All Comments on 'The Packages Ch. 02'

i am really enjoying this story... i want mre....

Good story but needs some work . Chapters could be longer . Thank you for the Story .

I wish I was the daughter , I would love to do that to my dad and see my brother fill mom.

Cant wait for you to continue to the next part

You need to work on first person and what it means.

Please keep the story line going but maybe add in a couple of pregnant mom & daughter

There is a reason that you typically don't see stories written in this perspective - it really sucks for trying to tell a story like this.

First-person would've involved the story being told by Jackson Quiller. The conceit here is that things he experienced are being told *to* him, which is obviously an absurd way to conduct a narrative. I can't even grasp what would possess someone to make such a decision.

Hot hot hot

Stop writing in second person, or just stop writing altogether. This reads like a 4th grader's work.

If you already have another chapter written, PLEASE take the time to edit it and correct the train wreck. Your 4th grade teacher would approve.

I really like what you've written sofar and really hope that you will ignore those that are being negative about this story. I am watching for chapter 3.

Hurry with the next instalmen. I cannot wait

beaverhunt desperately needs to make use of the FREE editing services available.

This is my second time reading this and I am so HARD AND HORNY.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT BOX OF PLEASURE.

It’s a very good story but boarder line rape the mum has said she is not happy but is forced by husband cause he wants the money and he is behind it all