The Shared Drive

The following morning my alarm went off at seven thirty as usual. I climbed out of bed, dressed in my usual night attire of t shirt and baggy shorts. Scratching myself I ambled to the bathroom. Before I could get there, a figure streaked past, giggling and slamming the door in my face, "Sorry, need to go so badly! Won't be a minute," followed by another giggle. I waited patiently, heard the flush then the water running in the sink. The door cracked open and a tiny face with a mischievous grin appeared. She slowly exited the bathroom, dressed in a dark green plaid long sleeved pyjama jacket with matching ankle length bottoms, her feet encased in the ridiculously large and fluffy slippers. I just smirked and let her pass before entering and shutting the door. Half an hour later, shaved, showered and shining, I emerged to the smell of coffee, freshly brewed. I quickly went to my room and dressed for the day.

Coming downstairs I smelt toast, hearing the ping as the toaster popped its contents up. Ezz sat at the breakfast bar, carelessly swinging a leg as she studied her phone, a large glass of water and a slice of toast set before her. Looking up she smiled,

'Morning Jim, hope you slept well, I know I really did. I wasn't expecting too, but my head hit the pillow and the next thing, I woke and it was half seven."

I nodded and sat down at the other stool and placed two fingers through the handle of the mug of coffee she had made for me. I raised it and tilted it slightly as she looked at me, "Thank you, I need this." She nodded and casually bit into her toast, her eyes straying to her phone. " Interesting is it?" I asked.

"Just my mates, I've let them know what's happened and saying I won't be in today." She looked up and smiled. I just nodded and sipped my coffee.

"Do you want more than that?" I gestured to the toast, rapidly disappearing into her mouth.

"I usually just have a slice of toast and a piece of fruit."

"This isn't usual Ezz, do want an egg or something?"

"No, maybe just another slice of toast, I love this bread."

I stepped back to the toaster and loaded two more slices into it and flipped the switch. Going to the fridge I took out butter and a jar of marmalade, from another cupboard a jar of local honey. I saw her eyebrow raise and a hand move over to the honey jar. She took it and began to read the label. "Local honey, it's supposed to be good for relieving hay fever, as the bees are taking the pollen from the plants that cause sufferers problems in the area."

I looked at her amazed, "I don't remember it saying that on the jar!"

"It doesn't, I read that somewhere else." She shrugged her shoulders and put the jar back down on the worktop. The toaster pinged and I found a clean plate and dropped the toast on it. Taking it to the counter I offered it to her, she took a slice and looked at the honey. I smiled and reached for a spoon from the cutlery drawer, that and a knife which brought a grin to her face. Using the spoon she delicately dropped a large glob of honey on the slice, then placed the empty spoon on the lid of the honey. She licked her fingers and spread the honey over the slice with the knife, finally cutting the slice of toast diagonally. Placing the knife next to the toast, she raised one triangle of toast and bit into the end. She made a moue with her lips as she hummed in delight. Chewing steadily she consumed the triangle and once again licked her fingers.

Taking up the glass she drank some water and placed the glass back down. She moved for the final piece, pausing to look at me, "What?" I shook my head and proceeded to butter my slice. She picked up her toast and bit into it savouring the taste again, as I spread marmalade across the slice. Silently we ate, until she finished and slipped off the stool. Taking her plate and glass to the sink, she placed them in the plastic bowl. Returning she took the spoon from the lid, placing it in her mouth and sucked the remaining honey off it. Screwing the lid on, she walked over to the cupboard she had seen me take the jar from, she replaced it, spoon still in her mouth. Closing the cupboard, she went to the sink and placed the spoon in the bowl.

"Can I have a shower please Jim?" She asked, I nodded and she placed a hand on my shoulder as a thank you. She left me chewing my slice and went upstairs. I had left a large bath towel, hand towel and flannel in the room yesterday. I heard her move from her room to the bathroom. Finishing my toast, I drank my coffee and took the china and cutlery to the sink, where in quick order I washed rinsed and dried everything. Putting everything away, I waited for her to reappear. She returned some forty minutes later, washed and dressed, her hair wet but drying naturally, clad again in a hoodie and jeans, with the fluffy slippers finishing her ensemble. Todays hoodie bore the legend, Queen Bee-atch, with a large sparkly laughing bee embroidered across it. Standing up, I crossed the lounge;

