All Comments on 'Third Try's a Charm'

..these were too stupid to be believed. Aside from the sister, this protracted manifesto featured two people literally as dumb as posts. Reading this felt like watching a GOP presidential debate.

This cliche driven monologue should have dragged on for 3 pages at most.

And these two had it aplenty. Great to see a new Slirpuff story and hope it won't be so long before the next. I am glad that they got together again.

Long, but held my attention all the way. good character build up, realistic problems, but best of all, a great, happy ending. Thanks a bundle. (Did I ever mention to anyone on this site that I was born a cockney??)

I have been missing your stories. Thanks for the entertainment. Mike from Texas.

Tally Ho. here comes the yanks. TK U MLJ LV NV

The down side is that you pretty much made him the bad guy. In fact, Shannon did about everything possible to destroy him, including being guilty by deed with him almost getting killed. That he came around is a tribute to him. So, he was NOT the bad guy..he was the guy who had the hurt put on him. And what about Jerome. Did he get into Shannon's panties. Probably.

but for me this one suffered from being far too long, and from the characters both behaving rather stupidly at times. Sure, communication is a problem in marriage, but these two kind of took turns acting like complete babies.

Thanks, ohio

Sounds like people that I have known.

Thank you for writing another one SlirPuff. It has been quite a while!

I wait impatiently for any new story you write. You are my favorite writer. I wish you could write my fathers story. This story is as good as always.

The others are right, this is like an exercise in stupidity (for the characters!).

I had no "problems" with the story (despite all of em being stubborn idiots) until Shannon danced with Jerome, and Steve seeing that. Steve leaves, and is suddenly the bad guy. What. The. Hell.

Is this the SAME Jerome who had been pawing at Shannon? Is this the same Jerome who got Shannon hooked on drugs? Is this the same Jerome who ran over and almost killed Steve?

And Shannon dances with him, instead of slugging him? She doesn't blame him, or is even angry at him, AT ALL, for nearly destroying her life and marriage? WOW.

Why does Steve never ask Shannon why she even obliged for even one second to dance with the man who crippled, and nearly killed her husband?

I've liked most of your stories and you carried this one off pretty well. The plot, however, pretty much collapsed at the end. She knew her husband was on his way, she knew how he felt about Jerome, she knew all too well the history they were both trying to overcome and she's blithely dancing with this scumbag? Hubby leaves and now HE'S the bad guy? WTF? Walking away without explaining to the kids was, without question, a chicken-shit move, but walking away was definitely the right move. Wifey's attitude was pretty consistent throughout, the problem was never her or her actions, it was always her husband's fault for how he reacted. It never mattered what the husband said, thought, or felt. It never mattered how much her husband got hurt physically or emotionally. Repeatedly - she couldn't say no to a smooth-talking snake. Third time may be a charm but there ought to come a time when a man stops lying to himself, kids or no kids.

Please please get somebody to check your spelling.

slirpuff, you write about such horrible, unrealistic scenarios... you must have a complete mess of a personal life. You come across as a really sad and pathetic person. I know you're most likely just ignoring this since you so obviously don't care what people think of you... but I'm being 100% serious when I tell you that you really should get some professional help.

.

Characters need to grow throughout the story - these two idiots remained trapped in sophomoric adolescence for all 10 pages.

How does a women who has had her tubes tied get pregnant?

This was a great story as always, but it could have been better if Jerome, who caused a lot of the problems, hadn't gotten of scott free. He left the mess he caused to be cleaned up by someone else, and then came back and did it again. I look forward to your next story.

Always good day when we see one of your stories.

Posters slamming wife about the dance with Jermone- it was a bonehead move, but author wrote wife as one not to make "company waves" or crate a scene. However author had the husband respond the way anyone would feel seeing his wife dancing with Jermone (aside from the Navy SEAL/SAS/CIA/Karate Masters that would have kicked Jermones ass)Hubby just bailed.

Leaving the wife and Kids for England wa a fine plot device to add more conflict. The wife never said she was sorry for dancing with the guy who ran over her husband-wife just said hubby should have talked to her.

Thanks again for posting

A great story. Not very plausible or realistic though… but well written nonetheless.

The wife certainly had her faults. Many a man would have simply divorced her because of her drug abuse. As to her dancing with her former boss Jerome, who got her hooked on drugs. That certainly was a dumb move. She should have run away from him the instant he approached her at the party.

Both characters indeed had a grave communication problem. As to her ploy to use divorce as a means to get him back… that’s not going to work in the real world. It only serves to heighten tension and causes more pain, anguish and hatred.

Him running off to England without even saying goodbye to his kids was a coward’s way out though. I wonder what father could do that…

At the end Shannon is pregnant with their third child. But at the start of the story, you established that she had her tubes tied after having their son Robert… Incongruence? After all, you never said she had an operation to reverse the procedure… and you let it appear that the third child was an "accident". ("somehow she came up pregnant")...

