All Comments on 'Three Square Meals Ch. 074'

YOU CLIFF HANGER WRITING BASTARD! I love the chapter and can't wait to see the next one. :)

They all knew Tahsana had a brain tumor, and yet they didn't try to cure it. I feel like Tefler had her get away just to draw the story out more. I mean he puts so much story into getting Tahsana, and then all th characters just ignore her. That is kind of weak in my opinion.

Tashana is terrified of John and his "Thralls", so they were hoping that by seeing how much happier the Maliri was after being influenced by him, she might see he wasn't a bad guy after all.

Unfortunately, she escaped after only being there for a day.

Tefler

Hmmmm good one tefler

Eagerly awaiting the next one

How is ch75 going ??????

Hey,

Chapter 75 part 2 is nearly done. I'm hoping to finish it today and hand it over to my editors, then I'll work through their edits for part 1!

Tefler

Great! I'm pleased to hear you enjoyed it. :-)

I only leave the cliffhangers there because I know how much you guys love them!

Tefler

nice trick

had to go back the series to find out what they are know for...

(those who don't remember it is in the first 12 chapter)

how is tashana planning on fighting john?

trying to recruit all the other house (without getting killed first or betrayed) for their fleets and organising their attack will surely put them on spotlight and with the advanced tech john has he can easily overpower tashana without killing her

or

if she plans on forming a federation with the other houses and going on defence will ensure that she is heading for doom.john can easily pick off the houses one by one and reduce the strength

hell if john stays in maliri the other progenitor will come to know about the maliri and he could attack rest to gain thralls given how powerful his ship currently is compared to john's

looks like tashana has a long way to go in dodging the obstacles

vn

This is,in my opinion, the BEST story on Literotica, i keep coming back for more and you never disappoint Tefler

Thank you for another great chapter. Easily worth 5 stars.

After 6 days of almost non stop reading, I find myself wishing that chapter 75 was already up. lol Really enjoying the story so far. I am a bit surprised that John didn't check what type of connection his two matriarchs really have, besides being able to communicate with each other. I would have thought John would check his mental diagram.

ANyway, 5stars!

In reality i don't think the fight between tashana and john won't take much longer than another chapter or two. All that really needs to happen is for John +Irillith to pull something similar to what han solo did in "the force awakens" in the millenium falcon at starkiller base. Then its all a matter of pasting john's beautiful mug on every screen planet wide. Something well within irillith's skill set.

JC

yep

you can do that just by pasting john face on the screen provided tashana does not make the populace aware of the progenitors.

if pasting the face should have influenced the maliri to full submission then how did Tsarra be able to rally against the influence.

it progenitors can make the maliri woman be ripe to be taken as thralls as long as they do not see the abuse done by the progenitor

if i was tashana,i would simply visit the other maliri houses,give them the evidence and make the populace be aware of john and the white haired maliri woman(including the other matriarch) so that they can be "protected" from john.

VN

i have a doubt

if we house a 4th power core in Invictius and instead of connecting the core directly to the circuit,route it through the bridge where a hardware switch is placed so that it is not connected to the 3 circuits (one circuit for each core) directly (thus avoiding domino effect of core breach) and if the need arises then use the switch to join circuit to the extra core and route the extra power as the situation demands.

VN

Well if i remember correctly Tashana is semi protected because of her psychic abilities.

Excellent work as always, very much enjoying your work.

Now wild and incorrect theory time.

Am I the only one who is thinking about who else might be available as potential allies to Tashana, remember the years in the uncharted zone. The danger is of course that now the space station is under control of the red skinned sadists, AKA Enshunu. Now that the Underworld has awakened.

Hope you didn't think we'd forgotten that.

I do think both sisters might be alike in being at deaths door before giving into John.

Now with Nobles taken care of as well as the military and engineers there are others who might be need to join the pale haired, I suggest of course the administration, those who might be able to arrange for others, from other worlds.

Now the slave girls and Maliri, a theory that what if Maliri are just quicker to be affected, then those former slaves might be hanging around the border station.

Rachel and her instant diagnosis. True it could be the fact her medical skills are off the charts but if I were to give a third strand psychic skill to a doctor, being able to diagnose what’s wrong with someone without tools.

I've hated the last 2 chapters. It's like the gang despite their massive intellectual can't think logically. Seriously, even in a fictional world the events of the last 2 chapters have been ludicrous. Moronic even. There is already enough tension and incomplete story arcs that taking this half baked direction you've gone is so frustrating. Even worse, I can see the pandering you're doing to vocal elements on the forums here and on patreon to the unfortunate detriment of what was ('is' doesn't quite apply right now) a great story. Sigh. I suppose after 70 chapters there was going to be a time when you were going to disappoint me/us. Hopefully they'll be a return to form and cleaning off of the narrative. WHITEWHALEHUNTER

"I've hated the last 2 chapters"

I'm sorry to hear that.

"It's like the gang despite their massive intellectual can't think logically."

About what? They're proceeding with the refit, and gave Tashana some space because she's terrified of them.

"even in a fictional world the events of the last 2 chapters have been ludicrous"

Examples please, or I'll just assume you're trolling.

"I can see the pandering"

You mentioned the same thing last chapter. Without examples, I've no idea what you're talking about.

Tefler

Btw tefler I hope we see some kind of intriguing action in the next chapter

This and the last chapter there was a lot of talking among characters

Oh and I hope something mind blowing happens because Alyssa added edraele to the bond I hope it unlocks some awesome psychic power in the girls as well as john

Maybe I was expecting too much, but it's your story and I'm sure all this is leading to to something awesome.

