working. Although I thought I knew where the story was going; I thought wrong. (not completely, I knew there would be a twist) An interesting epilogue would have been how Barry dealt with the close friends and clients who tossed him away like yesterdays garbage.

As always I enjoyed your work.

BDEarth

Nice story on its own merit. I shall now read the other stories of the writer.

Which of the following is the truth:

a) The character is am imbecile.

b) The author is an imbecile.

c) The author takes the readers for imbeciles.

Poor annoyingmousie 08/31/14. He/she/it never learned to count beyond 1-2-3 or that the ABC's go all the way to D.

d)that annoyingmouie is an idiot. Descended from a long proud line of inbred imbeciles.

A VERY INTERESTING STORY BETRAYEL VENGANCE GREED AND MURDER. I COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT BRIDGET WENT STRAIGHT TO BED WITH HIM AND HER A VIRGIN TO BOOT THAT SEEMS HARD TO BELIEVE. I DO UNDERSTAND THAT KELLY WAS JUST GREEDY AND WHAT EVER IT TOOK TO GET MONEY IT SEEMED SHE HAD NO PROBLEM DOING.I WAS SUPPRISED AT THE ENDING BUT NOT SUPPRISED THAT HER FRIENDS HELP KEEP HER AFFAIR A NOT SO SECRET SECRET.

RON

still have to go thru life. TK U MLJ LV NV

you write great prose, pretty good but not complex characters, but crappy crime stories.

I love the stories you tell with feeling, but your 'synthetic' stories, the ones you write as an intellectual exercise, fall short, in my opinion. Disregard this at your pleasure, but here's my honest, well-intentioned critique:

Your heart-felt stories seem to burst forth from a well-spring of pain, and they flow impetuously downstream to their conclusion pulling us along with them. Your synthetic stories, on the other hand, are contrived like you are framing a wall on the ground before you raise it into place. You have figured out the framing of the plot, and you overlay your normal, excellent prose to compose the story.

But, novels and short stories answer questions, and the questions get asked early to engage us emotionally with the characters and their fates. In these weaker stories, the question never gets asked, we never really get hooked by anything but the excellent prose and interesting characters, so when you have plot twists later, our response is, "Oh, he turned left instead of right, okay." We just aren't invested because you never hooked us in the beginning.

Good stories *pull* us along, while these stories are more like leisurely walks through a museum or park where, as much as we admire the sights, we could happily leave at any time and feel little need to finish the tour.

If you aren't swept up and away while writing, interested yourself in seeing how it will turn out, then we won't be either.

You are a good enough writer that I wouldn't be surprised at all to find you have been a professional in one genre or another for the last 25 years, but you could be so much better if in your entirely made up stories you *didn't* have the plot worked out before you started writing. Try starting out only knowing the characters as acquaintances and the plot as little more than an interesting setup, and work it out as you write so that *you* are both eager and impatient to see what will happen next.

I'll buy that book.

“She has money from her ex-husband, but Barry can't get at it by divorcing her because she has that prenup in place.” – That presumes that she was unwilling to help his business with her money, and there is no evidence of that. And it turns out she WAS prepared to loan him the money.

Before we learned the "Rest Of The Story", of course!

Right up to the mystery phone call I thought the husband did it.

Good story.

5*

It had a very film-noir/Hitchcock feel to it.

five from me

So Good That In The End Barry Was Innocent

I only just got started with this story, got to about where Bridget approached Barry about writing his story "as it plays out" so to speak. One thought jumped into my head immediately. What an opportunistic, MERCENARY BITCH she is. I won't read the rest of the story because what I have already read disgusted me. I won't vote, since I didn't read the whole story. Just my 2 cents.

Excellent plot for a high speed suspense thriller.

The first husband, the rest of the story was a foregone conclusion. ;-)

In spite of that, I enjoyed how you played it out, and I REALLY liked the final paragraph!

Here's wishing Barry and BeeGee all the joys that their lives together will bring them....

Me, I'd of told Jill to fuck off! I wanted nothing to do with someone that didn't trust me and have faith in me.

This really could be fleshed out to make a very good mystery novel, or a great Netflix series. It was really that good for me. I am becoming a huge FM fan. Had not read him before.

Very good suspense, fine plot. Really a good quality work.

This is one of the best writers around here.

but a felt a tad rushed.

A good story and more twists and turns left me behind but loving it

4 stars didn't need to be any longer said it all except what happened to supposed friends and lover hopefully painful

I expected that Barry was innocent and that he and Bridget would end up together but you had me all the rest of the way. You and a number of other authors like StangStar are doing a fine job making sure I'm never going to be able to finish the LW genre. Are you happy now? Signed: BTW

Good Job on this one. Keep on writing!

for the one star. I meant to give you 5*.

