All Comments on 'Three Square Meals Ch. 033'

Amazing read, soooo well worth the wait! I hope you have many more chapters coming for us... 😀

Thanks a lot for writing this story

Harald

Glad you liked it!

I'm about 20% through the next chapter at the moment, which wraps up the battle around Port Medea. Chapter 34 will probably be up by about Wednesday next week.

Tefler

Aaaand now I'm very suspicious of those AI remarks. I have my eye on you, Tefler! <3

Incredible chapter, really got the Adrenalin flowing. Very excited to see how the world building develops, especially from the perspective of a group who is tangentially involved but not a direct part of anything, at least not yet anyway, although I'd hate to speculate either way.

Same person as last time with the edit log thing, could you date when the changes go live, I hate to put more work on you but I don't know of any way of keeping a record as an Anon user, maybe people with accounts have that though and that would be an easier way of me going about this.

One small suggestion if you're struggling to describe Jade would be to use Lenarran as it feels like you rarely use that descriptor, unless that's intentional of course.

Eagerly awaiting chapter 34 and beyond.

I love the chapter,can't wait for the next. Glad you showed that there are still some personal demons left in the ladies. Was actually in away glad that you made that battle not completely in there favor and how Jade show that they really need new tech. Can't wait till we what Dana can do with new tech and this battle will probably show them that you are only as strong as the weakest tech you have. But having the strongest tech isn't aways the best either just look at Germany in ww2 the had some of the best tanks but strategy and production can win just aswell. So let's see how well Rachel fits in with the rest of the girls.

This is one of the best stories on Lit. It has a little bit of everything, romance, action, sex, and human interest. Plus the adventure hero stuff. Keep up the outstanding work, I look forward to the next chapter.

Wolf_Man_1962

I check every day knowing that you probably won't have the next installment. It's like a drug. Great Series.

Awesome action in this chapter, I'll bet it was fun to write. Didn't seem to take too long to get it posted either. A great swash buckling alien adventure with a great storyline and a cast of lusty characters. Look forward to the next instalment. Cheers

This would make the greatest Movie ever

Brilliant chapter as always! Did not notice errors this time.........did u get a new editor? I want to apply if you haven't!!!!!!!!!

The crew is definitely pushed to their limit.

Jade was almost shot off the sky, the new enemy proving much tougher and despite the tactics used the cannot really overcome the numeric disadvantage.

Also now they found Rachel they can't rescue her and leave all the rest of the survivors to fend to them self nor can they fight off entire invading fleet with their relatively smaller ship.

Waiting for the next chapter to see how you'll resolve this.

What a saga! Thanks again for this excellent story.

You are a magician of words.. it is a spell binding tale.. hats off to you friend.. waiting for the next chapter impatiently...:)

Sadly, you are losing out on a lot of negative feedback, anyone still reading you story is unlikely to be bad mouthing you :) Not that you leave a lot to complain about.

Keep up the great work, I look forward to every new chapter.

Great chapter, had me at the edge of my seat the entire time. Can't wait for the next one!

So, how is next chapter going? Can we have it now? This is an amazing story and I can't wait to see what is next!

It's rare to find a story that requires the reader to read it. It stops being a choice to read and becomes a frantic race to the next word and the next and the next until in panic we run out and pray that we merely missed the words we fear most "to be continued"

Looking forward

Love the action chapters as much as the sex ones...perhaps I am just loving a great author, keep going, and please keep the action as much as the sex!

Thanks for another great chapter. Liked seeing John not waiver when hard decisions had to be made, and can't wait for the "thank God we're alive" orgy when they're all safe on the ship.

PS: since you mentioned AIs existing in this world, I'm hoping to see some sort of Bio-Android join the crew. Bio so that she can still be knocked up by everyone's favorite hybrid.

While most literotica stories are full of sexy times and little plot, this whole series differs from the norm and is easily by far, my favorite. Last chapter, I expressed some concerns about Dana, but now those fears are gone like they have never existed. I like how Alyssa and Dana really bonded like Alyssa and the rest of the crew so far with her telepathic communication skills. Also, jades little battle had me worried that she was going to die. But NO WORRIES, im relieved that jade pulled through. This chapter had my heart pounding and my butt at the edge of my perverbial seat! Well done tefler! I look forward to johns girls *thanking* him in a future chapter

Sincerely, a guy who has been reading since chapter five came out.

Ps, what I meant by differing from the norm is that this story has ACTUAL plot but with sexy times written in (and very well written sexy times if you get my drift).

Enjoying this series immensely!

Tefler, another thanks to an amazing story that takes an amazing mind to write. To more stories :)

Epic badassery.

When you run out of ways to show your apriciation. And words like Epic, Awesome, Prefect and Superior don't even come close to this master piece of joy. So you make an account to try to show your gratitude.

Now to the Story

I wonder how quickly Dana her AI will be of use. How John is planning to get everyone safe because he can't just leave all those people behind, can he? But being outnumbered like that seems like mission impossible...