I felt the last two chapters were a little "off" due to the increased dialogue. When I finished the chapter I realized that the preceding chapter and this chapter serve as a great setup for next series of chapters. There is the new threat to the Terrans, the new threat from the wastelands, The potential conflict in the Maliri world with Tashana loose to create a new havoc. There is a lot of information that Tashana has that will increase knowledge of Johns background and the new tech. There is a lot going on that will create new conflicts. It is still a fun read and I can not wait for the next chapter

the whole Tashana deal went sour from the start.

we're talking about a deeply traumatized woman and they just thought "all she need is a bit of time", add to that her fear of progenitors, hate to mother and sister and not least the brain tumor their approach was doomed.

you've shown us time and again who 1/25th dose is enough to heal but body and mind.

you've shown he can retract the bond (as with alyssia and edraell).

but this time? NOTHING, like they say it would have been better to ask forgiveness...

at the first chance he should have inseminated her "to normal" and release her.

all that happened since, again leaving her unattended (mainly psychologically) was a mistake by amateurs and they can only blame themselves.

personally the last two chapters dipped below par :(

I think most of the grumbling by people (*cough*white*cough*whale*cough*hunter*cough) is due to smaller chapter sizes leading to unsatisfactory resolutions at the end of one. I personally would prefer waiting for a month and read a 20+ page behemoth that covers multiple arcs satisfactorily rather than these 8 page dwarfs that covers only a single one and leaves loose ends.

For instance Tashana has been the primary focus of the last 4 chapters (I'm including the filler that is 70), but her fate is still in suspense. (Eg. Rachel joining the team took only 3 chapters, 34-35). If they were all combined with the next one (where hopefully her story is resolved), then reader curiosity would be satisfied. (Leading to higher ratings for you I might add). Of course the downside to this is longer wait times.

Chapter 71 where Tashana's story begins starts on the 21st of Feb. Today is the 4th of April. Roughly 45 days for 4 chapters and 35 pages in total.

I would certainly prefer for you to have published all of that in one or maybe two installments.

Of course, I might be just disgruntled over the seemingly slow pace of new chapters, even though I know you output new material much faster than any other author I know.

Cheers!

"1/25th dose is enough to heal but body and mind."

Volume of dosage matters (see Sakura's surgery). John's only been healing a few scars on the engineers. Considering the damage Tashana's sustained, she'd need a full load to heal her, especially for the sheer extent of mental trauma she's sustained.

Besides, do you really think John would be happy to go along with a plan that is basically, "force-feed Tashana cum"?

"you've shown he can retract the bond"

He's broken his bond with his Matriarchs, not with the girls linked to them.

"at the first chance he should have inseminated her"

What chance was that? Unless you're suggesting he rape her, which goes against everything John believes in.

"was a mistake by amateurs"

None of them are trained Maliri psychologists. They tried to back off and give her some space, to show they didn't mean her any harm. It might have worked, but she escaped within a day.

"they can only blame themselves"

They don't have the answers to everything, and sometimes they make mistakes.

However, I still haven't heard anyone suggest an alternative plan that would actually work. ;-)

Tefler

To add to what Tefler just said, Faye didn't tell them that Tashana knew about the tracker. With that 'secret' as a contingency if all else fails I'm sure they felt better about giving her a long leash. Also, while I know a great deal about psychology and the broken logic that mental illness or trauma facilitates, as far as I know not a single crew member knows more than basic psychology. The most likely person would be John from being a soldier, but even if he did he's been just a little bit distracted lately

Quote: "Great stuff," Dana said, giving her an appreciative smile. "We're also going to need a fuckton more retrothrusters to handle the Invictus' increased mass. If I give you the plans for them too, can I leave you in charge of assembling those?"

I'm am going to assume there was supposed to be a space between fuck and ton. LOL

Thanks for a great story!

DJ

Here is a handy chart for a metric fuckton:

buttload * 10 = 1 butt ton

butt ton * 10 = 1 assload

assload * 10 = 1 asston

asston * 10 = 1 shitload

shitload * 10 = 1 shitton

shitton * 10 = 1 fuckload

fuckload * 10 = 1 fuckton

The imperial measure uses 66/7 shitloads to the fuckton, so I'd advise using the metric version in this case. ;-)

Tefler

Complexhobag

“I didn't like this chapter They all knew Tahsana had a brain tumor, and yet they didn't try to cure it. I feel like Tefler had her get away just to draw the story out more. I mean he puts so much story into getting Tahsana, and then all th characters just ignore her. That is kind of weak in my opinion.”

I hear you didn't like the chapter. Yet you ignore all the foreshadowing and focus only on one small aspect of it. This is a very complex chapter that takes some re-reading to follow all the story lines touched on. Many of which point to serious issues brewing down the line.

Obviously I completely disagree with you. We are talking a day's time at Genthalis. And it is virtually impossible to talk to someone who is so paranoid. You are either expecting a logical discourse where there can't be one or rape which is TOTALLY out of character for John.

Additionally: we as omniscient readers, know she is being paranoid and has deep seated emotional/psychological issues...but there really has been no indication to anyone within the story of the depth of her problems. Her reaction to Irilith doesn't count because that is COMPLETELY understandable. Her reaction to John is the same way. And she covered everything over with her mother Edraele.

