There Must Be A Mistake Ch. 11

"That's right, because they can cook a goose, but they can't cook a GOSL! When are we going to do it? When do I officially become like my mom; a Luck 'Y' person?"

"Gordon, you were always a lucky person, because you had a wonderful mom. Now you are going to have two wonderful parents. My best friend is going to be your real dad. You are going to be a part of a wonderful family. Dr. Even Luck, Mrs. Jennifer Stars Luck, Miss Delicious Luck, and Mr. Gordon Oliver Stars Luck or GOSL! Congratulations to the new Mr. Luck 'Y'."

Everyone applauded, but there were tears in Jennifer, and my eyes. Gordon was officially my son, well next week he would be, as soon as the judge signed off on the paperwork.

Jennifer had Gordon in her arms kissing and hugging him. I had to wait my turn.

Delicious got to him next, and congratulated her little brother. She turned and handed him to me. I thought he was going to break my neck as he hugged me. I don't think I would have cared if he did. It was a show of affection that made my life worthwhile.

I asked Rod, "What about his sperm donor?"

"You don't have to worry about him ever again. He has signed all his rights to Gordon away in perpetuity. He knows if he ever tries to claim parentage to Gordon he will be sued into bankruptcy for the rest of his natural life. He will never have a penny to his name ever again."

I said to everyone, "I think this calls for a big day on the town. Get your gang prepared to go out this afternoon Rod. We are going into Denver early. Gordon will pick out the restaurant, and we will go to the amusement park afterwards. I have to show you what Jennifer looks like on a children's train ride."

Jennifer screamed, "I'm not getting on that train ride again. I'm not going; you will have to kill me first."

The way she said it, I knew she meant it. I put a plan into motion immediately.

We had a wonderful meal at Gordon's favorite restaurant: 'WENDY'S.' Since it was Gordon's choice, Jennifer didn't complain too much. After we finished, it was a trip to Carvel, where each of us enjoyed much too much soft ice cream. By the time we finished eating all of it, we were much too full and laughing like our children.

Finally, we took the short ride to the amusement park, and the kids were having a blast. There was not one ride they passed up. Since Delicious and Gray were with us, they took the smaller children on the rides that required them to have an escort.

Jennifer held my arm, believing she dodged a hail of bullets. As we were watching our children board the front cars of the train ride, Rosalynn, Delicious, and Gray snuck up behind her, picked her up, and carried her onto the ride. Rod and I were hysterical, because Jennifer was trying desperately to get off. Rosalynn was in the same car with her, and blocked her every move. Delicious and Gray held her down from their seats one car behind. She said words that should not have been said around children that young. She was still screaming when the train left the platform. Rod and I waved goodbye.

Although I could not make out the exact words Jennifer was saying to the three evil doers at the time, when the train stopped after its second full the circuit around the tracks, the three of them took off like scared rabbits, with Jennifer close behind them. She continued the chase until she was exhausted.

Rod and I stood there and laughed.

When Gray finally joined us, he said, "Even, you have no idea how much your daughter loves this. Jennifer is right. She has to mingle with kids her own age. She is a child at heart. She was never able to do this when she was young. It may be the only way she will be able to adapt to the real world. Look at her; do you see how relaxed she is. She is this way with me sometimes, when we talk in private, but she is always tense, and ready to strike out at anyone she thinks threatens her.

I will rent an apartment close to the University, and have my car brought up here. I will commute to your place every day, and drive back here every night. I think she will come around very quickly this way."

"Sell your car down there, Gray. I'll buy you a new one as part of your incentive package."

"Can I pick out the car?"

"Yes you can; as long as it's a four-wheel-drive Audi SUV."

"Do you have stock in that company?"

"No, but I own the land the dealership sits on. I would hate for him to go out of business, and leave me with an empty lot."

"Can I pick out a different color than blue?"

"Of course you can, as long as it's not white, silver, tan, or beige."

"I guess I shouldn't ask why, because you gave Delicious this lecture already."

"Yes I did, and that's why we are driving blue Audi's."

"I accept your offer. You drive a very hard bargain."

"I know, but I have another question to ask you Gray. Are you planning to get married next July?"

