There Must Be a Mistake Ch. 04

I stood up, took her by the hand and we started walking towards the exit. Two armed guards blocked our exit.

I asked, "Are we under arrest, because if we are I want to know the charges, and I want my phone call immediately."

"No sir, you are not under arrest. We have been asked to detain you while a decision is made on your niece's request."

"Tell the person who made you detain us they have one minute. After that I am going to sue them both personally and collectively through the United States government for every penny I can get."

The guard talked into his sleeve and then let his hand return to his sidearm. I looked at my watch and one minute passed. I looked at Delicious and said, "Do not worry about me. I have left instructions with Rod. If he does not hear from me by tomorrow morning at 9 AM he will file a Writ of Habeas Corpus for you. There are many reasons for having GPS locators in a car. This is one of them. He knows exactly where we are down to the square foot. These people can start running but they can't hide forever. We have talked to Officer Cougar, who delivered us to this building. She works for the college not for them. The other children they have here testing have parents. They are not going to kill all of them to try and get away with you. I love you as if you were my own. Take my hand, they will not harm you, they may or may not kill me."

"Even don't do this."

"I will not allow them to hold you captive. I have seen and heard about their horror stories. It will not happen to you. I will not allow it to happen."

"God dammit Even you are a pain in my ass."

"Go fuck yourself Stan; you are not going to harm this child. I told you that at the beginning. I told you I would not be separated from her. So what is the first thing you try to do you try to do; separate us. You are a fucking idiot if you thought she or I was going to allow that to happen."

"I never thought you had the balls to put your life on the line for someone else."

"That's because you don't have balls at all Stan."

"Both of you come with me, the chief wants to see you."

I'm not sure how many hallways this building had, but I believe we traversed all of them. Finally, Stan stopped and knocked on a door marked, "Janitorial Supplies."

Stan looked at me. "The boss wanted it this way, because when the shit hits the fan, this is where it ends up."

Someone yelled, "Are you going to stand out there forever, or you going to come in here soon?"

Stan sighed, "Oh God, he is in one of his rare moods."

Stan opened the door and the three of us walked in.

"Good morning Director Meil; this is Doctor Even Luck, and his niece Delicious Mark."

"Good job Stan, you didn't even trip over your tongue this time. You can leave now."

"Thank you sir, it will be my pleasure to leave this room, close the door, and run to the nearest bathroom."

The Director laughed at Stan's remark. "I'm really not as bad as Stan made me out to be. It's just that this job sucks, and all of us who are involved in it know it. We get no praise. All we get is in trouble when we screw up. That is why we recruit only from the top .5 percent of the country to do this work. Sometimes even that group of people get in trouble because they're not bright enough. Should I call you Miss Mark, or Delicious, because I will only be talking to you?"

"What is your first name Mister Meil?"

"My first name is Robert."

"You may call me Delicious, if I can call you Robert."

"That works well for me. Delicious. Do you know what your IQ is?"

"Yes Robert, it is 183."

"Delicious whoever tested you is an idiot. The first time we tested you it came out at 204. We knew it had to be a mistake so we tested you again. It came out at 207. We watched you from five camera angles to make sure you weren't cheating. In that pink outfit of yours, there was no room to hide anything to cheat from. If your proctors were sweating before the afternoon exam started and the heat in the room was set at 103 degrees, when they saw that outfit we could have turned off the heat and it still would've been in the low 100's.

We gave you the advanced course in Mandarin to study at home without the benefit of an online teacher to help you through it. In less than three weeks you have an excellent working knowledge of the language. If we put you in a classroom setting for two months you would be an expert in speaking the language, and have a rudimentary knowledge of writing it. However that is not where your talent lies. You are like your uncle and everything points to science and math. It pains me to tell you we cannot use your talents here. You are by far the brightest student to come through this school, but we need a different type of talent. We need IT geeks, computer wizzes, and every other type of person on the leading edge of current, and advanced technology. What we see you doing in the next 3 to 5 years is bringing new technologies into the marketplace. We want it first, before anyone else gets a whiff of it. Go home and be a 17-year-old girl with a brilliant mind. Help your uncle bend radio waves. Yes Even, we know all about it, because you didn't have your windows wired for sound. They are being wired as we speak."