I feel like we're miles away from the end of this story what gives me mixed feelings. I want to know how it ends. But I don't want it to stop. Can Dana invent something for that?

- Me

How dare you stop it there?!?! I'm so angry with you. The battle was so awesome

It seems like lots of you enjoyed this chapter which is very rewarding to hear. Thanks everyone for the nice comments!

I've written about 5k words of Chapter 34, so I'm making good progress so far.

To address a couple of questions I've been asked:

I've started working with a new editor since my last one was no longer able to commit the time to editing. I reread Chapter 33 after I posted it and couldn't spot any errors, so I think he did a really great job. Thanks a lot new (anonymous) editor! Also, a big thank you to my old editor, who spent many hours discussing story points with me, and ploughing through each chapter with detailed edits.

About the AI. I'm sure that all that exposition about homicidal AI's was just pure coincidence, and background world building. It seems very unlikely anyone would be foolish enough to experiment with artificial intelligence, knowing the usual consequences... ;-)

I'm pleased people seemed to like the way Dana and Alyssa bonded. The other Terran girls aren't psychic, so they needed a little extra emotional push to open up enough to let Alyssa create a strong link with them. Of course in Dana's case, that also gave her what she's been feeling like she's missed out on for all those years.

Love the saga. Best thing I've read in a long time

Can't believe how it just keeps getting better and better, it does though. Looking forward to seeing lots more of this story.

I hope that by the time this fantastic story has run its course that you have enough to compile into a book and send it to a publisher. Been reading since the first page and it has really evolved into this fantastic epic of a story. I look forward to reading more

Several chapters ago, you had some comments from MelanPonca. I think they were all very interesting. But I especially want to second his plea that you have an actual end in mind for the story. It is beyond disappointing to find that so many pretty good stories are left orphaned, no end in sight. I usually refuse to start reading a series until there is an ending posted. But, once in a while I take a chance and start one, hoping that it reaches an actual conclusion. In your case, I find I really enjoy what you are producing and hope like hell that you can finish this tale (not too soon, mind you). Thank you for your work.

'Unsuspecting' Kintark in the middle of a hostile invasion seems rather farfetched ^^. If they had contact with the first group which was wiped out, they should be worried about the contact that no longer exists. If there was no contact, they should be even more aware because there could be terrans everywhere.

That aside, what I love about your stories is that awesome stuff can happen without shit being thrown their way, so I'm not complaining about the occasional bout of 'unrealism'

So another thank you for this awesome chapter (I agree with the other commentors) and I look really forward to the next one

Live what and where this story is doing and going. Started it for the erotica but love what it is. I keep looking for more chapters.

...personally I don't have much interest in an AI crew member. I think it is the special nature of the crew and their awe at finding ways that they have evolved beyond regular people that helps make them relatable characters. The nature of AI preclues that.

However...having them go up against an AI villain...well....

-Mike

Maybe it's just my love of all things draconic, but I'm really hoping that John ends up recruiting a sexy female kintark for his crew. Adding a kintark princess or the like to his crew could possibly lead to an alliance. Another possibility could be an outcast of the kintark society, which would fit in with John's predilection for picking up strays. Anyway, fingers crossed!

Have you considered consolidating into a book and putting it on Amazon?

This is a wonderful story and I hope you continue writing. Actually, I was hoping to get tips from you about writing. I struggle writing conflicts and battle scenes. Do you have any tips for new writers or things that have helped with your writing that you would not mind sharing?

I have a main story arc planned out, with a number of key plot points that need to happen along the way. I'm then working my way through them as I progress with the story.

I'm still really enjoying the writing, and don't seem to have run out of steam yet! Chapter 34 is about 80% done, as I had a busy weekend and didn't have a lot of free time to get it completely done.

I've only been writing for four months myself, so it feels a bit presumptuous to be offering advice! Still you asked, so I'll do my best to answer.

I've watched a lot of scifi shows and movies, and played countless hours of pc games, so my battle scenes are heavily influenced by those. The latest fight with the kintark was based on the old xwing games where you had to race around stopping tie-bombers from blowing up vulnerable rebel ships and bases. When Im writing space battles with the Invictus I tend to be thinking of the pcgames: homeworld and sins of a solar empire, or the show Babylon 5.

I tend to think of a specific scene that I think would look cool, then I fill in the blanks to make it happen. To make the battles more compelling, you need to have some personal stake involved for your characters, and hopefully if your readers like your characters, they will be rooting for them to succeed.

There needs to be a sense of danger involved, so you have to throw challenging opponents in to make it interesting. If you go overboard with the threat though, it might seem too unrealistic when your characters succeed. It's a very fine line to tread! You can see by the comments I receive after every chapter that sometimes I go too far in either direction, but generally I think I've got it about right.

I submitted the latest chapter for approval this morning. Hopefully it should be up in a couple of days...

Uh boy, this might be a long one. I feel kinda bad that I didn’t comment before, but I actually went through all of this in about two days and I was enraptured. I remembered to rate, at least.

