All Comments on 'The Pits'

I laughed my tail off, that is one of the best lines in a funny and entertaining story full of quotable lines. Well done, another terrific story.

with a great cast of characters.....the Pony is great but I loved my Plum Crazy 70 Challenger..one of the first ones off the line in 69. I ordered it in June off the promo lit.

Alana Myles? The 80's singer? Jerry's "evil ex-wife" who happens to be so sweet and innocent that butter wouldn't melt in her mouth? This was about 5 chapters too long with a cast of characters that suck more ass than a porn star.

Fucking hilarious. Good thing I was alone while reading it. Awesome!

mad at Fred if he had gotten with Jenna.

this is by far the best story I have read on here...

This is a good/great lw story and it's fucking funny as he'll.

Bravo man u have reached or passed Dq In my book and Thad saying a lot about how well you write lw man

Ps jerry reaction was funny as he'll !!!!

A Happy Ending, with a plot and everything! Just doesn't get any better.

....discordant behaviors and dialogue.From Jerry's nonsensical descriptions of his ex to Jenna's smirking at Alana (as if she wasn't in deep shit)-with a would be pussy-hunter murderer(who fucking kills on a promise of sex????)this story says to me that you should slow down and take more time on your stories and not crank them out like pulp.You are a clever writer and extremely creative plot developer but some of the stuff I've been back-reading from this year shouts "put some posi-traction on that thing.Oversized Calipers indeed.Thanks for the effort, anyway.

Great one liners and a nice pace. The only error in prediction that I made was that I was sure that it would turn out that Jerry was working his wife. He did get her in the end but not as part payment..

Finally, there is something on this site worth reading... 5 stars

Another home run hit by Stang a very enjoyable read well deserving of 5 stars

This read more like a comedy than anything else. Over the top characters, over the top dialogue (everybody has one-liners and jokes!), and certainly a crazy plot. I just couldn't take it seriously.

I already had an inkling that Alana was Jerry's ex, turns out I was right!

I loved this quite a change for this site, just a small bit of sex but a really good funny read.... Keep writing and posting LOVED IT....

Great story. Refreshing change from most of the trash posted here. Keep it up!! Too bad no "6" stars.

another entertaining read!!!

The fat woman coming out of jerry's office and the Husband assuming that she was Jerry's exwife and all the while it was Alana ..was alll too easy and predictable

thats not to say the story wasnt good. It was.

It seems that most of thier problems between jerry and Alana were sexual/ bedrooms problems. They got married

because Jerry got her pregnant at a college frat party and things never recovered.

Jerry is/ was a drunk and self centered shallow asshole... and in some w ays isa male version of Jenna. Alana was/ is a high maintnance woman that produces a high rate of return on your investment. With those two types of people there is no way for their marriage to work sexually... and if that doesnt work... you got a marriage that isnt working.

TONY on the other hand puts effort and consideration into everything he does. Even a whore like his murderous wx wife Jenna felt and experienced Tony's intensity which is why the sex was so good. So is marriage to Alana will work out nicely.

Your male and female characters are all cut from the same mold. Lose the cookie cutter approach and try to write something of substance.

Really, the first nine paragraphs of this story had me laughing out loud. You would think that would've been a pretty big fucking hint to the readers that this was going to be a light hearted, humorous ride. And, for me at least, it was.

Harry's right: Everyone knew Alana was Jerry's ex-wife, the "evil monster" who was making his life miserable. That obvious fact is what made much of what followed regarding Alana funny. Ted's laughter, the female deputy's comments, Tony's ignorance of the fact. I don't remember what comedy genius said it, but he was right. Funny isn't putting a ridiculous hat on a man; funny is putting a ridiculous hat on a man who doesn't know he's wearing it, but everyone else knows. From such situations come most sitcom humor, which, granted, is not typically my cup of tea. And while the Stangster may not have maximized the comedy potential in this situation, it went a long way toward making the read light and breezy.

So do I think this was brilliant? Not particularly. But not every work is Anna Karenina. Was it enjoyable? A resounding hell yes. Was it predictable? Sure. Was it fun nevertheless? Yes.

Sometimes, knowing how a story is going to end isn't really that important if the pleasure of getting there is sufficient. Here, I believe the pleasure in seeing how it all played out was nice.

Do I have any complaints? Yes. I really am seeing a pattern of the spurned husband immediately--and I mean within minutes of deciding the marriage is over--finding the perfect love interest for the rest of his life. This is neither believable--given that most men's heads would be up their asses in the midst of such events--nor compelling.

