All Comments on 'The Son Who Loved Me'

The story was ok but the backstory was too confusing.

...but the sex was too short. After reading a page and a half about Crumb and friends, I would have liked to read more mom-son sex than just a few paragraphs.

The story is a great setup, but we need a lot less on Mr. Crumb and a lot more descriptive details on lecherous mother Janine and her boy Donnie, he of the big fat oversized cock and the heavy hanging loaded balls. How does Donnie feel as he's getting his young cock up the same cunt he came out of? How does Janine feel as her boy is blowing his young balls up inside her and shooting his mother a huge twatful of his creamy semen? Donnie's just realized the dream of plenty of sons, he's fucked a baby up where he was once a baby. He should be a young motherfucker bursting with pride. Is he? Or is he overcome with stupid feelings of "guilt." Inquiring perverts want to know.

First, you tried to develop a back story, but (probably because you didn't bother to go back and read through it for continuity) the back story failed on two levels: You alluded to some event of great significance, but never really bothered to elaborate on it. Also, what little bit of the mystery you DID reveal wasn't all that significant. AND, as others have already pointed out, you spent so much time trying to explain the back story, the ACTUAL story (this IS Literotica, after all) seemed to be neglected.

Next, have you ever heard someone describe a conversation as being like running laps? As in, you keep going around and around, past the same point, or points? How many times did Mom repeatedly mention that Donnie was her son? Hell, how many times did the waitress overtly flirt with Donnie without some kind of reaction or resolution? [If you're going to take the time to describe some woman openly flirting with a guy who's with another woman, there needs to be some kind of RESULT. Either A) getting a response of some kind from the guy, B) getting a response of some kind from the WOMAN, or even C) giving up. Get it? The waitress was superfluous to the story. She was like a bit of scenery doing laps around the rest of the story.]

What did this Mr Crumb gain from what all of his snooping, spying, innuendo, etc? Did he get some kind of sexual gratification from Mom-Son sex? Did their screwing give him leverage with his business negotiations? What was the point? You might have explained that he got off on getting people to give in to hedonistic pleasure, or that he'd once had an incestuous relationship and liked to get others to engage in incest, or pretty much anything to reveal why he was motivated to act as he did.

All the allusions to impropriety were because of...?

I don't write this to be mean. I don't write this to bash your story. If you want a story to succeed, and to be be better received by readers, consider the points I brought up (and there are many more, but I don't care to spend an hour going over all of them), and try to do better next time.

more chapters 5 stars

liked the story, but they place the cork on the table to show that it's wet meaning the wine was properly stored.

This one just tipped the iceberg, literally! We simply must have, at least, a sequel and, hopefully, a series!

Okay, mom and son have an affair. How will they end up, besides in 69? Who wins the company?

Thanks Don

I agree with all that Jones said, but additionally, the story was woefully in need of someone to correct many gramatical mistakes that really bogged down any flow to the story. I urge you to get an editor here on Lit. They are free and, if these many errors were corrected, the flow of your story would be much improved and you would then be able to have some real pride in your writing. Please take these comments constructively.

I want the rest of the story, where mom's pregnant and Donnie has a great job with a international company, and Janine gets a very good settlement from her husband when she divorces him.

At least that's how I would want the story to end.

Thanks for the great read.

Hey, you simplemindeds out there, this is only a simple fuck story. There is only one way to stick a dick in a corn hoers whole, all these stories are same o same o. But you incestuous morons out there, gripe of spelling errors, like this guy has a chance to make millions off a simple fuck story, and you think he had better get his grammar perfect. I thought the story was good. Who even gives a fuck if he mispells a few words. Good grief, person after person after person has long complaints of grammar. If you make a complaint keep it short. If you see a complaint on grammar, will you people out there not write another complaint. You see, when i READ ONE COMPLAINT, THAT IS ENOUGH, SO DONT KEEP MAKING DAMN COMPLAINTS.. There is a scale, and some of you people feel worthless, for you feel lower on the scale than someone who you feel is doing better than you, so you think the only way to make yourself feel better, to make yourself higher on the scale, is to put someone down. If you people are so into grammar, get a teachers job, or write a bestselling book.

It's ok to use pronouns instead of saying the person's name over and over. She, her, him, etc.

Would have loved if it included more than a few paragraphs of sex.

lol, I think Anon fapped one too many times to mindless sex stories and had a keyboard aneurism over -- of all things -- grammar! Hahahahahaha!

To many names