All Comments on 'Things My Sister Had Ch. 06'

Obviously your first attempt at this genre, but don't despair; it's better than most of the postings on this site. However, the buildup to this conclusion is just way too long for the payoff it delivers. As well, the silly grapefruit incident hurts the story before it gets going because it's just not strong enough (or believable) to build on. I know this story is supposed to be a fairytale, so I won't say anything about inflated SAT scores. If I were your editor, I'd say write some more. At least you kept my interest through six installments, and this shows potential for you to develop into a good writer.

What happens next? I hope you will continue with this story & not do as so many other authors on this site do & leave it unfinished.

Thank you all for your feedback. I am just learning to write fiction, after being an essayist all my life.

I want to address two very specific comments:

- When I took the SATs, they were completely different. They were written on clay tablets, for one thing.

- Unbelievable as it might seem, the "grapefruit tits" bit is actually the one piece of this whole thing that is grounded in my personal reality (although it wasn't my sister).

For those of you who were unhappy with the nature of this story, for one reason or another, I can only say that I wrote what I like to read. There are many stories on Literotica that I don't like, so I quietly turn to something else. Everyone is welcome to do the same.

For those of you who were happy with the story, I have no idea if this is going anywhere in the future. I have a pulp detective story percolating in my mind, but no guarantees. I have 30 years worth of excellent first paragraphs kicking around.

Again, thank you all for helping me become a better writer.

SearchingForPerfection

I am really enjoying your work. I do hope you keep the story going as they start college and deal with the pressures that would bring on their relationship.

I Congratulate you!

I enjoyed the entire story,All 6 chapters.

To me it was an exceptional story that captured my interest as it described

the development of their relationship,And kept me wondering if it would end as well as it did.

I hope you continue to write. You have real talent

Again, pay no attention to the nay sayers. As you pointed out they can go elsewhere if they don't like your style. (I noticed they stayed) I enjoyed the way you developed your characters. I would have enjoyed it had I read it all in one sitting, but the way you presented it kept the interest perking on the back burner, but still warm. I look forward to future submissions. If you continue this story great. If not, I'll enjoy your new idea.

This story was developed so nicely, I'm disappointed with the ending. The author seemed to tire of writing and just wrapped it up.

Since her sweats were a predominant part of the previous chapters, I would have liked story development surrounding the sweats. Teasing at college, walks in the evening to/from classes, him noticing other scantily clad co-eds (he jealousy building) and her beginning to wear less sweats and more provocative clothing.

Purposeful glimpses given. Laundry room antics where she models someone elses lingerie teasingly. A new friend flaunting herself in front of him, which develops into both the girls walking scantily clad around the house....

As can be "imagined", for such a great build up, the story ended prematurely.

It was well told and sweet but in the end almost indecisive. So much real tension built up but resolution ??

I enjoyed it, felt there was a sense of reality there. Thank you.

Yawn - yawn - yawn - yawn - yawn - oh, it's all over!

Should have been run as one story - then I could have skipped the unsexy bits.

Fine as a kind of love story - I actually enjoyed it as such - but it's far too gentle for these pages.

big build up and a rushed ending lead to a big let down only one way to save it tow or three GOOD chapters. these six chapters would have been better as three longer ones and could have been cut down some by cutting the boring bits.don't know if it was worth the time it took to read.

do't pat yourself on the back to much for finishing this story because it isn't finished. reading this is like reading a book that has chapters missing especially the ending. your friend was right you left out the story sounds more like a first draft that needs to be run past a good editor to smooth out the wrinkles and make it readable and not boring. if you had used a good editor they would have told you it was not finished and to continue it so please continue and use a good editor. maybe think about a rewrite also.

you bore us for 6 chapters and give a shit endding do yourself and us a favor and delte the series and have a GOOD writer rewtire it then run it through a GOOD EDITOR.

don't worry about other bad comments.

it's supposed to be good, not just kinky.

good job, guy.

Make Karen a virgin who waited for the love of her life. Her brother. That is True love. Virginity seals a man and woman together forever.

Most of all I want to like the characters in a story. You did that. Thanks. And they all live happily ever after. - Patch

This was great for a number of reasons, the story didn't jump to quickly, the characters are believable and likeable, the mystery of what Karen's plan was kept drawing you in and it didn't fall into the majority of the pitfalls and cliché that other erotica heads into. Apart from the 'how could I of stayed away line' anyway ^.^

I really enjoyed this although I would say its more story than erotica really, but I kind of appreciated it all the more for that. Thanks for writing this.

Thank you author for a lovely story.

Why did you read the story, If as you say if it was "waste of time".

You wasted your time to make your OH so usual comment!.

Story was very well done!.

and as always I sign my name

ED

I'm pleased that people are still reading and commenting on this story.

I do have a completely different one fleshed out, but my major stumbling block is that I need to describe a woman's extreme sexual frustration and orgasm from her point of view. My editor is a woman, but also a dear friend with whom I have never had any kind of sexual relationship. I could never bring myself to ask "So, Nancy, what does it feel like when you have an orgasm"? If I did, I would never be able to look her in the face again.

That's one reason why I wish there were a way to search for editors by sex / sexual preference.

delete the series and have a GOOD WRITER rewrite it cutting out the boring garbage then run it through a GOOD EDITOR before reposting as is you posted six pages that should have been four at most and they should have been LONGER. keep searching you missed perfection by a long shot.

Good story line, as well as it is pretty well written. It did not rush ahead to fast and put me on the edge in some parts as well. Thanks for a good story and keep writing.

What a dumb cunt. Can't he go away and bug other web sites? I mean he's a terrible critic, unable to provide even the slightest bit if helpful advice, and keeps insisting on Pulitzer prize winning stories for free, from amateur writers!! I mean, everyone's entitle to an opinion, but this fag seems to be on a campaign to harass anyone who dares to attempt to write a story! You always know it's this prick, because all his comments are virtually identical. -He commented twice at least on this story, but that's also common practice for this creep.

See? He's got me so worked up, I'd forgotten what I wanted to say to the author after revisiting this tale again. Suffice to say that I'm looking forward to any further offering he/she may be posting in the future...

It's so full of love and well written.

I love a love story

Well done

Very well done. Love story of siblings that did take time to get together and stayed together. Just the way I like incest to be. If it starts as sister brother or mother son it should end with them together nobody in between them.

Well done.

Loved this story, it's a pity that the author didn't develop it on into a longer series.

Thank you for writing what is arguably the finest Literotica story in this genre. It is both a coming of age story and a love story. I especially liked the subtle courtship that led to their consummation. And what a consummation it was! It was in a class of its own in its brevity and seeming understatement. Contrasted with many sexual descriptions on this site, running for pages and pages ad nauseam, it had real class. And I loved the fact that you gave Karen a "cluster of red curls," in contrast with all the shaven (read pre-pubescent looking) girls on this site.

I agree, this is a wonderful story. It is warm, complex and sweet all at the same time. It reads like truth, not some fasntasy. This is by far one of the best I have read in a long time. I include the entire series in that statement.

My congradulations and compliments to Searchingfor perfection. In this story you found it.

There's a hell of a lot of emotion in your story which is missing in so many stories on this site. I also liked the way you structured it. I'm glad I found this story.

This was a nice and gentle love story between siblings. Thanks!

What a great concept, beautifully executed, loved it.

I didn't comment on the other parts of this story, just had to get to the next one. LOL. Truly enjoyed the entire series. Great story, not just wham bam thank you ma'am

Excellent! Loved the slow build! Great writing as well. Thank you.

Loved it