The Renewal of Joyce Carlton Ch. 02

"Joyce," Kim asked, "Will you go down on me before Ray and I make love?"

She rolled onto her back and I slid down the bed slightly, first, to her generous breasts. I had kissed them earlier, but now I really got into licking and manipulating her nipples as she gave herself to me. When both nips were standing a half-inch out from her body, I slid lower still and centered myself between her legs. I had never had oral sex before; perhaps it was fitting that it was with a woman that I adored.

I lowered my tongue to her slit and started to experiment with what felt good to me and what I thought might feel interesting to Kim. She started moaning almost immediately, a fact that I took as a sign that I was doing a few of the right things.

"Tell me what to do," I said softly to her.

"Oh, you don't need help," she said. "You're doing just fine. Oooooooooooooooh."

I continued, discovering features about the female anatomy that I never knew. I found her clitoris and started to focus on that area. Kim was writhing around almost uncontrollably. Then I remembered about the G-spot. I took two fingers and gently inserted them into her body. I started searching inside for some noticeable locale, but I had no idea what I was looking for.

Suddenly, Kim's back arched and she froze in her paroxysm of joy. She had just had an orgasm and I'd made it happen for her. I was so happy. I leaned in and kissed her clitoris.

Kim fell back to the bed in a heap of satisfied womanhood. "Oh, Darling, youare magnificent. I may never let you go home."

Ray lay beside us watching with great interest. Kim reached out and squeezed his arm then turned to me. "Go down on Ray. Make him hard for me -- for us."

I sort of knew what she meant, but I had no idea how to start. Ray saw my discomfort and pulled me to him and kissed me. "You don't have to," He said.

"No," I said, "I want to. I just don't know how." I reached down and held his partially erect penis in my hand.

"Move you hand up and down. Squeeze gently -- that's it. Cup the end sometimes, even rub it with the palm of your hand -- or against your breasts -- or your tongue."

I re-centered myself so I could focus on his erection. I tentatively lapped the side of him. "Yummmm," I said. He tasted like me, and I guess I liked that taste.

I sucked on him a little, but he wasn't very deep in my mouth. He said, "Put more of me in your mouth and be creative in using your tongue and your suction. Use your hand to pump me as you do this too. You can be a little rougher; I'm not that breakable."

I adjusted my movements to meet his suggestions. The more I tended to him; the harder and longer he became. I tried to take him all the way into my mouth at one point, but I gagged and figured that wasn't such a good idea.

Kim was watching us and stroking her clit. After I had made him exceptionally hard, she came in beside me and whispered, "Let me show you how to do a 'deep throat.'" With that, she lapped up one side and down the other then slowly took his rod into her mouth and lowered her head until her nose was tight against Ray's torso. She'd taken the entire rod into her mouth and throat. She rose up off him and looked at me with great satisfaction.

"You have to suppress your gag reflex. It takes a while to learn. You open your throat to him and then you can do it. Try again."

I did, but I still gagged. I looked helplessly at her. She said, "Don't try any more tonight. We'll try again some other time." She looked at me and then at Ray. "I need some cock. I want a pussy full of your cum -- oh, and I want orgasms. As many as you can deliver."

Kim mounted Ray. They made sure I watched as she lowered her pussy down his very erect cock. Then she started her ups and downs, moaning and groaning with pleasure as she rode him. Ray could make some movements to meet her, but she was clearly in control and had to do most of the sexual thrusting movements. That said, I could see that she could make him thrust deep into her vagina, making every inch of him disappear inside her. I watched their coupling with fascination and awe as their bodies slapped together.

After a few minutes of their intercourse with Kim on top, Ray somehow rose up lifting Kim with him. He reversed their positions and lay Kim down next to me and took over control of the union. He was rough, massaging her breasts with his hands.

Kim talked to him -- dirty talk, "Fuck me, Stud. Fill me with the big, beautiful cock of yours. Give me all your juice. Can you feel how the walls of my cunt squeeze you? Do like it when I make myself tight? Am I tight like Joyce? She loved your cock too. We both love fucking with you. You can fuck us anytime you want. We are your lovers -- your sluts. Just fuck us over and over and ... oh shit. Oh fuck, I'm going to cum."