A story this thin needs 2-3 pages max: the asinine characters become tedious beyond a couple pages.

Whoops. Reading mistake. It wasn't Jerome who got Shannon hooked on drugs, I think. He only provided drugs, as far as I can see (aside from trying to kill Steve). Still...

I've always enjoyed your stories. This one is among your best.

At first I thought it would be too long, but, in my view, it never lagged. You explored two people who actually appeared very human. They both had faults, and both owned up to them -- eventually. This may not be a typical family, but I certainly could believe they were "real".

You did an excellent job of not tipping off the ending early on. After all the twists and turns, the way it ended was certainly believable -- and unexpected.

Thanks for all your hard work on it.

I just thought that it was incomplete. I wish that Slirpuff would explained more about Shannon's relationship with Jerome. It would be hard to imagine that she wasn't banging him; at first to get her job and then to keep her in drugs.

Whether she was screwing him or not (I think that she was) Steve should have moved on. They could have worked together as friends for the sake of raising the kids. Steve could have found some one else and Shannon could have gone back to Jerome. She definitely enjoyed dancing with him and probably sleeping with him too. That might have been a happier ending.

Anyway, Steve and Shannon were certainly not the smartest two people in the world!

Thanks for sharing the story, Slirpuff!

MissouriUSA

Multiple angles of dissonance in this story, really needs an editor - felt hackneyed, unnecessarily long, and tedious.

These were educated and intelligent people. His concern for overweight, heart problems and death were well founded and while Shannon got upset, she undoubtedly would understand.

She went to Jerome when they broke up and claimed no sex - okay, but then she started working late again with Jerome - maybe okay.

Getting back together, going to a party and seeing her with Jerome - sure, he should have calmly confronted her and him - after all, Jerome was always at the bottom of her problems.

Now, in England he sees her get in a cab with another man - okay, she's single but that sure didn't take long and she had to think about going to London with him for four days and breaking her plans (her date?).

Okay, you took ten pages (all very good) and I'm taking a little more than a few words - BUT -if he was so concerned about her conduct, obviously suspicious of her relationship with Jerome and now, in short order, seeing a guy in London - I think you left some things out.

Yes, he was totally and emotionally in love with her but her dalliance was never discussed - something missing! Granted, he chased her away but it was a result of her conduct and his reaction. I would have never stopped loving her but I would never sleep with her again. I would, for the sake of the children, try to be friends but once she was with someone else, for any reason, done and done!

Believe it or not, I enjoyed your usual writing and story telling, I just don't see them spending their life together, sadly - but, she got overweight, she did drugs and I think she did Jerome and the guy in England - too bad because they were good for each other!

There is a Hungarian way of saying: "In the dark the all cows are same."

Tubes tied and pregnant? Wow.

with your storyline. let's see. a well educated woman, mother of 2 kids, starts an "affair" and take drugs wich leads to her husbands beeing a cripple.

And what are you doing ? it's all his fault. he is dumb, he is an asshole, he has no balles, he.. he.. he... he...

come back to ground major tom. he might not have been einstein for sure but without her "helping" he would still be a healthy man loving his wife.

and to finish if you fucking think this is erotic, well mister then go to hell and fuck one of your hellish women characters

There is something which is better in the Hungarian family law: the spouse must not/forbides to divorce from another ill-disable spouse.

Lack of communication can destroy any relationship, and I thought the two were done for, as I read toward the middle of the story. There was a lot of anger, from both sides, at various times. Which made their relationship appear doomed. The second encounter of seeing Jerome dancing with Shannon should have ended the relationship, completely. With no yo-yo emotions. When it dragged on, I figured there was reconciliation in the works.

I usually enjoy your stories, but this one left me annoyed and frustrated by the ineptness of the characters with their relationship. Also, the ending was a bit weak in comparison to the rest of the story. However, your writing ability, as usual, is above par. No reservations there.

"... Reading this felt like watching a GOP presidential debate." <p>

I've done neither, so perhaps I should do neither, either.

thank you for that. I couldn't imagine the torture of reading 9 more pages.

Credit should be given where credit is due, first off. I read it ALL at one time so the story has 'something'. The trouble is that it just has too much of that something. This is a uber- ambitious effort by the author who I hold in high esteem for many previous efforts. Other commentators have astutely noted plotting problems but here is my take on the story.

There's a number of woulda/ coulda been contenders for great short tight stories that could have been had from this matrimonial maelstrom. After couple pair off , spousal speedbump number one was riveting; the tightrope, that hubby had to balance upon when his wife started gaining weight and taking shears to hair making draconian changes aesthetically without consultation or notice . Brutal. I've been there. Done that. Bought the t-shirt. This thorny issue would have made a great short story in and of itself.

