All Comments on 'The World Made Yonder'

divorce the bitch and move on, shes a psycho

Superb story thank you for your time and effort

BULLSHIT!

at least you were honest about the husband being a spinless cuck

This started well but lost its way.

Ending? So what happened? Did he wimp out and stay? She is a monster as is her "friend" He deserves a person who actually loves him but this left it hanging. The writing was good but I don't know how to score this as it just doesn't seem finished.

Brcause i hate open end-stories

Jackie and Bjorn got away with out any retribution from the husband. Pretty much a cuck even if he has a child with the soon to be ex.

Great writing covering up an appaling truth. No self respecting man could stay with someone like her. Simple. Great writing though. 1st class.

I gave this story a five for Being

1. original

2.thought provoking

And in the hope that the husband divorced her cheating ass

I really hope you do a chapter 2. ......this story deserves it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR

I could almost see getting over the one night cheating, but staying with someone that lists after another man is just asking for trouble. Based on her rant, she would fuck Bjorn in a heartbeat if she ran into him again. Plus, she has been wearing protection to avoid Joe's kid long enough for her first child to be in school.

Divorce is the only solution yet you went for the RAAC. One star.

Sad when a author forgets where the story was taking them and concocts an ill-fitting end.

Nice take on the “its not my kid” story. Love her honesty and her true bitch attitude. No idea why he didnt do the dna right away and no idea why he didn't immediately take her up on the divorce offer. What is there to think about? He is a meal ticket as she told him. No real love and no exclusivity.

Started out 5*s but husband’s unrealistic reaction to wife’s confession/rant earned 2*s.

Will you be able to get them to agree to a sequal? And will Stephen still speak to either of them?... I hope not

Wish I could write with that depth.

Thank god for tags, so that I didn't have to waste my time reading this shit. One star.

well done. But I agree with some of the others this needs an ending, and please an true life ending. One that does not make the husband into a weakling. There needs punishment for the the wife, her sick friend and his wife's lover..

Thought provoking The wife was a total conniving bitch that is a waste except for fucking hole. Divorce her skanky ass.

I gave this a 5* because it was so unique and without the usual claptrap that is found too often in LV stories.

It really does not matter what happened or happens, because the path was worth the price of admission.

I had to read this twice. It was even better the second time and I am still thinking about it. Full fledged characters that have reasons why they act the way they do. I can't decide if a second chapter would help or ruin this story. Thanks!

This was one of the best, well written stories I have seen for some time. The writing had the main people tap dancing through things. Of course, I would have had a completely different ending. Joey wimped out big time and seemed to accept his cuckold position. I would not have been so forgiving.

That cheating slut would have been moved permanently into the spare room, leaving Joey in the Master bedroom. That final sex scene would definately gone differently. Joey should have moistened his cock with her wetness then driven it straight up her cheating arsehole! This slut had cheated, got pregnant with another man's child, made Joey raise him plus, straight out told Joey he was second rate, she loved her former lover, thought constantly about him to get aroused and continued to flaunt all those facts in front of him. No remorse at all.

Frankly, divorce would have been too easy on her. She needs to suffer for what she had done. Cheers.

Thought provoking story, well written evoking strong emotions. Neither of the main characters were particularly likable but were so real! It rates a 5 for writing and plot but a 1 or 2 for the ending. Of course the ending chosen is definitely realistic given the personalities of the two main characters. Both characters were unlikable personalities as was Celia's friend.

Something new WRT one of the most painful LW tropes. I thought it walked the tightrope well, up until she spoke with the other femi-nazi and revealed it was all purposeful and she had no remorse. How does he win by staying with a cheater that blatantly doesn't want his kids? Best two out of three? He'd have to do a DNA test every time. She cheated, she wanted another's kid, and that other man is her true love. Time to walk away.

Even the haters agree the writing is superior.

As far as the comments about being unfinished?

Life never is.

And when it’s over, it still isn’t. Its echoes reverberate down the hall of time and bounce off generations yet unborn.

Eschew your lust for closure..

The twists and turns, the emotional balance constantly shifting, pull the reader in a million directions. Painful and intense--a really powerful story!

