The Pleasure Cruise Ch. 01

"Good tormenting or bad tormenting?"

She smiled. "Depends on my mood."

We quickly showered and dressed, loaded up with breakfast food and coffee on the Lido deck to help with the hangover, and then headed up on deck to watch the ship's arrival in Nassau.

Nassau was a low, gently hilly town of multi-coloured buildings clustered around the harbour. In the distance, the massive Atlantis casino, resort and waterpark dominated the skyline, but the downtown area looked much like the old-time pirate town it once had been. As the ship docked, I was briefly entranced watching the stevedores expertly moor the gigantic ship against a tiny concrete pier.

I turned to Lauren. "What's the plan for Nassau?"

She shrugged. "I dunno. I didn't book any shore excursions in advance. Maybe we can wander around the city a little to see it. Sometimes I find a local cabdriver or something to show us around."

Over the next few hours, we wandered and rode around the city. We saw the old British fort, bought souvenirs in the downtown, toured a rum distillery and poked our noses around Atlantis, the casino resort that reminded me of similar buildings I'd been to in Las Vegas. Nassau was charming, a faded, laid-back city with a vibe that was part British Caribbean colony and part Pirate Republic. Our cabbie let us know as he drove us around that Nassau was home to scores of pirates back in the Age of Sail, and it was the real city behind many Pirates of the Caribbean legends.

Late in the day, the cab dropped us off an hour before the ship's whistle would let us know to start re-boarding, and 90 minutes before we would set sail for Carnival's private island. We found a craft brewery right on the wharf and settled in, under the shadow of the Carnival Liberty, for a local beer or two before we had to re-board.

I insisted on buying the first round, as it was the first opportunity that I'd had to pay for anything at all since leaving Toronto. I handed her an IPA which she gratefully accepted, and she clinked her glass with me before draining a quarter of the pint in one go.

"Sean, did I make a fool of myself last night?"

"You mean with being horny?"

"No, I'm not ashamed of my sexuality, and I know we're cool," she said, in a low voice. She looked around to make sure no one was watching. "Did I say too much?"

"No!" I exclaimed, surprised. "It was really good. Our friendship kind of levelled up a little bit. After fifteen years I wasn't expecting that I would ever get to know you any better, but it seems like maybe you lowered another barrier last night."

"I'm not used to being that vulnerable," she agreed. "The heartbreak, the alcohol, the orgasm, something just made me want to open up to you last night. I've never felt that way before, and if I'm being honest, I didn't care for it. It might have been a one-time deal."

"You know I won't ever push you somewhere you don't want you to go," I reassured her, "but I think it suited you. Everyone needs a friend they can trust, and no one can be a rock forever."

"Not forever," she agreed. "Last night was good, and now I should be good for another 34 years."

I rolled my eyes at her, and she grinned.

"I have a question for you, on the same line, though," she said suddenly seeming hesitant.

"Of course."

"When we lived together, you never had any trouble finding women to bring home." I waited to see if there was more, then nodded. I'm not one to brag, but I'd had a good success rate over years. "You had a few real girlfriends, too. What happened to you that's meant you've been celibate for six months? I never wanted to push you to talk, but you've never told me. You've always been so emotionally open with me, and I've always appreciated that, even though I haven't ever been able to reciprocate. Now you seem so quiet relative to the Sean I used to know, and you're not dating anyone for the first time I can remember. What happened to you?"

"I don't know." I sipped my drink.

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

"It just kind of happened."

"Bullshit." Lauren looked me in the eye. "If you wanted to tell me you were taking a sabbatical from relationships to focus on work or something, I'd believe you. But you're aware that Tinder exists, right?"

I nodded.

"It has never been easier to find meaningless sex in human history, as long as you're a man that meets the bare minimum of being a decent guy who isn't creepy or pushy, and makes women feel safe and respected. Now, I know for a fact that all those things are true for you, and you have a talent for making women open up to you. Case in point: this girl here." She pointed at herself with both thumbs. "I still don't know how you made me trust you like this, but you did, and I do, and that's because you're the awesome person you are. If all you were looking for was a warm pussy to ejaculate into, you could have done it."

"Shhhhh." I slunk down lower in my seat as I felt the stares of people around us overhearing our conversation.

