The Pleasure Cruise Ch. 01

"What does Emily say about you two?" I asked.

"Emily has a knack for making the world be the way she wants it to be," Danielle explained. "She's got it all figured out that we're just as perfect and happy as they are, and that we're going to get married soon now that we've graduated, and we're both getting pregnant together, and our daughters are going to be besties just like she and I are. And, like, cool. If it happens, then that's great. But I'm starting to feel like I want more out of life.

"Emily and I went through high school and college as the good girls. Graduation feels like this big life event, and Emily's moved on to the next thing without really thinking about it - after graduation comes getting married. I'm starting to feel like I don't want the rest of my life planned out the way she has hers planned out. I want to travel first, and I want to date other people, and I want to have some fun before settling down, and if I told her any of this, she'd find a way to talk me out of it. She's very persuasive."

"I mean, Lauren and I are the poster children for not settling down..."

"I noticed," Danielle interrupted. "You guys are so cool, living your awesome lives with your high-paying jobs. I want that more than I want the future Emily has planned for us. At least for now. I'd be happy to settle down and live that life in a few years, maybe."

"Would Andre support those plans?" I asked. "Could you have adventures together before you settle down? Does he make you happy?"

"Yes, he does," she sighed. "He's a good boyfriend. He's kind, conscientious, good-looking, he treats me well. But we're just locked in this routine, and I'm bored of it. I don't feel challenged by him. He's grown up in the same town as me and he's lived there his entire life. He's not interested in travelling or exploring outside Ohio. His Dad's bringing him into the family business now that he's got his Bachelor of Commerce, and I've got this vision in my head of a future as a housewife, making friends with the ladies from church and going to Ohio State football games. I don't think I want that future. But I don't know. I feel like I'm on this rail that's taking me nonstop to this future, and I don't have any say. There's no way to get off the rail. I don't even know if I want to get off it. I just want to feel like I have the option to get off it if I want to."

"That all makes a lot of sense to me," I said.

"The other day, I was looking through his phone. I'm not one to snoop normally, I respect his privacy, but he had a picture we'd taken of us that he'd forgotten to send me, and I was going to text it to myself. Do you know what I found?"

"He's cheating?" I guessed.

"No," she said, "though in some ways that would make it easier. He's shopping for engagement rings."

"Ah."

"I saw that, and I freaked out a little bit." She shuddered.

"You don't want to marry him, then?"

"I don't know." She stared up into at the darkness overhead. "I have no reason to want to break up with him. We have a good, solid relationship. I love him, and I can see myself marrying him someday. But I've never been with anyone else. How do I know if this is as good as it gets when I have nothing to compare it to? When will I know? Shouldn't I have been thrilled he was looking for engagement rings? Isn't that how a girl is supposed to feel?"

"That's a tough one." I took her hand under the water and gently squeezed it before releasing it, and she smiled at me.

Danielle continued. "My first kiss was with one of my girlfriends at a sleepover when I was in middle school, on a dare. My second kiss was with him. My first everything else was him. I've never even kissed another guy. For six years, I haven't been Danielle, I've been half of DanielleandAndre. I just feel like I don't know that I'm ready, or able to commit to something when I don't know if it's as good as it gets. But what if I break up with him and this was it? Is it better to always wonder, or is it better to regret losing something that was as good as I was ever going to have?

"Emily likes flirting with boys, and she has no problem coming on to boys in the club and leading them on, having fun, then letting them go. She had fun in the club last night as the centre of attention, winding the boys up, but she'd never cheat on Milos. Me, I don't know. I was tempted last night. Really tempted. I wanted to bring one of them back to the room, and the only reason I didn't was because of sharing a space with Emily. It scares me that the biggest reason I didn't cheat on my boyfriend was practical concerns, instead of, you know, that you shouldn't cheat on your boyfriend." She winced at the memory. "I never let loose in college. I've never cheated on Andre. But..." she trailed off. She didn't need to finish the sentence.

"That's tough."

