All Comments on 'The Things You Make Me Feel Ch. 11'

Very pleased with the ending......thank you! Glad to see you back writing. Cheers!

Damn you for putting this out in the middle of the most frenzied Friday I had in more than seven years! Now I have to wait for the whole weekend to get some piece and quiet to enjoy this masterpiece to its end....damn you!!!

P.S. It's probably a 5 though...

Gonna be another Bro/Sis story or another kink in the fetish? or something different?

Nice ending as well, good job.

An awesome story, loved it from the first chapter all the way up to this one. You teased a swapping scene with Oliver, Ellie, Kara and Dave, maybe an epilogue?

Last page sentences:

He sang with a croon so heartfelt, his voice reverberating down the narrow paths.

The full moon cast just enough light on the water as it gently rippled away from them, making way to the timeless vessel. It was as romantic as it comes.

-These are jumbled thoughts and quickly written sentences with no concern for grammar. If you are going to explain something, you better learn to write it perfectly. I can picture the scene, but not because you did a good job of painting the picture, but because I can figure what you meant with your pasted together words. If you broke down the sentences into parts, they'd not mean what you meant them to mean. Get a better editor and the story will be a lot better - I'm not saying it's bad - but it's like a hockey stick with a half a blade and that makes your writing difficult to enjoy.

great story from beginning to end.thanks for this chapter

I'm not really sure. Personally, I think you started out with good intention and content for the first two thirds of this 'finale' but then lost focus or maybe thought you couldn't be arsed anymore and rushed the ending. Perhaps you wanted to leave certain aspects open for our own imagination or interpretation but it's still way too open ended for my liking I'm afraid.

Still epic though. Congrats.

You do a lot of this:

---

"You're my brother."

It was a simple statement but one that carried great sentiment.

---

Once you've typed 'you're my brother' we understand what that means. We get the feeling of what Oliver is saying and why he is saying. You don't need to tell us twice and weaken the strength of the initial phrase.

A few other examples of where you explain a situation when you don't need to

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They laughed, both extremely emotional

After an awkward minute of which neither had spoken, not with their mouths at least, Alice bit on her lip, seemingly torn about something.

Ellie studied her mother's aching face, and rage began sipping from her.

(And the next two paragraphs under that line)

--

There are examples from every chapter, but since this is the last, I felt like saying it here. What you have your characters saying before the above lines is enough for the readers to understand how the characters are feeling. Trust your readers and trust yourself. They say 'show, don't tell' I believe a writer needs to do both as it it fits, but you show AND THEN tell right next each other. It's no good. I mean, it's like writing a sex scene and saying "He's fucking - with his dick, he's fucking her with his dick in case you readers didn't understand that's what I meant.

Since this is, I'm imagining Jack calls the law in Italy where incest is illegal if it causes a public scandal - wiki'd it - and with social media, he destroys Ellie's and Oliver's happy life. After eight years in jail, they get out and want revenge, but can't go to the US because their incestual fame is world wide by now. (That's some drama for you).

Agree with the other guy who suggested an epilogue with the swapping scene that Kara mentioned. Mainly because I would have wanted to see Ellie and Kara getting it on in the middle of it, lol!

I appreciate those who took the time to rate and comment. It hasn't been easy for me to finish the chapter with everything that's been going on in my life the past two months, but I'm glad I finally did. I see some of you have taken issues with the editing in the chapter, and so I'll try to address you as best as I can.

This is a free work of erotica. My editor doesn't get paid, and he does it out of the kindness of his heart. He isn't a professional editor, either, and in a story of this magnitude, they are bound to be a few glitches. Naturally, we strive to give you the best experience there is, but bear in mind, we are only humans in the end. I'd like to think you're setting the bar as high as you do is because of the general quality of the story, and so I'll take it as a compliment, although I do wish you could focus more on the positives and on the story itself, especially now that we reached the end.

Regarding the rudimentary "Show; not tell" guideline, I am quite familiar with it, and I don't think it's fair picking on the rare occasions where I didn't perfectly abide to it and make it sound like I haven't got any grasp on it. If you indeed read the entire story, you would see that I often leave things unexplained and let the situation or the actions of the characters do the speaking. If I at times drop the ball, it certainly not due to lack of understanding of the concept.

Re: Epilogue, you'd be surprised, but the sex scene at the hot tub was originally very different, with Kara and Dave staying in the hot tub while Ellie and Oliver were getting it on. Kara and Ellie sorta started competing against each other on who would take it farther with the brothers, and it escalated to Kara fucking Dave right in front of them, and then Ellie fucking Oliver in response. The scene focused on the girls, as they kept glancing at each other and try to up each other while the brothers remained clueless. I eventually scrapped it, not because it wasn't hot, but because it didn't feel to me like something Ellie would do. She's not completely uninhibited.

Where we go from here: I have a big story in the works, and it's like nothing I've written before. The main focus is on bro/sis, but there's other stuff going on, as well. It's not going to be for everyone, I can already tell you that. The first chapter has no incest in it, and the second has no erotica in it. It's a story that would work much better as a single release, but I will still post the chapters individually, in part because it's only written halfway. Those in for the long haul, will get something special, I think. The first chapter will be posted as soon as next week, so keep an eye open.

Don't get so offended when someone points out something that's true. You didn't see it in this writing, but now maybe you will in the next. If it helps it helps, if it doesn't help, who the fuck cares.