"So, what was it?" Lauren interrogated. "I remember you were dating a 25-year-old called Kaylee for a while. I never met her, so it must have been after I moved out west. Was it something to do with the breakup?"

"Kind of," I said. "Nothing personal to her, though. We were just at different life stages. She wanted to party, and I wanted to settle down. I have assets, and she has thousands in student debt. For the right person, you sacrifice, but I've been down all those roads before with other women. I don't want to sacrifice, and I don't want to go back in time and pretend I'm 25 again."

"Makes sense to me, I won't fuck 'em young anymore either. What's wrong with women our age?"

"Nothing, and if I met the right one, I'd be thrilled. But I don't want to be stepfather to someone else's children, and there aren't a lot of women with as few life entanglements as I have."

"That's what makes you such a damn good catch for someone," Lauren observed. "You're not damaged and you're not tied down."

"I appreciate that," I said honestly. "But I think... I don't know. By the time you start dating in your thirties, everyone has baggage of some kind. I've just lost my patience for dealing with someone else's unsolvable problems. I've been with nine women in my life that I could see it leading to forever, and all nine times, for nine different reasons, it ended. Maybe there isn't anyone out there for me after all. Maybe there's no such thing as a soulmate."

"I don't believe in soulmates," Lauren said, "but if you do, then I hope you have one out there."

"After I ended it with Kaylee, I think I was just burned out," I continued. "Yeah, I know on some level I could have gone out there and had sex. But I didn't want to. My libido mostly dried up. I haven't even been jerking off that much. It just seemed like the last thing I wanted after all this time was to start over one more time."

"I'm sorry, Sean," Lauren said. "Why didn't you tell me? Just because I'm a brick wall doesn't mean you have to be. You always told me everything."

"It's complicated." I took a deep breath. "I guess on some level it's a form of depression. I've lost a lot of friends because of age and life circumstances. Like, they're still my friends, and I know I can reach out if I need it, but we might go out for three hours twice a year when they can get away from their kids. Being in management is isolating too. I can't fraternize with my employees, and my colleagues are all fifteen years older than I am. My career keeps getting better and my personal life has stagnated. And after six months of a dry spell, it affects your confidence. The longer you go, the more you believe you're not going to have it again.

"I've been speaking to a therapist, and slowly learning how to accept the life I have when the world has moved on and I've stayed still" I said. "But I haven't pursued a woman since then, because I still lack a certain self-belief and motivation. If sex fell into my lap, I'm sure I could perform. But it hasn't, so I've been celibate since Kaylee and I broke up."

"Confidence was never an issue for you that I can remember," Lauren remembered. "You were always so smooth with women. You made them feel safe, never pushed them into anything, and they responded to you. That's part of how you got me so opened up." She made retching noises.

"It'll come back, I hope," I said. "Someday."

"I'm going to get you laid on this boat," Lauren said, determined.

"I appreciate that, but you don't have to," I said.

"I want to," she insisted. "Our friendship has suffered a lot with the distance, and I feel guilty on some level I couldn't have been there for you this past six months."

"I wasn't ready to talk about it," I insisted. "It was easier to just push it away and focus on work. Even now, I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it. But you're here, in person, and if I don't start dealing with it with you here, I'll never get over it. I'm ready to get back on the horse, I just might need a reminder how to do that. Plus, you actually opened up for real last night too. I owe you at least that in reverse."

"Ugh, don't remind me." She drank another big gulp of her beer. "I absolutely love the fact that nothing has changed between us. But even I've been so wrapped up in my own issues the past couple days, I still knew something was different about you. I could tell you were in pain. So, I'm sorry for originally just assuming you were in a dry spell. You can tell me anything, unconditionally."

"Thanks, and I know that. I just wasn't ready."

"I'll never push you." She checked her watch. "Except maybe to the ship. We should probably start making our way back."

We finished our drinks and then made our way down the wharf to where our ship was docked. The Caribbean sun was now high in the sky, and the temperature was stifling. Lauren and I were both sweaty, hot, and tired, so we went back to the room, took turns in the shower, and collapsed into bed together for a nap.