"So, when I found out you'd been engaged," she continued, "I thought maybe you'd have some insight or something. Or at least I can talk about this with you. I needed to talk to someone, and you don't know anyone I know back home. Emily thinks we're both in these amazing relationships. She'd never understand having doubts, because her relationship is perfect, and she doesn't know anything different. And I don't know why, but I trust you already. Maybe because you've already been there. Kind of. You're older and wiser. Maybe you have all the answers."

"Is it that you want to know what a relationship with someone else is like, or what sex with someone else is like?" I asked.

"Both." She took a breath. "He's a good boyfriend, and he's a good lover. At least, I think he is. I have no way of knowing for sure, and that's what's holding me back."

"I'd have to think you'd have at least some way of knowing if he's a good lover," I offered. "You'd know if you were attracted to him, and you'd know if he didn't know or care how to please you."

"True..." Danielle mused. "But, like, and maybe this is normal, but I don't even really get excited about having sex with him anymore. It's still fun, because it's sex, and sex is fun. But I don't know how much of my being bored is him, and how much of it is the usual relationship doldrums after you've been together for this long. Everyone says that you lose some of the fire when you've been together for a while, and I understand that. But I don't know if I'd be happy spending the rest of my life feeling how I do right now.

"All I know is I was more excited flirting and dancing with cute cruise boys than I have been about getting physical with Andre for a really long time. And it's not having any basis of comparison that bothers me. If I had terrible sex once or twice with someone else, it would make me appreciate him being good at it more. If I had a terrible relationship in my past, I'd probably think ours was better. I just want to have the experience to be able to know for a fact I'm making the right decision."

"If you want my opinion," I started, "I would say that it's always worse to regret something you did than something you didn't do. We only get one life, and more life experience is never a bad thing."

"True enough."

"If you're having doubts about how 'forever' your relationship is," I continued, "then what would constitute proof for you that doesn't involve breaking up? What would you need to see in order to believe that it didn't get better than what you have?"

"To be honest, I've never thought about that." Danielle paused for a moment, thinking. "I don't know that there is anything. You can't prove a negative. The only way that I could know for real would be to have something to compare it to."

"I agree," I said. "So, you're left with three options as I see it."

"I'm listening." The older guys took that moment to climb out of the tub, drying off nearby as we continued, before wandering off.

"Option 1, stay together, and always wonder."

"Not ideal." She made a face.

"Option 2, cheat and never tell him. You get your answer, at least in terms of sex with someone else, but you also get to live with that guilt for the rest of your life."

"Also not ideal."

"Option 3, break up with him and see what's out there."

"Fuck." She took a deep breath. "I came up with those same options on my own and they all suck."

"No argument here."

"But it's good to know you see it the same way I do." She scooted over to me and wrapped her arms around me. "Thanks for listening, Sean."

I wrapped my arms around her as well, and she put her head on my shoulder for a moment. "I've never even really cuddled with another guy before. It's nice."

We sat like that for a few moments, and I gently ran my fingers through her hair as we sat in silence, feeling the motion of the ship and hearing only the dull drone of the engines.

After a few minutes Danielle pulled back from the hug a little so that she could see me again, though she kept her legs across my lap, and I started gently stroking them, idly touching her smooth skin. "So, tell me about Lauren?" she finally interjected.

"She's my best friend."

"Have you guys ever..." she trailed off, blushing.

"Have we ever fucked?"

Danielle blushed. "I was going to say it more delicately, but let's be real, that's what I really wanted to know."

"Never."

"Huh." She thought for a moment. "I have platonic guy friends, but no one so close as you two are. You guys just seem so in sync."

"We really are," I agreed.

"Never been tempted?" she pressed.

I grinned. "I know she's pretty, if that's what you mean."

She grinned back. "You didn't answer the question."

"When we first met, yeah, I probably had a bit of a crush on her," I admitted. "But I was in a relationship then, and the more I got to know her, the more I realized that we had something special. By the time I was single again and we could have hooked up, I didn't want to anymore. I value her too much as a friend to have a one-night stand, and I don't think we'd work as a relationship. But we've been great friends, and I cherish that more than anything."

"Why don't you think you'd work as a relationship?" she continued.