Guess this is it for Oliver & Ellie story, better a bit late than no closure at all so don't worry if real life took priorities. I withhold my opinion since Ch. 2 and marathoned the whole series early this morning (miss my sleep now) so off to the review:

1. Characters - it's painfully obvious you invested a lot of time & effort into the characters of this story, even the side ones, and it mostly payed off. Of course the two main characters showed the biggest growth yet retained some of the major flaws that make them both human and quite annoying to me personally. Oliver never fully cured his fear of loosing his partner (be it wife or sister) or his need to control where his daughter(s) is at every moment of the day, in itself it's understandable and he did take steps in the right direction later in the series but it would have been a nice touch if he finally dropped it before the final chapter. Make him go through a personality & physical change while being gone was a nice addition that drives his continuous changes when he came back, though it might also be the downfall of his character as it was over used in the first half of the series. He & Ellie both share a trait of sexual development (and I'm not talking about screwing each others brains out every time) where they developed fetishes and sexual addictions not present before their relationship bloomed - not sure how to justify it since people don't usually change so dramatically just from getting it loads and loads except maybe hate-fuck (not a fan of that though). The other character trait that stood out and held 'till the end was Jack and his refusal of acceptance of his siblings hooking up, this was something I was hoping to see and it reassured the credibility and real world aspect of personae in the story (not everybody denounces their morale so easily, even for a family member). Jason being so down to earth was another pleasant surprise, then again what would an outburst or "slut-shaming" really bring him. Despite all of the above I still can't really come to like Ellie, for some reason her actions and justifications leave a bitter aftertaste almost every time she makes some major decision (might be just me but she never really lost her bitch attitude that made her so annoying in the start).

2. Story - this being your second bro/sis story there are of course tons of similarities and people will always compare your stories to your first one so do permit me to do the same. The motive itself isn't bad and it did breathe lots of fresh air into the incest section here while on the other hand plot devices like sister playing the heart strings of brothers heart to get her point across was overused almost to the breaking point (even more than with Brooke). Overall setting was well used and executed to the pint that locations, settings, circumstances and events came over as very believable and one could really immerse oneself in them. But once more the trouble of hate/love relationship between the MCs was obvious as they could barely stand next to each other in the earlier parts (pretty much like SB storyline after that dinner). There were also many foreseeable moments that somewhat spoiled the experience since I could see them from miles away like the inevitable fight with Jack, Ellie getting pregnant, tension between girlfriends for Olivers affection (though you did dodge the bullet there with the Vegas wedding), siblings moving to Italy and of course the parents acceptance (or rather coming to terms with it all). On the other hand there were some very shocking moments that did take me by surprise but most of them in a bad (or VERY BAD) way, mostly that bad dream that confused and almost turned me off from the story completely. I usually like surprises and look forward to them so do not take that as a sign that you shouldn't do them anymore, it's just a personal thing that either hits or misses it's mark. The ending was sweet and it's nice that you kept you promise of a happy ending but nonetheless is still does feel slightly unfinished, might have to do with real life problems of lack of time so hopefully you touch up on that in a revised version someday.

3. Presentation - this part gives me the most problems since I know that it could be a lot better (you working with Anomic is a dead giveaway in case you're wondering). I have no problem with stories in lots of chapters, I have no problem with long chapters (as long as they aren't wasting time and space to fill them), I really enjoyed the presentation on the outside but the problem this time comes from the inside. You structuring of sentences and (sorry to be so direct here) far too often stating the obvious fact somewhat diminished the whole reading experience. I know and fully understand you (and Anomic) do this for free and personal enjoyment so I don't expect Pulitzer or Aurealis style of linguistic perfection or anything. It's just that those small thing really make or break the flow of a story and one so intriguing might not die off if you approached her with a bit more free-hand approach to explanation and narrative.

4. The sex - while it's the part that interests me the least in any story it deserves at least a bit of mention this time. While for the most part it did come off as hate-fuck between people who adamantly refuse to admit their affection for each other it had its sweet moments here and there. Various fetishes and throat fucking aren't my cup of tea so I mostly skimmed over them, the passionate love (be it to clearly admit their love or just to soil their moms car) on the other had helped drive the narrative forward. Across the story sex was applied in just the right fashion and quantity not to devalue the story and make it a wank-fest of epic proportions. Thanks for that!

5. Score - considering all it was yet again a very enjoyable story that delivered literally everything from open hostility to pure and "forever type of" love between sister and brother. There were many ups and downs in equal fashion as in every story, surprises of all shapes and sizes, moments that made me really think where all this is going and moments where I though "See, I told you it'll happen like 5 pages ago". When all is done and said I'm presented with a dilemma - I really do want to give you a 5 but all the above doesn't permit me to do that. So in the end I give this chapter a solid 4,7* and the story as a whole a 4,35*. Hopefully that gives you some idea where to step up your game in the upcoming works.

As always I'll gladly offer more insight should you so wish and I'm already looking forward to the next (promised) work!

"greygirl" in Chapter 9 comments summed up your writing so no need to repeat . Don't do "show ; don't tell " its too risky , the writer ends up reading the story they want not what you intend . Besides you write with a sense of humour such that repeating or emphasizing the obvious is never suggesting your readers are dumb but simply part of your humour with words . Also how you play with expressions , words and grammar is entertaining , thats why the Urban dictionary is now more popular than the stuffy old-english ones . Lastly the swingers here are just getting greedy , they should go back and read the 'Dream' in Chapter 10 and get their fix. I agree with Bmatter , the main couple are not that sort of people , they are in love not kinky and depraved . How can you go through all that shit to be together and end up swinging at the drop of a hat , the ass thing was actually pushing it too close so our kinky swingers here should be satisfied with that .

Still though Bmatter I bet you a dollar that one day you will comeback and push this story some more ( no cheque pliz I want it in Bitcoins ) lol . It has exhausted you for now but its just too good to let slumber .

Great Alice storyline Bmatter , you had neglected her a little yet she was disturbed by the new Oliver similarly to Ellie . Ellie was her close friend but just like Dan , O was her favourite as well . She gave herself away every time she broke down before Ellie about O and her comment about O doing well with females was more an inclusive comment than a snipe . Ultimately she had come to the same conclusion as Kara that if there was a brother who could mess with a sister's head , it was her son . Getting her to catch them and milking Ellie for lurid details would actually be very therapeutic for her .