"Absolutely, why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering if you had asked my daughter if she wants to marry you."

"Where have you been Even? You know she wants to marry me."

"Are you sure?

"Even, I am positive, why do you ask?"

"If you are positive, what's missing from my daughter's hand?"

"Oh fuck, I'm an idiot."

"Yes you are, especially since she is going to be among 1500 freshmen boys a week from Monday."

"I need tomorrow off."

"Why?"

"I have to see a man about a horse's ass."

"I would ask Jen and Rosalynn about Delicious' ring size, before you make a horse's ass out of yourself again."

"Could you distract your daughter for a moment or two, without starting another war?"

"Are you accusing me of being an agitator?"

"You're damn right I am."

"Okay, I'll speak to her, and try not to set off a nuclear reaction."

Jennifer was still reaming out Rosalynn and Delicious for pulling her onto the train ride, when Gray told my daughter I wanted to speak to her. She walked over to me and asked, "What did I do wrong this time?"

"If this the way you want to start our conversation, you can go back and speak with Jennifer and Rosalynn. We don't have to speak to each other ever again. Tell me how you want to work this, and that's what I'll do it. You looked happy and relaxed. I thought we could speak with each other without using knives. Apparently, I was wrong."

"Shit! No, you are not wrong, I was. I did exactly what Gray told me I do every time I feel threatened. I retreat into my shell and act like a bitch. You have been nice to me. You have been more like a father to me than Julius ever was. I am not frightened around you, because I know you will never hurt me. You scare me when you want me to move faster than I'm capable of moving. I know you think it's for the best, but my mind is not ready for it. I'm still 13 years old, and I see Julius leering at me because I have breasts. That's when mom closed everything down around me. I stopped maturing because of the way I had to handle myself. It made me who I am today. I am frightened of moving forward. I don't know if I want to grow up, or if I'm just not ready to grow up. I felt safe with you at the beginning, until you started to push me to grow up. That's when we started to argue.

Then Gray came along and I wasn't sure if I felt safe with him, or if I was in love with him. I told you in church I thought I loved him. You gave me the go-ahead to find out, by using my head, and not my hormones.

I loved you for that. You could have stopped me from doing anything about it, but you didn't. It was the first time I was given the option of doing something for myself.

Then the worst thing in the world happened to me; both of you wanted me to grow up, and I still wasn't ready. Talking with Gray helps me, but I still have a long way to go. Do you think I should see someone about it?"

"Do you think you are any crazier than I am?"

"How crazy are you?"

"I'm crazy enough to think that radio waves can be bent enough to go around mountains. Are you crazy enough to think that Sir Isaac Newton is wrong?"

"I know he is wrong."

"Would you stand up in front of a class, with the Dean of the School of Mathematics watching you and state that as a fact?"

"I would stand on the 50 yard line of a football stadium at halftime and yell that out."

"Then why do you need to see a doctor? All you need is a little time, and if Jennifer is right, a little exposure to people your own age. Do you have school clothes?"

"I don't know; what do they wear to school here?"

"Don't look at me; I went to school 12 years ago. I think you should ask Gray."

"Thanks dad, I will." She turned away and started walking towards Gray. She stopped, midstride, whirled around, and ran to me.

She grabbed me around my waist, put her head against my chest, and cried out, "I'm sorry dad. I'm trying my best, I really am. Don't be disappointed in me."

She cried as I kissed her head and stroked her hair. "I could never be disappointed in you. You had a lousy start in life, and all I'm doing is trying to make it better. I know I don't get it right all the time, but you have to remember, I've only been a dad for four months.

Babies don't come with a book of instructions, and neither did you. Babies come in smaller packages, when they arrive; and their parents learn as they get bigger.

You came to me as almost a fully-grown woman. If we lived in a small community, I could never let you go outside alone. You would have the same problems you had in Waterville. Boys and men would be around you like flies around honey. They would want only one thing from you. How Gray is managing not to have sex with you shows how much he loves you. Almost any other man would have taken your virtue as soon as you were on your back."

"You have a wonderful way of picking up a girl's spirits dad. Are you going to miss me while I'm at school?"

