All Comments on 'The Twelve Vitali Ch. 02'

Your characters are detailed and well drawn. The evolving plot keeps you wanting more. Great work. Please keep it coming.

Can't wait for next chapter. Like the development so far. It just seems odd that if her ex had any kind of underworld involvement a family like that would have ferreted it out and known right away.

I know you will give us more but that was my overwhelming feeling even before I got to the dream sequence. Then, it was just amazement and appreciation for the healing and beauty of the process you described. You have an incredible and sensitive persona about you. Thank you.

Yes, I really enjoyed previous writing by the author and, yes, I really looked forward to a sequel for the 12tables. But, big surprise, I simply dropped out early on the first pages of ch2. Was it on first or second page ? — Do not know, simply lost attention somewhere. Just a "Blue Monday" starting hiccup or a perception backlash from too high expectations?

My 2cents: Unforced error in plot and narrative construction. The combination of tiny plot bites, lots of new persons and frequent perspective changes does not work for me in starting chapters. Seems as if the author just rushed through a few introductory mini-scenes to paint a backdrop before the real action begins (later in ch2 or in ch3?) or there is a visible main motiv to relate to.

In contrast, 12tables established the main female and male lead and their relation well at the start before many other characters or plot sidelines were added. While the table structure is known from 12tables, I felt overwhelmed by a flood of unrelated details and new personnel. An initial hook to build suspense on is lacking, in my view.

Many other sequels within a shared universe suffer from the opposite flaw, i.e. boring repeats, so the effort to remain concise is laudable, in principle. Maybe just dropping the multiperspective tool in ch1 and focusing on one exciting opening scene would have been better.

Still looking forward to your next story.

Best wishes

Simon

Hello, Simon thank you for your well thought out comment. I can see elements of what you have said as being right. This wasn't a straight continuation of a series as perhaps Bella was and therefore I was perhaps trying to paint a backdrop for the new characters while linking the story back to the original and possibly not doing it as well as I hoped. I am afraid that if this irked you, you probably will remain lost until chapter five when the real romance and love affair I have planned for this series kicks in. My apologies if I have lost you and hope in the future you find I can once again tickle your imagination with a different story. ~ellie

As always, I am looking forward to the next chapter

Second time reading this.

I decided that I would do as I did before you finished this Table (I re.- read The Twelve).

Now I am reading this Table again, and looking forward to the new Table you are working on.

I will confess that I have read the first 4 chapters of the Zenati Table. No more, though, until after I finish this Table again. That will make me have a perfect score of having read each of your offerings at least twice.

You are my favourite, Ellie.

This story reminds me of another nice story, Boston to Bermingham, here in Literotica. A story of someone who can do a good deed, does .

Your quite the artist yourself, very descriptive.