I think Ellie was very credible and lovable despite all her faults . Beautiful heart as well despite cheerleader status . O was right though that her falling in love theory was not totally correct . A less attractive Ellie could have found herself in the same predicament , emotionally the two fell in love before O left . The three flashback scenes , the pool with Ricky , the car from school and the airport all demonstrated entwined hearts connection (it was telling that only Ellie saw him off) . Then the fight on the day of his return was that of lovers than close people who neglected or wronged each other . And as Ellie herself confessed , the sex was good because they were in love with each other not just that O had become physically appealing . Anyway , Ellie's epiphany of how much she loved him and what she thought Bianca saw and felt proved that as well .

Jack , was actually always jealousy and felt threatened by O from before O left . Again the pool scene with Ricky , shows Jack felt entitled to be the 'alfa male' in the family behind Dan . But he was perplexed how a younger , quieter and fat kid commanded immense dignity , love and respect than him in addition to being smarter than him . Not to forget that Jack could see O already had Ellie in the bag or at least in his conner by then . Jack was conflicted on O's return , on one hand O was more refined and had had extensive life experiences that could not be matched but Jack , however Jack was still hopeful to snatch away or retain 'alfa male' status from O as he felt O had messed up by his absentia and secret daughter . He was sure the tag of the blacksheep of the family would stick to O and himself patriarch in waiting . Also , Jack had always aspired for a closer relationship with Ellie , and the discovery devastated him . He is holding out not for moral grounds but because he thinks O is again getting away with murder and not just that , but that O is already taking over the leadership of the family from a complicit Dan . As Ellie eloquently put it to Dan , O might as well been the oldest out of all the siblings . This is a fact Jack cannot reconcile with himself , he is hell bent the throne should be his . In the end only one person can make him give in and see sense , Dave .

Francesca is gonna love Ellie more than she expected , practically make her her other daughter . Antonio will have a closer than expected relationship with Dave . Alice will make up with Francesca when she appreciates how much she loves and helped O in his crisis period . Dear lord Ellie will have to keep four eyes on that bitch Kara , thats not a thing to say and repeat even if you are drunk , lol . Ellie should also keep another eye on Alice who should stop reading incest stories and watching her daughter friend getting busy , she is on a very slippery slope ( we know about O's volatile pheromones ) . Whatever is or was going on in your life Bmatter pliz stay strong . You inspire people you have never met with your talent , don't take that for granted how important it makes you . Ok I shan't get all teary and sobby but thanks and keep it up. By the way this was a 5 , crispy 5 . Bring on the new journey!!!! ( the bet still stands though that you will come back to this ).

Awesome story! wish you would continue ir but I understand.

A solid 5 from me.

Very realistic to have Jack and Gena not on board with Ellie and Oliver. In real life, we rarely all get happy endings and with those two, it's not realistic to hope they would have accepted things as they were.

Always loved the idea of Ellie loving Oliver like this as soon as he returned. You put plenty of plausible roadblocks in their way and you didn't make it too Pollyannish in how you resolved things: they took their lumps and were willing to go it alone and others realized they would have to compromise and accept things. It largely worked and it seemed credible how you dealt with it. You always detailed their sex the all-in kind of way it should have been for two that were so far beyond normal love.

Good touch on getting Oliver therapy for the PTSD and like (shouldn't have to say it but I will) in real life, people deal with that and manage it but never truly get past it. Some pain and some ghosts haunt us the rest of our lives--even if we didn't cause them. Now there were times I felt you used the story circumstances of the constant doubt with Ellie and Oliver to pull them apart--that was really the story's weakest link. Once Ellie left Jason, Ellie and Oliver should only have to face the rest of the opposition: Oliver's PTSD; the family's consternation; possible societal shunning and basically that's more than enough. For the most part, you presented this reasonably except for the excessive pulling Ellie and Oliver apart when it wasn't due to expected outside factors like I named.

How you chose to end it was solid. It made sense to move to Italy and even create a startup where they'd have a great return on investment--especially under Antonio's financial genius. It felt like you neglected Francesca some however, but she had enough to say to make her presence felt and that sufficed.

I look forward to more installments of whatever else you may write. Keep at it!

I commented earlier that I didn't thnk TTYMMF didn't need another chapter, and I think that my statement still stands. But I found the epilogue to be enjoyable if not totally necessary. One of the things that really grinds my gears is the stupid shit people bitch about in the comments. Some people really have it out for BlackMatter.

I have said this time and time again and yet here I am at 1 a.m. commenting on the latest installment of what can only be known as the best story on this site, that you are a amazing author. Loved the ending, now time to just re read the whole thing again. I would love to type more praises (as this story deserves it) but realistically if I don't get to bed anytime soon, I'm not getting up for college tomorrow.

I see a lot of badly written stuff here from grammar , structure right through to story-lines yet at the bottom you do not see these people commenting their complaints and lectures at all . Justified criticism is one thing but to be way off your rocker with it is another . Anyway link us to what you have written thats better than this author here all you critics of his so we can asses your "show ; don't tell" I think its just an empty cry for relevance by failures . This is a 5 too .

oh boy youre going to write another brother/sister drama fest where they want to dont want to and argue and the sister goes through pain during sex and a boyfriend who loses the sister and family that get it and dont or are you going to abandon the story guide youve stuck to this entire time

The grammar in this story is terrible, but most people don't know anything but basic rules and they fuck those up all the time. So what about the grammar and structure and everything else that is flawed: if you like it, you like it and that's what matters.

Huge fan of your writing and can't wait for the next adventure!

... the new story? I've been waiting for it all week. Please tell me it has already been submitted! 🤐

-

But are you sure you're ready for it? :)

We're waiting your next story. If it already written, why dont you publish it already?