Thanks, ohio

They say a camel can go seven months with out water. This story needs a second chapter, lets hope it doesn't take seven months. Will this be the new February Sucks with everyone wanting to end it? I would write one but I can't see a happy ending for any of the players. Celia needs to see what it's like to be played (Oh wait, she was, by her supposedly best friend Jackie and Bjorn). Joey needs to know what it is like to really be loved, and Stephen needs to know what it's like to be loved by parents that love each other.

Celia's type of love is one of safety as long as she gets what she wants. If Bjorn showed back up and wanted her again (even for a day) she would jump back in bed with him. If she did have a child by Joey she would resent it because it was just to placate him into staying Stephen's father.

I thought it funny that Celia thought so highly of her self that she said,'If you wanted a woman to worship the ground you walked on, you should have married that dumpy girl at your office! But you didn't want a woman like that ... you wanted me!' Her best friend is just like that dumpy girl in his office. Maybe if her friend had been fucked by a guy like Joey instead of a guy like Bjorn, she would have had a better attitude, (Oh wait, she is really a Dike).

Freddie, do us all a favor and do a follow up (with some blood from Bjorn and Jackie, a little sex for Joey from another and Celia finally realizing, you don't know what you got 'til it's gone).

that should carry serious prison time. Feminism is a delusional mental illness.

Now, where does this story go? Is she simply left alone? Divorced?

No man would stay married to a cunt like this female character.

This one deserves a higher score.

Your story leaves a lot of tangents for multiple storylines to follow. The are lines for redemption, revenge, RAAC, continuing cuckoldery, walking away, or just simple moving on. Your writing style is strong enough to allow you to develop any of this storylines. Good Job!

You have to feel disgust for both characters. The wife was a unrepentant cheating pig and the husband a spineless wimp.

That would be the world for the boy & his mummy! Yonder is what they would both see in the rear view mirror as they drove away from the stuff they used to have! Yonder would be the view of the unknown in the future after "Mummy" had screwed up her marriage and lost everything except for her bastard child. Hope Bjorn has some money or a place for them to live!

Divorce, paternity suits, civil suits for past expenditures while raising the bastard's child. BTB and her "old art college" friend!

I just hope that Stephen was smart enough to record her confession and lack of an apology! Aside from the DNA evidence, the confession would help in the adultery divorce proceedings.

Very much makes you think.

She was a bit on the evil side.

Yet more then one women I came to find out married for security or to get away from their family, hoping the like or small love would grow later.

Her only evil bit was intentionally wanting a baby with a lover. Well and allowing the man hating friend to bad mouth him.

Now even if the boy wasnt his, he had been as a father. Thats a very hard bond to break.

So I could see him forgiving her but really it boils down to, does she love him?

The story left me doubting she does.

So whats a man to do. He love the boy, he loves the wife.

But does she love him? Is it worth forgiveness?

Really we need another chapter to tell.

would be a great and fantastic story...

with a f...ing end !

A movie synopsis and rambling commentary create a waste of reading time.

very good story that give one pause to think of the reality of it. Still true love does conquer all in the end

Wow, I gave you a 5* just for being able to think your way through such a complicated plot. I'm not sure the psychology hangs together, but you made it seem believable. Good job! 5*

Life is full of compromises. You have to pick your spots and decide what you can live with. This story presents some rather extreme options, but they all come under the heading of situations that each person would rather not live with, but will require decisions that are life-changing. Rather than look back on what has already happened and thus cannot be changed both Joey and Celia can only look ahead. No matter what each one decides it will not be ideal, but can they learn to live with the new situation - not new in circumstances, but new in the joint knowledge that all the secrets will now be in the open. It's hard for me to believe that divorce is the ideal for either partner. Neither will do well moving ahead alone. Together they stand a chance of achieving a tolerance and status quo which will be livable and as long as Celia doesn't throw Bjorn's name at Joey and taunt him with the situation they can probably get to a point where they can move ahead together. Having a child by Joey would soften the situation for him, but maybe not for her. It's the best they can do, but I would not like to be facing the situation in his shoes. Still, very creative, well written and provocative. 4*

It bothers me to give a 5* STORY a rating of 1*. What is it with the authors who leave you hanging at the end? Yep...it's your STORY and you could do whatever you want. Just know that at least one reader thinks you are an awesome writer, but you still get 1* for pissing me off like so many other writers on this site WHO DONT FINISH THE DAMNED STORY.