I looked at Director Meil and told him there is no way anyone was getting into my property, no less into my house, without setting off the alarms.

He smiled at me, and lowered the lights in the room. A satellite projection appeared on the screen to my left. He zoomed in closer and closer, until I recognized the area of Idaho Springs. He panned along Interstate 70 until I recognized my home. Both gates were open, and four white vans were parked by the garage. I could see men bringing material into the house, and air compressor was sitting by the front door. Other building materials were lying on the driveway.

Positively stunned I asked, "How did you circumvent all my security measures?"

"Even for a very smart man, sometimes you're so naïve. Who put in all those high-tech security systems?"

After thinking for a moment I said, "Oh fuck, you did after you finished blasting the rock out for the laboratory, you also blasted for the lines to be buried four feet underground. You ran them through one inch-thick, six inch round steel conduits, which ran from the house straight to the junction boxes that control the gates and the pneumatics that control the posts. How could I have forgotten that?"

"Very easily Even, because as you told your niece: we need you more than you need us. We have to protect you, so you can help us. We want the technology you are working on before you test it for Boeing, Northrup/Grumman, and the rest of the military industrial complex. Just think about what we will be able to do with it in North Korea, and Russia's military bases on the Kamchatka Peninsula. We can't hear a peep around those damn mountains. We can see everything from satellites, but it would be wonderful to know what they're talking about at those secret bases."

I said to Delicious, "You must remember one thing when you are in buildings where spooks work: you may not see them but there are microphones and cameras everywhere. You can't fart without them knowing about it."

Delicious looked shocked. She turned to the director and asked, "Does that mean you watched me change in the bathroom?"

"No, only women have access to the cameras for the ladies rooms. It is a violation of federal law for a man to have access to those cameras, and vice versa."

"Even you told us she was special, and she is. You told us she was going to blow our tests away, and she has. Take good care of her; only God knows where she is going to take this country when she grows up."

"She has already told me director. She wants to take us to the stars. She wants to fulfill another scientist promise and get us out of this atmosphere without using a liquid propellant. If I were you director, I would not bet against her."

"Would you like me to call a friend of mine at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory at Caltech?

"Why don't we just do it as an interview Robert? I don't think she's ready to leave the nest just yet."

I peeked over at Delicious, and saw her slip down in her chair.

Robert picked up the phone and made the call.

"Good morning, can I speak to Doctor Deke Oyster, please. This is Director Robert Meil from the University of Texas at Austin calling."

After a moment's delay we heard, "Hello you old bastard, I haven't had a good Meal in months. How are you doing Robert?"

"I knew I should have gone back to eating clams. Oysters always give me heartburn."

"Did you call me to ruin my day? It's only 7:15 here."

"If you were looking at what I am looking at you would be pointing up, all the way up."

"You know Robert, for an old man, you are still a dirty old man."

"Deke I am not dead yet, and until I die I will look. I want to send her out to you for interview. I want your hands tied behind your back and that other thing of yours in a jockstrap. She is only 17 years old and we just finished testing her. Her IQ is between 203 and 207. Science and technology is where she shines. I can't use her here, but I have a feeling you guys are going to love her out there. She is Even Luck's niece, and apparently brilliance runs in the family. When do you have an opening?"

"Hell, I can give 10 minutes to anyone at any time."

Delicious yelled, "Go eat yourself Oyster. I won't go 1200 miles for 10 minutes with God."

"Are you sure there is a God?"

"Do you want to discuss it over the phone, or after I tell you that your figures on the Milli-Newton Thrusters are wrong."

I swear I saw smoke coming out of the speaker of Robert's telephone, as he nearly fell off his chair laughing.

"What do you know about my thrusters?"

"I will tell you this much Deke. With all the thermal sheeting in the world wrapped around them, when it gets to -400 degrees centigrade they won't work because your figures are all wrong."

"Where are you getting your information you insolent pup?"