"No, not for one minute."

"I knew you were going to say that. We are having a nice honest chat, and you had to ruin it. At least this time I was prepared for your answer. You are a terrible liar."

"I've been trying to keep that a secret from everyone since I was seven. What gave me away?"

"Repetition; every time you are supposed to complement someone, you go the other way. Sooner or later you had to get caught. I caught you."

"You're not getting your house on Maui."

"Yes I am, and you know it."

"We are not going to be here long enough to enjoy it."

"We will go to Maui every year, in December, January, and February. It gets cold here in Colorado, and it's warm in Hawaii. Did you do know they have computers in Hawaii?"

"Really, I wasn't aware of that."

"You are a terrible liar."

"If you want a house built on Maui, you better start designing it, or you will never sleep in it."

"God you are pushy."

"Maybe I should get you a laptop with a CAD program installed. Heaven knows you can't draw for shit."

"That will be $10 please."

"I will have to replay the tape of our discussion. I lost count of how much you owe the pretzel jar. I know it's at least $10."

"Go ahead dad; I'd like to listen to it also."

"I hate it when you are so smug. I'm taking you shopping tomorrow and I am buying you school clothes. All of them will have checks, stripes, or plaid designs. Gordon will love them."

"As long as we buy them at Neiman Marcus, Bloomingdale's, or Lord and Taylor's, dad, it will be fine by me."

"I'm beginning not to like you Delicious."

"I know dad, you love me."

"Who told you, I will kill him."

"It was Jennifer."

"Oh, that was nice of her wasn't it?"

"Chicken shit."

"Who me, never; I love my wife."

"You certainly do, and you certainly will, whether you want to or not."

"Young woman that was not a nice thing to say to your father even though it might be true."

"You are such a terrible liar."

"No I am not; I lie in bed very well."

"How does Jennifer take you all the time?"

"She can't, she can only take half."

"I would like to tell you that you are lying again, but Jennifer said the same thing. I'm not talking to you anymore today, and it's not because I'm angry with you. You will have the designs for our house in Maui in two days. You will have the architectural drawings for our house by the end of the week. I want to see them before I go away with Gray; is that understood father?"

"I'm sorry would you say that again; the batteries of my hearing aid must have died."

"Listen very closely father; watch out for the ball bearings on the steps leading down to the lab. They could be hazardous to your health."

"Balls; whose balls are you bearing down on?"

"When you're lying on the floor at the bottom of the steps, they will be your balls. Good night dad."

"Good Night Divine."

Jennifer and Rosalynn saw her walking towards them and they heard her yell out, "I'm going to kill you dad."

I yelled back, "Is that before or after I pay for your wedding?"

"Afterwards, naturally; why are you worried?"

"No, I was hoping to be able to see our spacecraft completed. I would love to be in it as it leaves our universe."

"I could build a compartment in the nuclear reactor for you and put you in it with food and other facilities that will keep you alive and comfortable, until we turn it on. Then you will become part of the fusion reaction. At least you will know we had just passed Jupiter."

"Yes, that would be very considerate of you, as long as I'm holding your firstborn child in my lap."

"I don't like you dad, that was an awful thing to say."

Gray said, "I liked it Even. It means I finally got the fuck her."

"That was not a very romantic way of putting it Gray. Keep talking like that and it will be the only time you get into me."

Gray replied, "Did you see the way Jennifer attacked your father when he came home from a four day trip Miss Luck? In seven months that is going to be you. I am going to enjoy every moment of it."

Delicious looked to Jennifer and Rosalynn for moral support.

I walked up behind my daughter and whispered, "Go ahead ask them; you will never get better advice from any other married woman. You had to talk Rod into getting a vasectomy so Rosalynn wouldn't get pregnant again, because she is so hot in bed.

Jen already told you about her sexploits from the time she was 13, until she became pregnant with Gordon. As soon as that happened to her, she became celibate. She knew she had to turn her life around because she was going to be a mother. I made it even worse for her, because I wanted us to wait until our wedding day to consummate our marriage.