This is a thoughtful story. For me, the husband should have mentally ended the marriage when she admitted she wanted Bjorn's baby. That would have been it for me. I do believe the wife has some soul searching to go through and the husband has to get a little revenge on Bjorn, or he has to cash in his man-card.

If any story needs a follow-up with three people burning at the stake its this bullshit story. This bitch of a wife neither loves nor respects him. She's nothing but a user that only cares about herself. This story desperately needs a 6 pickaxe handle solution. For those not familiar with the pickaxe rating system a 6 is as dark a solution as you can get.

Joey had to have some doubt about being a cuck or he wouldn't have reacted to the film the way he did. She is a manipulating bitch. If Joey has ball one he's out of there. Need another chapter to answer the as yet unasked questions

Story Hits & Misses in Presenting a Portrait of Afainéant Cunt Suddenly Finally Having to Face Up to Ramifications of Deceitful Ploy Made Under Delusion She Has a Platinum Pussy. -----------------------------------

I thought the theme of the story was excellent and daring. The introduction where the author decided to intertwine the modern couple watching a period movie with inflammatory theme was clumsy but eventually, the movie ended and the narrative found it's footing It's very difficult to pull off a story within a story. Only the best authors can do this seamlessly. An example is what the recently departed John Le Carre did with ’ The French Lieutenant's Woman' -----------------------Kudos for sparkling dialogue and vivid characters. Whether or not I like the characters or sanction their actions at any point is immaterial to my demand as a reader that the potboiler bubble in an imaginative and diverting fashion.--------------- I imagine that fellow readers might be irked by the author choosing to conclude on an enigmatic note. That doesn't bother me a great deal, although I do regard it as a cop-out but this is a misdemeanor offense that's excusable at the amateur scribe level. ------------I absolutely know what I would do and don't need the author to act as a proxy in complete lockstep and showing servile obeisance to my personal inclinations and predilections.------------

Bottom Line(s) FreddieTheCamel definitely thought out of the box in terms of the conceiving and execution of this twisted tale. There were faults to found, but in terms of rating this effort on an amateur scale, I applaud the daring. There were three wonderful scenes with seamless dialogue and proactive ( if not proactive) characters with superb and compelling words that commanded my attention ( if not admiration ).

Ergo the obvious score-------------

Full Marks*****

I wonder how many times this kind of situation has played out in real life?

BTB. Then get the paternity tests before deciding what to do about the kid. Get on with your life without her to hurt you any more.

This plot has originality and is interesting. Characters are flawed but developed. There are many avenues to explore and possibilities for further character development. Wife said she was falling in love with Joey but fought a war against following Bjorn. Why did she love each and how will she and Joe resolve that war?

Meh...so much promise but Joey wimped out. He should find Bjorn and put him down for good. Then dump Celia with no options. She can then find her “friend” Jackie and move in with her. They can be miserable together while Joey finds a better woman.

Good story. Unfortunately, it needs an ending.

This seemed to be based on someone’s real life experience!

Even if you've written four pages, even if you've told a good story (that's why I gave you 2 * instead of 1 *), it is and remains a cheap cuckold story! And he is and remains a wimp !! No matter how positively you can draw it, if a woman tells a man that she wants her children with another, then that is enough for normal men to leave forever. Of course not for the perverted idiots who call themselves cuckolds!

The general attitude of this wife is not far from what many women think in western societies these days. Part of feminism run amok to male hatred and outright disdain.

The ending was a surrender by the man, but the rest of the story delved in to something that needs exploring. In essence, there is no patriarchy. The way our laws are written and how the media portrays men, we live in a matriarchy already.

Writers like us who do so, do not excuse cheating. We explain it.

It's a lot more interesting than the "slut-ray" or "Whore-Rona virus" stories so common on LW.

I group this story along with the February Sucks stories where we have wives denigrating and humiliating their husbands in ways and to degrees that can't be real. In my opinion this gut level repulsion is because we are not mentally prepared for such behavior, and that's because these stories are in the Wrong Category. These types of stories about these sorts of women should be in the Non-Human category. Think about it, these women are monsters. And the cuckold husbands are mice. No wonder we read the story and recoil at how, well, monstrous or submissive the behaviors are. Once you realize these are not human beings it all falls into place.