Likewise with Shannon' s inappropriate relationship with supervisor who seem to be hodge podge of racial stereotypes -no depth given to his character in terms of making the reader understand why Shannon would side with him over her husband. So that is potential great short story no.2.

That brings us to Steve's accident and rehab which could have been number three and for brevity's sake - his vocational transplant across the pond and taking parental sabbatical is the fourth p.g.s.s.

It was GREAT seeing Slirpuff's name in new submissions.He writes with heart and doesn't tilt at windmills. Sparks fly when his proletarian couples fight and fuck. The families of his stories have real lives and don't exist in some ephemeral suit and tie nirvana. Slirpuff swung from his heels in this novella and for my money well he whiffed. NO MATTER. Sooner or later this author ( just as most of his heroes ) will learn from his mistakes.

My own mother had her tubes tied after I was born, many many years ago, and I have a younger brother, it ain't fool-proof!!!

This was a great story, sad but great...lack of communication can ruin ANY relationship...ANY!!!

Slurpuff always starts story with verve but when this one opened up with narrator in wheelchair and getting served with divorce papers; I was hooked like speckled trout on eagle claw hook. OY! Poor bastard. WTF happened??? Fantastic .

PREDICTABLE...a fat self centered vile arrogant cow that is drug addict who lies all the time... starts seeing the man who crippled her husband... and her Initial reaction is " whats the big deal?"

This is so extreme so hateful that the only way this wretchedly silly author cant get around that is to SUDDENLY have this weak willed wimp leave his kids for 2 years?

awful.

Slirpuff, this story is in my view a gem. It's also one of the very best short stories I've read. First, it includes a current day health issue we face today, secondary diabetes, which often affects both adult and children of the western world. In an earlier submission you centered that story in the U.S. health care system with its high cost of medical services.

The story line itself is well thought out and shows balance. Steve and Shannon both make mistakes; but humans make mistakes; fortunately, all turned out well for the family in the end. To me, it would seem difficult not to see Steve and Shannon together given that neither really made any major mistakes in their marriage; and from their beginnings as a couple Steve and Shannon seemed to be the perfect couple.

Question: why don't authors of short stories like you provide readers with some information on "location" - by which I mean where the story takes place, the climate, the season of year, where they live and where they work, etc. In this story I know that Steve took a job in England for 2 years but I don't know where in the U.S. most of the story played out.

a very read in deed! But you never fail us. Thanks

Two-dimensional characters, gaping plot holes, distasteful cliches, a stain upon this author's body of work.

Another thing, you had her tubes tied then she turns up prego?

I don't think so. They cut them inches apart, TIE them, then cauterize the ends to insure they don't grow back.

I'll never believe her "drug dealer" boss wasn't fucking the bitch. And finally, HOW THE HELL could she justify dancing with the man who CRIPPLED her husband and WHY would she be surprised when he's terribly upset.

Cut the story by five chapters and have him "fix" her boss with finality. That would have been a "good" loving wives story.

You write SO WELL that it's hard to stop reading even when what I'm reading is so unbelievable.

Poor guy, no one, not even his own sister was on his side.

One story point. You write "More than once I'd wake up sweating from the stabbing pain, hitting that dam red button until my thumb hurt, or the nurse came in to tell me to stop." The nurse would not have done that. The dosage delivered by the pump is regulated. The patient may not overdose, period. The patient is allowed to push the little red button as much as they desire for the placebo effect.

Regarding Jerome, it could have happened the way she said at the party just before Steve bolted for Bristol, or wherever.

But how long would it really take for her to slap him as hard as she was able?

Very sad story. Thanks for writing.

And this was great until it just kept getting more and more and fucking more unbelievable

I frankly hated your male character. As I typed this I thought about how old he was given the kids, college and all that and then came to the conclusion he must have been about eighteen. Why, because of the incredible immaturity he continues to show everyone around him in reacting to almost every situation he is confronted with.

Shannon had her tubes tied after her second child. so it is impossible for her to be pregnant in england. How could shirpuff screw the ending up..

at some point doesn't he ask what shes been doing and with whom?// You don;t need to dress to the nines to go out after work with the staff.

it is possible for a woman to become pregnant after having her tubes tied. I now have 15 yr old twins to prove it. The tubal ligation somehow came undone/tied. I also know 2 other women who are friends of mine that had it happen.

Slirpuff good to read another of your stories. I enjoyed it. Hope to read more soon.

That's who I disliked most in this piece. She came off as so smug and all-knowing. Giving him advice and if he follows it, oh he followed it wrong. Or instead of backing her brother, she plots behind his back with the woman who made him miserable in the first place. Maybe behind the scenes she was giving Shannon a piece of her mind too, but we never saw that except for that one little bit at the hospital after the accident.