Around 7:00 I woke again, finding Lauren puttering nude around the cabin, doing her hair and makeup. I watched for a few moments, admiring her body, enjoying the intimacy. It wasn't sexual, but it had been too long since I'd had any intimate moments with a woman, and I loved the easygoing, relaxed way I felt around her. We'd been apart for so long, and we'd just fallen straight back into our routine from being roommates. It felt comfortable, like a favourite pair of old jeans.

The first night at sea was designated as Formal Night, where attendance in the dining room had a jacket and tie dress code. Lauren told me it was possible to have dinner in flip-flops and a bathing suit on the Lido deck still, but where was the fun in that? I shaved, combed my hair, and then put on my Ted Baker suit with a gingham shirt and solid tie.

Lauren emerged from the bathroom and noticed me, whistling in appreciation. "Damn, Sean. You clean up."

"Thanks. You don't have to say that to build up my confidence, you know."

"I'm not." She pulled in close, whispering in my ear. "Just because we're platonic friends doesn't mean I can't find you sexy every now and then." She nibbled gently on my earlobe, leaving me with a smile and the beginnings of an erection, and then turned towards the closet, selecting a fifties-style poodle skirt dress in mint green and pink and shimmying into it. "Zip me up?" she asked.

I zipped her, then we wandered out into the ship to see what Formal Night was all about.

The ship appeared much as it always was as we emerged into the public areas, thought seeing all our fellow passengers dressed to the nines was a nice change. Some of the men and women were wearing expensive designer formal wear, some were wearing Costco suits off the rack, but it was still a classy atmosphere regardless. Photographers had set up with backdrops throughout the ship, and Lauren and I posed for a few of them as we made our way to dinner.

Our meal was uneventful, with our table-mates mainly discussing the various things they'd seen and done in Nassau. After dinner, Lauren and I split up as she went off to try her hand in the casino. I'd never been much of a gambler, and the Caribbean night was hot and airless, so after sitting alone on the balcony for a few moments, I decided to put my swimsuit back on and head up on deck.

Because of the late hour, I found the pools already closed, but there was one hot tub in the adults-only area open. I ordered a frozen daiquiri from the bartender and joined a couple of middle-aged men in the tub, chatting idly about sports and staring out the stern of the ship at the wake appearing from beneath us.

Several minutes passed in a state of blissful relaxation. The lights of Nassau were still visible on the horizon behind us, the only sign of life in the blackness of night. The ship's lights made it impossible to see stars overhead, and the sea was calm enough that there were no whitecaps, so the horizon was otherwise invisible. I relaxed and enjoyed my drink.

"Hi Sean."

I looked up, and I saw a purple bikini-clad figure climbing into the tub. I admired the curves descending into the water before I finally registered the face - it was Danielle.

"Mind if I join you?" she asked as she sank into one of the jets, bubbles obscuring her figure.

"Be my guest."

"Where's Lauren?"

"Gambling in the casino. Where's Emily?"

"She got a little too much sun today at Atlantis and went to bed early," she answered. "I wasn't ready for bed yet, and our cabin doesn't have a window, so there's no place to hang out if she wants to sleep."

"Fair enough." There was a short pause as the bartender came over, and Danielle ordered a mojito. "So, how's the club life on the ship?"

"It's okay." She sighed. "We had fun last night going dancing and meeting guys. But I didn't want to go down there alone tonight. Guys sometimes get the wrong message if you're dancing at a club by yourself."

"I get that," I agreed. "It must be hard fighting off all those boys."

Danielle blushed. "You flatter me."

I smiled back. "You know what I mean. I was never one for clubbing anyway. I didn't fit into that scene when I was that age, and now I'm ten years too old and still don't fit in."

"Do you dance?"

"Not if I don't have to."

"Pity." Danielle smiled again. "Before the cruise is over, we'll get you on the dance floor."

"Maybe. I'd rather have a conversation where you can actually hear each other," I continued. "I was never into the hookup club culture. I can carry on a conversation with someone for hours, but if I have to seduce someone with my dance moves, I'll be single forever."

"I noticed that at dinner already," she responded. "You're quieter than Lauren, Emily, or Alejandra, but you seemed to be listening carefully to everyone. I bet if I quizzed you, you'd remember everything I said."