Maybe the Stangster can use his next story to show a man going through a string of women--discovering and discarding--before finally latching on the right one. This has some tremendous potential for both comedy and believable tension.

Just an idea.

Enjoyed reading the story! Thanks for sharing it!

It was fun to read and that is what counts.

Like a good western: you collected a group of stereotype characters who enacted a story whose surprises were predictable so we got to enjoy them longer. You weaved humor and belly laughs in as the plot went along.

Movies and TV westerns from "The Lone Ranger" to "High Planes Drifter" and "The Unforgiven" are collections of stereotype characters in predictable stories. And the public obviously agrees as we vote with our dollars.

So, I don't mind predictable if it is a good, well written story. I like steak, potatoes, and salad with bleu cheese dressing. No surprises at Ruth's Chris or Outback, but I always want to go back.

I don't know how you write so much, so fast. Thanks.

A great story and a positive comment from Hairy. What will we see next.

It was one of the most fun stories I've encountered in a long time. Definitely Five Stars!

But at this point we wouldn't expect anything less from your much talented pen!

Dropping points off the old IQ. Thats what happens to me every time I read one of Harrys comments. Some of them like this one are pretty trivial. But, most are just stupid rants with the impossible goal of trying to make him sound smarter than he is. Stop attempting to sound intelligent Harry. You just cant pull it off.

StangStar, this was a good read, as are most of your stories. One can say the fat woman coming out of the office was predictable, but I say who cares. You are one of the most prolific authors on this site and I can find something good to say about every story you write. There are a lot of complaints with JPBs stories saying they are all the same. I believe one of the reasons is that he writes some much and doesnt even read his reviews any more. With all the non-constructive comments, I can certainly see why.

I read most of Renquists comments and those of several other top authors. While they dont always agree with each other, they always have something constructive to say. It is obvious to me that you are still listening to those that matter and continue to grow.

I for one appreciate the time and good work you continually put out.

I believe in constructive criticism, but to regurgitate the story and take little pot shots in an attempt to make one seem clever, is just plain sorry. There is absolutely nothing redeeming your review Harry.

See what I mean. Everything I have written here proves my theory. I must have dropped at least 20 IQ points to even care what an insignificant like Harry thinks. As my wife would let me know, I cant afford to get any dummer ;) So, from now on, I will read the intelligent comments and avoid the rants.

And yes Harry, I know thats not how you spell it. Im not an author, but I get subtle.

Predictable maybe, but that's what slapsticks supposed to be. Keep writing them and

I for one will keep reading them.

you do give your characters one. well, except for Dave. w/c is more of an extra, so he really doesnt need one. Anyway, this story does remind me of Ohio's "Monster" but different setting and alot more fun. another Great job.

RePhil is correct-another good story and we expect nothing less from your now.

You have set your bar pretty high and keep exceeding it with better stories time after time.

Well done good read!

let me see if I have this right...

you hate my guts ...

I am irrevlant...

your IQ drop 10 points then another 20 points....

and I cant write anything constructive...

OK I got that.

Did I forget anything? Oh yeah I have a tiny cock.

So naturally you wrote an 8 paragraph feedback that was directed at ME? Wow... dude... you are brillant

As a rule stupid when you good out of your way to single someone out..it means they are VERY relvant to you.

Think about it dummy. OK so you cannot stand my perspective on things and you hate my reviews/feedback.

But in this case I say I like the story and think the characters are well developed (despite what some others have said).

You see? the reaction you posted about ME should be made after I have shit on a story.... NOT when I am praising it.

One last thing brainac... if you are going anonymous then change tour style!!! I know who you are. I am sorry I pissed you off two weeks ago... but get over it.

You have become one of the best and most prolific writers on this site. But at the same time, the wife is always a super beauty. And like Winterfrog's males, your husbands find a new mate almost instantly after discovering their wife's infidelity.

You have the skill to improve on these two overused aspects of your work. If not, you are good enough that we will still read you, especially now that you work humor and minor plot twists in so well.

TR

lame, actually. You've definetly done better.

A good concept for the storyline. A well constructed and planned out story.

Well edited along with being well written.

The story even has a happy ending.

Thanks for the read

The story line is okay, as far as it goes, but the writing is pedestrian at best.