And with that realization all the dialogue and contemplation and explanations and philosophies make sense. This is the thinking and behavior of animals, or monsters, but not humans. No wonder these she-wolves treat their husbands like sheep, to be toyed with and kept alive for their own amusement, or nutrition. These women possess no conscience, no guilt, no integrity, no morals; no souls. And the husbands have no self-respect, no outrage, no self-righteous indignation. How could they, they are not normal human beings?

So who cares what a snake, or a hyena, or a vulture thinks about being a wife? Who cares what a mouse or a rabbit or a goat thinks about being a husband? When you realize the context, the whole story becomes not disturbing or thought provoking, its just silly. Like trying to impose human traits and behaviors upon the characters in the George Orwell classic Animal Farm.

So its OK. Celia can do what predators do, and Jeremy can do what a clueless animal does, before it is caught and killed. He doesn't even have the instincts to run.

I don't need a chapter 2 or a sequel. Parasites eat and the hosts die. Why denigrate men and women by claiming these characters have anything in common with normal decent human beings?

But thanks for the effort.

I liked this a lot. It was different and mostly well-done.

Hooked

1st...the movie section was too long

2nd...both main characters were un likable. Nobody to root for.

3rd...was hard to follow at times.

4th....the ending was very unsatisfying.

Cecilia was a POS. But Joey was a cuck trying to pretend he wasn’t....and failing.

Sigh.....but I read it right to the end. 3***

this needs a follow up chapter

Unless there is a second chapter where Joey divorces her and has his name removed from Stephen’s birth certificate based on dna proving the kid is not his then this is nothing but another cuck bitch story.

For now it is 1 star for the ending. If Joey had manned up and pushed the paternity test then this would have scored it higher.

A rare one, with believable emotions expressed well. Thanks.

Should fry and kick the cheating whore out! 1 star.

a lot of questions. And hot having the answers ruined it.

finish the story

I thought we had another "February Sucks", than the quick and not so great ending spoiled that. Celia was a selfish bitch and it appeared he grew a pair and was dumping her ass. Not so he fell for the flesh, and we were left to think whatever we want.

I think a lot of people settle for good enough. Let’s say a person has a relationship with 15 partners, odds are the one they liked the best wasn’t all that interested in them, so we settle for a lesser god or goddess. If we’re lucky love deepens, and memories fade. Ten years later...you’ve changed, and they’ve changed, and that 20 year old babe, they’re a different person.

Blessed be the ties that bind us one to the other!

Chilleywilley

shes not worth the energy to fuck. and neither is the story.

..... leave and take the boy. Never let his Wife know who the real Father is.

Then he needs to punch out Jackie and she shouldn't say anything because they are both equal.

... About a willing cuckold.

'Cause that's what Joey is, at the end of the day - Celia sattled him with another man's child to raise, and it seems like he will do just that. Begrudgingly, perhaps, but he'll still do it... without zero insurance that his wife won't saddle him with another illegitimate bastard - hey, Bjorn is still around, isn't he?

The craziest thing, about this story: we actually do not know who's Stephen's father. Sure, we all have a good guest, but, problem is, Joey is too much of a chickenshit to find out the answer. And, given that he seems quite content with being his wife's 'second choice', he'll probably never going to find out.

Hey, some people are quite find being cuckold. I do not understand such creatures, but I know they exist.

This is not as thought-provoking as some other readers would make you believe (can you stay in a marriage where your wife would ditch you immediate if her 'true love' decided to take her away from you? If you have any problem answering such a simple Yes or No question... what can I tell you: there's a good chance you're a cuck), and it's nearly impossible to not see Celia as a despicable sociopath, at the end of it all, but it was undeniably far from being a boring read.

Stars off, though, for the lazy open ending - seriously, if you're gonna start so much shit up, have the guts to bring it to its - most probably - bitter end. Don't leave your readers with an insincere 'happy ending' that nobody's buying.

But not an overall bad effort for such an unlikable premise.

I'm not sure the wife ever loved Joe. She only wanted Bjorn. Joe was just a sap who she can control and fund her lifestyle. If Bjorn ever cared for her like Joe does, she would be gone in a heartbeat.