And the dance with Jerome...that was a dealbreaker right there. He was the one filling her head with that fat sexy woman tripe and getting her to change. He helped her either get hooked on real drugs or just helped her relapse. He almost helped kill her husband. And she has NO resentment built up against the guy who ruined her marriage that he can show up and surprise her and dance with her and have her not do anything? Wow, just wow.

I forgot to mention this, it's a doozy:

"Steve, for one he could wipe the floor with you, and secondly, I'd probably lose my job, so please cool it. I can handle Jerome and anyone like him at work. You know I need this job. Right now I'm making a good name for myself and I don't need you messing with that. You best bite your tongue and let me worry about Jerome."

Think about what Shannon is saying. REALLY think about it.

So, Jerome is more of a man than Steve in her eyes, it's totally OK for Jerome to insult, talk down to, and humiliate Steve because her job is more important than Steve is, and Steve should just accept the abuse and not whine about it. After all, she can "handle" Jerome and any like him at work, right?

Wading through the extra verbiage in this story was difficult. The first page alone could have told us the guy’s mom was obese and he was concerned about being the same. End of description. How a couple met twenty years ago almost never has any bearing on the story and is a study in futility to describe the dating ritual of teens, or whatever they were. You have some interesting plots and a good imagination, but you include way more than is needed or wanted in a short story. I suspect more than a few readers dropped out before the end of this marathon.

thoroughly enjoyable, I find it quite realistic despite some comments to the contrary. As for the length, it's a matter of taste, some prefer the Reader's Digest version, I enjoyed the background details that helped better understand the characters' thinking process and behaviour. Thanks !!

Much of the following has already been stated by others, so I'll summarize below.

The good: The story flows nicely and has some twists and turns that keep the reader's attention. I think the plot, though it contained themes that themselves were not new, was original in the way the plot elements were put together.

The bad: The story could have been shorter and tighter, and an editor might have caught the spelling and grammatical errors. We learned extraneous information about parental obesity but nothing about Jerome. What were his motivations? How was he at the party since he had been transferred? And if Shannon had a new boss after Jerome's transfer, why would she cozy up to him when he "grabbed her" for a dance? Lots of coincidences strain credulity. Her tubal ligation failed, so she gets pregnant just after reconciling with Steve?

The ugly: Stupidity and stubbornness are the two themes for this story. When the police questioned Steve after Jerome struck him, why didn't Steve point out that he saw Jerome give Shannon drugs that she snorted? Why wouldn't the police investigate Jerome for attempted murder of the man whose wife he was probably screwing and providing illegal drugs? And true to form for this author's stories, hubby is a wimp and just leaves. Why didn't he confront Shannon, if not at the party, then after? If Jerome were to attack Steve, after he nearly killed him with his car, wouldn't Jerome finally have some criminal inditements heading his way? Why didn't Steve just file for divorce rather than simply departing? And he said it himself, a cell phone picture would have been worth a thousand words; why didn't he think of it?

This story was a RAAC (reconciliation at all costs) tale that unfortunately lacked eroticism and lacked credibility. I'm surprised Harry hasn't yet commented. Despite his derogatory and personal attacks, he's often right and to the point. I'd be interested in his opinion, just for completeness . . .

You may want to alter your story a bit to account for Shannon having her tubes tied early in the story and getting pregnant at the end.

Loved your work.

Good catch Mousse9! That is pretty strong circumstantial evidence that Shannon was probably banging ole Jerome somewhere along the line! She definitely wasn't afraid to remind Steve about his own limitations. Steve should get the hell away from her.

I think this is a genuinely good story about second chances in a relationship ( or maybe third) but I concur that it is weighed down in detail. Don't get me wrong, I think details are a good thing and can add a lot to a story ....I just think that too many wear a reader out ...but do keep writing ....

"Shannon had her tubes tied before she even left the hospital." Don't you find it strange that she would get pregnant on Page 10? Some of us actually do pay attention to what we read. What the hell? I gave it Five Stars anyhow!

sorry on your loss LABLE I.R. CRAP ...you took a guy and cucked him... then made him the bad guy....not your best

it is a good story, but as mouse brought up the tubes being tied, and how in sam hill could she see jerome again, and even dance with him considering the damage he did??? Not logical, and unbelievable especially with her husband becoming the bad guy?!? Bcause of this a 4.

I'm not sure about the banging (personally I think Shannon was flirting like crazy), but the total disrespect for Steve is very much there, and Shannon thinks of Jerome as more of a man than Steve.

I know I'm being redundant, but it's a very clear lack of respect AND love for her husband, for Shannon to dance with the guy who crippled and nearly killed Steve. The disrespect for Steve when she danced with Jerome was hinted at in her earlier comment. And she thinks STEVE is the bad guy? Blame the victim indeed.

