All Comments on 'The Start of Something'

But just petered out with no emotion. One of the triggers about cheating stories is the illicit conflicted feelings it stirs up in those engaged in the cheating, and the jealousy and anger in the cheated upon. Casually accepting the snogging and roaming hands makes it banal. If they don't care much, why should we? The most erotic stories put the reader inside someone's head. Simple description of the tryst, "Both hands went to her pussy, which I now saw was completely devoid of hair" doesn't really do it. We want to be know what he thought and felt, not just what they did. The follow up line "not very usual in those days, so far as I knew " was cold water one everything as is suggested this was a novelty, like seeing a tattoo below her navel. It would have been better to say what a shaved pussy meant to him.

So for all of that, the writing was well done, you have some talent there.

Chilley

Why not warn your readers when it's going to be disgusting. You will get "1" bombed a lot for that.

Without some explanation, that makes no sense. I don't seen any correlation of that with the story. I was enjoying the story until then. However, what does that have to do with the story. You might as well of said, "On the way home, I realized that most children attend school." That would fit the story just as well. Therefore, what might have been 5 stars, I rated 3 stars.

Never, ever make a sudden change without telling your audience what and why.

This was too abrupt all the way across the page.

Suddenly, he's on his way to her house; suddenly, she's leaving for Australia; suddenly, his marriage is shot; suddenly, she's asking for a divorce.

Your life must be one of contestant, unreasoning surprises.

You've got to tell the story, not publish outlines!

Passion and Lust to downer.

Coins a new phrase in my mind, Unerotica