The best thing for everyone would be for her to die in a car wreck. This way Joe can have Steven since he is the father of record and there's no evidence proving otherwise. Celia would no longer be a blight in this world. Bjorn would no longer have her trying to make him a husband and father. Steven would have the parent who loves him be rid of the horrible mother figure who would readily give him up if Joe is the biological father.

Yep. Goodbye miserable skank is the best way to go.

I don't recall such a great story going to total shit like that. I suppose a shitty ending is considered art. I find it conceited BS.

Thought it was going to be a good story but it was nothing but another "I accept being a useless cuck", one with the pathetic another mans baby to raise shit.

Sorry, started good, when to shit really quick.

It's a good story with a chance, hoping for another chapter, to bring some pain to Jackie , particularly, and Bjorn. Celia is an admitted cheater, and shouldn't escape unscathed. Some interesting questions here just waiting to be answered.

...this was good. You introduce these every day vanilla characters who grow into these deep monsters oozing sturm und drang. Such intense emotions, and such internal strife within each major character, even the child.

I’m growing more and more fond of endings that leave readers wondering what would happen next. The point of this story isn’t hubby’s next step, it’s all about building this pool of molten emotion. Well done Freddie! Thank you for writing!

Why would any man want to raise another man’s child. Get the DNA test. If not bio leave the whore and the kid. If his divorce the bitch and keep the kid. She explained it to him and she doesn’t love him. She just wants the help with the kid. You can’t trust her BTB.

Wife is a true bitch and Girlfriend is a diabolical bitch who deserves some sort of retribution even more than Wife. Wife picked the wrong man to father her child. Lust must have no reason. Who is more likely to father a quality child a person described by wife as a lazy philanderer who does nothing or a hardworking successful man who loves her and has morals? If I was Joey it would be time to hit the road.

anon.1

w

Started off well but lost me in the end. No score.

Good story but what kind of stove and sofa was it. I can't remember.

A very thoughtful piece, and well written. You've put a lot to think about in this story, and it is one I'm going to come back to multiple times.

Sadly, this piece won't score well as it will get a slew of well-deserved 5*s, but also a lot of 1*s from the middle-school contingent who only want to read BTBs rather than think.

I would have preferred a clearer, less opaque ending.

. . . I don’t see how you got from the movie to Joe’s reaction, unless he already suspected that Steven wasn’t biologically his son. His reaction to the movie was extreme, and that strong reaction had to come from something, something not included in the story.

The French Lieutenant's Woman was not written by the late John Le Care. It was written by the late John Fowles. I did not want LW readers to be mislead.

I would like to see another chapter also.

freddie your parents did the workld a great disservice by not aborting u at conception....

What will happen at the next party hosted by her demented girlfriend? How will this marriage survive, when she let her trashy girlfriend degrade her husband and not one word to defend him and not saying "fuck you" and end the false friendship once and for all? 1*

While he is still breathing.

To always be second choice for breeding, in the real world of nature, is to be culled by your mate.

This story is going to be in my mind for a time. Thanks for the read.

So the kid may or may not be his, she’s admitted to screwing another guy and seems quite proud and definitely unrepentant that the child is probably her lovers.

She goes on to profess that her love (though more likely affection) for hubby is considerably less than her love for Bjorn, presumably if Bjorn were a tad more reliable Joey would be at the curb waiting for an Uber yet the moron is worried that demanding a DNA test will affect her trust in him, WOW!

So in her eyes she’s clearly with the lesser man, the stopgap if you will, she even tells Joey this, but with her femininely wiles she continues to manipulate the man she has so much disdain for. Why? Because she likes the feeling of superiority she gets over someone so clueless? Who can tell? Probably? Maybe?

But what does Joey do? Does he walk out? Does he file and move on? Of course not, no no no he does none of the above, he listens to the woman that he now knows has lied to him for god knows how long and if the kid isn’t his, cuckolded him in the very literal sense of the word, into raising another’s child.

Then after listening to her drivel he believes his only recourse is to get her pregnant with his child. REALLY?

My suspension of disbelief always starts high with any story, depending on where the plot line takes me and how well the characters are defined, that level of disbelief can remain high or it may taper off as the story continues on into the Twilight zone. As this progressed I swear I heard Rod Serling narrating.