I wonder what Shannon would say or do if the situation had been reversed. Steve "does stuff" with some woman at work (we STILL don't know whether Shannon was banging Jerome), Shannon doesn't like it, and the other woman stabs her or something. Shannon nearly dies, and afterwards, Steve is dancing with that woman! Clearly, that's no big deal, for Steve to dance with her!

What an interminable slog that was. And by the end I was so sick of their immature posturing that I wouldn't have cared if they'd all died in a car crash. I think the author thought of the title first, then manipulated the characters and plot to suit the number three. He's done much better, but then almost every author on this site is finding it harder and harder nowadays to come up with something new which isn't at the same time stupid or unbelievable.

Geez, dude, it's all been pretty much downhill for you since "Life After Death", hasn't it? It's never a good thing when it takes 3 pages for a story to start making any sense and, believe me, I'm being kind to say that this story actually did that at any point. While Shannon may not be Carol from "Life After Death", in a lot of aspects, she may be worse. Don't even get me started on this incarnation of Steve Moore. Trust me, he gets wimpier with every story.

To your credit, your writing skill is as sharp as ever but, man, you need to make, at least, one of your characters likable.

I could not understand how could the wife divorce from a disable husband????!!!! Does the family law allows to divorce from a disable spouse in the mostly states of the USA ????!!!! Is it true????!!!!

Parts of the wedding wows: We help ech others in good in bad in health in ILLNESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shannon, Jerome and the man that I'll call coward, are nothing more than selfish prickhounds who should have the good grace to never procreate.

Coward never once had the balls to stand up to his wife and confront her about her issues until it was too late and then he handled it wrong. It was painful to watch him yell, blame, accuse and generally treat her like shit while doing the smae things she did.

Shannon was supposedly a driven woman and yet, two kids and 6 weeks of rest and she never goes back to running? Because...why exactly?

Jerome was a douchebag who handed coke to a colleague in order to get into her pants. Nice guy, outta have him over for family get togethers, while everyone esle brings potluck, he can supply the drugs.

Last but not least, this was so long, I quit reading at chpt. 6.

I read one of your stories a few months back and then proceeded to read everything you wrote, it was all great. Having not seen a submission from you for a while I thought you were retired but now I see where you have been. Great story, it took me 2 days to read it with my screwed up schedule but it was worth it.

Like real life. Very compelling. Yes they are both idiots but who here hasn't ever been. Love your work and thanks for sharing.

Your writing is excellent. Your stories are interesting and more sophisticated than what is usually found on this website. You are one of the few good authors. Please continue to submit your stories.

why do you always blame the guy? more importantly, why do you always have the family blame the guy? i know he made some fucked up choices, but nothing as bad as she shannon. also, who wouldnt be pissed when she danced with jerome? the guy who pretty much said he wants to fuck your wife, here somes coke and oh yea, the fucker you nearly killed you! wow, he was totally in the wrong for being upset, huh? or that shannon wanted to take thing slow after 6 months. maybe its because im a guy, or not retarded but can you write a fucking story where the guy acts like a fucking man and not a pussy or let fucking everyone treat him like shit? just so you fuckers dont hate on me too much, let me say this-there is only so much you can put up with and he did. yea he prob could have handled it better but he did try, over and over again. he stayed through her weight problem, diet pills addiction, and her coke problem. the accident and her attitude would drive most ppl insane.

how the hell could she dance with the nigger?

The good: The characters were realistic. He was an ass, she was a VERY stupid woman. She had a temper too. Intersting to discuss addiction in the story. That has a big role in destroying marriages

The bad: Her tubes were tied in the third page. It dragged on. It could have lost two pages and kept it's tenor. Missing quote marks.

But the writing has wildly improved.

I wouldn't have put this in loving wives.

Unfortunately this isn't one of them. Tedious, one dimensional characters, simplistic cliche-driven plot, and impossibly stupid protagonists make this an awful read.

I definitely couldn't stomach all 70 comments in order to see if someone else took you to task on my concern, BUT you really left a big hole in this story. Shannon admits in her own words that Jerome, knowing her addiction, lures her back into it, and that he intentionally tried to seriously injure Steve (if not kill him)! Then why in the world would she even speak to him, be in the same room with him, much less dance with him in the presence of all their fellow employees who knew what he had done. With all of the (supposed) love that you have indicated Shannon has for Steve, how can the above behaviour be anything less than completely irrational. YOU BLEW IT!!!!!!

he really is 200%

make a man a real man and pls all of u writer think about what u will do if u r the husband of ur stories u write if even then u make man a wimp then call yourself worthless person who should have born as girl then boy

I loved and hated both main characters and that was the fun of your wonderful story Slirpluff. As the Ohio Players so eloquently stated. "Whoo Whoo Whoo, Say Whaaaat. Love, roller coaster of luv!". Thank you Slirpluff for graciously and generously sharing your storytelling talents with me and all of Lierotica.