So how in the heck would anyone, within the confines of the story, know? Easy answer, they wouldn't. And if Tefler had written things that way, it would be out of character for Tashanna/John/all the other main characters.

Kudos to Tefler for getting the character consistency down perfectly.

To bring it home: how many people close to you have you tried to help who threw it back in your face for no good reason other than paranoia or hate? I can name several. And those relationships didn't get fixed in a day, some never have.

To expect anything other than what happened is pure idiocy (to use another poster's term) and is a case of imparting reader level insight into a character that has no possible avenue to achieve it within the constraints of the story.

As for the troll: Please, get help. You are not fooling anyone...by the way, you are acting EXACTLY like Tashana...so how can you not relate???????????

“I felt the last two chapters were a little "off" due to the increased dialogue. When I finished the chapter I realized that the preceding chapter and this chapter serve as a great setup for next series of chapters. There is the new threat to the Terrans, the new threat from the wastelands, The potential conflict in the Maliri world with Tashana loose to create a new havoc. There is a lot of information that Tashana has that will increase knowledge of Johns background and the new tech. There is a lot going on that will create new conflicts. It is still a fun read and I can not wait for the next chapter.”

And there you begin to understand what makes a good story. You HAVE to have chapters to set up conflict to make the conflict real and give it purpose, a life of its own. Without them you have meaningless violence with no plot, understanding, coherence, or purpose other than for violence's sake. And frankly: there was a LOT to this chapter, put into the dialogue in both obvious and subtle ways.

I would suggest some critical reading skills classes to those who 'hunt' for meaning.

going to predictably

“the whole Tashana deal went sour from the start.

we're talking about a deeply traumatized woman and they just thought "all she need is a bit of time", add to that her fear of progenitors, hate to mother and sister and not least the brain tumor their approach was doomed.”

Tefler addressed this perfectly: a good author has to have character consistency. Think about Tefler's statement here:

“However, I still haven't heard anyone suggest an alternative plan that would actually work. ;-)”

“would actually work” speaks volumes folks.

And for those of you wishing for some conclusion with Tashana: Tefler has said the next chapter pretty much wraps up that story arc...no spoiler there, just a statement taken from the author himself.

I am looking forward to reading it on Patreon (I actually do have an account) but I refuse to tell you how it all ends once I find out. I am expecting it to be up by Friday.

Tefler: This was a FANTASTIC chapter. So much foreshadowing it will take a few re-reads to get it all down. And the character consistency was dead on balls accurate.

This goes back 2 chapters not just this one. I am not talking about rape here. I am saying just because she is all freaked out doesn't mean they should ignore her. They left her alone on the ship too. They saw what happen when they left Irilith alone on the ship before, what makes them think that approach will work again. It didn't then and almost burned them and yet here they are doing it again. Does that make more sense now? They had time on the ship to explain things to her a little more forcefully and not with an naïve AI program.

I really do. But I just don't see it.

Why would they 'force' anything on Tashana? That would be out of character for John. Especially with how they know it will affect her. Just one session will effectively take away her freedom of choice.

Second: without forcing medication or by restraint, how would they talk to her? And how would talking to her work when she is so paranoid and so full of hate? She sees them as all converted Thralls so none of them can be believed. And John as a Progen...well, she will never listen to him.

No: The ONLY way for them to reach Tashana without force was through her own observations. Something she cut short with her escape. Now, we are probably going to see some type of physical conflict where she gets hurt and John is her only chance to live...and it may have to happen when she is not able to respond and say 'let me die instead'.

With all the spies that are running round, it might prove interesting for the Matriarch to start receiving reports that tell of the changes taking place in House John. I'm sure that male Maliri are moving back to core worlds and taking wives of the first batch of engineers. Like John's merchant friend, going back and seeing lots more men? Reports of no more torcher and assassinations? Maybe reports of John and his crew's exploits in Federation space? Surly they have spies there. At least merchant stories. News reports? After all, they do like the programing. All the healing and freeing of prisoners, battle wounded soldiers being healed, new medicines, the battle with the AI?

Something else, I wonder if the males blue skins will start harems, due to the ratio of the population.

Oh well, just thoughts.

The characters should definitely have been able to figure out that Tashana would freak out using only a little critical thinking. She has considerable knowledge of Progenitors as a result of her studies, and they all know this. As such, it is very reasonable to assume that she would know exactly what white hair on a Maliri means (I don't recall whether she expressed this knowledge to them, but they're all smart enough that they should realize that she probably has it anyway). They should also know how she feels about Progenitors, both from her reactions to John, and from the fact that she's studied them enough about them to know what they were like.

With only the knowledge available to them, it should have been trivial to deduce that she would react very poorly to seeing all the white haired Maliri, especially her mother. I'm aware that she acted like she was fine upon seeing it, but that's irrelevant because they should have had the foresight to realize she would respond poorly and take steps to prevent her from seeing what was happening (such as getting Edraele to dye her hair, as I recall another commenter mentioning).

The characters all handled this in a very uncharacteristically stupid manner, and it's very frustrating to read, because even though we're omniscient readers, they all had enough information available to see something like this coming while she was still in the Invictus.

Remember, the Valaden fleet has been upgraded with the Trankaran engines and thrusters (albeit the commercial grade ones) so there is a distinct tactical advantage that the minor houses are not privy to (all the ones who knew are now converted).

Also: No one in Maliri space has any idea what the Invictus is capable of outside of the crew (and now Edraele if she wanted to know).