"My Uncle Even has a tiny computer in his laboratory. When he's not using it to help save the world, I use it to help other people not waste the governments tax dollars."

"Well Princess, we have big computers that crunch big numbers and they come out with the correct answers."

"My uncle only purchased this one five months ago. It is named after a big tree. It's called a Sequoia, and it's made by IBM."

"The Sequoia's just hit the market. How did he get one so fast?"

"He paid cash."

Oyster yelled, "Even if you can hear me, I hate you and your checkbook."

"Deke shut up. Would you like us to send you her findings, or do you want to wait another year for your computer to find the errors?"

"Would you put it on a disk or flash drives and send it to me."

"She founded it Deke, not me. You will have to ask Delicious nicely."

"Delicious, what in the world is delicious?"

I believe she was ready with this answer since the day she was named. "It's definitely not an Oyster."

Robert laughed. "Deke, I see a warm and loving working relationship between Delicious and you."

"Robert her name is Delicious?"

"I have all the documents here to prove it Deke."

I said, "Deke her last boyfriend's name was Duncan Apple. I told her if she was serious about him, and they got married she would become a Delicious Apple."

"Even you're pulling my leg."

"Deke, God should strike me dead where I stand if I'm lying."

"Okay, I am defeated. How about a week from Saturday at 11 A.M. I'll tell the guard where to send you. Caltech is a bitch to get around."

"Send me an email of the campus grounds, one look and she will know it backwards and forwards."

"She's photographic?"

"Both ways, she is an amazing child. Please remember, she is a child. So put that thing of yours in a holster, or I will cut it off."

"Okay, I will keep it under control. I will see you in a week."

**********

7 AM we were in the car heading north and the mouth that roared started in on me.

"What is your IQ?"

"It's higher than yours."

"Give me the number please, I have to know."

"Were you going to tell me the color of your panties?"

"No I was not; it was too personal."

"My IQ is too personal to me."

"It's lower than mine, isn't it?"

"It's higher than yours."

"The vein in your neck is pulsing, which means you are lying."

"The vein in my neck is pulsing, which means I am alive."

"Why are you a pain in the ass all the time?"

"I am a pain in the ass, because I inherited a niece who made me this way. Stan keeps asking me why I am like this. If you remember he said I was not this way before you came into my life."

"You have never been as happy as you are now, and it's all because I am here. You put your life on the line because you love me. It also means you like me. It means you like having me around, because I make you happy. It means you enjoy being happy. If I had been a few minutes later, you would've had a date with Officer Cougar. She might have been the lucky woman to break your cherry, and I would have been the only virgin in our household."

"Are you sure you don't want to go back to the coed dorm and have a Quickie?"

Delicious laughed. "I know I was appalled by the thought of that kind of sex between two people, but did you see the way Officer Cougar blushed when you asked her to explain it to me?"

"How old did you think Officer Cougar was?"

"I thought she looked about 28."

"The way she was talking to me and giggled when I asked her if I should give her the $1000 in cash, instead of the bursar; I would say she is under 25. I believe she thought I was propositioning her for sex with that money."

The cell phone rang, and I pushed the button on the steering wheel to have it go on speaker.

"Hello."

"Did you bury her in the desert?"

"No she is sitting right here beside me Rod."

"Good morning Rod, I will think up something special, on the way home, just for you."

"You don't have to, I received it yesterday, and I've been thinking about it all night wondering what to do about it."

"What did you get yesterday Rod? What is going on?"

"I received a letter from the lawyer we retained in Maine for the sale of the property of your parents' house and effects. They found some personal items they want us to look into and make decisions on. The attorney was very circumspect as he was talking to me about it. Even something is not kosher up there. I can feel it in my bones. I'm going to fly to Maine to see what's going on. Don't call me, and I won't call you. I will leave you messages on your home phone. Go somewhere, just don't go home, and don't tell me where you're going. Take a bunch of cash out of the bank and live on that. I will be leaving late this afternoon. You can take money out of the bank until 10 AM tomorrow morning at the latest. I will leave you the first message by 12 PM Eastern time tomorrow."

"I always wanted to go to Las Vegas."