"So now it's an interrogation?" I smiled to show I wasn't serious. "To be completely honest, there are two reasons I don't think we'd work as a couple."

"You've clearly thought about this a lot," she teased.

"One, she's a little emotionally walled-off, and I'm an open book. The only time she ever gets on my nerves is when she won't acknowledge or deal with her feelings and it affects our friendship. I've acted as a bit of a therapist to her before, but only because she won't go to a real one. I'm not going into detail and betraying her trust or anything..."

"Of course not."

"...but I prefer a partner who's a little more emotionally available. She is who she is, and I love and accept her for that, but it's not a recipe for a happy relationship for me."

"Makes sense," Danielle volunteered. "What's the second?"

"Two, my best relationships have always been with women who are different from me, who offer me something that I can't give to myself. Obviously having shared values and interests is a good thing, but Lauren and I are too similar. We have the same personality, we see the world the same way, we agree on everything. That's a great basis for a friendship, but a relationship should give you something more than that. You need a person who can give you an alternate perspective. The two of you should add up to more than the sum of your parts."

Danielle sat silently for a long time. "Well, fuck," she finally sputtered. "Andre and I are basically the same person too. That's what's been wrong all this time that I could never put my finger on. You just explained all those nagging doubts I've been feeling about what's wrong with us."

She sat still, processing, and sucking on her mojito. I decided to give her space to think.

At last, she sat up straight. "My relationship might have just ended." She seemed in shock.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. All you did was help me to see something that I've been struggling to see for months. But now I can't un-see it."

She suddenly leaned over and climbed into my lap, straddling me, and before I could stop her, started kissing me, aggressively, dominantly. I was too surprised to kiss back at first, but momentarily I found myself and grabbed her bottom under the bubbles, kissing her back, open-mouthed. She tasted of rum and frustration.

Finally, after several minutes of making out, she pulled back, floating herself lazily to the other side of the hot tub. "Thanks, Sean. You're a good guy."

"What just happened?" I asked, still in shock.

"I'm tipsy, on vacation, I just decided to break up with the only boyfriend I've ever had, and I wanted to see what it was like kissing another guy," she shrugged. "Don't overthink it, and don't tell anyone."

"You can trust me."

"I know I can." She sat up. "I think it's time I got to bed."

"I think I'll stay here until I can stand up without being arrested," I said, nodding towards my crotch under the water.

Danielle giggled. "Being a woman has its advantages, but let's just say you're a good enough kisser that... you know."

She stood up, and I noticed twin marbles poking through her string bikini top. For the first time I got to admire her body, slim, athletic, skin lightly dotted with moles, swimsuit covering only the bare minimum. She was lightly tanned, with visible tan lines from a differently-cut bikini top on her shoulders, and she wore a delicate gold chain with a sapphire pendant hanging down to near her cleavage.

She hauled herself out of the tub. "Good night, Sean. We'll hang out again." She gave me a quick peck on the cheek before drying off and heading into the ship.

Once my erection was gone, I dried off and headed back down to our cabin, which was still deserted. I grabbed my phone off the charger and realized there were over a dozen notifications from Lauren on the ship's onboard messaging system. I quickly scanned them, the gist of which was some variation on "Where the fuck are you?"

I was in the hot tub. Just back to the cabin. Where are you? I texted back.

Lauren's response came back almost immediately. Casino. Come ASAP. I met some swingers!

I shrugged, and quickly put my suit back on - with formal night still technically ongoing after midnight, I needed to still look my best to meet dress code.

The casino was hopping in the wee hours and smelled of stale cigarette smoke and spilled alcohol. The gaming machines were making an awful racket, and nearly the entire slate of them were occupied. Several croupiers were administering table games, and in a back corner near a window, I saw Lauren. She was sitting with a couple I pegged as in their mid-40's, and I was quickly introduced to Tom and Jillian.

Tom was impeccably dressed in a tailored dark suit. He was a good-looking man, friendly and outgoing, tall and athletic, with short salt-and-pepper hair, a neatly-trimmed beard, and icy blue eyes. Jill, his wife, was poured into a skin-tight dark blue cocktail dress that showed off ample cleavage. She was a strawberry blonde with brown eyes, pale and freckled, with a killer smile.

