All Comments on 'The Survivors Ch. 01'

There's not enough words in a dictionary to describe your story. It's well written, really well written, the characters are loveable and even believable which doesn't happen too often in that kind of story. Even your trained assasin is a guy anyone could wish to know :))

Hope you'll have plenty more chapters to come, can't wait to read what's next

A very well written story, refers to a often used premise but brings new life to it.

Really Really GREAT story. Loved it and hope you add 300 pages.

The writer doesn't have enough concentration.

Or simply, he or she doesn't care what one's writing.

The story is fairly well written, and has the potential to be better. I like the premise of the storyline. I hope that you continue with the series. Also, remember that spell check does not catch every mistake. For instance, there is an 'and' instead of an 'as' within the first portion of the story.

I love the premise...old one but a good one. I can't wait to hear more.

This has all the right ideas and all. It feels like something out of Resident Evil or what ^^ The reason I gave less for this was just because I think this could've been better given more words and slower storyline, analyzed event-per-event and generally just give more impact to those who read it :) I love this so far. I just feel like I could've loved it more ;) Keep working on this!

very nice start.

I wanted to hand you some constructive criticism about this story because I think it has the bone structure of something good. I agree with the writer above who said that it is remotely close to Resident Evil.

Firstly, you have some simple typos - have in one place where you meant gave and my instead of by somewhere. Two things that stuck out to me.

Secondly, something that's even more important, it feels like you're rushing the story and that you're drifting around a little aimlessly. I love this assassin being grabbed up in this plight, but let him in on it a little better. Okay, so he meets this girl at the Wal-Mart. What does he feel when he finds out that humanity has been threatened? I mean... think of it, the drastic quality of it. It's a guy that kills for a living finding out that almost everyone IS dead. How does he feel? Structure feelings the same way you'd structure your story.

It's the same with the girl. Her sister-in-law was just horribly mauled to death. Doesn't she feel something at all? Even after the shock and the trauma has worn off and she's gotten over her initial reaction to meeting this guy, doesn't she feel something about it? And her falling into bed with the guy on the first night after her husband had been killed only a week earlier, that too seems very illogical. She may be good with a gun, which is an excellent touch (loved the ducks!), but if she had any love for the man she married, it's a little hard to believe she's just hitting the sheets with this new guy the day they meet up.

The Sandra situation was good, we got some true insight into the character's feelings, but I wanted more development there. When the girl was explaining the 'Hellbug' to him, wouldn't she have already mentioned that once bitten you change? It seems strange that she would have ignored that so it brought the continuity of the story into question.

Finally, the story could really benefit from a good edit for details. Sights, sounds, smells, touch... give us more! What you have here is the outline of a story that could be really substantial. Don't be afraid of length. -smiling- It's all good!

Good luck with it, it's a great start.

Let me know what you think of the improvements. And be sure to read Chapter 02. Now posted and available!

I didn't read version one, but I'd query the comment about 'hitting the sheets' so soon after her husband died. From what I've read elsewhere, I gather that sex is not an uncommon response to violent death...

And I'm looking forward to Chapter 2!

I can't wait to read the next chapters in this series! Thank you!

Loved it. Pure action. Thanks a lot.

Talk about something to hold your attention! Almost get your heart pounding. With a badass hero who has the gals. And Rambo is a pussy -- love it!

This story rocks.

Paul in Oklahoma