The Invictus will be retrofit before anything can be accomplished with an organized revolt. I see the House Tashana has taken up with now as being more forcefully approached by the Invictus. I think the 'special project' Dana had (an updated badd ass mech) being used as a search and retrieve bot with Faye at the helm. The ship she is on being severely disabled and Tashana being nearly dead by the hand of the house Matriarch as a way to hurt Edraele. Alternatively an incurable poision that only the house Matriarch has the temporary antidote to...which John and Rachel easily fix.

Some comments here seem to suggest that John should just appear on Maliri TV and rely upon the reaction to him. I disagree. For a happy outcome, in such an appearance, John needs to say that he is descended from progenitors who created the Maliri race to enslave them, but that he is also half-Terran, and he seeks to liberate the Maliri. To convince the Maliri of this, he needs to recuse any power he has from his progenitor status, save only the power to protect the liberty of the Maliri.

I have to disagree with you, complexhobag. They didn't leave Tashana alone on the Invictus. They saw, correctly, that seeing Irillith caused her to fly into a rage, and that seeing John caused her to panic. So, they sent Faye, as the only entity that she could be certain wasn't a thrall, to talk to her and keep her company. Unfortunately, Faye is still early in the process of learning human motivations and behaviors, so she missed warning signs that humans might have picked up.

Once on Genthalas, Tashana immediately self-sequestered, but even there the crew didn't leave her entirely alone. Irillith kept sending messages (six over the course of one day, if I recall right) and Edraele mentioned that someone was keeping an eye on her. Clearly, that "someone" should have done a much better job. But again, the entire span of events aboard Genthalas played out in one day.

As readers, we know how skilled at combat Tashana can be, but the characters didn't have that information. And no one in Valaden space would credit the idea that someone from their house who had just been rescued from the Unclaimed Wastes would want to leave.

I don't know, I'm likely spoiled, but it's felt stale for awhile.

Invictus refit...second rehash of this story line with none of the substance of the earlier renditions.

Sorry, again I'm sure I'm just spoiled. Just a dud IMO.

I think people are missing the action that you write tefler

That is the only thing I have understood from reading all the comments

Hope to see some epic action in the next chapter

She's definitely off the deep end...

I don't think there's any way they think all of the remaining Maliri could bond together and win... That unfortunately means she'll likely suggest getting together with other species...

A bit nuts...

So now the Invictus will be about 50% larger... Faster, more powerful, deadlier...

Be fun to see how much damage they'll be capable of when all's said and done...

I get it. I really do, but this whole Tahsana storyline is just one of a dozen open ended story lines the author has going. He has put so much into it and I'm not sure why. He has had her storyline front and center, but there are so many other un resolved conflicts going on. It just feels like her storyline is being dragged out, when a character like Rachel or Dana or Sakura had a majority of their conflicts resolved so much quicker, and with interactions with the crew. I guess it's more just disappointment that Tefler is dragging out this storyline and not jumping in to other more interesting ones.

We already know John fixes girls who have troubled pasts, but come on we gave other things that are out there. I have counted at least ten that are unresolved. Let's resolve this Tahsana story Tefler and move on.

Tefler! This story of yours is really getting good.

I mean...it was effing brilliant before, IMHO. But now....holy crap!

The fecal matter is preparing to strike the rotational air circulation device!

Can't wait for the next chapter.

The refit and working in/saving Tashana are major story lines that fit into the whole going forward. I just don't see how some of you don't see that.

Everyone sees that. It's so obvious that I doubt anyone could possibly fail to see that. The reason people don't have the same views as you isn't because they're missing something that only you can see. I don't want to be rude, but you're coming off pretty pretentious here.

Lots of people couldn't cope with the talking bits in Lord of the Rings (Books and Movies) either and would have preferred a single book of all action and no character building but then it wouldn't be a classic. The bible could probably have all the boring stuff cut out to make it more readable as well while we're at it. Maybe Tef could do an abridged version of say 10 chapters for people who only like action?

I commented about this story stalling just awhile back about the same thing, but it just feels like to me that the storyline is being dragged out. I still love the plot, the awesome ideas Tefler writes, and this story in general. However, the plot of Tashana seems to be extended beyond it's necessity, and I agree with previous commentators who argue there are far more important plot lines (to me of course) to be resolved (like shinatobe?). Regarding Plrus, I love that you're enthusiastic about the story and truly believe in the author, but right now it seems to me you're just bashing down everyone with a different viewpoint from you (of course I could be just sensitive again). So Tefler, I'll give you the five stars because you're still the best right here, but I just feel like this was not the quality of writing you had in the previous dozen chapters. My suggestion is to incorporate more action within the story. The action does not have to be gigantic battles and such, but can be just fun little events to spice the story up (for ex an assassin tries to kill Edraele or such that can be resolved in a few paragraphs). Of course, to other it might seem as a waste of space, but I would love some adrenaline thrills. Just some of my thoughts.

Thx,

Jason

I apologize if it seems like I am coming across a bit strongly. I guess it is my age showing LOL. I came up at a different time I guess. I am not a quick gratification person, prefering a slow buildup of plot and tension before everything gets worked out. To that end, I loved the Stephen R. Donaldson and Lord of the Rings trilogy(s) where it took three books to reach a conclusion.

So I can see how it would come across that way. My apologies.

but isnt this the usual pattern to this story? we normally have two or three chapters between patches of action, before we're back on the roller coaster. If there is a problem with pacing, then it's down to too many characters in the last two chapters so all the main characters being spread that bit too thin. But every now and then we need a few things to set up the next stage in the story, so the brakes should be off soon.