Kim locked her legs behind Ray and yanked him down into her with all her strength. He kept driving his long shaft into her just as he'd done with me many minutes earlier. Then they came together. It was carefully choreographed, and not the awkward 'should-I-will-he' orgasms we shared earlier. Instead, they both practically disappeared into each other as their climaxes took them away to some deeply shared heavenly place.

Ray finally fell atop Kim, and they rolled to their side towards me. Ray remained coupled in Kim. I spooned behind Ray and wrapped my arms around him. I could smooth Kim as well and did. We all just hovered there in our bliss for a long time, and I heard Ray comment that he'd slid from her hole as his rod contracted. Then I seized the opportunity to return the favor that Kim had for me an hour earlier.

I slid down the bed and positioned myself between Kim's legs, and now I was the one feasting on the mixture of Ray and Kim. What a heavenly elixir. Surprisingly, I brought Kim to another orgasm as Ray cradled her in his arms. After her climax, I just rested my head on her thigh where I could inhale the scent of her sex. Heavenly!

I fell asleep; we all did. I awoke twenty minutes later about midnight. I rose and covered Ray and Kim with a sheet. The room was neither cool nor hot so I thought that to be a good compromise. I tiptoed downstairs where I'd left my clothes and then paused. Instead of just getting dressed and going home, I took a pool towel and went out the back door, dropping the towel as I slid naked and unbelievably satisfied into their pool.

I floated on my back and looked at the stars and the last of the waxing moon. I reflected on how silent the negative voices in my head had been that evening: no shame; no insecurity; no scolding; no whining; no warning. Was I winning? Was I gaining control over them?

After a while I dried off, slipped on my shorts and blouse and drove back to my condo. I went right to sleep and as I recall. I had a smile on my face.

*

The week swirled by. I became more comfortable 'dressing up' to go to work. It took longer, particularly with my hair and makeup, but it seemed worth the effort. I was having mixed feelings about the increased attention I was getting. I was now sure I'd met every male in the company; they'd each come by my cubicle at least once and made some attempt at conversation. As Kim had pointed out, some of them were more nervous about talking to me than I was to them.

I spent each night with Ray and Kim, and we repeated the pattern we had started on Monday evening. We did eat out a couple of nights and on Friday night, went to an outdoor jazz concert in one of the exclusive shopping areas of the City.

Wednesday of my 'first week' while at lunch I went to a bookstore and got a couple of books on fashion and the application of makeup. I was learning all this from scratch or from what Kim taught me. Kim approved of the books and on Saturday morning, after I'd stayed over night in their big bed after our sweaty lovemaking, the two of us sat in the nude perusing and reading them and pointing out things to each other. Then we experimented in her master bathroom for another hour. Girl stuff. What fun!

Saturday afternoon, we hit the shops again, this time being a little more down market, but looking for reasonably priced clothing that looked like a million dollars. We filled the back of my car and then headed back to their house to try everything on.

I was standing in Kim's living room in my thong comparing two blouses at arms length when Ray returned from his golf game and suddenly appeared in the door of the family room where we'd spread out my purchases.

"How nice," he said. "Am I too late or too early for anything?"

"No," Kim said from the modern chair she was seated in. "You're just right depending on what you want to do. We're ready for some wine ... and what ever shall we do for dinner."

I sashayed up to Ray in my almost nude state and planted a big kiss on his lips. "Thank you so much for last night -- and all the nights this week. You've made me feel so unbelievably special and loved." We kissed, and Kim came and joined us for a three-way kiss.

"Ladies, let me clean up from golf and I'll worry the wine and dine questions along the way. Give me about fifteen minutes," he said heading upstairs.

As the sun set, we were dining in high fashion at the Crab and Fin just off the exclusive St. Armand's Circle. Each of us was dressed the nines. We had a sidewalk table and were enjoying watching the throng mill by the restaurant - as they watched us. A rather skillful piano played provided some additional atmosphere for the outdoor dinner crowd.

Ray asked me over our salads, "Are you still fighting the voices? Are you getting the negative messages you used to?"