I have to agree with those who say the characters are all phoned in from central casting. Pure cardboard cutouts, each and every one. The lawyer who was drinking a large glass of scotch and was miraculously still sober? The red herring with the unpleasant woman? I almost quit reading.

In addition, the dialogue is so far over the top, it's almost funny. NOBODY talks like this. The confrontations are always just stupid.

Finally, it needed editing, not just for quality but for sheer volume. The story meandered all over creation before settling down.

Seriously, writer, you need to tame your writing. Get an editor, and try to write a story that doesn't take twenty minutes to go virtually nowhere.

Yeah, one man's bitch can be anothers man goddess, but really...

It was a fun read, even though it was sometimes predictable. Jerry and Alana were a bit over the top for me. Thank You.

Rehnquist was right about the obvious parts of the plot, as was Pistolpackinpete.

There are classic murder-for-hire movies - the best IMHO was

"Body Heat" because the femme fatale gets away with it; "Double Indemnity" had the unfaithful wife unfaithful to the fall guy as well, but doesn't get away with it (nor does the fall guy)

These movies aren't funny; the subject matter isn't, although "Body Heat" has its light moments as we see what a dupe the fall guy is - how oblivious to everything even as the ADA (Ted Danson in a serious pre-Cheers role) tried to warn him off. Most of the time we are embarrassed for the fall guy's stupidity (except, I suppose, those of us [not me] who never were mistaken about the intentions of people with whom we had become romantically involved)

The stock characters and stock actions (narrator has lots of money and connections that allow him to wire his house on a day's notice, meets his true love before he knows how he's going to get rid of his wife, the available on a moment's notice supercop, the supercop's wisecracking sidekick for just some examples) were wearing.

I finished the story in a speed reading mode waiting for something out of the ordinary to happen. For me the wife's bi- or gay- preference was the only thing that I didn't see coming a mile away (and that is probably because I don't view gay women as evil - too many male readers will have made the connection evil woman = lesbian and so the fourth lover who would benefit from it all was a woman.)

By itself it might have been a good twist - but by the time it happened it had was irrelevant to the plot. Jenna was caught - it made no difference whatever that she was straight or bi or gay at that point.

H.H Morant said everything I wanted to say.

Several of the previous comments say that the story was predicable, and to be honest it was; but then again they all are. I liked the story and I appreciate your writing. thank you.

too this

too that

tried too much to blah blah blah

how about you dopes just shut up and enjoy the story?

or is bitching how you get off?

sheesh, talk about missing the fucking point

great story Stang :)

Even after reading all the "expert" opinions who panned it, I still liked it! Funny huh? Who gives a crap that someone else thinks it is too wordy or too predictable...I thought it was a great piece of writing and I enjoyed the humor. Thanks and looking forward to another!

After a long day working, this story provided a few minutes of enjoyment. Funny and interesting and entertaining. Good work star06!

the relentless 'humor' wore me down, I was fucking sick of it by page 3.

This concept fucking blows. Please quit it, I can not even finish them yet. I get it the husband needs to win every once in a while.

This story was predicatable. True. Everyone in here should try writng one that isn't. It is not easy to do. Our Mustang Man is working in some pretty good humor and keeps giving us twists on the old plots. That is all very good and he is rapidly becoming one of the best. I still think he keeps writing about a page after he ends the story, and that bogs it down. That is a constructive critism as I feel this writer is climbing to the top of the old dung heap. The Chief Justice is getting worried.

of the 'in crowd' getting it and and the rest, well...

A large percentage of the readers on this site (and in this category) live in an actual or metaphorical cave. Their 'real' life is staring at the shadows on the wall.

Those who 'get it' appreciate both the conspicuous and the subtle humor in your plots and characters, your grasp of effective storytelling, and most of all the self-deprecating manner in which you tell the tale.

There are hundreds if not thousands of views for every comment: while those of us who 'get it' might not comment as often as the cave-dwellers we look forward to your light-hearted humor and ability to craft an entertaining but not serious little story every week.

Thanks Mustang Man, keep writing. 5 stars

Not only is the guy a winner, but the wife got sent to jail for her crap.

The icing is how this pisses off the wimp cuck boys who have the messed up idea that somehow loving wife equals cheating slut and idiot wimp husband.

While the wives in your stories are over the top crazy or something else, your stories are far more real and fun than any of that cuck drivel they like so much.

More please.

