by Morbid_Saint
In truth, I "almost" liked this story. The basic story line is actually pretty good, but there are problems in the writing. Buy a dictionary (not some spelling checker software), and start with bear/bare, peek/peak, and wonder/wander. There were some minor writing flaws otherwise, also. (A year serving as a starting point would have been a nice element to have, given that specific years were provided as a timeline.) The point is that an otherwise entertaining written story can get bogged down in the details of writing. Words have meaning.
-- KK in Texas
under the total absense of understanding of the english language.
Sorry but your use of English is dire.
this is something you have to learn. it is not an editor's job so do not go that route.
but do persist you have something to work with, but you must do the work.
REad more and pay attention to how the sentences flow. and notice how words are spelled. It is a waste when you discribe the waist of a bar maid as being made in your own likelness as you're a peak performer in a play that piqued my interest. notice the words that sound the same but are spelled differently. I would like to advise you that this advice is not free the price is one you must pay ... you must work or lose out on loose women in stories. there are five homonym examples in my comment