I mentioned unresolved storylines. Here are some of them.

1. The other Progenitor.

2. Is johns mom still alive?

3. Johns progenitor half.

4. Shinatobe's former master.

5. Ashanti (the telepathic race) what else do they know?

6. Alyssa's other half Athena.

7. The Terran war with the Kintark.

8. What is going on with the Kintark?

9. What is the underworld exactly?

10. Is Faye going to have a more physicalories presence?

There are more I am sure, but I mean all of those things are hanging out there and I think would be good to get going on a few of them. I don't mind Tahsana's story I guess, but he spent so much time talking about her rescue and talking about her and how Irilith feels about her to just have her run out is just kind of frustrating. I figure there would be more of a move to resolve other storylines and have Tahsana there with them to help her along like he did with the other girls. Now it seems her problems are just being dragged out. He might even turn her into an antagonist.

10. Is Faye going to have a more physical presence?

After reading the chapter and the comments.... *sigh*

I do hope the next chapter will actually conclude this entire deal about tashana. I mean ENTIRELY. I agree on this point with complex. There is many other unresolved plot in this story that are far more interesting but is unfortunately being postponed just because of this particular arc.

So i do hope that in the next chapter tefler. That everything will be resolved. John can finally confront tashana and the rest of the maliri houses face-to-face and somehow show her the actual truth of the situation at hand. All the bigger pictures like the OTHER PROGENITOR! The one that tashana should have truly been worried about!

Please.... don't drag this any further after the next chapter.... just... i truly understand the development that is in this story but that doesn't make it any less frustrating for me and for some people. I can't even enjoy the all the kinky stuff here because of the sheer amount of frustration this story has injected me! And that is BAD. Because i love sexy shit and for me to not being able to enjoy it is blashphemy!

This will actually work out better for the crew. Now John can knock out a chunk of the remaining matron's in one shot, raining in the mad blood lust of the non-ally matron's. As far as john accepting leading a whole race,... they really haven't been doing all that hot on their own, after the last progenitors involvement, still john isn't your typical despot ruler to be sure. All through the story he has constantly risen to each challenge. John is the type of character that requires greatness to drag him kicking and screaming to each challenge where he promptly crushes it, then looks for a way to live with it. This is just going to be one more thing that he is going to have to figure out how to live with. I really don't see the big problem for him, he is a delegator anyway, he even delegates his own powers to others. I'm excited to see how everything finally works out. I have no doubt it will continue to be outstanding.

cheers

keith

Jason and 1handslapping touched on pacing, but I wanted to expand on it with my own thoughts.

I suspect that a lot of the complaints people are posting basically boil down to the fact that the story seems, for want of a better word, mis-paced. Starting in roughly chapter 58 through to chapter 68 it was basically wall to wall action with very little breathing room. That's tenish fairly long chapters without a break. So much so that at the end of chapter 67 I was thinking "I _know_ there's going to be a big climactic battle in chapter 68, but I'd really like to get on with the plot". Now, we have the reverse. Lots of plot/character development with little action, and the attention starts to wander after a while.

Ideally, a story would be constructed with a little plot, then a little action, then more plot, etc. Probably with the plot front loaded and the action back loaded, but mixed together so the reader doesn't get overloaded on one or the other. Obviously, they can't stop in the middle of Kintark space to cut the ship in half and insert 250m of crystal framework, so the mixing has to be structured in a way that makes sense.

Just my own $0.03 (adjusted for inflation) on the discord floating around the comments section. Hopefully it helps people understand each others POV.

Love this story and I look forward to it, the plot is thickening and the climax will be marvelous. I really hope Tashana won't be a member on the Invictus and the story will benefit more if she became an antagonist. Besides I kinda agree with other commenters, Tashana story is the least enjoyable and I hope it wraps up soon.

I think it's time you bring a black girl on this ship..... You know, even the ethnicity of the women on board.

I honestly feel like the Tashana line is the first timeI in a while that John's magic penis hasn't been able to save the day. Leading up to chapter 70 the girls were all excited to run in, pump Tashana full of cum, and go on their merry way in their own little echo chamber.

I'd love love it if chapter 75 doesn't give a happy resolution. There's going to be a fight and whether it's Irrilith, John, or Athena someone's gonna get burned. Also John's confidence is shaky from the whole king thing and I'm hoping that he gets a chance to talk to Tashana long enough that she can convince him that despite his best interests he's not so different than Mael'Nerak.

I am hoping in the back of my mind that John will confront Tashana alone, as in he would not bring anyone with him. Basically hat he will pull a wolverine and stroll through the guards and gunfire unscathed for intimidation, then attempt to have a decent conversation. While I know that you have a plan for the unraveling of this issue, perhaps you will take my idea into account. I feel as though this would be the gateway to opening her shell up to him.

Found your series and got hooked in the first few chapters. Read all of them in a few days and I'm looking forward to the next one.

I really like the way you try and keep things grounded in reality (obviously with the exception of psionics) and don't just wave the sci-fi 'magic wand' by saying 'it just is that way' with no further explanation, let alone some bullshit one. Keeping it real where gravity, inertia, physical body limits, and technology are concerned is the hallmark of good Sci-fi. Two good examples are the use of a fusion power plant to make new elements (because that's how the elements were made) and early on when Jade made her body more dense to stave off the effects of high-g maneuvers.