I've been waiting for the 2nd chapter, then you deleted that story! what the fuck dude! don't listen to the pieces of shits' comments, you and anomic are great writer, best on this site! you and anomic should win the contest money not that fat dad or other shit writers, and people only vote his story cause he's dying for real lmao, sorry for bad english huh

...happened?? Pardon my being crude, but i was already invested in Save Me. Please, please tell me you're re-writing and re-posting that story! Don't leave us hanging!

- BSF

A very good ending BM, so glad you tied up all the loose ends. Looking forward to your next "erotic novel"

Very well done and thank you.

Hands down the best story on this site!

Legend is sleeping.

Best story I have read till now...

All hail the writer

The is comment represents all chapters

I have never read such emotional heart wrenching story.its best , man.the struggle between the emotions to save their love and the pressures impending on us for loosing the love is depicted perfectly.no story ever touched this type of emotion.may be they touched but not to its core. The struggle between mind and heart I just awesome. This is a story with real life scenarios.

Their minds too conflicted to understand or to grasp the intensity of their emotions.

This comment is waste of time , man. We know you the best and you know are the best.

But one suggestion, the situations are too real .there should be some fun , you know. It doesn't hurt to have flirtations.and it would be exciting.the emotion is great but if there is no fun , we might get bored. There are so many situations bin which we feel that way. In precise what was exactly boring is the romance part. The romance , the dialogue, the emotion all are well in place, but overdoing the sex part .it is too long . I know it's a fantasy, but it's just too long.

Simply we need flirting. I know they are confused , terrified. This is all knew to them. Not the open hitting or flirting. Unintentional double meanings, insinuations , unintentional touchings.

Simply we want unintentional flirting.its what missing in the story.

I know it's one of the best incest stories. I mean top 10 like that.

And don't know your previous stories but I suggest you to include flirting in your next story.

I mean only and only between the main roles.like Ellie and Oliver. Not like Dave and Ellie.

I only representing what is not best in the story.

What are not in this comment you can assume are all best.

Hey, it's been a while since you last edited or uploaded. If I remember correctly then I recall that you had something finished so when you are gonna upload it?

Stuck on the last scene, but I should release it soon. It's going to be a 3 or 4 part story,

and each part should have 3-4 worth of chapters.

..do we have to wait?

My beta readers are going over it, so I should have it submitted in the next couple of weeks. It's long though, like 15 Lit pages. And it's only Part 1.

I found this story and could not stop until I had read it all. You have some serious talent here. I enjoyed it a lot with all the twists and turns you put in it. Keep up the good work!

This was definitely an addictive story. All the ups and down and was very easy to see and feel how the main characters felt. The feeling of it being right even tho morally wrong. I’m glad their life ended the way it did. I think it was perfect from beginning to end. At the point of Kara’s dream, let me say, I was sooooo mad and upset. I was very confused at how they cld leave eachother after losing a child with the love they had for eachother, it didn’t feel right, I remember reading thinking this has to be some joke, the, Oliver and Ellie were way out of character, before I realized it was a dream. I can’t tell you how relieved I was when I found out it was a dream. And thank god for that. But I guess it was a good scare for a moment. Lol. Very enjoyable. Keep up the writing. I wld love to read more. I’ve read both of your stories and they are definitely my favorites. I look fwd to reading more. Best of luck!!

Love the story. Absolute page-turner can't wait to find out what happens next

First of all, well done. I thoroughly enjoyed your story, and I appreciate the time and effort you put into it. It shows.

I haven't commented on any of the previous chapters, as I feel it's unfair to judge an unfinished piece of work. Some of my comments below might sound harsh, but keep in mind that I gave this story 5 stars all the way through to the end.

I checked out chapter one back when you first posted it, but never made it past the first few paragraphs. I don't even remember why I stopped, but I'm glad I did because when I finally read it, all eleven chapters were done. I don't think I could have waited even one day for the next installment.

Your characters were amazing. They act like real people and they speak like real people. You did a superb job developing them. I think you really get people. You understand how they think and feel. In the first few chapters, while Ellie was coming to terms with how she felt about Oliver, she seemed almost bipolar. As annoying as she could be, I felt it was a very realistic portrayal of someone in her position. The prospect of throwing away everything and everyone you know and love for something that is both illegal and wrong, yet having absolutely no control over how you feel, is enough to drive anyone mad. The fact that Oliver never gave up on her I thought was also very realistic.

As good as the story was, it was not without it's flaws. Remember, NONE IF THIS KEPT ME FROM ENJOYING THE STORY.

It seemed as though you were really rushing to get each individual chapter written. Like you were typing really fast to get it done. Several times I noticed words were missing. This, on top of many spelling errors, disrupted the flow for me.

Overused words and phrases sort of spoiled the moment for me occasionally. For instance, the word lapped. I'll admit I'm not a linguist, and I've never taken a formal writing or language course following highschool, but I thought you were using the word incorrectly. I had to look it up, and of course you were correct. Because of my lack of familiarity with it's use though, it really stood out every time it appeared, which was a lot. While I am not a huge fan of using a thesaurus for the sake of sounding creative, I think you would have benefited from throwing some alternatives in there for that word. I know I'm being nitpicky, but like you said in one of your comments it's a good indication that your story was good.

The middle. A few of the chapters in the middle seemed like they could have really been pared-down and combined into one solid chapter. There wasn't a whole lot of story progression in those chapters, as a lot of what was told was very repetitive or was repeated sexual encounters that started to get a little redundant. Enough on that, I've gotten over it.

The dream sequence. That's all I have to say about that.

I thought the ending was very nicely done. It bordered a little too much on the fairytale "happily-ever-after", but after all the hell you put them through, I think they deserved it. I don't think you left any questions unanswered, except possibly the one involving Jack and Oliver's relationship, but I feel like you gave us enough information to draw our own conclusions. The flow in this last chapter was good. Definitely did not feel rushed.