"Yes," I answered; "But not with the intensity or malevolence that they used to have. I wish they'd stop entirely. I probably say your mantra fifty times a day, but that number is going down. I'm also making up some of my own." I grinned at him to show I was getting the message.

"What about doing something 'social' each day ... something that takes you out of your comfort zone?"

I replied, "I get A's for that challenge. Monday I had coffee with a girl at work, and then some guy I barely knew took me to lunch. I haven't eaten alone all week, and most coffee breaks, I chat with someone. Further, every guy in the company has come by to say hello to the 'hot' girl in development -- me! It felt awkward at first and it's been all small talk, but I am mixing with other people."

Ray nodded approvingly then asked, "And your style of dress at work?"

"Exceptional," I stated. "I am far and away the best-dressed person in the building. Sometimes I feel a little uncomfortable. I mean I'm dressed like I'm about to go to come to a place like this with friends like you two, but I'm only at work."

Ray laughed; "Don't stop. This coming week watch how the other people around you dress and compare it to what last week was like. I bet you'll see a difference. People will start following your lead, especially the women. This in turn will make the guys dress better since they want to impress the women."

Kim nodded agreeably a big smile. "I think you can go a long time on what you've bought last weekend and this. Keep being the fashion hound. Don't back off for at least two months and by then, it'll be a habit and you'll do it all naturally. " Ray asked another telling question, "And how are you feeling about yourself? Are you worthy of loving yourself?"

I was quiet for a long time as I examined the feelings within. Finally I said, "I'm feeling better about myself, but I have a way to go. I can at least see the path now where I didn't even know a path existed. Ask me again in another week or so."

He nodded and sipped his wine thoughtfully.

"Joyce," he said after a few moments, "There's one thing I need to teach you. It involves the Law of Attraction. Have you heard of it?"

"Sort of," I replied. "I remember there was a lot of hype about some book about it a year or so ago, but I didn't read it."

"Here's the gist," he started. "What you really want you get. What you don't want -- well, you get that too. A moment ago, I heard you wishing the voices would change or go away and that you'd like to over power them. By phrasing it that way and thinking about it that way, you actually empower them."

"Huh," I said dumbly.

"The key to getting what you want is to visualize exactly what you want and then start applying yourself and your talents to get it. The Universe will rise to the occasion and help you achieve your goal."

I nodded. I could appreciate that logic.

"What's important though, is to keep negative thoughts out of your head. The Universe doesn't know the words 'no' or 'not'. So it'll give you what it thinks you're asking for. If you said 'I don't want to be poor' the Universe says 'Got it' and produces 'poor' for you. A silly example but I think you get the idea."

I replied, "So when I've defined myself as a social misfit -- even though that's not what I want, the Universe has said 'Oh that's what she wants' and made me a misfit?"

Ray nodded, "Yes. This is why it's important that we hold positive images in our heads about whom we are and what we want, and not negative images or thoughts about what we don't want. The Universe, or the Inner Power, or God if you prefer will try to give us both or either."

"So when I think I want the negative thoughts about myself and my self image to improve, I'm actually given credence to their validity and making those beliefs stronger in my head?"

Ray said, "RIGHT!" enthusiastically and then looked embarrassed as he remembered the surroundings we were in. People at several other tables turned around and looked at us. The three of us laughed, but I got the message -- stop feeding the voices with my wishes they'd go away; instead, focus on what life would be like without them.

As Kim listened attentively, Ray added some more ideas. "Joyce, you define your own happiness or unhappiness. It's the patterns in your head, not the actual events or outside things that make you unhappy. The old adage 'Change your thinking, change your life' is really truer than most people realize. You have the tough job right now of changing how you think about yourself, how you think others think about you, and how you think about others. The Universe is a pretty supportive and loving place; come at these ideas with that as a foundation and you'll create some much better thoughts for yourself."

I answered, "I know. I'm struggling."

Ray went on, "The things that disturb you are not due to things that happen, but your opinion about them. You've described yourself as a social misfit, a point I think worth talking further about, since I think you're wrong. I suspect it's not that you are or aren't a misfit, it's that it bothers you that is the issue."

I nodded in agreement.