"Just going to clean my teeth. Back in a mo." I said as I passed her. She nodded and pulled her phone from her pocket. I left and came back ten minutes later. I'd been impressed to see she had showered and then cleaned the splashes of water off the tiles and glass screen, her towel hung over the towel rail below mine and her flannel was draped over the top of the shower screen. Her toothbrush sat on the ledge above the sink and a small pink wash bag was parked on the window side, where Molly, my late wife, used to have her toothbrush and some of her other pots and potions. I nodded, it was all tidy, I like that. I have to admit that I was borderline OCD and liked things to be tidy and kept in order.

Going downstairs I looked at Ezz and saw her frown and biting her lower lip.

"Everything ok Ezz?"

"Uhh! Wha? Oh yes, fine, OK, yes good thanks." She appeared distracted, so I sat down and looked at her, not prying, but concerned. She looked at me and frowned, "Well OK, probably not so fine. I contacted my Dad, told him what happened, I have his mobile number and sent him a message." A tear appeared in her eye. "He said he was sorry but there's nothing he can do. Seems his "partner"," she emphasised this with her fingers, in the air, " is not willing to welcome me into the family home, so there's no chance of me staying there until Mum's well enough to come home." She shrugged and put her phone down. "Mum's right he is a wa...waste of space," she corrected herself. I grinned,

"Probably right with the word you were going to use. Anyway you are welcome to stay here for as long as you need too. Whatever you want Ezz, think it over, no rush, no pressure."

"Oh Jim, I can't keep staying here, it's unfair on you. Anyway what would the neighbours think?"

"Think what they bloody want, it's your safety and well being I'm worried about. You shouldn't be alone in that house. Not that you'll do anything stupid, it's what happens if someone else does. "

"Thanks Jim, that's really kind and thoughtful of you."

I moved to the lounge and reached for the telephone, I'd already looked up the number I needed and dialled quickly. A few rings and a pleasant female voice responded, I asked to speak to the Headteacher, and Ezz's head whipped round and her mouth opened. I placed a finger to my lips and winked. Ezz, blinked and waited nervously. I held for what seemed ages, I ended up walking up and down slowly waiting for an answer. Finally after a few squelching sounds a voice came out of the background.

"Julian Tait, Deputy Head, how may I help?"

"Good Morning, Mr Tait, my name is Jim Nottingham and I am a neighbour of one of your pupils, Esme ..." I looked at Ezz and mouthed "What?", grinning she said "Collins".

"Esme Collins," I almost shouted, "I'm afraid that her mother has had to go into hospital, an emergency admission, so Esme will not be coming into school today, or possibly the rest of the week."

"I see and how is Mrs Collins?" The voice asked in an incredulous manner. I started and felt my cheeks turning red.

"I'm sorry, do I detect a note of disbelief in your voice?"

"It's not unknown for pupils to use gullible family members or neighbours to..."

"Stop right there Mr Tait, last night I watched my neighbour stretchered into an ambulance, after trying to take her own life, leaving her daughter distraught on the kerbside. How bloody gullible do you think I am?"

"Oh!"

"Oh! Indeed. I think Mr Tait, that you should consider your attitude. As I say Esme will not be in for the rest of the week, I'm sure you can handle the paperwork your end, is that clear?"

"Perfectly."

"Then I'll say good day then, Good Day!" With that, I clicked the phone off, leaving Julian Tait, I assume, listening to white noise.

"Wow Jim! That told sugar slump what's what." She giggled and blushed.

"Sugar lump?"

"Tait! Tate and Lyle, they make sugar, everyone calls him that. It's ironical too as he such a sour miserable old... you know."

"Well that's that out of the way anyway. Right let's phone the hospital and see if we can get you in to see your mum."

I picked up the phone again and dialled the hospital. At the switchboard I explained who I was and that I needed to speak to the ward where Mrs Claire Collins had been admitted. There was a pause and then, I was told I was being connected. A few seconds of static, a brief ring and then a pleasant Irish voice told me which ward it was and who was speaking.

"Hello Nurse Hennessy, My name's Jim Nottingham and I'm wondering if you can tell me how Mrs Claire Collins is this morning?"

"Well Mr Nottingham, can I ask if you are a relative?"