All in all, a very enjoyable story. You definitely have a talent you should continue to explore and I'm really excited for your next offering.

Mike

I don’t have those feelings toward my sister, but HOLY SHIT!!! How could anyone not have those feelings about such a sexy girl???????

His comments were right on I felt. I will add that there was a chapter or maybe two that I did not comment on as I felt that the writing was "off" from the previous chapters. I also did not vote on those as I did not want to pull the overall rating down. I probably need to go back and re-read those or possibly the entire series.

As I had previously commented, the emotions and reactions especially during the family interactions was excellent; it felt (sounded) just like I imagined it would be in real life. Some of the up and down emotions like jealousy and suspicions between Ellie and Oliver got a little tiring during the series but things smoothed out. And i never did quite understand how a female that looked like Ellie could be so insecure.

This is a beautiful series overall. It was great that Ellie and Oliver eventually had the support of their family (if not complete acceptance) except for Jack. But maybe the self-righteous, holier-than-thou asshole will eventually come around. 5*. -dave

THE WHOLE STORY WORKS EXTREMELY WELL AND I LOVED IT IMMEDIATELY. AFTER FINISHING IT TWO WEEKS AGO I STILL HAVE THIS STORY IN MY HEAD. THIS IS NOT JUST YOUR AVERAGE FIND, FEEL, FUCK, AND FREE THEM EROTICA. I HOPE THIS IS NOT THE END OF OLIVER AND ELLIE. LETS KEEP GOING WITH THE FAMILIES, THE INSECURITIES, THE DRAMAS AND THE ROMANTICS OF THE STORIES... YOUR READER - JACK

This is one of the best stories on here by far

Really enjoyed it all the way through. I put this story off for soooo long, largely due to its imposing size, but in the end, I basically blasted through it in 2 days time.

The drama was absolutely great. Both the main characters are realistic, but in like a pessimistic sort of way. That aspect of it definitely grew on me once I came to terms with what you were going for. I definitely grew a bit weary of the sex scenes by the end of it, because I wanted the story to move along, but I totally get why they're there. The sex is, after all, kind of the name of the game. That being said, I would totally be up for a blackmatter story that went more towards something that Dreamcloud would have published on this site, if you know what I mean. And barring that, I'd obviously be up for anything else!

Really hope you're still writing! You've got something going here!

Very different from the reality of the relationship with my sister.We were forced to move away and the family never spoke to us again.My brothet told the police and we were both interviewed under caution.They didn't do anything except to say move away and start a life together where no one knew us.

We did,been together for 50 years never argue and love each other completely.Best decision we ever made.

It was strong, moving and loving as well as hated.

The hsted part was the extensive love sesions, it finished one chapter of 3 pages where the love making never ended to a new chapter with a further 2/3 pages of the same stuff all over again, it was too long... so much so i got bored of it and skipped maybe half the story where the sex scenes were far too long in their description.

The context of the story was good, the families moods the loss of Bianca from fat kid to hunk, it all resonated well.

So maybe next time, reduce the sex scenes to a more comfatable length please.

Cheers

4*

A rollercoaster of emotions. Would love to see more

As a quick summary of my thoughts the plot, characters, and pacing were all top throughout the story. Michela in particular helps set this work apart.

The only complaints I do have are rather minor. The dreams/memory sequences were somewhat jarring as there wasn’t really a clear indicator of what was happening, in all of them it became quite clear within sentences what was happening but there was still a minute or so of confusion instead of smooth transitions. I’ve seen other authors italicize these sections which works quite well, they could also be visibly bracketed to help separate them. I understand this might spoil the twist for the dream for part 10 but to me at least it immediately seemed like a nightmare a character was having, though I assumed it was Oliver.

The other thing was the light use of third person omniscient, this for the most part wasn’t an issue but there were a few points where the POV was jumping between characters and it wasn’t immediately apparent which character was being followed.

As I said though these complaints are minor and are the only things I’d point out as detracting from the story. I loved both of the main characters and thought the exploration of their relationship was wonderfully done. As for the supporting cast I already mentioned Michela who really shines throughout the whole thing. I felt like the pacing was solid the whole time and none of the drama dragged on for too long. Cheers and 5 stars all around.

on this site. The emotion, drama, and not to forget the sex, combined to make this a very compelling story. WOW. excellent job. i'm drained after finishing it. 5 stars. wish i could give it 100!

I hope you plan on writing more stories.

I REALLY HOPE EVERYONE WRITES THIS AUTHOR TO ASK HIM FOR A FOLLOWUP STORY OF THE JENSEN SAGA. ALL THE MAIN FAMILY MEMBERS SHOULD BE IN IT.

I will say this was a good story and you are a tremendous talent for writing and hope you keep writing. I had voiced my opinion on the earlier chapters that i had issue with and stuck with it due to your story telling and you didn't write anything that was an absolute deal breaker like so many other writers have done with stories I was reading so I felt compelled to give a positive comment and hopefully show that I'm not a complete asshole. Just a partial one. I may have not like certain things you wrote or even hinted at in the story but I will give you credit and acknowledge your talent for story telling. If you ever get back to writing i would offer up a suggestion that maybe try something outside your wheelhouse and maybe go with a period peice set in the past or even maybe the future to really stretch your talents. I would give this story an 8 out of 10. Just FYI 10 out of 10 is perfect and there will never be a perfect story but I would say you gave it a good shot and not many had your success.

it had shaken my heart. the way you write is amazing, I couldn't stop reading.

I was expecting another mindless smut with another group sex/sharing family story as most story tend to take that path when it is a multiple chapter story. But it wasn't (fortunately) and it stayed true to the theme of loving romance between siblings till the end. I have to give a full mark for staying true to it's theme without deviating from it's intended path.