The singularity drivers are one example of something that doesn't feel like it should work that way. Using it to just spam kinetic slugs seems like a waste. The only artificially created black holes I've read about in sci-fi are used in power generators and mines (area denial weapons).

It's interesting to read about the ship and equipment upgrades, but the refit times seem outrageously short.

I found there were way too many sex scenes up until ch.50-ish, so I skipped over those. The frequency of them now is better paced but lacks detail.

As a writer/editor myself, I have some tips to offer.

-

A number of times with improper wording like this, but not terribly frequent:

> Invictus in action however, she bit her tongue, remaining silent.

[bit her lip]

> radically changing their opinion in the face of inexhaustible evidence.

[incontrovertible]

> Many a true word set in jest...

[said]

> "You can't just circumvent processes like that!" Doctor Larson protested indignantly. "I understand you wanted to help these people, but arbitrary life and death decisions aren't yours to make. You're not God!"

Rachel looked away into the distance, lost in thought as she murmured, "No, he hasn't been around for over ten thousand years. I'd be fascinated to know how he did it though..."

"Did what?!" Doctor Larson asked her, completely bemused.

"Created life," Rachel replied distractedly.

[Doctor Larson exclaimed, completely shocked.]

This one was a blatant error. Think about what Rachel just said; she implied that she knows God, or at least the being responsible for creating humans. He would be justifiably shocked by the outlandish claim.

(chapter 70, pg.13)

> He blinked in surprise, then laughed uproariously, and said, "I suppose I asked for that, venerable Master."There was more she wanted to tell him about their new swords,

*Sorry, I got a bit carried away at the time,* he replied, feeling chastened.

It wasn't that funny, he should have just chuckled. Having it this way seems fake.

-

> Everyone I tried to contact who might have been able to assist you, is involved in the big push, and incommunicado at the moment.

[commas]

An example of a very common error you make; both commas are uneccessary. They are supposed to be slight pauses that connect directly related sentences. When you read back what you've written, imagine the slight pause you would have to do when a comma is used.

You also use them like this [, and] but the and makes the comma redundant. Remember the weird pauses.

-

> but with Sakura upset, then wasn't the time.

[, now wasn't]

Watch your tenses, this is also a common problem. Is the topic or action taking place in the present or past? eg;[I was going to | I was gone by the time]

-

> She placed her hand on his chest, and took the glass with the other, as she purred, "Let me, you take a seat."

[me; you] Read up on semicolons, they are quite helpful if you know how to use them properly.

-

[multiple same words in close proximity]

Using the same word in the same sentence or within 2-3 sentences smacks of inexperience. Either use a different word, cut it out, or rewrite it if you want to have higher quality writing. You don't do this all that often, but it's something to consider.

-

[Italics and bold]

I notice you use hyphens to indicate text is italicized, but using back slashes like /this/, gives a better impression of slanted text. I don't blame you for not actually italicizing every little thing, I would hate to have to use HTML code to do it.

-

In many of the early chapters, you forget to add a " to the beginning of new dialogue paragraphs and it can be confusing.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=

(That's it for tips; now for some other stuff)

Am I forgetting something, or did Edraele get her third dose of cum and bonded with Alyssa right before John went to sleep? Wouldn't that have triggered an abyssal dream fight? John still needs to fix the half-finished shielding.

-

I'm hoping there's a way to convert another Progenitor's thralls to John. Freeing his mom would be preferable to killing her if she survives.

On that note; I notice you have been avoiding incest even if it's between two females. Is this going to change at some point? It seems stupid to /not/ do it when it could be a huge bonding experience; not to mention erotic as hell, as Alyssa mentioned.

John has magic cum, there's absolutely no need to worry about inbred mutations if he can just will away any adverse effects.

-

[Pregnancy]

When the hell is this going to happen? 74 chapters and nothing but teasing?

I get that John wants to be a part of raising a family, but it just seems super fucking stupid to not get at least /some/ Maliri knocked up. Not having an heir to continue the fight if he dies before taking down the other Progenitor is an incredibly huge mistake. He should be knocking up all the matriarchs of the allied houses.

It makes sense that Edraele should be the first to get preggers. She would not be expected to be fighting and would always be under the best protection. At /minimum/, there should be one heir. She is the ideal candidate for it.

All this talk of breeding and not actually doing any of it is starting to get /really/ irritating.

-

I'm surprised the John didn't realize trying to convince Tashana would be impossible and gave her the first dose to heal her up despite his misgivings and lack of consent. Obviously he would never rape her, but Jade could feed her.

She has spent many years studying the Progenitors and would certainly know everything about them; especially the bad stuff. The genetic conditioning would never work on her.

Also, she has only ever known the old Maliri way of life. There is no reason for her to trust anything another Maliri says. All of this should have made it clear how futile trying to talk to her about anything would be.

It seems to me like you did it this way purely as a plot device to make the other houses aware of the danger. It works, but it rubs me the wrong way because of how divergent from reality it makes John & Co. seem. All of them, especially Irillith, should know it was impossible to convince her. I hate it when previously smart characters are suddenly so stupid. It's even worse in this case because all the girls are geniuses.

This is probably the biggest thing I've disliked in the entire series. If I had been your editor and seen this chapter before it was posted, I would have recommended you rewrite it as I mentioned before. You've built a believable universe up until this point; it's a shame to ruin it like this.

If you like, I can take a look at future chapters and offer my advice. It would be general things only, however, I'd have to be paid to sift through and correct every error. I would end up spending hours working on it if I did that; I'd rather spend what limited time I have on this earth either doing something I like or getting paid enough to make it worthwhile.