"Hi, I'm Sean." I shook hands with Lauren's new friends.

"Well, I'm glad that we've managed to finally meet you, Sean," Tom began, with just a hint of a southern accent. "Your girlfriend's been telling us all about you."

I shot Lauren a look, which she pretended not to notice.

"It's fun to meet another couple who like to party," Jill added.

"That's... us," I agreed. "Can I talk to you for a moment, honey?"

I pulled Lauren away.

"I lied. Don't be mad," she began.

"I'm not mad, but please tell me why."

Lauren took a breath. "They're swingers. I met Tom in the bar. He's hot and I want to fuck him. I've been flirting with him all night, and if the sexual tension gets any more intense, I'm going to fucking explode. But Tom won't do it without Jill there, since it's cheating, and Jill won't do it unless she's got a partner too. I'd have been fine with a threesome, but she's apparently not into girls. So, I told them a white lie about us, and they've been waiting to meet you before committing."

"Okay..."

"I promised I'd get you laid on this cruise. You think Jill's hot?" Lauren was practically bouncing with energy.

I looked her up and down at a distance as she and Tom held what was likely a similar conversation. I didn't usually go for older women, but she was undeniably attractive.

"Yeah, I do."

"Then what's the holdup?"

"They think we're a couple," I said through clenched teeth. "What if they start fucking each other? We're just going to sit there awkwardly and watch? I'm not having sex with you just because they are."

"It won't happen," Lauren asserted.

"How do you know?"

"Because I told them we weren't comfortable having sex in front of others," she said triumphantly.

"We're a couple that'll fuck other people but not each other? How does that make any sense?" My head was starting to swim.

"I don't know, Sean, I'm thinking with my pussy tonight and that's what it told them. I don't think they're looking for a gotcha moment. They just want to get it on too. Don't overthink it." She looked at me with pleading eyes.

I thought for a moment, thinking back on the past six months of frustration, of Lauren's highly undersexed state of mind that was already causing us friction, of Danielle's wet breasts pressing into my chest a few moments ago. This was a terrible idea, but I was suddenly beyond caring. All I wanted was no-effort sex to break my dry spell.

"Fine."

"Yay!" She hugged me.

"But we're not a couple, even if we're pretending to be. Don't cross any lines."

"I promise. Last night was a one-off." Lauren took me by the hand. "I love you, Sean, and nothing personal, but I really don't actually want to fuck you. I want to fuck Tom."

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." I winked.

Lauren rolled her eyes, and then dragged me back to where Tom and Jill were sitting. "So, what's the verdict?" Tom asked.

"We're good if you are," Lauren said eagerly.

"Us too," Tom returned, smiling. I wasn't into guys, but even I could admit he was a remarkably handsome man, clearly used to being in charge. I guessed he was a lawyer. He was way more Lauren's usual type than I was.

The four of us stood up, and we made our way up to our cabin on the seventh deck.

When we reached the cabin, Tom and Lauren went out on the balcony while I stayed inside, sitting on the bed with Jill.

"So where are you from?" I began with small talk.

"Northern Virginia," Jill answered, "and given the nature of our courtship, I'll choose to get no more specific than that."

I smiled. "That's fair enough. Have you been cruising long?"

"We've been on several cruises. We find it relaxing getting away from the kids. Raising two teenage girls is a handful, though our girls are wonderful."

"I bet they are."

"Yourself?"

"First time cruising, and no children."

We stared awkwardly at each other for a couple of moments.

"Sean, would I be right in saying you've never done this before?" Jill ventured. She'd seen right through me.

"Well... I mean I'm not a virgin." I stammered.

"Obviously not." She paused. "Are you swinging for Lauren's sake?"

"Is it that transparent?" I asked rhetorically.

"Are you really okay with this?" she asked. "I don't want to do this if you're only doing it to make your girlfriend happy. It's only going to create issues for you later, and I'm not okay with that."

"Yeah, really I am," I said. "I've just got a lot on my mind." I tried to change the subject. "Are you doing this for Tom's sake?"