First things first, this is an awesome tale. It got me sucked in and I’m eager to read more. I like quite many ideas, even from a writer’s point of view and I really enjoy the overarching story. It’s a heroic tale and some moments are larger than life, even for space opera, but that’s fine with me. I also enjoyed the tales of the Trojan War quite much when I was a child and you’re certainly up there, dear Tefler.

I’d like to take the time to praise some things, before I will point out what I found and what might be interesting to you, especially since I have read all of it so far pretty quickly and not over weeks or months.

First thing I love is the reasoning behind just about everything regarding personal growth and ‘physical evolution’ in this story. That’s a biggie, to be honest. At first there were quite many moments making me raise on, two or three eyebrows, but you actually wrapped all of it up with the story progressing. I see the overarching story here and that’s making this read particularly enjoyable. I’m not against just having anything being declared to be a mutagen, but this is so very nicely woven into the main story that I can only bow to it.

Another thing you do exceptionally well are the action sequences. Many of those kept me breathlessly reading way longer than I should have. I’d say you really shine here. That’s greatly done and I look forward to seeing more, be it ship to ship action or ground combat.

Thirdly, I like how you still manage to keep the characters distinct and separate, despite all the obstacles - like similar body shapes - you even threw in your way yourself. I’d say there might be room to develop the characters even more, but you’re certainly doing very good so far. I’m curious how new additions to the crew will work out, but I’m confident.

And then there’s how you keep the tale itself going. It may be noteworthy that you are keeping up a rapid pace. I kinda like that, but I also had to learn that others sometimes were right when they suggested taking some speed out at least sometimes. Time passing can be a great tool and you use it sparingly. With the scope of the mental and emotional development in your story, you might want to consider a vacation for the crew to catch breath.

Now, I’m already getting to the criticism, I guess. Just let me point out that I enjoyed the whole story and every single part individually. Some things in a story of this length are bound to not strike my fancy and I’ll just skip those when I can identify them as being personal preference.

One of the biggest things you could improve on is repetitiveness, in my opinion. I only read a few comments all in all, but you got told that already. It’s hard to make every sex scene unique and I consciously know that you already skipped many, but it FEELS like you didn’t. I see your attempts to spice things up and I don’t want to overemphasize this, because I know perfectly well how hard it can be. So I’ll leave suggestions I think might be helpful.

Try out letting us readers watch quality time among the ‘sisters’ sometimes. We already learned that’s happening occasionally and with them getting closer every day I think the frequency will increase. Even more so with more crew members getting involved. There’s only one man and only one dick, except for special moments like the one with Jade. You already sidetrack sometimes, why not let that happen occasionally to offer a bit of variety? It would be in line with the tale, I think.

There’s more to the repetitiveness, though. Having read all of this in less than 48 hours, I spotted patterns. You tend to use the same words very often. I didn’t write anything down, but lithely springs up in my mind immediately. Especially since it’s used mostly in certain moments when legs or bodies move to straddle - a word you didn’t use even once, if I’m not mistaken.

I perfectly understand that this is quite normal. I hope by pointing it out I can encourage you to sometimes look for different phrases. It wouldn’t hurt the story. And that’s true for some other aspects of repetitiveness as well. Now, I can’t say if that’s a constant thing, but I noticed sometimes how you use the same word again in the same sentence. He rose and the girls rose with him. Why didn’t anybody stand up instead? It’s a minor thing, but it feels like this might be the way your mind works and it’s a lesson I got told over and over as well, so I’m happy to share.

Yet another variant of repetitiveness is a bit more on a larger scope. There are patterns in the behavior, especially of the girls, in certain situations. They really often tear up, all in all, but since that happens so often, it’s nothing special anymore. This is much more convoluted in my mind, so I have to stay vague, unless you’d like to discuss it in depth - for which I’d be available, by the way.

To try to explain it as good as I can, it feels like whole situations repeat themselves with only minor variations. I realize that some of it is intentional, but that even strengthens the repetitiveness of the situations when it isn’t. Certain kinds of chats are always the same, certain kinds of activities always lead to the same reactions that are defined by the same words. It’s something that’s probably bound to happen in a long story like this, but I’d still like to point it out. At some points I actually started cross reading whole paragraphs, because I only needed to look if anything differed from the patterns and that’s not something I’d like to happen in my stories. I figured you might be interested in knowing about it.

Another pattern I spotted is purely technical and I’m probably not even the right person to really advise you on it, not being a native speaker and all. If I spotted it, others must have too, though. It’s in direct speech when you put a . inside of the quotation marks, but went on with ‘he said’ or something like that. That’s been quite persistent during the later chapters, I’m afraid. Not always, but I spotted it numerous times. Since I know much about habitual mistakes, you may not even be aware.

That said, there’s one thing I really have to get off my chest. Please take this dead serious, because it is (jk, or AM I?)

