All Comments on 'The Surprise Ornaments'

You flipped from third-person perspective to first-person at the beginning, which was odd. Personally, I prefer to read stories written in first-person, so I liked it regardless. Aaron definitely felt alien, so good job there. I would suggest that a little more focus on the physical sensations would strengthen your writing, draw the reader deeper into the fantasy. All in all, a promising start for your first submission. Keep it up!

I liked your story! The golden spotted balls and vibrating penis were clever touches. My only recommendation would be to find yourself someone who can do some proofreding/editing next time as there are some grammatical things that detract from what you are trying to say. Keep writing!!

Editing is a good thing as well

I am so glad to have feedback! Yes, next time I will use an editor. And next time I will give you much more! Fun to learn. I purposefully did not read other works before I wrote so as not to be influenced but now I realize how hot you all write!! Please keep the comments cuming and I don't mind if you don't edit them, LOL!

What a fun story, keep it up.

Real creative. Do more.

Flipping from third person to first person was a bit of a distraction.

It seemed like they got undressed a bit too quick. Maybe describe the feelings of why she wanted to go right at it. Was it the affect from his alien aura? Just overly horny? Both? Expanding on that would have helped to build the tension.

When you describe his penis as "triple edged" I'm not quite sure what you mean. Did you mean it had three heads or the tip was pyramidical in shape? I think I know what you meant, but a more vivid description would have helped the story along. Though a three headed penis would have been pretty interesting and quite wild.

The dialog between the two characters was a bit weak.

I liked the idea that the alien's semen had an hallucinogenic/intoxicating affect on humans. I would have played up on the affects of his semen on her.

I love this line you wrote, "As I pushed against the vibration my G spot lit up like a rocket..." I sincerely love that line, great choice of wording.

I know I seem a bit critical, and I apologize for that. Overall, it's not a bad effort for your first time. Definitely read some more stories to help your ideas along. Keep writing, you seem creative and I think you have a lot of potential.

But it was supposed to have a larger space drop to warn of it. Please keep your comments and suggestions coming. They're well received and very helpful. I learn fast and only hope to really get better. Everything turns provocative inside my head and its a funny occurrence that started this story. Thanks!

I don't normally like sci-fi takes, but this one was interesting.

Pretty good read, sounds like the author has a secret love from Oregon, they are aliens arent they?

Get your kicks on...love and peace!

Erotic, sweet AND romantic. Great story - thank you from a first-time commenter. :)