This is exactly what happened to me! Except that I was raising chinchillas, not ostrich (made a hell of a killing, too, before the PETA types made everyone stop buying fur coats); oh yeah, and my new wife had much better tits than the old one, who was not actually bi-sexual but was screwing the 16-year old kid who mowed the front lawn.

So don't anyone say this story was unrealistic--it happened to me!

Oh yeah--your story was funny as hell, too.

Thanks!

ohio

Thanks for another great story, I'm an avid reader of your stories, and have to say that all of them I have really enjoyed. Please continue to write them

I enjoyed the story from beginning to end. Thank you.

A very enjoyable read. Thanks

Fun read with the little angle of humor. I absolutely loved the little dynamite stick - 'Alana', she was just too good! A pistol, lucky guy, she's a keeper, Jerry just didn't appreciate his luck.

BTW, I worried about the Stangs' during the afternoon and night that he was supposed to be dead. Just a thought.

Good story, enjoyable read. Thanks for writing.

This may be your best so far. Keep on entertaining us.

Great character in Al. Really fun read. Thank you!

nice story. I am surprised at the cold blooded bitch's reaction in the end where she had the guts to tell her husband to try and talk it out. Wow, you planned on killing him and there you are having sex with a woman, proving that you only married the guy for money since you are a lesbian, and then you are ridiculing the girl who loves him right in front of him and yet you still want to try one more time to save yourself from jail. So damn ridiculous! You do know how to create psychopaths Stang!

His friend, Dave, deserves nothing but a nice vacation in hell. God, the guy gave you a job and a stable life when you were riding low in your life and your repay him by plotting to murder him to gain his money and his wife.

Then comes the lawyer. He is one sick asshole as well. God, your friend just got to know that his whole marriage is a lie and that he was about to get killed by his wife and his best friend and what do you do? You ask the very same guy whether or not you can have sex with his wife. That just proves that he was chosing his wife's charms over his friendship. He could have stayed with his friend and supported him till the end of this cold plot of his wife but he'd rather have sex with the very same person who wanted to kill his friend.

The little romance between Alana and the male lead was sweet and lovely. That made this story much better, otherwise it would have been the same old boring 'wife wants hubby's money, she plots to kill him, reins in hubby's friends by her charms, gets caught, Goodbye marriage and welcome to jail' story.

4 stars.

When Tony met Al she looked puzzled and said something about hearing that name before. Then they went through a list of possible ways that might have happened. What was the point? If Tony's name had come up in discussions with her husband, why not bring it out. Her son's name? If that was the case, why go through the list of possible ways she might have heard his name?

I've been thinking more about your story. Hmmm ... that alone says a lot about how good you are becoming.

My second thoughts are on Jerry. I think you were way too easy on him in this story. He fucks up Alana, then fucks up her life. Then he fucks Jenna. It was really crass that he wouldn't even participate in his own son's schooling. But, worst of all, he was hoping someone would marry his ex and adopt his son! In other words, he wanted nothing to do with his own son. What a jerk!

The Jerry/Alana thing was reasonably obvious. Sally came out of left field...but I suppose all the other characters who weren't mains did.

The redeeming part of this story was Alana and her relationship to the main character. I was cheering both of them. But I'm a softy romantic that way

While I did not get a boner, I was hooked from the beginning. This is as good as it gets here people, even better. Nice work my friend, keep it up. It's hard to write and you did a great job of it. Pay no attention to these "I need erection material" types. I read all 6 pages and longed for more. Will there be a sequel where Jerry gets the clap? Hahaha. Thank you for your hard work and imagination. I really enjoyed it. Now, off to see more of your work!

Cheers!

Salamander

I don't have anything extra to say. Great story and great panning by the experts. Thanks Stang

P.S. I have to admit that I was so entertained as I read, I did not get that the fat lady wasn't Jerry's ex. So you fooled someone!

Not one of the commenter written anything negative about the story or the Author. And you know why? Because there is NOTHING negative to find. It also puzzles me that a Writer of Stang genius is not some famous author. He would be very successful.

Thanks for wonderful entertainment.

American muscle car in production longer than the stag

Stang, your stories are excellent. I've yet to read one I didn't like. You are great at forming characters that I get into, and I want to find out what's going to happen to them in the end. I even find your obsession with Mustangs more amusing than a distraction. Keep up the good work!