"No I'm her neighbour and I'm helping her daughter Esme who is beside me and wants to know how her mother is."

"I see, one moment Mr Nottingham.? The line appeared to have gone dead and I was just about to hit the call end button and start swearing, when I saw that the time the call had taken was still ticking over.

"There just checking," Ezz nodded and stood beside me. The phone buzzed and clicked, and a male voice answered,

"Good morning Mr Nottingham., I'm David Dodge, Claire's Consultant. She has been assigned to me as I'm a Clinical Psychologist. My job is to help Claire overcome her emotional and psychological problems and steer her back to a more satisfactory view of the world. I understand that Claire has a sixteen year old daughter, erm, Esme, is that correct?"

"That's correct Ezz is standing beside me, she wants to know if she can see her Mum today?"

"Ahh, good, yes, I think that will be an excellent idea, the normality of the mother daughter relationship is an important point on the road to recovery. I think that the sooner we can begin this the better. How soon can you come in. What I want is to allow Claire and Esme to sit and talk, not necessarily through this episode, but just re-assert and re-confirm their relationship. My colleague will set everything up. I would like to talk to you though, if you feel able to do that."

"Perfect, I can have Ezz there is say forty minutes, is that too soon?"

"No that's perfect, I'll alert the ward staff, they'll buzz you in. Thank you Mr Nottingham, this is a long road, but the first step is the hardest."

"See you soon Dr Dodge."

"Looking forward to it, and it's Mr Dodge, although I do have a Doctoral degree as well."

"

Oops, sorry, see you shortly Mr Dodge."

"Yes you will, but don't call me shorty!" He said, referring to the catchphrase in a hit television show of the mid eighties. We both laughed.

I hit the end call button and smiled at Ezz, "We're going to see your Mum. Do you want to change or something?"

"No! Why aren't I dressed properly for a hospital visit?" She glanced down at herself.

"I'd lose the fluffy slippers!"

"You are such a funny man! OK, I'll get my shoes and shut the windows upstairs, see you in a minute."

Five minutes later we were in the car and heading to town and the hospital. Traffic, as usual, was murder, stop start, we once again hit every traffic light at red. Finally after forty minutes we found a parking space and walked into the main reception of the hospital. They then directed us to the ward, which took about fifteen minutes to find, since the building was a huge rambling structure with many interconnecting corridors. The old hospital had been completely remodelled and a new central core added, there were five different levels, stairs, lifts and ramps led off in all directions. Every corridor was exactly the same, white walls and ceilings, a wooden rail at about four feet off the floor, blue doors with grey squares and red numbering. Overhead hanging above us were signs indicating the block name and level, on the walls signs gave directions for the wards and departments.

It was a confusing, noisy, bustling mess of people, trolleys, porters and wheelchairs. Somehow we managed a) to stay together and b) find our way to the right ward. Running the last few steps, a clearly excited Ezz pressed the entry buzzer. A disembodied voice asked us who we were and who we were visiting. When we explained there was a small pause and then the door popped back from the lock. We entered and the door quickly moved to shut itself, softly clicking into place and the buzz of the lock engaging meant we were now inside the secure unit.

A nurse at the nurses station looked and smiled. Indicating that we should wait where we were, she dialled a number and spoke softly into the phone. Putting the phone down she smiled and held up one finger. We stood, Ezz biting her lip and looking anxiously round. A few minutes later a tall man, aged in his middle to late thirties; in short shirt sleeves with a stethoscope around his shoulders, came out of a side room. Smiling he came and introduced himself, shaking our hands.

He held Ezz's hand and told her to follow him, asking me to wait whilst he took her off to the side room he had just left. Ezz stuck closely to his side, then at the door, she turned to me and gave a hesitant little wave, I smiled and nodded. Dodge took her into the room. I heard a single sob as the door closed. A few minutes later, Dodge came out and smiled as he closed the door on the two women.

"Mr Nottingham, could you follow me please?" It was more a command than a question, but I felt compelled to accept his request. We walked in the opposite direction to Claire's room. A few doors down he stopped and gestured for me to enter the room on the right of the corridor. Inside, the room was painted in soft pastel colours and a few sofa's in complimentary colours were placed against the walls. The outer wall had a small window which looked into an internal courtyard. Dodge gestured to a sofa and took up residence on one opposite.