I thought at first , like everyone that she was going to steal the Raptor but quickly dropped that idea . One she didn't know anything about it & it's upgrades & she couldn't get to it without being seen & couldn't get in it so then I thought ..Ah-Ha the only ship there that had any personal meaning for her was either her mothers or sisters private shuttles . I was hoping that when she took it John , Alyssa & her mother would be aboard , maybe having a "Meeting" :-) & somehow or another she would come around . Should have known Tefler wouldn't let us off so easy , but I love how this is going . A simple solution to such a complex problem would not be in keeping with this whole story line .

As to the complaints about taking so long as compared to the other girls is just not right . For one none of the other girls had any personal fear of John & once they were rescued & sat down & saw what benefits were to be had they signed up , but it still took weeks to over come their problems Dana's jealousy of Rachel's family , Rachel's hatred of her father & her mothers killers , Carla & the pirates . Sakura & her memories . Only Jade & Alyssa didn't have immediate serious issues & it still took a long time & many treatments?? to get where they are . Tashana had two & 1/2 days on route which she spent in isolation & 1 day at Genthalas & she deliberately avoided Jonh the girls & her mother . They couldn't foresee that she would run away from the safety of her home so quickly . We readers are privy to information & insights that the characters in the story don't have so we can see their mistakes & just "know" what they should be doing .Lets all relax & let Tefler tell HIS story in HIS way .

BTW 5 Stars ,,please keep up your great writing .

Hey,

Thanks for your comments, they were interesting to read!

I went through your list and corrected the mistakes you highlighted, so thanks for those!

"she bit her tongue"

Biting one's tongue is an idiom. I don't know if it's only used in England, but it means to force yourself not to say something to someone.

"did Edraele get her third dose of cum and bonded with Alyssa right before John went to sleep?"

Nope. :-) It happened during the first refit, when the three of them slept together in the shuttle. Alyssa was left terrified by the ordeal, and Edraele and John hugged her until she went to sleep.

Re: incest: "there's absolutely no need to worry about inbred mutations "

Oh, I agree completely. John mentioned a while ago, that he's not been pushing anything with Edraele and Irillith, because they were rebuilding their relationship, and didn't want to make things weird for them. Edraele's mind was rebuilt by John, and she'd be up for anything he was into (her playful teasing about his lewd thoughts about her daughter(s) ). If Tashana joined the crew, it would practically be a crime not to indulge a proper twin fantasy! ;-)

"When the hell is (pregnancy) going to happen?"

I'd love to discuss this, but I won't because of spoilers.

"despite his misgivings and lack of consent"

That's the real stumbling block though, the lack of consent. Despite some of the wild-eyed ravings I've seen from Observer7 accusing John of "raping" the girls, he's expressly sought out the permission of all the girls that joined the crew.

Rapists get slaughtered with gleeful abandon throughout the story, and John would NEVER do anything with Tashana without her express consent. Sure, it would save a bunch of time, but if I'd done that, would you really enjoy reading 20+ chapters of tortured self-recrimination? ;-)

"It seems to me like you did it this way purely as a plot device"

They tried to help her, and brought her back to somewhere safe so she could recover. As I mentioned in an earlier post, none of them are trained psychologists.

They gave her some space, because she was frightened of John and his 'thralls'. They had no idea she was a badass and could effortlessly take out the docking bay guards, so they didn't realise she'd be able to escape so easily.

Her escaping was obviously a plot device, but its not one I just hand-waved in, and said, "Yeah, they could have done x, y, and z, but didn't because of reasons." The obvious solution would have been to just load Tashana up (which Alyssa mentions). Because of consent issues, they left her to calm down, hoping she'd eventually be open to dialogue.

Despite all the complaints I've read (and the comments about pacing are both reasonable and fair), no one has been able to come up with a better way of handling her.

"hate it when previously smart characters are suddenly so stupid."

I've seen similar comments before, regarding other scenarios where things didn't go the crews way. In their defence, the girls are all highly specialised experts in their respective fields, but that doesn't mean they can predict everything.

I think a good, if rather extreme example, is Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. Genius theoretical physicist? Absolutely! But he's also completely helpless in any practical scenario. The girls are much more well-rounded than Sheldon, but extreme intellectual gifts don't necessarily provide a crystal ball for everything that I throw at them. ;-)

Tefler

Thanks for this chapter!

Fortunately less of lengthy sex (get's boring) and I'm really happy that Tashana isn't integrated so easily.

(Didn't notice words like "sashaying", "doe eyed looks" anymore - very good! :-) )

Keep on!

First of all loved this chapter about time for another refit. As mentioned in most of the previous comments Tashana is not in a good place at all, she started off her journey in the Uncharted Wastes as a broken individual (betrayed by her sister and banished by her mother) and was then mentally torn to shreds by the miscreants that called the Wastes home (raped continuously for a period of time). Essentially Tashana was in a position somewhat parallel to Calara's when we first met her except for the fact that Tashana had very little combat experience and didn't have John and Alyssa to rescue her but instead had to rely on the darker emotions and her own gifts to survive. What would have worsened her condition even further was the slaughter of her crew at the hand of Hades' crew and being subjected once again to the whims of the Enshunu.

I actually commend John and the crew for doing all in there power to ensure that Tashana at least relative safety aboard the Invictus. While yes, they could have knocked her out by depressurising the medical lab and then placing her on ice and having Alyssa go on a mind walk to try and calm her down. This would have prompted Tashana to mentally lock down and fracture even further and with the Maliri being a different race to what Alyssa is, she may have done more damage on her mind walk than what she went into fix.