Ain’t love grand.

Celia has her IUD removed & flies to Stockholm for her next fertile period to work on that little brother or sister.... ;-)

Poison the college friend

Pretty conflicting but thought provoking story. An amoral wife who has no problem demolishing her husband and a husband with so much resentment and disdain for her - not much of a marriage.

This is the cuck ray. Her amazing beauty has him under her power.

Next episode: He watches her with Bjorn.

Yeah, that happened.

Was hoping for a single sympathetic adult to care about.

A very weird story.

To take out the people that have done him wrong.

Celia, girl-friend, Bjorn

Where does he start

Do a dna test. Make her pregnant and keep the bitch .send her to a shrink.

Nice story, well written and beautifully structured. Your exploration of the theme has way more depth than most of the writing on this site. I’m looking forward to reading more.

Please don’t be put off by the weirdos who confuse art with reality, and primal feelings with actual thought...

Pity poor little Stephen with a vicious sociopath for a mother and a cowardly victim of a father.

Good read! Needs a proper conclusion.

One thing should be clear is that the very worst thing you could do on top of cheating is get pregnant by the guy and have your husband unknowingly raise the kid as his own. I would not have a problem raising a child I adopted or married a woman who had a child already as my own but the lying , cheating and manipulating with secrets is major. I’d definitely do dna . You will always love the child as yours even if you found out he wasn’t but I’d sue that guy for all the years of back child support and for it to continue. I’d put it all in the child’s name but just on principle the guy should pay If he wants to run around and fuck whoever he wants and make babies. That would be my first thing that next morning. Have an attorney direct a suit against the guy with court ordered test and financial agreement court ordered if it’s the guys kid . If the cheating cunt wanted a divorce than so be it but the guy shouldn’t get off Scott free

sophisticated writing, I believe this author has written before under another name. Infuriating characters, but close enough to reality that their reactions and actions are in realm of believable. Would really like to see a proper ending, but if not, oh well that is part of the frustration of real life too. 5*

The man was treated like a doormat but who cares? it has a realistic ring in it. Great writing.

If the boy isn't his, time to head out. The slut would have already been dumped and forgotten. Let her go back to the dike for comfort.

Don't care what the courts say about being on the birth certificate. Put me in jail. But I would never have anything to do or pay one dime to the cheating whore or her son if he wasn't mine. Wish him the best and move on.

The whore made the decision to have him let her deal with the fallout.

Yea, i know. I'm an asshole. well fuck off, I'm not raising a kid I was lied to about. It is not the same as marrying a women with kids and taking them in as family. It is his choice then to take the responsibility or not. He didn't get the option here.

Plus he found he was married to a morally deficient cunt.

The Feminist movement is a cancer. It takes a partnership, marriage between a man and a women and twists it in what they believe will advance their agenda. May they all rot in hell.

The Celia was very conflicted. Seems like the movie brought out things that needed to be said. Joey taking control forced her to try to control her demons. Yes, her demons wanting Bjorn are as much real as an alcoholic's demons. His strength may be the thing she needed, along with impregnating her with his son, to rid her of the demons.

Not an easy story to read without preconceived notions. Definitely a great story causing one to think.

The sequel could go either way, but I'm betting on them to resolve the issues and continue the marriage.

After their child is born, go after the Bjorn asshole for child support.

I’d really like to see one where Jackie gets her comeuppance.

Okay I know it sounds weird but I am confused about my feelings. Part of me understands her reasoning but my “man, part no longer trusts her and wants to cut the ties. The love of the child for his thought to be father really is a heavy weight, soooo, only a 4 from me as I am fuzzy about the people’s future together.

Excelent story about womens hybergamy and the alpha seed beta need trope. Couldnt have been told any better!

... First of all, 5*. Just because Joe didn't make the same choice I might've made, doesn't erase the foundations of quality writing... A story that grabs attention, characters you can identify with, tension that makes readers want to see what happens, (as opposed to writers that tell you early), good grammar, evil characters readers can enjoy hating.

As if a commentor had a vote, I agree w/previous comments:

- Would love to see Jackie get "it";

- Would love to see Bjorn get "it".

Maybe a way to tie them together....hmmmm...

Freddie- the script within the script was genius!!