My oh my, what a roller coaster ride! I’m glad to have read this all in one sitting. The story was full of twists and turns, introspection and angst. My kudos to you on such an enjoyable and well written tale.

There was only one glaring technical error having to do with Shannon being pregnant at the end (a condition made impossible by having had her tubes tied). That last pregnancy made the ending seemed rushed. But that mistake was easily forgivable.

The only major criticism I had with the story was the casual attitude everyone exhibited about drug addiction. Shannon goes from a serious addiction to diet pills (speed), to an addiction to cocaine. After having supposedly kicked the habit, she relapses with only the slight hesitation when offered a free snort from her dealer (Jerome).

Once an addict, always an addict; the mere fact that Sue attests to Shannon having passed a drug test is no guarantee of her continued sobriety. The husband was justified in being skeptical of her status at every turn, and Shannon should have understood his apprehension. Instead she takes offense.

The fact that Shannon did not immediately leave the party when her former dealer made an appearance was deeply troubling. It would have been more reasonable for her husband to expect her to quit that company and remove herself from the environment. These solutions never occur to her, and she was not prepared to do either.

This story is the only one I’ve read where the husband is pussy-whipped by his own sister. Stephen Moore is the only clear thinking character in this story and yet he succumbs because everyone else convinces him that since he is in the minority of one, he is just being a hard-ass…or an asshole as Shannon reminds him.

In the end, your story is so compelling that however flawed the characters; I’m pleased at the end that Stephen and Shannon were able to save their marriage.

I found this to be a very entertaining read. It was so compelling I was damn near cheering at the ending – they did deserve each other, for good reasons not bad. They finally clicked, noticeably away from Jerome’s baleful influence.

Yes, I have the suspicions about Jerome and Shannon, and it would have been better had we had insights into what really went on between them. We will never know, but she really did need to be taken to task about her shallowness – dancing with asshole would have been enough to send me a little loopy for obvious reasons. However, according to the story line (remember that? – the author’s storyline) she showed sufficient contrition to make the ending realistic. She had been thinking of, and working for, him behind the scenes for a long time, as attested by Sue. That is the kind of devotion which really means something. Then, after all, she was willing to uproot the kids and herself for at least 14 months so they had a chance to reconnect on all levels. Please, don’t anyone try to tell me that any of that was superficial!

By the way, whilst thinking positively, I happen to think that the guy with whom she was seen getting into the cab, was someone who was offering her employment, which she eventually took. I don’t think for a moment that there was any romantic or sexual connotation in that. Think about the facts – she was plotting to try and stay with him in England, so why would she abase herself by getting involved with someone else.

A very good story Slirpuff – lots of thought and emotion went into this novella. It was a little long but I have plenty of time and never mind expending it on reading your excellent work.

Good to see you back and thank you.

letting everyone (including himself) run all over your "hero." So what if Jerome is so big, at least the man would have the self-respect of knowing he tried . . . .

As far as the wife, I would have left as he did after even a wiff of contact at the last party with Jerome. She totally disrespected herself, not to mention her husband by even staying NEAR the bastard. Burn her . . . .

Sad that you're not the man you used to be, Slirpuff - your masochism, like your hero's, is showing.

First of all, glad to observe this author is writing again. We thought the king of wimps from across the pond was MattM & Britease but this story is serious competition. Overall, well written but the slut & the wimp seem so "blonde" that it takes away from the story. On a lighter note, at least there was the typical RACC type of bullshit ending.

I could have sworn that it said she had her tubes tied after the second kid but in the end she's preggo again?

Real characters with real problems. I can really relate to the weight issue. I've always been kind of a health nut where my better half wasn't. I'm talking nutrition and exercise. As I was trying to convert her to a healthier lifestyle I got a lot of flack from her friends telling me I was a chauvinistic pig and that I should be ashamed of myself for trying to make her look like a Barbie Doll. No matter how much I protested they wouldn't relent. She even parroted their objections whenever she didn't want to exercise with me. It all turned out for the best. Now, I think she runs more than I do. Thank you for a great story. The only regret I had was that Steve didn't tell the police what really happened to cause the accident but the way you told it was actually more realistic. Most people would have left the drugs out. Again, great story.

from every other low-rent crap story in this category, might be worthy of a "good try" for a first-time author but for Slirpuff this is a step backwards. Have a new idea, or at least a good one, for your next submission; this one was embarrassing.

I've known a couple who she had her tubes tied and he had a vasectomy and she still got pregnant. It's rare, but it does happen.

I gave this a 1* It was way to long.