"Thank you for coming in," he began, I nodded and he continued, "Claire's condition is serious, but I think we can work with her and have her back into the community fairly soon."

"Is she OK? I mean physically, I know she'll be pretty fragile mentally, but how is she in herself?"

"Physically she's pretty tired, the stomach pump and the drugs used to keep her alert and alive have pretty much knocked her sideways. She's a bit undernourished and needs a pretty unrestricted diet to help her recover physically. As you surmise, her mind is in tatters. I don't think I'm telling you anything you can't guess, but she has low self esteem; including in this are issues with her physical image, she's also convinced she's a poor mother and that Esme would be better if she weren't around. She's worried about her debts and overall she's convinced everyone would be better off without her."

"They usually say that this type of thing is a call for help?"

"Probably, obviously she's highlighted that she needs help, but I think this was a genuine attempt to end it." He looked at me with a rum look on his face.

"How could she want to leave such a lovely young girl on her own?"

"I can't answer that, one because, firstly, I'm only just starting to develop a relationship with her and secondly because clearly there is an issue of you not being a relative and therefore out of the loop. I'm sorry, but unless Claire agrees to your involvement, I can't tell you any more than that."

"Thank you for being so honest, can I see her please?"

"Hmm, same problem, not family."

"As I'm looking after her daughter, Esme, can I see Esme?"

"Of course, that's perfectly in order, certainly you can see her, I'll take you there. Obviously you need to check that Esme is OK." He grinned and winked.

We left the room and walked back to the door which Dodge had originally come from. Opening the door he ushered me in. The room was again decorated with pastel walls and the single hospital bed, sat at the centre of the back wall. Ezz sat on a very large upholstered chair, looking like Alice in Wonderland after she shrank. She held her mother's hand and sat forward to listen to her talking. Ezz turned to me with tears in her eyes.

"Hello you; are you OK?" I asked as I walked towards her and noted the outline in the bed. Claire lay on her back her arm extended to hold Ezz's hand, the other arm and hand was draped over her chest, under which there was a standard hospital blue blanket. At the side facing me towards the bottom of the bed was a clear plastic bag, in which you could see her urine collecting. As small tube snaked from it under the cover. On the far side by Ezz there was a small bank of monitors, but no beeps or noises came from them, although figures and graph traces flickered over them.

Ezz's face returned to gaze at her mum. I went to her and standing behind her looked at Claire for the first time. She was pale and looked to be in pain. She tried to smile and say hello, but it was just a feint almost non existent susurration. I nodded and smiled. Ezz leaned close to her mother and whispered to her. Claire's eyes flickered and she nodded imperceptibly. Ezz sat back, looking round at me.

"Mum says thank you, for everything."

"You can tell her, she's more than welcome. Tell her I think she's beautiful, just like her daughter. Tell her she has so much to live for and so much love to give." I watched the tears well up in Claire's eyes. Ezz gasped and and looked at me.

"Oh Jim, that's wonderful," Dodge said from behind me. "You surely missed your vocation."

"Just telling the truth, as I see it." I walked away, opening the door and left the two of them together.

Dodge appeared behind me, "Are you going?" He asked and I turned to him a sarcastic grin edging across my face, but I bit it back and answered,

"No, I'm going to find a chair and wait for Ezz."

"Jim you could very well be the perfect person to give Claire some help towards a recovery."

"How did you think that one out?"

"You seem to have an empathy for Claire. She desperately needs someone to lean on and hold her up until she can walk on her own again metaphorically speaking."

"Not a position I want and need at the present, got enough of my own problems I need to sort out."

"Are they any more important than Claire's needs at the moment?"

"Oh that's sneaky! Look Doc. I lost my wife a while ago and it's an awful painful experience I want to forget. Claire would be a constant reminder of what I don't have, mentally and physically."

"You could then learn through each other, you're a few steps in front, and she could be a prop for you when the situation arises."

"I don't see any situation arising that won't harm Claire and leave me stranded." I looked at him with my best hard stare. He had the grace to blush,

"I just think that you would be a steadying hand at the tiller, just in case she falls back and loses her way."

"So many metaphors you just mixed up Doc. Look, I can't see her or Ezz in trouble and I really don't want them ending up here again anytime soon."