He continued, "You need to commit -- to me, to Kim, to yourself -- that you intend to change who you are and how you think about yourself. Commitment causes all sorts of things to occur that would never otherwise have occurred. Make that commitment to yourself and things will start to change in your favor."

I looked at both Ray and Kim and stated firmly, "I want to change. I want to be a better person -- a person I like. I'm willing to pay the price to get there."

Dinner was served at that point and the conversation wandered away from how to change my life for most of dinner. Some friends of Ray came by the table with their spouses and joined us for coffee. I was surprised at how easily they accepted me, even when it was clear I was the third wheel to Ray and Kim. They were interesting people, and I enjoyed their presence.

Well, I thought I was a third wheel until after the group bid us goodbye and wandered on towards the parking lots. After they were out of earshot, Kim said, "The really liked you. They're glad you're 'with us.' They know we miss Stacy and had been looking for another companion to complete our lives."

I was almost speechless. "You mean you picked me -- ahead of time?"

"No," Ray said. "I didn't know you were the 'one' until we were at the State Park. Then I saw inside you for the first time and knew that you were loaded with potential. To tell the truth, I wasn't sure whether to mentor you or not until that afternoon. After we got back here, Kim knew right away; she later told me she knew instantly."

"Oh that makes me feel so good -- to be chosen, I mean. But ... I mean ... what about Stacy?"

Kim responded, "Stacy and I were both pretty insecure and naïve individuals when Ray found us. We didn't know each other. Ray found Stacy first and then me about six months later. He mentored both of us and helped us grow in ways we'll teach you -- self love, unconditional love, becoming outgoing, becoming successful, and all that requires and means, and our appreciation for spiritual things. I have an endless list of things I've learned."

She continued after making sure I was all right with the way the conversation had turned, "We both loved Stacy and she loved us -- in mind, body, and spirit. Well after she found her sea legs, she needed to go to the Bay area. That's where she is now working for an advertising agency -- she's their art director -- one of the company's executives. We miss each other. We actually urged her to go -- for all sorts of reasons. She knows she's welcome back anytime -- even with you here. I told her about you yesterday when we talked on the phone. I hope that's all right with you."

"I guess. I mean I don't have liens on you -- or Ray," I said.

"Oh, but you do," Kim insisted. "Once we committed to you, we stay committed. We will help you change to be the person you want to be -- unless you tell us otherwise. It's extra special now because we have a sexual relationship, but we'd be doing this even if that wasn't the case." She smiled at me lecherously and leaned towards me, "By the way, have I told you how nice your pussy tastes?"

I'm sure I blushed and looked horrified. I wasn't expecting the comment in the setting of the restaurant with so many people around. Ray laughed.

Kim then addressed an issue I hadn't even thought of yet. "Joyce, some day very soon one of your co-workers or some guy you meet will ask you for a date. What are you going to do?"

I sat back in my seat. At first, I hadn't the foggiest idea what to do. I blurted out, "Say no -- politely -- I guess."

Kim shook her head. "Not that we want you to sleep around, but you should go out on dates -- socialize. Immerse yourself in the social life you've missed, otherwise you'll always feel that you missed out big on something as you matured. Just look at the values and personalities of the people you date."

"But what if they want to take me to bed?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm sure they all will. You are 'hot' and 'hot' means there will likely be a wistfully sexual component to every date. You can ignore it or do something about it."

"What should I do? I'm so naïve in this area. Certainly I'm not supposed to sleep with every date?"

"Oh, heavens no," Kim laughed. Ray rolled his eyes and then held his hands in a little prayer. "If you really like the guy on the first date, kiss him goodbye. That can be more than just a peck on the cheek, but for you right now, something short of a full scale make-out session with roaming hands."

I nodded as I logged the information.

Kim went on, "Second date you might go a little further, a good make-out session but with groping going on outside clothing; this if you really like the guy and see the relationship going somewhere. Third date, you might do everything short of intercourse. Fourth date, pull out all the stops."

"But ... but what about you. I am committed to you, and I love you both -- more each day. You're helping me. I don't want to do something that will be wrong here. I'm on unknown ground. How will you feel?"