You are neglecting Alyssa! Everybody gets a good shagging every now and then, but she’s got to make up an elaborate roleplay to be on the receiving end. Given the loving affection the other girls feel for her and given how often they said that John and Alyssa look absolutely beautiful together (although that rarely led to more than cuddling or getting worked up for others to claim the spoils) I wonder how the girls haven’t made it at least a weekly ritual to watch the initial pair share the love.

Yeah, I’m probably exaggerating, but I felt a disparity, to be honest. Out of all four girls, Alyssa doesn’t seem to end up simply making love to him anymore. It’s kinda odd that this simply doesn’t happen anymore. So I figured I’d tell you that this has to change. I’m willing to stomp my foot and even hold my breath until you do it, just so you know how very much serious I am. ;-)

Now, I really hope this didn’t sound harsh or makes you feel bad. You’re writing a great story here and all of these points are actually minor annoyances at best. I encourage you to make the whole story available for sale, even if you never had any plans to do so. I’d buy it as is - provided that the whole story is told - just because it’s an enjoyable and long read. It’s clearly not too much for me to spend a few bucks on a story I tremendously enjoyed and would like to read again some day. Even if you aren’t planning to commercialize this, consider making it available or set up a Patreon or something like that to leave you a tip.

Please keep up the great work and revel in the praise you receive. Don’t dwell too much on criticism like mine. Take what you can work with from it and leave the rest behind. You’re doing amazing! ;-)

Thanks for the detailed and excellent feedback! As you might have read from my comments, this is the first time I've ever tried writing anything, so its been a great learning experience.

I'll go through your points, apologies if I miss anything:

"It got me sucked in and I’m eager to read more."

Great, and thanks for the kind words! I must have been doing something right if I managed to hold your interest through all 33 chapters!

"Another thing you do exceptionally well are the action sequences."

They are actually the hardest to write, because I have to balance the forces on either side, try and make the action interesting, give a motivation to the characters, and keep the stakes high to keep it compelling. Its really nice to hear that everyone enjoys them so much, but they take a lot more work, so I think its nice to keep them less frequent, and therefore more impactful.

"you might want to consider a vacation for the crew to catch breath."

I'm about half way through chapter 35 at the moment and considering a vacation, as it will help avoid some repetitiveness.

"Try out letting us readers watch quality time among the ‘sisters’ sometimes."

I have started to explore that a bit more, which you might have noticed a little in the recent chapters. I've got something in mind to handle the logistics of juggling 5+ women, so hopefully that will accomplish what you are asking for, as well as making it less repetitive.

"You tend to use the same words very often"

I'm very aware of myself doing this, but its tricky to describe certain actions and behaviours without using similar words all the time, without getting into flowery, over-the-top language. I normally keep a google page at the ready to look for synonyms, but even then its lacking, I readily admit!

"He rose and the girls rose with him"

Yeah, I do try and avoid that where I can. I usually pick up several identical word usages within a sentence, when I go back and proofread a chapter and correct it accordingly. I find it jarring to read, so I always change it where I see it, but occasionally ones like the above slip through.

"It’s in direct speech when you put a . inside of the quotation marks"

This is a by-product of my evolution as a writer I'm afraid. In the early chapters, I wasn't putting periods or commas inside dialogue at all. I gained an editor, and on his advice, began to then use periods before a 'he said'. That lasts for at least a dozen chapters from about 10 to about 20 or so, before I finally learnt how to do it properly and use commas instead. I will go back and correct it all, but editing that volume of text is a daunting task, and it would stop me from writing anything new for a while, which I'm still really enjoying.

If I ever run out of steam, ill go back and do it then (or when the story ends), but it should be correct from now on.

"You are neglecting Alyssa!"

Yes, the poor beautiful blonde has been missing out. Chapter 34 corrects that though, so I hope you enjoy it. :-)

"Don’t dwell too much on criticism like mine"

Your comments were insightful and thought provoking, and constructive criticism helps me grow as a writer, so thanks very much!

Thank you for taking the time to write such long detailed feedback, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story!

Hey, I've got to say I love your story, I've read through it all in a few days and I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

In terms of feedback, I feel like the most important aspect of storytelling is that all scenes must serve some purpose to the overall narrative. If a scene doesn't advance the plot, or reveal more about the characters it quickly makes the reader bored. This is true even for sex scenes.

I can see you and pretty much every other writer on this site get this feedback a lot, but it bears repeating. This really could do with less sex scenes. I'd much rather have a few longer ones, each distinct from each other, than a bunch of very similar ones. For instance, you don't need a separate sex scene for each girl losing their anal virginity.

It's not the words that are hot, but the narrative. A very descriptive sex scene is all well and good, "His throbbing dick pierced her soaking pussy" is all right, but a brilliant sex scene has build up, and ties into a fetish. For instance, your story to me is hot because it's about the power of John. He's a super humanly strong, big dicked space captain, who has a harem of brilliant subservient supermodels. The interesting sex scenes for me are the ones that tie into this, with the girls worshiping him, or the more intimate one on ones. By having a lot of sex scenes it devalues all of them, less is more in this case.