I always hope they get done in as they are too stupid to be good gene pool material

AN EXCELLENT READ

You had us on a roller-coaster ride with this one. Did he do it or didn't he?

You write so well that I imagine it won't be long before we'll lose you to the professional ranks. We'll soon be looking for your work on the shelves of our local book stores.

Until then, keep up the good work.

Five Stars. Thank you.

Just love the cloak and dagger. The love story between Barry and Bridget just made it that much better. An Epilogue detailing the happily ever between the two after would of been nice. Story was well written and enjoyable to read. 5 stars

Great story!!! However, when he learned of his wife's affair and that it could be corroborated, a person languishing under police suspicion in your wire's homicide, would have gone straight to the Richmond P.D. with it. And any detective worth his/her salt would've already found out from public records what Jill did through DC-Metro's system. Still a great story.

I wrote a complimentary comment but, when the site didn't accept their own zippitydoodah code, it just DELETED my comment?? FUCK YOU TOO, LITEROTICA

This was hard for me to rate. I wanted to like the story but you really pulled the elastic to stretch this one and just too many holes!

This is not the first time I’ve read this story, but it only seems to improve with time. Thank you.

I DEMAND A CONTINUATION OF THIS STORY......NOW!!! Please

Good story - well paced.! Engrossing

Again, I still think that this was a great story, with a real twist. It made me a FMac fan.

Loved it. Always like a good mystery.

I still think the husband did it. ;o)

Barry still needs to get revenge on Bill McEvoy. The bigamist whore and her cuck need more company in Hell.

Good one.

Thank you for an interesting story.

Nice tale, thank you!

good story and told well,realism is there throughout the tale. love reading a story that holds your attention with no contradictions to upset the flow of the story...JZK

Nice mystery very interesting kept my attention all the way. I would have liked to have seen the MC get some payback but this was a very real story and life does not always give us payback

Good one.

Very nicely done. A great read, a very well-plotted murder mystery.

Page 3: “Things were tight but we had the money from Daddy's life insurance”.

No you wouldn’t! Life insurance companies don’t pay out if the insured person commits suicide.

caught my attention kept it made me think what was going on. def a 5+

This was a good yarn which kept me hooked to the end. The sex scene on page 3 was exceptionally well written, one of the best that I’ve read on Literotica. 5 stars.

Odd story with a couple of twists. Thr husband seemed to be more emotional after learning of the affair than of her actual murder. His response to her murder seemed pretty dispassionate. And he got tini bed with Bridget way too fast.

Especially considering that he wasn't his wife's killer it seemed very odd to me that a grieving husband would spend the entire day with Bridget on what was essentially a day date just a few days after his wife was killed.

Still, an interesting story with some good twists to it.

Nice story. Once you work out several inconsistencies in your plot, I'm sure your talent will shine in your future works.

I am impressed with the tales that you spin so artfully.

This one couldn't be anticipated until the last chapter.

Well don sir, well done.

Well written and a very enjoyable read.

Typical of what I've read in your stories. I have enjoyed most of them. You are either familiar with Richmond or have studied the area. One of those damn Yankees that came to visit and stayed.

Pretty damned good thriller Francis!! Well Done. Great story worth every bit of 5*

Love the actual police intimidation tactics at the beginning. Here's a little secret that everyone should know about dealing with any cop at any time. Ready? STFU AND GET A LAWYER! Every. Single. Time. Without question. If they want to "meet up and go through some stuff"? Lawyer. If they want you to "come in and answer some quick questions"? LAWYER.

@Older HDK comment. The timing isn't clear, but I'm sure it was more than a few days after his wife's murder that he was fucking Bridget.

Creative story with a dark twist or two at the end. But the lack of real emotion on Barry's part ehrn learning his wife was murdered is befuddling. Not to mention the several days before he and Bridget have passionate sex (her first time). What a nice day at the park and gardens, dinner out with some conversation, and she gives up her virginity to a guy she barely knows and who she isn't sure is innocent of the murder? And though he learns later that his wife was cheating on him the last six months with the rich asshole, how can he be receptive at that point in time to sleeping with Bridge so quickly? Lastly, why did Rayburn phone him about the affair? The police would have learned of the affair most likely during their investigations. As it is, the MC is about to be hung out to dry for murder because police have no other suspects. Why make his own presence known to anyone? And why kill Barry? Again Barry is on real legal jeopardy... and no typically life insurance does not payout on suicides.

Sorry I missed this one when it came out since I try read all your stories!

Good job.

5

Great story. Needs an epilogue with the wedding, etc. Thank you.

Good tale with the required twist keep em cuming Francis

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