And in response to the know it all who wrote the anonymous comment under the heading "Corvette" you're wrong. The Corvette is not now, nor has it ever been a muscle car. The Corvette is a sports car. For that matter, the Mustang is not truly a muscle car in the purest sense. Strictly speaking, the muscle car is defined as a mid size car with a large block engine. Think GTO, Chevelle, Fairlane, Torino, Olds 442, etc. The Mustang was in a class of it's own, thus the pony car moniker. The Camaro,Challenger, Barracuda and the Javelin were brought onto the market as competitors by GM, AMC, and MOPAR. If you're gonna be a smartass, try doing some research and know what you're talking about so you don't sound like a stooge.

the first vets were straight 6's. but you are right they ahve been around longer. 1st production model was 1964 1/2. by then the vette had already come out with the split window stingray and the vert.

but now - who the hell wants to guy anything from Government Motors?

now im a stang guy and all those GM parts i spent years accumulating, damn they are all going to be sold.

I think a better ending would have been if instead of Dave throwing him into the pit, he stopped just short of the pit and said " I finally got my head out of my ass. I couldn't betray a friend for some pussy, no matter what she looked like."

Then he would explain the plan for his death. The police could take him in as a witness and continue with the charade, faking the death, fling his wife Dave killed him, and following the story along.

This story was a good read but I do have one comment. The mustang car was given the name because of the P-51 Mustang......not from the horse. Or so I've read.

The only travesty that bore the Mustang moniker. It almost killed the brand. Sorry, Stang. Other that that one I agree with your assessment of the Mustang muscle car and its long life.

I liked this story. great read, likeable characters, good humor. Keep it up.

I enjoyed the pace of this story and side stories that were wove in, usually long stories on this site I find to be tedious and sometimes give up but not with this one.

I however am not delighted with Jerry being the drunk ex husband of Al Jerry's character at most points in the story would definitely not be a friend of the hero, he was too much a stereotype.Why is it some men feel that a bimbo with man made balloons on her chest is a sexy woman?

That was very good, very cool, well written, nice, etc. etc. etc....Now are you going to get a fuckin job:-]

bill

Great read. About the car's name. Sorry to burst your bubble but according to the Ford Execs I became aquainted with in the 80s the car was named for the horse. The pony emblem was copied from a belt buckel worn by some one involved with the project. A side note, when I was in business school back in the early 70s the Mustang and Edsel were used as case studies on the right way and wrong way on how to produce and market a product. Both products were big but only a real car buff or another old cogger like myself knows what an Edsel is today but everyone know what a Mustang is.

Another fun read. Thanks.

I enjoyed it. Really, I started laughing out loud for a good minute about the maid. She really does deserve a raise. I'm still chuckling about it.

Stang is at the Dream Cruise or some such Mustang Masturbatory Meeting. It's an anniversary for him so he has more important matters in hand than stories (and it better not be a damned sponge to wash is fucking Mustang...)

He posted last week with a rather inoffensive story on SOL but for some reason, either he forgot to post it HERE, or the fine editors of Lit have neglected to do so.

I liked it.

ROTFLMMFAO!!!!

Not sure how I missed this one but it was a doozy!!

Thx!!

Enough said... but the one in Greece I really thought you were going to go with the Harem end lol

Tongue in cheek........... loved it more the second time around.

for those who use deceit. TK U MLJ LV NV

Any author that can use acrimonious correctly on this site deserves a 5*.

Seriously, this is a very good story and regardless of the vocabulary used deserves a 5* on its own merit. I just love these spunky girls he comes up with that fall for the hero after the cheating wife is caught. Well done and Thank You for your writing.

How did Alana (Don't call her Al.) beat our hero to the Sherriff's office?

Tags: "ostriches" would have been a good one.

...of a story of yours I've never read before. A definite 5 stars. Very fun read.

your stories always seem to have an interesting female character and this one was no exception. Really fun read even though it covered some dark aspects

Spellcheck addiction strikes again. Conciliation and consolation are not synonymous.

Another great one.

Added to my favorites. This is truly one of my FAVORITE StangStar06 efforts.

Thank You Very Much.

Morgan DeWolfe

you come up with some funny ideas Scotty

The Only problem I see with most of this writers stories, is that Fords are portrayed as good specially when compared to Chevy. However Michigan people shouldn't be taken seriously, like most of these stories, Its just for fun.. Other than that, I've enjoyed a number of them.

GO BUCKEYES haha...

now to arrange the cast. TK U MLJ LV NV

My ending : Tony was looking at his step son and he thought there was a resemblance between him and the little boy. Tony got Alana to approve of a DNA test and it reveals Tony is his Dad. At the Party she slept with Tony as well they were all too drunk to remember? Look I know that it is weak but hey! Love you all! GREG. OH 100 % OF READING ENJOYMENT BYE.