Or at least that's my opinion. You're one of the better writers on this site and like I said I read your work all in a few days, so obviously your doing a lot right. I just feel a bit of the fat could be trimmed to make the story leaner. :)

An eager fan

… not the slightest doubt that I will keep enjoying this. You’d have to turn 270° for me to drop out. Or go on for 500 chapters covering a span of another two weeks in the story. That could probably do it as well. ;-)

I’m glad that you can handle the criticism. I’ve seen aspiring writers get discouraged. It’s actually the most promising one’s - like you - who get the most intense criticism, because it feels like it’s worth the effort to tell you, but that can get overwhelming fast. That’s why the best advise I could ever give you is to ignore whatever gets through to you emotionally. If you stick to writing, you’ll develop and eventually get back to just about anything anybody ever told you could be done better. From some of it, you’ll learn, some other things, you’ll discard, because you eventually gotta decide how much you’re gonna let technicalities rule your style anyway.

In the end, the critics aren’t the ones you write for, though. Who writes to get praised by critics will starve from lack of applause. It’s the guys who simply love your story who are the bread and butter. But I toootally digress and get overwhelmingly philosophical now … :-D

I’ll answer some things, though.

Regarding the action scenes, it really shows! I read your comment on writing tips and I’d say the way you visualize the action wonderfully translates into you writing. So much that I actually wonder how fast paced and breathtaking a sex scene could be, if worked out in a comparable way. It’d have to be something very special to be eligible for a similar pace, though. You shift gears when you get to the sexy time and that’s perfectly understandable and sensible. Just makes me wonder … ;-)

Regarding the repetitiveness, you are getting better, I guess. Remember, my impressions are from binge reading it all. I noticed quite some progress, but I’ll have to wait a bit and read later chapters with some time in between to really be able to tell.

Apart of that, you may consider a few beta readers. It’s tough to find people who are willing to actually give feedback, but if you found some, their multiple perspectives and suggestions can actually add variety. Especially if you tell them to look out for repetitiveness and suggest alternatives. That’s not exactly like having an editor and it lengthens the process of finishing a chapter, but the added benefit would be that you have some time passing between initial writing and your own proofreading. That always helps with the difficulty in seeing your own mistakes a bit.

Regarding the grammar stuff, you have my sympathy. I’m writing in two languages and I really, really feel ya. It’s hard to break with wrong habits. On the bright side, you will only get better with time. ;-)

Two more things springing to my mind right now.

One is that you actually changed something over time that has great potential. In the last chapters, you sometimes focused on just one characters actions, even though what others faced would have been very interesting as well. That’s a very good way to spice things up. I like how you did NOT go back and look into the other action in detail, but let the characters tell what happened in short. That’s a great way to deal with repetitiveness. The same old story becomes two completely different stories if told from two distinct perspectives. Maybe you could ‘zoom in’ more often when things happen you tend to describe with a group consciousness in mind. Like you often do with the sex scenes, for example.

And one other thing I hope I can convey the right way … There was this one moment with Dana when she felt guilty about being envious. It was about Calara’s family. When John heard her out, it was one of the rare moments I had to swallow. Your story is really light hearted at the core and I’m not saying you should change that, but the writers who made my cry hardest, I remember most fondly and hold dearest. Same with the respective characters.

What I’m trying to say is, don’t be afraid to break out the real heart wrenching stuff it you feel an opportunity. If you can barely keep yourself from tearing up while writing something, it’ll probably make your readers cry as well. And that’s an amazing thing. It deepens the connection to the characters and the story. And it doesn’t have to be about anybody important dying. Just honest display of human weakness in combination with a harsh memory can do that as well.

I feel like all the girls and even John - who’d actually benefit the most from some weaknesses, character-wise - offer potential here. My gut tells me that I could probably make up a heart wrenching moment like that for all of them on the spot, just from what you told me about them. That has to mean that there’s potential there. Speaking only for me, I’d love it if you used it. Even if I ended up actually crying. Well, especially if that happened. ;-)

(Again, if you’d like me to elaborate on anything, just let me know and I’ll shoot you a message. Right now, I’m still deeply invested in your story, thoughts-wise.)

Thanks for your feedback regarding the sex scenes.

My general rule of thumb now for sex scenes, is that they are there to develop the plot, be it through character development, or uncovering some kind of new ability.

If you've just binge read the last 33 chapters, then the rule wasn't in place at the start, so a lot of the early chapters are very sex-heavy!

I've just finished editing chapter 4, cleaning up punctuation. Its interesting reading a very early chapter again, and seeing how my writing style has changed. Part of that is due to the expanded cast of characters, but the sex scenes were also a lot more graphic to begin with.

See what you think after the next few chapters, and then I'd be interested to hear your thoughts again! :-)

Some more very interesting comments, thanks!