For me, protagonists are most important in any stories. No matter how well stories are written, I lose interest if I can't bond with the main characters. In this story, Ellie was very hard to like in the beginning. But for me, she grew on me as story progressed and became one of my favorite character in all the stories I have read so far. As many commenters have pointed out, she portrayed all the mental/emotional characteristics that most male populations find very unattractive. However for me, I found her to be endearing as story progressed.

As for all other characters, I found them to be well developed and fit the story nicely. Only thing that did bother me was Jason. I understand that his role was necessary in the story but I can't say I was happy about making him into a villain. In all honesty, he is a victim in the story if anything. As much as I was cheering on for Oliver for obvious reasons but it is one of my core belief that there is no justification for cheating.

I'm not a fan of love-hate sex. Sex was very thorough and descriptive and sexy in some but disturbing in some as well. It is just my preference but it was bit too violent

and crude in some. Also I was unconsciously skipping most of them eventually as it lost it's luster after initial taboo coupling passed. But that is one of the unavoidable situation in any incest stories that are multiple chapters long. Still I have to give my applaud to the author for not destroying the characters by making them into mindless horny sluts that start fucking anyone.

Although.... Author threw in the dream sequence (What I thought totally unnecessary and almost killed the story) that most readers including myself was very much disappointed. As I have already read comments ahead of reading the story, I was able to avoid it completely but still left me with lingering bad after taste. In this story, both Ellie and Oliver had their moments where it was easy for readers to hate. But one thing they were is that both were in crazy love with each other to the point that they were obsessive and possessive. Throughout the story, author clearly established that it wasn't in them to share their partners with anyone else. Then to throw in that swapping partner bullshit and call it a dream? What purpose that served in the story but to agitate most readers who have bonded with the main characters that were portrayed as totally devoted in both physically and mentally only to each other?

Overall, I would regard this story as my new favorite and I wish more readers can discover this story and enjoy it as much as I have. I'm not sure if author is still posting stories but I do hope he is still writing and thank you so much for this wonderful story.

This is the series I've most enjoyed on this site and always come back to it. I would love to see a continuation of this story like Olofer bringing up marriage to his parents and there story of them being a family.

This was truly a wonderful series and a amazing story. Keep up the hard work and i hope you start writing a new series soon. Just well done man, truly well done.

5 stars btw, loved it.

What a shame it had to end.

If you ever find the time more please, this story has much more to give. Thank u very much.

Hi bm, this story is an awesome read. Any chance of you doing a side story of the dream sequence in chapter 10? From both ellie and Oliver's perspective because that was one hot segment.

Honestly this is my favourite story everrrr. Oliver's THAT guy. He's so yummy and dreamy! Ellie seems a bit bipolar sometimes, but i still love her. I don't know how you do it but you manage to make the most taboo relationship ever sound actually romantic. I love the fact that Alice and Dan accepted them in the end. And Jack..... well, i also feel for him. Must be hard having to watch your siblings hog all the attention. And i also feel like he's a bit jealous of Ellie and Oli's relationship which isn't all that surprising since you created Ellie as the most beautiful girl to ever walk this earth. I wish there were more stories like this. I finished it in one night. 10/10!!

Loved it

I like a lot of your stuff, but this series is by far the best of yours I've read.

Thanks for writing it and for sharing it.

Such a beautiful series!

What a great series, wasn't too sure about Ellie, she knew what he went through, but still decided to treat him like shit, she was so indecisive and a bitch to Oliver. At times I wanted Oliver to say "fuck it" and leave her and other times I wanted them to make it. So it's good to have a good ending to this series. So was it a boy or another girl?

I read literotica for the sex. I actually skipped over quite a bit of the sex scenes in this series because I was caught up in the story and characters. Good read!

2/27/2021

I enjoyed the early chapters immensely as you developed your characters riding along Ellie’s and Oliver’s roller coaster run. I just could not reconcile the dream sequence with those first 9 great chapters. For me, the dream sequence seemed to cheapen an otherwise rich story. The reader/commenter Ellijuls of a year ago has described my feelings exactly with such great eloquence. The dream sequence was brutal and unnecessary for the plot of this narrative. But the rest of the story was a great read. I liked the romantic ending of this chapter and so the story.

Best story I’ve read to date on this site. I’ll tell you though that Dream sequence just about did me in, I almost put the story down but am glad I didnt.

Well done!!!

You are gifted author. Flawless. Thanks for sharing.

By far the best, I would actually like a prequel, starting with Oliver boarding the airplane and everything that happened from arriving in Thailand to meeting Bianca to her giving birth up until his trip back to his family. And a sequel like maybe 5 years in the future. Just to see how everything is going between the family members.

One of the best written stories I have ever read on this site.

This was my second read of this fine narrative and enjoyed it immensely again. But this time I skipped the Intro and the dream sequence. IMO, they were not needed and the dream actually hurt the narrative. Perhaps if the intro and the dream were to have been done differently, maybe the intro being vague on who the couple was and the dream a little less harish, well who knows. Still, this is a great story, maybe the best I've read. During my first read, I tended to scan through some of the extended love scenes so I could get to the romance of the story, but this time I took a little extra time and paid a little more attention to the erotic scenes. I missed the foot job on my first pass, I'm glad I caught it on my second go-round. I wonder what I will find during my third read.  My favorite erotic scene was their weekend alone at their parent's house in the kitchen.

This was the best bro / sis story I've read on this site. It was very thorough - and the larger cast of characters really built the world more realistically than other stories I've read. I liked how it was such a gradual buildup that it felt more real. Thanks for your efforts. I'll be continuing to check out your future stories as well.

WOW, just WOW!

Honestly one of the best stories I've ever read, my only problem was the dream scene, it had me angry and upset and almost gave up reading the rest of the story however I skipped past it and saw that it was just a dream fantasy from Kara so I kept on reading and I'm glad I did. Really well written and I'm going to be reading your other works now too. 5/5 Stars.

best ever. dream stuff really freaked us. thanks

A great romantic story.