While I don't want to start a flame war, the comments about Camaros and Challengers left out a true American icon, the Corvette. My favorite car was a '67 convertible with the small block 327 engine. It was so overpowered for its weight, I could hardly hold it when accelerating at a stoplight! I think the engine had like five moving parts to it. Sadly, I grew up and got a family, so adios 'vette. I now drive an '11 Mustang convertible. All the muscle I need and a (tiny) back seat too! Great story. Don't know how I missed it. Thanks!

Wonder if Stangstar considers the Mustang 2 a real Mustang?

I had a '76 Mustang 2 once with the 302 V8 and automatic drive. According to wiki now that engine only produced about 140HP (SAE Net ratings) but was still pretty frisky since it was almost like a compact car. Body size much smaller than older Mustangs.

Of course, I thought it still dragged because I was used to the performance of my Kawasaki MACH III "widowmaker" superbike.

but when on has to dig a hole, its crematory time, TK U MLJ LV NV

I can’t speak for others but I loved it. I enjoyed the story, the plot, the inaction between the characters and the ending. I was smiling during the entire story. I think I got what he was aiming for. One of most favorite writers. Thanks!

Thanks for the effort.

Serious Snicker snack ... with sprinkles. DENTIST!!!!!!!!

Funny stuff. Laughed & smiled the whole way.

Decent story cheaters caught and punishment

Not as gory as like but can't win them all

Anon in here? Doesn't Lit have any standards?

You didn't really think we didn't know who Jerry's ex was did you? Fred Mertz? William Frawley and Vivian Vance hated each other and absolutely refused to ever work together again. I learned to drive in a '68 Camaro 3 speed, they had bad engine mounts that year.

"Can I help you?" asked Jena in her best ice queen voice. I think I could hear the ice crystals crackling with each syllable she uttered. "I don't think so," was the reply. "You don't even seem to be able to help yourself. Anyway I'm here to see him," she pointed at me. "It's about a job." "We don't have any openings," snapped Jenna. "I believe you," the woman replied. "You look like all of your openings have been used, probably a lot."

"What are you listening for?" I asked. This woman fascinated me. "I'm not sure yet," she said with a very serious look on her face. "It may be only one sound or a combination of many. It may be a hissing, or a dripping, or a clunk, or possibly even a thunk. It may even be all of them one after another. Or even all at the same time." I was really wondering what hell she was talking about. Then I looked at her and saw those marvelous eyes and the smile. She started laughing then. "Okay, spill it," I said. "Well, if it's a hissing sound..." she said."That'll mean that some of the air is leaking from that Blow up doll's head. If it's a dripping sound it'll be from the silicone leaking from those big fake balloons on her chest. A clunking sound will come from all of the fat on her ass finally surrendering to gravity." Alana was obviously enjoying this. "What about the thunk sound?" I asked. "That would be the sound of her jaw hitting the floor when you and I left," she said. "I really don't understand men. Why would you hire her? She's way too domineering, and she looks like a porn star. Everything about her is fake; you should have a nice normal girl for your secretary."

"Since when do you need an assistant?" asked Jenna. "I don't like her." "That's probably why she's not your assistant," I said.

"You should have told me," she said, punching me in the arm again. "When all of this started I didn't even know you," I told her. "Well you do now," she snorted. "So what did you need to tell me?" I asked. "Nothing," she snapped. "Now that you're alive, things are different. You're a lot more attractive when you're dead."

"Jerry, we've been friends for a long time and I don't want to mess that up," I said. "So, I'm asking you now. Would you be upset if I married Alana?" Jerry looked at me in shock. His mouth started to open. But before he could say anything a shoe hit me in the side of my head. "Are you out of your fucking mind?" asked Alana. "That asshole has no say in who I can marry. If you wanted to ask someone you should have been asking me, and I'm not even sure I want to marry you."

Damn, how come I always came up with the Jenna's of the world and never the Alana's?

Had a little trouble understanding how they could have pit traps scattered around the ranch with all of the ostriches running around. Good way to lose part of the herd. Other than that a really good story!

Besides the murder plot this was one hell of a hilarious story. Thank you for writing it.

Jerry Cantrell! Missed a trick by not naming the wife Alice. Might have been too obvious, though.