"There was this one moment with Dana when she felt guilty about being envious. It was about Calara’s family."

I was quite proud of the way both that one, and the previous chapter came out. I'd been thinking about, and planning the visit to Calara's family for some time. They were a great series of scenes to write, mainly because they were so different from the normal space adventures the characters get up to.

"If you can barely keep yourself from tearing up while writing something, it’ll probably make your readers cry as well"

That's interesting you should say that. I've got a scene in mind that I've been planning for months, that makes me tear up every time I think about it. I can't wait to see what kind of reaction It gets!

"It’s hard to break with wrong habits."

Ugh! I agree so much. It took me weeks to "unlearn what I had learned." ;-)

"Again, if you’d like me to elaborate on anything, just let me know and I’ll shoot you a message."

Oh yes, definitely do that please. I value any story ideas that people suggest. I don't always use them, but simply thinking about them can spin off other ideas.

I have a character ill be introducing soon, who'll be a combination of about five different readers feedback. It should liven things up considerably, so I'll be interested to see how that pays off.

By the way, I went to have a look at your stories, but sadly I only know one phrase in German, that my teacher made us learn verbatim...

"Wie komme ich am besten zum bahnhof bitte?"

The evil bastard made us repeat it every lesson for a year. It's been engraved on my brain! :-)

Hi Tefler,

I'm the person who recommended the edit log, I decided to make an account to comment on this story more regularly.

The one place I'll deviate greatly from Kojote's feedback is that I highly recommend against Beta Readers, write your story, rely on your editor for the necessaries and just run with it, if you decide something didn't work or needs to be changed or was missed, go back and edit it, put it in the log and we'll all catch ourselves up. This is part of the joy of an online serial. You seem to have a very defined and well planned story arc given that some hints take 20 chapters to develop and others still aren't outright discovered by the characters but most readers will have figured out.(Chapter 30), which took me a second full story read-through to catch.

When it comes to pacing, I'm of the opinion that you've managed to get it more or less bang on from chapter 17ish onwards. I think the earlier chapters were a bit heavy on repetitive sex scenes but aside from that you've nailed it. The Ashanath Saga as we know it was about a chapter per in-world day and at no part was it ever slow, you filtered good character development and exposition into the necessary time it would take to do the engineering works, allowing us to see Dana in action as well as giving us more insights into the rest of the cast. A lot of writers would've only focused on Dana during that time.

On a somewhat related to pacing note. I absolutely love that you've given us their routines aboard ship, updating us during changes and giving us a breakdown of what's new. So many writers, especially in this type of sci-fi, glaze over daily life and it makes the world feel less real as it's important to understand that these people still do regular things, train, work out, work, etc. That's why I brought up standard ship clothing as it ties into this image that develops in the brain as they go about life. I hope you keep doing this thing as the cast develops although I know that'll be very hard to manage. As an example, you skipped a few days on the trip to Karron but It didn't feel like you did because you explained so well what they were doing daily and my brain just filled in the time.

Huge props to you for how you handled the Drakkar situation. I know a lot of commenters felt you were Mary Sue-ing the situation up a bit when it came to John's fight but you went in, gave us world-building, culture, insight into another race all while making it natural and attached to the main story.

I'm very curious about a few small hints you've dropped that I expect will develop in this next chapter so I'm looking forward to that. This story has captured me like so few do and I'm so glad I stumbled upon it.

I'll be eagerly hitting refresh around 2:30ish am tonight hoping that chapter 34 was approved and has gone live.

P.S. if you ever for some reason need a way to explain instant communication and you don't already have the answer, I may have a logical method that could work.

Your written German is pretty good. I kinda wonder why your teacher chose that sentence, though. “Sprechen sie Englisch?” should be the one to go for. If you aren’t in a tiny village, you’ll find somebody who does speak English at least a bit pretty soon and they’ll show you the way to the station. Or to your hotel. Or to where you can get some food …

Honestly, your teacher was strange. ;-)

Now, I realized that I commented with my main profile when you replied. Since I’m a firm believer in personal accountability, I’ll put my English profile here to look at and find out if I have any right to say anything about writing in English.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=1377055

I guess a link to another Lit page should be okay.

As for the rest, I’m really looking forward to just about everything you’re gonna put out and I guess I’ll pt anything else into a message and stop annoying others with chatting here. ;-D

I could have just switched profiles before, couldn't I?

Now I feel very silly for that part in my last comment ...

Now, @Inevitable_

The beta reader idea was purly about style and wording, not about influencing the story itself. That's what a beta reader is to me, a person who reads first and points out little things I missed. Anything major would make that person an editor.

It's just a thought, though. The real hard part is to find the suitable people. Sometimes you just happen to stumble upon people who read your stuff and give just the right feedback. That's what probably formed my image of a perfect beta reader in contrast to a perfect editor, whom I'm still searching. And probably will be forever ... ;-)

One more thing, though. Would you mind sharing your idea about the instant communication anyway? I'm always interested in stuff like that.