So she's approached by the drug pusher who ruined her life, but instead of hitting him or pushing him away, she dances with him? And then SHE is incensed that her husband sees this as an enormous betrayal? The female character is just not realistic

and her husband's reactions to her constant betrayals seem quite reasonable.

Knowing very well Steve's problems with fat bodies - how could she lend an ear to Jerome's taste for meaty women? Obviously, that was behind all the changes she made at that time (also her hairdo and the disrespect). But in her mind, it was Steve's fault that the marriage went downhill the first time. Afterwards, she again blames Steve for getting her off the pill-addiction, and - later on - getting addicted to cocaine is also not her fault. She is just a bit "sorry" in her letter and blames it on the stress. And she calls him a wimp when he is suffering of the pain he got in consequence of her misbehaviour. As the guilty party, she should have been the one going for reconcilliation in pursuit of the counselling, but she hesitates to move in with him again.

As many other commenters already pointed out: the final and absolute no-go was her dance with the main culprit and thinking it is not a big deal. How could Steve - even considerung the kids - go for reconcilliation after this? She is not worth a try!

One more remark about the storyline: it drags on an on over 10 pages and obviously many years - but the children never grow up!

In spite of the critics below lol -

The stubbornness and carelessness of both of them is somewhat text book, I admit but you handled it well and with compassion -

They both finally got the important points, 2 children, and then got there own acts straight -

Nice work thank you for it

...DO happen, usually resulting in ectopic pregnancies.

This is a great story, but the dancing with Jerome was a little over the top. I can't see how anyone would dance with the guy that got her hooked on drugs and crippled her husband. He pretty much ruined her life. Any normal women would have scratched his eyes out. great job. keep on writing.

Was she ever, in any way involved with Jerome...he would have been constantly all over her.

And, whe she got fed up and said she was going out to find a real man - did she find a few.

For a guy who had nightmares about her conduct, you never dealt with that!

Thanks for a good story though!

the man is a wimp. she sleeps around does drigs and the husband is the bad guy? you are a fuctard slirpuff. a real retarted wimp of a motherfucker....die.

Anon 4/14/13

While I am happy to comment as Anon. I don't spout this type of vitriol. You keep that up and I can understand why writers only allow comments from users. Don't spoil for the rest of us anon peps.

You want to abuse people get out from your shroud of anonymity.

Enjoyed this. This is a real test of better or worse on both sides and seeing it through with communication

No cheating despite some comments

Not sure about being preggie after tubes tied. I know it can happen but very rare

While I realize this is fiction It strikes really close to home. My first wife had this problem but I stuck with her. I gave up a chance of real happiness with a friend that was drop dead gorgeous because I loved my wife's son. Yes, her son not mine. But it soon fell apart and she moved in with her cousin. Two years later she gave birth to another son that wasn't mine. Seven years later her children found her dead. I guess she had forgotten how many pills she had taken. Were we still married? YES.

She was a cunt and a niggers coke whore. She fucked Jim over every best possible and even had to follow him to a foreign country to whore in front of him,

This is a 10 page cuck story from dating to this gives ending,

List of sins:

She goes off and dates when they are 'taking a break'. She should have mentioned that. And it was JEROME. Please note well.

When they tried to reconcile, she choose JEROME's date as more important than a guy she'd been seeing for years. This was dismissed stupidly by the writer.

She lets JEROME drool all over her during dancing and tells hubby to fuck off about the issue. She also came in WAY LATE from that dance

She goes ballistic about things when he raises an important and valid concern re weight...and she fights him every step of the way instead of trying to make things even a little better. Oh yes...and she's lunching with Jerome three times a week....and NOT telling hubby about it. Classy!

She becomes hooked on diet pills. She blames hubby for harshing her mellow.

She becomes addicted to coke...thanks to...once again...Jerome.

She tries a stupid trick to try to get her husband to reconcile aka ambush by divorce.

And she DANCES with JEROME AFTER they are desperately trying to reconcile and she's in a weak position. Honestly...why did you write any more after this? That should have put this whole story to bed right there. I don't care about her excuses. She has CONSISTANTLY and CONSTANTLY chosen Jerome over the feelings of her husband and you the writer force dismissed this. Show me a single instance where he should be justified in NOT feeling Jerome is her first choice? There is nothing. Period.

Oh yes, and she is ANGRY at her husband for her own actions which lead to this point. Yes, it was on behalf of the kids...so this doesn't really count.

He IS a controlling asshole about her weight initially. She can be wrong but that doesn't make him right.

He flies off the handle after being crippled.

So honestly...while I can see the occasional bursts of sweetness from this woman, and while occasionally I feel sorry for her, in truth, I don't like her very much and the balance of sins is very much weighted against her.