"Even you hated Las Vegas, and we've been there."

"Delicious didn't my lawyer just tell me not to tell him where I was going?"

"Yes uncle, I heard him clearly tell you not to tell him where you are going."

Rod said, "You know at a time like this I hate both of you equally."

"Rod, at a time like this we both love you equally. We will dream up something for your children to make you proud of."

"Delicious stay away from my children. They think that you are the best thing since sliced bread, and you walk on water. No one can get little children to act that perfectly in so short a time. Rosalynn doesn't know how you do it."

"It's all in the drugs Rod. It's all in the drugs."

"You have been giving my children drugs?"

I said to my good friend, "Rod sometimes I want to take the top of your head off and make sure there's a working brain in there. I love you like a brother, but sometimes you are as dumb as a post."

"It's her Even, my brain worked fine until I metHER."

"Go do what you do best Rod. Spend all the money you have to, but protect her at all costs."

"Couldn't you have stopped after you said, spend all the money you have to."

"Rod do you remember my friend who works at Scripps labs; the one that's working on cloning?"

"Are you talking about the woman we met in Geneva?"

"Yes, I'm thinking of taking Delicious to her. I want to see if she can make me 6 to 10 copies of the original Delicious."

"I know you're trying to be funny with me my friend, but how would you know the difference between the copy in the original."

"It wouldn't matter to me Rod, but I think you would be able to tell. After a short while, I am absolutely sure you would be able to tell."

Rod screamed so loud I had to lower the volume in the car. "I hate you Even. At this moment I hate you more than Delicious. You have never been this mean to me. That was the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to me. Delicious please hit him for me. I will pay you whatever is in the pretzel jar for the week. Please hit him."

"Mister Laver, how can I hit someone who told me you put checkbooks into my drawer and sniffed my panties?"

"Even you lying son of a bitch. Delicious I have never been in your room. Your uncle is pulling your leg. He's just trying to get me in trouble with you, which I don't need any help doing."

"Uncle Even did you lie to me about Rod putting the checkbooks into my panty drawer?"

"I refuse to answer on the grounds that I might be injured."

Seconds later I was. She turned sideways in her seat and kicked me in the thigh.

I screamed, "Delicious that hurt."

"Even stop lying to me. I am an impressionable little girl."

Rod chimed in, "Remember that Even; she is an impressionable young girl, just like Godzilla is a tadpole."

"I am being nice to you Rod. Do you want me to go back on my uncle's side?"

"Positively not, I have to start packing for my trip to Maine. Make sure you boys and girls have enough money, clothes, and personal items so you don't have to use plastic for at least 10 days. Whatever is happening I will be able to handle it by then."

Delicious said, "Is there anything you have to ask me before you leave?"

"Did you escape from a psychiatric prison or from a home for the insane?"

"Yes, both of them. Do you want the addresses?"

"Delicious, I see why he loves you. I see why my children love you. I see why my wife loves you. I also see why I hate you. It's because you drive me crazy. I will talk to you in the next few days. Have fun children."

Delicious and I both said our goodbyes as we pulled off to the side of the road to make a decision on where to go. Suddenly, she started clapping her hands and bouncing up and down in her seat.

"Uncle, uncle, can we go see the big hole in the ground?"

"Delicious, I hit that pothole every time I pull out of our driveway."

"No, I mean the really big hole in the ground. The one the meteor made."

"That's only a medium-size hole. If we're going to travel that far, why don't we go see the really big hole in the ground?"

"Is that the one they named the movie after: A River Runs Through It?"

"A River runs through this hole but it's not named after that movie."

"I know, I know, it's called the Colorado River isn't it."

"If you don't stop acting like an eight-year-old, I'm going to start spanking you like an eight-year-old."

"Gee whiz, we have a little more than 1000 miles to go, and you're grumpy already. Do you want me to drive?"

"No you navigate, I'll drive. Which way do we go?"

"US 183 N. for 160 miles."

"And how would you know that?"

"I was reading your map on the way down, when I had nothing to do. Would you like the remainder of the instructions now or later?"

"Later, much, much later if you don't mind. You're giving me a headache."