I've always thought of a beta reader in the sense of someone to test run your story ideas against but that could just be an incorrect assumption on my part. @MikeyStone(I have no idea if this alerts you or not, but hopefully it does, otherwise ignore it).

As far as instant communication goes, the thought process was using quantum entanglement as a means of conveying messages, even video, through space with no time lag. I'm not a physicist but I do know there is a lot of work being done on quantum entanglement when it comes to communication and that's where the idea was born. The in-world system holds true using this system. The only story consistency concern would be the distress beacon of the freighter that is under attack by the 2 corvettes and the frigate. That can be explained away relatively easily though, that shipping company provides a direct link to their HQ, they had turned it on a while before and it was right in a shipping lane, lots of potential answers. Maybe all ships that fly in Terran space have a transponder attached to a port which can double as a distress beacon, that message being propagated out.

A lot of the assumptions I make below are designed around a system in which developing and making these connections are not a trivial expense. If it is a trivial expense than of course it's a huge network similar to how phones or the internet works today and that's a bit less fun as a thought exercise although it would still require a node system, just a far less limited one.

Basically the way it would work in the universe would be to have there be Nodes, either floating in space above a planet or within a space station, which have a large set of registered, two way connections. Those connections would serve to facilitate communications traffic between areas of space. For example a planet like Jericho may have 2000 connections to Port Olympus with 100 designed for military use and the rest as public connections. For an in-story example. You'd have Maria calling into the Jericho node, which would connect her to Port Olympus, which would contain the actual connection to the Invictus that she then uses. John still has access to his military credentials, which means the Fool's Gold, had a connection to one of the ports, presumably Olympus installed into his ship. Part of having that meant that the Invictus could keep all of it's connections the same, which was part of the cost savings for the Federation of John buying it.

This system holds true for everything that has happened as far as I can remember from the story so far.

That's the broad strokes of the system, if there is something wrong with it please let me know as I try to be as accurate as possible.

I book marked your bio so that I could follow this wonderful story

"When it comes to pacing, I'm of the opinion that you've managed to get it more or less bang on from chapter 17ish onwards."

Thanks, that's good to hear. Reading some of the older chapters again, the pacing isn't so good, but I'm happy with it for the more recent ones. I could go back and flesh old the older ones some more, but after trying that with Chapter 3, I think I'll just leave them as they are. I will go back to fix punctuation, grammar and few spelling mistakes, but nothing significant.

"I absolutely love that you've given us their routines aboard ship"

I'm glad you're enjoying reading about it. It's fun to write very different types of scenes, and breaks up the action and sex quite nicely.

"Huge props to you for how you handled the Drakkar situation."

They were some enjoyable chapters to plan out and write, so it's been great to hear that you guys have enjoyed reading them. The bad guys point of view sections were based on feedback from one of the commenters here, and it was a brilliant idea, as it let me give a little more background on the Drakkar as a species. Plus it was fun to be writing some evil dialogue for a change!

On my third read through and just realized you already had a communication system designed(on chapter 17 atm), so my apologizes there.

For instance:

"Jade pressed a button, switching weapon fire to manual, and then stopped her dodging and let rip with all six gatling lasers on the leftmost bomber. Seconds later the bomber spiralled out of control as one of the wings was cut off cleanly and it yawed away to port."

Wings on a spacecraft? Why? What do they react with?

More quotes would mention Immelmanns, pulling up on the flight-stick, and numerous other aerobatic moves.

Aerobatics involve both air and gravitational "up", without exception. The "space" surrounding the one we live in on this planet has neither. Your epic flight battles are inappropriately aerobatic. Other, earlier, parts of this story are written with these same assumptions.

Tough to write with accurate physics when references are drawn from stories of dog-fights of the past century and not from the (grantedly boring) narratives written by actual rocket scientists describing how they do what they do. Your nerdy streak does not seem to point to the NASA type description of the universe.

That said, I am not one to refuse to enjoy a good story just because facts may get in the way. My suspension-of-disbelief sort of puts all the aerobatic action in a fictitious, imagined, giant planetary atmosphere where there is an up & down, and where control surfaces have some effect to alter course.

Also need to have the air drag to limit velocity so that relative speeds between vehicles is a factor of thrust/drag ratios instead of Newtonian concepts that would have them always accelerating opposite their thrust.

Your narrative, regardless of being in its own unique context for space travel, is quite exciting and doesn't stretch credibility much more than many of the sexual exploits.

Cheers,

Michael

P.S.: as can be seen from the date on this post, I am trying to catch up to the local time front of the story. Sorry if I have re-raised a point already addressed.

Being limited by need for sleep to keep up with gainful employment responsibilities, it is exasperating (not really!) to see you writing and publishing nearly faster than I can read. I am amazed that you can be so prolific and continue to be entertaining. Be careful not to burn out!

"Wings on a spacecraft? Why?"

Because they look cool, and shooting one off is much more vivid for the imagination than her shooting off some solar panels on a blank featureless spacecraft.