If you want to use the word lust, that's fine with me, but passion would be better. We made love while her dress was being repaired, and I will make you a bet that is when she conceived our child. What do you think the odds are for you sweetheart? If you are not on your birth control pills the night you get married, Gray will impregnate you also. Why, because you have been sleeping with a man who adores you, since he met you at my wedding. Shortly afterwards you moved into his bedroom after he agreed not to have sex with you until your wedding night. If you believe you are not going to enjoy sex with him, as much as these two women enjoy sex with their husbands, you better get yourself into a nunnery now. If you don't enjoy it, Gray will kill you, before you get out of the bridal suite."

"In that case dad, why don't I just do it now?"

"Wasn't it your decision to wait until your wedding day?"

"Yes, it was, but I have the right to change my mind, don't I?"

"Absolutely, and nobody would ever fault you for it, except you of course."

"Why would I do that?"

"You were the one that made yourself a promise. If you don't want to wait any longer, and your body and mind agree, you go right ahead. It is no one else's business what you do in the privacy of your own bedroom. I will not love you any less. Gray will not love you any less. Jen will not love you any less. Most of all Delicious, 'You Must Not Love Yourself Any Less.' Make the decision you feel most comfortable with, and be able to smile about it the next morning. The only thing I don't want to happen is see Gray smiling and you unhappy, because you changed your mind at the last moment, but things had proceeded too far to stop."

"Are you sure you've only been a dad for four months?"

"I can have Rod show you the checks for the jet and the suite at the hotel if you like. I also bought that Woman's Clothing Stores' mortgage."

"Why in God's name did you do that?"

"As soon as we left to come back to Denver, the owner rehired the woman we told him to fire. The attorney we have working for us in Waterville is keeping an eye on that store and as soon as he saw it happen he called Rod. Rod called the bank and we made a very favorable transaction. I can't wait for the heavy snow season to happen and the owner falls behind on his mortgage. He is not going to be a happy man."

"Uncle Even, you are evil."

"Do you really think so? Two people in that business insulted my niece. They also broke the law at the same time, by refusing to serve a customer. I could have called the police and had them arrested. As long as you have enough money in your pocket to buy a single article of clothing in that store, they must serve you. It doesn't matter what color or what religion you are, if you have the money in your pocket, they have to serve you. It's in the Constitution of these United States, and they have to obey the law."

"Please don't tell me you are history major also."

"No, Political Science was my minor."

"I don't like you dad, you're too smart."

"No I'm not. I was able to finish my education, you were not. If you were able to progress normally throughout all 12 years of grade and high school, you would not be the mess you are now. You may have finished high school two or three years early and proceeded to MIT, Michigan, or Cal Poly on a full scholarship to continue your education. Your life would have proceeded normally, just like Gray's did. However, you may never have had the time or opportunity to work on your own and realize that Sir Isaac Newton was wrong. Which way do you think you would rather have gone?

Look at me, Delicious. I'm as crazy as a loon; everyone says so. However, I will be 34 years old soon. I have 47 patents to my name, and I am the youngest person ever to be nominated for a Nobel Prize in Science. I have more money in the bank then I know what to do with. I am building a spaceship to go to a planet so far away from ours; I have had to hire protection for my children and staff, because people have started shooting rockets at them and my inventions. Someone must think I am not so crazy after all.

One more thing, Gordon thinks I am smart. Coming from him that is a real compliment.

On the other hand, you keep telling me that you're not talking to me. You hate me because I'm pushing you too hard. Then you tell me to go fuck myself, and you are leaving me. I'm a bastard, because I'm paying Gray $300,000 a year, even though he is worth much more than that to me. You have no idea what I am paying you, because you never bothered to ask Rod what your bank balance is, or asked him to show you how to balance a checkbook.

If you were me, which of my children do you think I would love the most: my natural born daughter, or my soon to be adopted son? You don't have to answer that question if you don't want to, because you may be embarrassed by the answer."

Delicious put her head down as her eyes filled up with tears. She realized she had been crying a lot the last few days, and she was not happy about it.

"If I were you, I would take Gordon, because he makes you happy all the time. I make you miserable, because we fight all the time, and I have problems behaving the way you want me to."

"Do you think Rosalynn loves her firstborn anymore than she loves her last born child?"