Both husband and wife were shitheads. Who really cares about them? Too long, you really dragged the reader through a sea of ugliness. The biggest problem I have with this is piece is that Jerome deserved a bullet in his head before this miserable wordy tale ended.

this is why I say what I say about slirpuff, no matter what the wife does. its always the husbands fault. even when it something she did wrong, he puts it back on the husband. when the husband fucks up, he's burned at the stake. its slirpuiff normal MO.

For some authors, unless the husband is perfectly supportive and understanding of all the wife's failings he is to blame for it all. Bullshit.

Steve is what I would consider to be a somewhat normal person. He has some quirks and some issues but most of them are pretty justified. He lost both parents to eating problems, one simply eating too much and the other because of diabetes. He is absolutely correct to be concerned about excess weight and proper diet. Seeing how large Shannon's mother is raises a very real specter of similar problems for Shannon. Yeah, a woman's weight is a sensitive topic but he explains his concern and Shannon blows him off. Here's a reality; Steve is a guy focused on healthy living. Shannon is well aware of this. He would have trouble living with an overweight wife who couldn't even go for a long walk and didn't seem to care about keeping herself healthy. He is human and maybe didn't say every word just right but, sorry, he isn't required to. Shannon, over simply discussing the topic, is ready to drop the relationship or at least shake him up enough to drop the subject; which is what he did. He was prophetic in that it happened far worse than he worried it might. Not only overweight but a drug habit to go along with it.

Someone who nurses somebody through a drug rehabilitation is a saint. Period! It is unearned hell and he stood beside her. He gave her the tough love she needed to quit. By doing that he proved himself far more of a man than Jerome and deserved a pass on any piddling actions he may have taken that were slightly less than perfect.

Jerome, dear Jerome. Steve warned her. She arrogantly dismissed him, just like she dismissed his concerns about weight. So Jerome becomes her connection to and sometimes supplier of drugs. And what else? Is Steve really out of line thinking that this smarmy ass, who his wife defends, might be up to more than what is obvious? Steve is furious when he finds them dancing. The question is, why isn't Shannon furious that Jerome approaches her? He connected her to hard drugs and provided some of them. He almost killed her husband. He contributed to the destruction of her marriage. Why, when he approached, didn't she recoil from him like the deadly snake he was? NEVER does she appreciate Steve's view of this or recognize her own culpability. If HER reaction was as it SHOULD have been, Steve would never have left.

Steve was right about her weight and about Jerome. Yet, he is painted as being paranoid. Shannon, in the end, just moves past everything. She never really thanks him for his support kicking her habits and never really apologizes. She never recognizes that he was right to be concerned about weight, drugs, and Jerome.

So after going through hell with a grossly overweight, drug addict of a wife and almost dying WHAT did he do? Why, he jumped to a conclusion when seeing her dancing with her drug supplier. Why, why, why how MALE of him to do that!!!! How absolutely unacceptable and unforgivable!!! What bullshit! Shannon is a Teflon character. All the garbage that SHE inflicts upon their marriage never sticks to her in the slightest. Steve's slightest imperfections are magnified to be the cause of all their problems. If Steve could just learn how to settle down, everything would be just fine. wouldn't it? Maybe if Shannon could have learned to reasonably manage her weight, refrain from becoming a drug addict multiple times, and learn how to judge people of low character and avoid them there might have been fewer problems.

It's all well written and the story certainly pulls you along but it is unrelentingly stupid and biased to blame Steve for the whole mess.

Steve's character was mixed, positive and negative. He was a fucking coward for not reporting Jerome for supplying coke to his wife, nothing much would have been done to her, legally, for using. Jerome was doing the big no-no. He should have reported him then he wouldn't have been back to dance with Shannon. His anger and disgust, hatefulness until his kids were afraid of him was inexcusable. He should also have waited and talked with Shannon instead of just running away in a snit. I would have been upset, too but i would have certainly talked. Shannon was an idiot, she should have walked away when Jerome started dancing with her. With their history and her knowing that Steve was due there any time she was a fool. For all she knew Jerome would get her involved with dope again, he could have forced a snort of coke on her and she could not have stopped it as she had to breathe. Both characters left a lot to be desired, both had some redeeming qualities. If I had to do it over I would not have read it, too stressful. I know, I get too involved.

Slirpuff, you have now pulled STANG story. Too fucking long and a total fucking shit of a story. Why would any MAN kept a woman like her A crack head, diet pill addict Likes Black cock. The solution is a 38special.

Some of you take this way to serious, If you think this isn't real watch the real who dunit shows. Did this happen, who knows; but could it have been non-fiction? Absolutely! People are complex and don't always do what others would expect. It happens, get over it and enjoy the story or stop reading it.

I thank you for you efforts, I enjoyed reading the story. It did what a good story should do ant that is pull you in.

Please keep writing.

Good job again Slirpuff!

5/5