"Your epic flight battles are inappropriately aerobatic."

Yes, it's entirely by choice, and it makes them much more entertaining to read.

"not from the (grantedly boring) narratives written by actual rocket scientists describing how they do what they do. Your nerdy streak does not seem to point to the NASA type description of the universe."

You've answered your own question. Because its boring. I could have written all the fights with them racing past their enemies at thousands of kilometres per second, never actually seeing their opponents as they joust past each other. They would fire off a single volley of lasers/missiles/mass drivers, before decelerating half way through a star system before being able to turn around and race past their opponent again. The only way they would know their opponent was dead, would be when the scanner blip showed that the target turned into debris.

Honestly though, who would want to read that?

This story takes a huge amount of artistic license with physics, especially with the space combat and flight mechanics. Its more in the vein of Star Wars, Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica, rather than 2001 - a space odyssey.

Good fighting by all. This will mostly result in some make up sex. When does john find the time to reload his rail gunn. Ms. Vonn prepair yourself for action. I hope you bring a tooth brush. When I was younger I was in court an d the judge like to tell some of thoes pleading not guilty to bring a toothbrush on their next appearance. Me case dissmissed. Nothing to do with your story just a happy memorie.

Wings or fin type structures provide a great place to mount weapons, if weapons are internal and pop out, then you need panels and servos and it is way more maintenance. Working on or swapping out an engine that is inside a fuselage also takes way more effort. There can be a place for wings in space.

Loved the action in this chapter, a lot of good words were used to bring this tale to life. Fel green hue, the elevator's jaunty chime, and much more that does not come to mind.

..... as the Galactic Game of Thrones gains another member and momentum. 🚀

...this is good. Beats all the sex so far and that's saying something. Very fluent, very thrilling.

It's still quite difficult to believe that we are getting a story whose narrative and action rivals that of star wars....for free. Thank fuck for patreon and thank fuck for tefler. Keep it up,bruh.

One of the best chapters in this wonderful series.

I came for the sex, stayed for the action.

I read it for the plot

Not gonna lie I sometimes skip over the sex. This story is so good

Haha, Indeed, love the story, got bored of the sex quite a while ago and skip it.

well, sex will occupy more space and detract from the story at key points in later chapters, so prepare to skip more to get to what you want to read.

nice action sequence!

You manged to keep me on the edge of my seat even knowing that there are still over 100 chapter left, I was still worrying about everyone. Great action and visualization of the battle!

Damn, this is really taking off now!

Best chapter on Literotica.

Didn't read it, I watched this chapter. Descriptions were that good.

Bravo

Excellent!

Oh, why only 5 stars to give. I want to deal you 50!

Fifth time through and it still doesn’t disappoint!!!

Absolutely amazing chapter especially the combat which just had me focused in on the edge of my seat. I've given 5 stars to each chapter so far I think and this one imo deserves a 10 XD. Thank you for continuing to write this story and you've gotten better and better and I am just hooked.

Alright, early in the 1st part of this chapter Alyssa completes her 'bonding' trifecta by getting closer to Dana, her best friend, and John was there too, but just as an observer... that's all the girls so far, it will likely take our next girl, Dr. Rachel. a few months before she will be ready to 'bond'... ;-) TTFN

Space dogfighting, and heroic 'ground' combat on the space station... and big, bad lizard troops to battle with... a great test of their gear, and new, improved armor... lots of really good descriptions throughout... this could be the best chapter yet! ;-) TTFN

So ... Chief Engineer DB can pilot the Invictus in a pinch. Handy to have around ✨✨

Great sci-fi romp. Appreciated.

Man I love this story!! Star Trek, Star Wars and erotica all wrapped up in one fantastic epic saga! I again bow to your and your Muse's imagination and abilities to bring it to your story. Each chapter brings even more fascinating adventure, nail-biting drama and well sex of course! Thank you for sharing your vision and talents!

WOW exciting chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another great chapter Action packed.

Great, love their action.

A great combo of space battles and ground / station combat with regular (big) Kintark, and then finally some few even bigger Royal Guard troops, .... excellent, with John's superior strength saving the day, ... and Dana's gear was awesome! ... Jade is an incredible pilot too, with being able to increase her body's density, ... loved it, wonderful chapter, thank you! ... ;-) TTFN

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

"And a hug!"

OMG, this chapter was so very Wow!!! with in-space and space station battles, near death scenarios, new tactics, working with new gear, .... this chapter was so freaking awesome!!! Thank you! ;-) ttfn

"The first law of robotics states that an AI will always turn homicidal."

Asimov would be intrigued.

patiently waiting for the yellow N

John the Lizard Killer.

Kintark Royal guard are bloody dangerous, ... but then, so is John, ... exciting chapter, .... lots of ka-pows and ka-booms, .... also, lots of space-based weapons too, ... liked this chapter a lot, ... ;-) ttfn

Great fight scenes. Well done.