Loved this! I'm not usually into incest stuff just cause it's a bit taboo for me, but this was a very well written story. I don't know the publishing date but I feel a bit late. None the less I still loved it. I do kinda wish they had a serious breakup, not like the dream scene but something less intense, but obviously more intense than the back and forth when Ellie was still engaged. Otherwise loved the entire thing. Thank you for this.

Amazing this entire series has been truly the best my 2nd time reading through it.

been so long since i read something of this quality. Amazing story, 5/5.

This is my 2nd time reading this series or story and each time it gets better. This is by far one of the best sibling romance stories on this site

Such a well written story!

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Love conquers all. Fabulous.

OH MY GOODNESS!!! I HAVE NEVER READ A SERIES THIS LONG. I WAS SO INVESTED!! I WAS TURNED ON I CRIED... I MUST GIVE YOU A STANDING OVATION AUTHOR. 👏 A FREAKING JOB WELL DONE. THANK YOU FOR BLESSING MY EYES WITH THIS STORY. I WILL MOST DEFINITELY BE READING IT ALL OVER AGAIN SOON. AGAIN, THANK YOU!! 😭😭😭🤌🤌🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎

I love and "hate" this story.

I love the plot that you created here, the story around the Characters.

I especially loved Michela to death. You'd usually not see a Children involved in an erotica Story, but damn she was just precious (When she called Ellie -Mommy).

What I personally "hated", didn't like about this Story.

Yes we are on Literotica. Stories are about Erotica/Sex.

You filled several Chapters with mostly 1 or 2 Sex Scenes.

It is good to be detailed about erotic stuff and sex scenes.

But 3 pages long 1 Sex Scene? and the entire chapter was like only 7 Pages long. and the other 4 Pages ...well there was another Sex Scene that was nearly 3 Pages long again.

and you did that with several Chapters.

That's the big point and only point I really didn't like

because.

ending here..yea ok..I personally thought and hoped for like 3 more pages of what happened how they lived their life. now with baby Bianca, if he got a son after all? reconciliation with Jack?

Anyways 4.8888 Stars.

I really didn’t plan on leaving a comment but I guess I am cause my fingers won’t stop typing. It’ll be a long comment cause boy oh boy…. The things you made ME feel….

Never in my life have I been so captivated and held emotionally hostage to a freaking fictional story!! I legit was going through hell reading this. Some of you might call me a pussy for what I’m about to say. But so be it. I hide behind an anonymous veil so what the hell.

I came looking for smut and instead I found what I believe to be is the best love story this century offers. The character development was outstanding and so real! I am a sucker for main character(s) regardless of how shitty they are or become. I loved Oliver from beginning to end. And as crazy as Ellie was, I couldn’t help but love her just as much as Oliver did (LOL).

I quickly realized that this story was gonna be an absolute insane roller coaster of love, pain, sex, and hopeless romance. I hated reading this story so much because I kinda felt like Ellie in the sense that I can’t help but pursue what I didn’t want to because of the way it made me feel. It was pulling, tugging, yanking AND RIPPING at my heart strings. I legit started to feel uneasy. It took me 4 days to read this. In that time I lost my appetite, I lost sleep, I couldn’t think about work or even my other hobbies. I was a slave to the story! I had to see what was gonna happen but I absolutely had to take breaks because at some points it was just too much to handle.

The part that absolutely dropped my heart into my stomach was the dream. I was freaking the fuck out. My heart rate sky rocketed, I even checked my Apple Watch to see what it was lol. During that dream I was reading as fast as humanly possible to find the end of it, HOPING it was all a dream (in my case, a nightmare) and then I found it… damn Kara’s nightmare nearly put my ass into a coma. I was sooo relieved that it was not real. I was imagining everything we had been through all to see a miscarriage AND the break up of the loving couple. It was simply unbelievable…

The ending was fantastic!!! The entire time I was reading the chapter I was absolutely dreading the ending. I was so worried at what BLACKMATTER was gonna throw at us. Luckily it was GREAT!! They got married and it filled me with such JOY but I still have an eerie feeling and it’s really unsettling; to the point I can’t fully enjoy the ending of this story. Suck to be me I suppose. I’m praying I get over this feeling quickly to return back to equilibrium haha.

This is getting really long so I’ll end it. BEST FICTIONAL STORY I HAVE READ, EVER! NO CONTEST! Damn near Perfect rating from me (only con was the the long sex scenes in a story that I believed to be about romance and eternal love. So 9.9/10!

A message to BLACKMATTER…

The things you made me feel…

Life. and so much more...

Just like the last comment, I got addicted. I didn't like everything, even hated some parts but yes, this is life with highs and lows. But there were such strong, mind blowing parts, like the first 'mommy' from Michela. Or father Dan's speech to Jack, wow.

Silly me. Why must I be in tears with this good happy end ?

Thank you, so much...

I read a comment saying a prequel and sequel would be nice. Personally, I’d read a prequel, but I'd much rather a sequel. 5 or 10 years in the future would be cool. There's a ton of questions that can be answered... Did the couple have an Oliver Jr? Does Jack ever forgive Oliver? Do Jack and Dan ever truly accept the couple? Do Oliver and Dave become millionaires or is there a falling out? I didn't wanna think of this question but knowing BM, if there's a continuation, another shoe is gonna drop and I can see that being either Oliver finds an old friend of Bianca's and a relationship develops there OR (and this is a less likley option) Ellie finds a younger, Italian version of oliver and a relationship develops there while oliver is working long hours in his company.

I believe the most important question is.... Does ellie keep her "perfect" figure or does she gain some lbs? 😂

TIME for the emotional part.

