All Comments on 'The New Slave Ch. 01'

As bad as the world is sometimes, thank Zeus it's not like this! I would never tolerate such treatment! It does remind me of my plans to have a story with the reverse setting, a complete patriarchy, with men in total control of womankind.

That at least would be original. Read stories like this one before.

Loved Chapter 1. Definite 5. Great writing and super descriptive flare and idea. I look forward to the rest of the chapters. Great job on number one.

Love your stories, very well written but I must admit that your use of "more than" so often is pretty irritating. More than ready...more than wet...more than eager, etc over and over again. I know it's nit-picking but still... lol Anyway, I DO love your stories. Keep it up.

machine room -

the image fits perfect

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And you wrote how many chapters of the unbelievable stuff? Laughed myself silly and stopped after chapter 1.

A lot of the world building done in this chapter really wasn't necessary. The future chapters seem to focus specifically on the new slave (which certainly makes the title of the story appropriate). A narrower view, where we see him taken out to the floor, examined by Caren, and sold, would have been better. It would have set the environment and tone of the story much more quickly, and jumped into the action without having to detail paragraph upon paragraph upon *paragraph* of boring exposition.

Show, don't tell. You can convey the fact that women are in power with a few quick lines such as there only being women in a 'buyer' role, etc. The shopping concerns, if deemed actually important, could be covered by Caren coaching her assistant on what to look for in a sotto voice as she performs the checks. With the amount of space you save cutting out the unnecessary exposition, you could have described the scene in the back as he was teased. It was probably the most interesting event in the chapter, and it got skipped for pacing concerns. Frustrating.

Good arousing start to the unfolding of a whole system of male slavery where enslaved men are held and used