"Ohio State, class of 2019 in molecular biology. You're from Dayton, your Dad's an accountant and your Mom's a government employee. You're the middle of three girls. You sing in the church choir and you ride horses. You're a Cincinnati Reds fan."

"I'm impressed," she said, smiling. "Almost a perfect score. I'm from a small town just outside Dayton."

"I've always had a good memory," I responded. "People are interesting to me."

"You never said what you did for a living last night. Can I guess?"

"Sure."

"You're a therapist, or a counsellor." She locked eyes onto me.

"Close. I'm a VP for an investment bank, specializing in commercial lines insurance."

Danielle made a face. "I'm impressed, but I also feel like you've missed your calling a little. I picked up right away that you like listening to people talk, and you seem like a naturally empathetic person."

"I appreciate the compliment," I said sincerely. "To be honest, I did consider that field at one point when I was in college, but I had a talent for what I do too, and it's made me a lot more money while being a lot less emotionally taxing."

"I can see that," Danielle nodded. "Being a therapist must be exhausting, hearing about people's problems all day."

So, tell me about your boyfriend?" I changed the subject. "Emily's talked about hers constantly at dinner two nights in a row, but I haven't even gotten your boy's name."

"It's Andre." She thought for a moment, sucking on the straw of her drink. "We got together when we were sixteen. It's been over six years now."

"Wow. Good for you." I waited to see if there was more, but nothing was forthcoming.

"Emily said at dinner last night that you two were on a grad trip?" I tried again.

"Yeah," she said without emotion.

I paused again. "Is everything okay?"

Danielle looked up at the sky, clearly thinking. "Do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Sure," I said, "you can ask anything, though no promises I'll answer."

"You said you were engaged once, but never got married." Her brown eyes locked onto mine.

"That's right."

"What happened?" She paused. "If I can ask."

"You can ask." I took a sip of my drink, finishing it. "Her name was Sara. The short version of a long story is that we were too young, and both of us were better off for not going through with it."

"I see." Danielle's eyes barely masked the wheels spinning in her head as she processed what I'd said. "What do you mean by too young?"

"We were still in our early twenties, we were each other's first really good relationships," I started. "We met at work, fell in love quickly, were together for a year and a half, and I proposed, she said yes. I was still living with Lauren at that time, and Sara and I would see each other a couple nights a week. It's easy to have a perfect relationship when you have that much time apart.

"We started planning a wedding, and that was when the trouble started. We were already two very different people, and we were growing more and more different as we got older. We didn't know how to communicate with each other, we didn't know how to coexist with each other. We just lived our own lives when we were living apart, and then planning a wedding forced us to start thinking about combining everything. Breaking it off when we made that decision was a huge relief for both of us. We still talk from time to time, she's married to another guy now and has kids with him. He's way better for her than I would have been."

"I'm glad you're at least okay with how it worked out," she said quietly.

"Why do you ask?"

"Just interested, I guess." She didn't sound convinced.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked.

Danielle shifted uncomfortably. "What do you mean?"

"You've got this sadness in your eyes.," I said. "They're beautiful eyes, but there's a melancholy in them I could see from the first time we met."

"I..." she trailed off.

I sat, silently, waiting.

"You're not wrong. But it's stupid to open up to someone I don't know. I don't even know if I can trust you.," she said finally.

"I'm not going to try to convince you, and I don't need you to tell me anything," I answered. "But I will listen to you if you want to talk to me."

"I can't talk to anyone," Danielle said quietly.

"What about Emily?" I asked.

"Not about this. She wouldn't get it." Danielle looked over at the older guys at the other end of the tub, still engaged in a conversation about golf and completely ignoring us. "Promise you won't say anything to her or Lauren or anyone else," she said quietly.

"I promise."

"Emily and I have been best friends since middle school. We both hooked up with our boyfriends in high school. We've both stayed together with them through college. Emily and Milos are perfect for each other. They finish each other's sentences, they're completely on the same wavelength. They're going to wind up married, and everyone knows it. They're kind of nauseatingly cute together." She made a face and stuck out her tongue, and I giggled. "When I see them together, I see a couple that belongs together. Even though neither of them has ever been with anyone else, they say when you meet the right person, you just know. I know it with them, and they both know it about each other. I don't know it with me and Andre."