I felt some really serious emotions while reading this. Partly because the story was really captivating and emotional. But also because I have an ellie in my life that was also a tall skinny blonde that I had feelings for ... So during the read I would imagine "my" ellie's face on the character's body (if that makes sense). With that said, I feel that this story hit me harder than other readers because of that...

Great story! I loved it because it was written very well, included many elements that a romance story needs as well as great character development.

You made a grown man cry multiple times and scared me half to death with that “dream”.

BM, I see that you are working on another story, but haven’t posted in some time… I don’t do very well waiting months and months for a continuance for a story so hopefully you’ll post soon and even think about a sequel for this beloved story…

P.s. keep your dreams to your self in the future! 😂

I loved how this story slow burned the incestual relationship of Ellie and Oliver from Oliver leaving to explore the world and then returning to their family home as widower with a 4-year-old child and all of the drama that followed. The place where the author left them really needs to be continued as Ellie and Oliver need that last defining moment of them actually becoming husband and wife and their happily ever after. Then there was the other issue of the last hold out in the family Jack, Ellie's twin brother and his non acceptance of the relationship between Ellie and Oliver, will he ever accept his twins incestual relationship. At any rate this story really in ripe to continue, and maybe just maybe the author might entertain that idea. The writing was excellent and was the storyline and character development.

Well done 5/5

Needs a sequel, maybe years after all this, to see what's happening with everyone.

THE BEST INCEST STORY EVER HANDS DOWN!! Exited to check out your other stories.

I agree, it needs a sequel. What happens with Jack?

this is brilliant! but anomic all i need series still my number 1

Just finished, and definitely liked it. A bit soapy, but one of the few stories which really goes into all the troubles the incest contains, where participants not just jump on each other bones in a matter of hours and declare an infinite love for each other, but they struggle, dealing with wrongness of the forbidden fruit, also all the troubles with family, it was portrayed good.

As for minuses, I think sex scenes were too long, I understand that author wanted to be graphic, but as someone below already said, 3 pages of one scene, its too much.

Anyway, 5 stars

Absolutely the best story in this genera I've read.

Easily the best I've read on here. So good I don't even have the words to describe it. I definitely wouldn't have minded a few more chapters

I'm glad Oliver got the help he needed to get over his trauma and is back to his old self. Oddly enough I thought that it was Ellie who needed help, so many times throughout the story. But by the end what I've came to realise is that she only seemed crazy and insecure (OK she still is a bit insecure), almost bipolar at times, because of the sheer insanity of the situation she found herself in. In the end I have to say she dealt with it well and is now with the love of her life getting the things she has always wanted. Children and marriage and a happily ever after. I'm sad it ended. I would have liked to see a little more like their wedding and then maybe snapshots much further on (see the later parts of the story, "Colleen", for a good example of how this is done) to see just how everything turned out.

When Michela called Ellie mommy, damn it, that was so beautiful. Poor thing never knew her mom and went her whole life without one. Now she finally has one that loves her with all her heart. And siblings to boot.

The scene with Jason was so emotional and well done. You could really feel the hurt from his side. As much as an ass he had been at times in the past, I couldn't help but feel truly sorry for him. To see his ex-fiancé pregnant with the baby of the guy she left him for, so soon after their break-up... that's a pain I hope to never experience. And while there was no malice in her actions - in fact, she broke up to free them both from a loveless and doomed marriage - the fact that they were happy and in love before Oliver came back, and could have had a future together had he not shown up... well it's hard not to be angry and hurt over the loss of that possible future, and left feeling like you've been robbed of the greatest thing to happen to you in your life so far.

When Kara drunkenly mentioned swapping when talking to Ellie, I immediately thought, "oh fuck no, don't ruin it at the end after all this." Thankfully it didn't seem to lead anywhere. Just another bait.

The conversation between Ellie and her mom, after the mom witnessed them fucking and finishing in the hot-tub, was certainly interesting. I wasn't sure where it was going. I did get the feeling the mom was interested for more than idle curiosity, but it didn't seem to develop into anything thankfully.

As for Jack, he's so full of himself and his outdated way of thinking, it was almost painful to read his dialogue. He sounded like some religious zealot quoting scripture. Hopefully he eases up as time goes on and stops being so stubborn in his ways. It's just not worth holding onto anger and grudges especially at the expense of love and family.

It's a little sad that Oliver missed the birth of his and Ellie's first child. I bet he wanted to be there more than anything. Never keep your phone on silent when your wife is pregnant! I would feel so dejected if I missed out on the birth of my child, should that day ever arrive. It's a moment I would treasure forever. When they were talking about what to call her, my only thought was, "it has to be Bianca, surely." And I was right :)

The scene at Bianca's grave (Oliver's late wife; not his daughter) was so sad, especially when Michela laid down the flowers and said she wished her mother didn't have to go to the angels. I struggled to hold back the tears there. Then Oliver interacting with the gravestone as if it was actually his late wife... I can only imagine the pain and loss. I'm not ashamed to say a tear or two escaped here.

Overall, this story was something special. It more than lived up to my expectations and the hype it got from comments I had seen elsewhere. The depth of love and devotion between Oliver and Ellie is quite possibly the strongest I've ever seen from any story on here. Definitely a favourite and I'm sure I'll read it again in the future. This one will be on my mind for quite some time. I can only hope to one day find someone to love and be loved by even 1/10th as much as they love each other.

The Things You Make Me Feel... the title does the story justice more so than most. It made me feel so many things, some quite deeply. Thank you for writing this.

Then you for a great read. It was tough at times but worth it.

Great story well written good plot always engaging

It seemed like the author had a bunch of hot sex scenes planned out, but struggled to develop a story to go with them.

Just reread this for the 5th or 6th time over the last few years. It gets better each time because repeated readings have trained me to skip over the repetitive sex scenes and the dreaded dream sequence. That way I get to concentrate on the things that make this story a masterpiece

Loved it and yes have re-read this a number of times now.