Edraele gathered as many of the families as she could in such a short time without the assistance of John and what does Tashana seem to be doing but inadvertantly completing the job. I see a giant face off between Tashana and the combined forces of John, Progen-John, Alyssa, Athena and Edraele. I included Progen-John and Athena because of the raw power that Tashana possesses would more than likely require the assistance of the two Progenitor entities to contain within the designated area. I then see the next arc being that of focusing on helping Alyssa and John reach the full potential while gifting Athena a physical presence and completely removing the threat of Progen-John.

If John had telepathically told Edraele to make sure all the white-haired Maliri dyed their hair, as someone had suggested a few chapters ago, things would have gone a lot better. Tashana would have tried to talk to Edraele about John and then they would have known what she was up to.

Now obviously nobody in the story can predict the future and know that would have happened, but it was still a precaution they should have taken before arriving at Genthalas. They may not be psychologists, but it doesn't take a genius to make the logical leap from "we know that she has studied the Progenitors extensively" to "she probably knows what white hair on a Maliri means", and then to "she will react poorly to seeing white haired Maliri on Genthalas, especially her mother". Considering how smart the girls are supposed to be, I find it very difficult to suspend my disbelief that none of them would have thought of this.

Another thing is that they let her stay in the medical bay where she could access her medical scans and find the location of the tracking device, which was just an accident waiting to happen. The only obstacle they left between her and her scan results was Faye's supervision, and if Faye had tried to prevent her from seeing the results that hardly would have helped her to start trusting anyone. Even if Faye hadn't slipped up and mentioned the device, it wouldn't have been unreasonable for them to assume she might want to see the scan results, seeing as nobody told her the state of her health after accumulating all those injuries.

"If John had telepathically told Edraele to make sure all the white-haired Maliri dyed their hair"

It's an interesting idea. Edraele, Makaela and the assassins would need to cut their hair short, and they'd have to fabricate the hair dye (the Maliri aren't into dying their hair), but those are hardly insurmountable issues.

"she probably knows what white hair on a Maliri means"

Possibly, but there's no real way for them to know that for sure. For the scenario to work, we can assume they take that precaution.

Now, here are the problems this idea presents:

1) Edraele would need to act like a cruel cold-hearted bitch, with even the slightest break in character making Tashana instantly suspicious. They wouldn't be able to risk any contact between Edraele and John, as Tashana catching them together would ruin everything in an instant.

2) They would have to come up with an extremely plausible reason for why John had been allowed to set foot on Genthalas, or more importantly, why he was permitted in Maliri Space in the first place.

3) After Tashana warned her mother, she'd expect her to act immediately, and wouldn't be fobbed off with platitudes or excuses for letting him stay on the station. Irillith is already enthralled, and Tashana would expect Edraele to have her, the crew. and John killed.

4) As a powerful (but mentally scarred) psychic in her own right, Tashana would no longer be cowed by Edraele's telekinesis. If pushed too hard, she would likely explode, and she already hates Edraele for her part in the banishment. So Edraele would have to be cold and heartless towards her, but at the same time, not get her too angry otherwise it's game over.

5) The entire refit would have to be done in complete secrecy, with every single new convert immediately dying their hair to avoid suspicion. They would need to be kept penned up near the dockyard, so that Tashana didn't accidentally run into anyone from an opposing House (unheard of on Genthalas). They could do this, but it would dampen the inter-house cooperation that they're trying to cultivate.

6) How exactly do they broach the subject that John isn't a bad guy, after taking all those precautions above? If Edraele even speaks about him in a favourable light, we're back to "You're a thrall! You're working for him!". By keeping everything secret, Tashana's being manipulated and lied to, so when the reveal comes out, they'd then have to battle through all the outrage and sense of betrayal. She would invariably try to escape and we're back to the same situation we find ourselves in now (but dragged out even longer).

It seems to me, that the "dying hair" plan simply pushes the confrontation down the road, and stores up all sorts of nasty problems. By being honest with her, and trying to show her that he's helping the Maliri, they could avoid all that. It might have worked, if she hadn't fled Genthalas so quickly.

Tefler

Yes i agree with some of the comments to ch.74. This is perhaps not Tefler's best chapter. But give the guy some slack! In 74 chapters, not one of them have been bad!

Yes, the whole refitting and upgrade of The Invictus, is somewhat repetitive, as is his ahem, alone time, ahem, with the workers. Luckily we did not get the details this time. not like last time, so that is okay. I would have liked to see more on the whole deal with Edraelle's rather vicious assassinations. Yes Jon did not like it, but I feel he should have been even more upset about it, and promptly done something to prevent it ever happening again. I also can not for the life of me, see Jon becoming the ruler of the Maliri. I would more like to see an up and honest alliance between him and The Maliri, after he helps getting their society on the right path. I see him take action just if something goes completely wrong, and otherwise let them rule themselves in the future.

When it comes to Tashana, yes the process with Tashana goes slow. I think that is because Tefler have great plans for her. She is that important to the main plot. I see her becoming either a very dangerous foe, or an invaluable source of information in their fight against the other Progenitor. And none of the other girls had but a fraction of the mental problems Tashana have. The things she has gone through, makes anything the other girls have gone through pale in comparison. yes even loosing ones parents. This woman has ben tortured in the most heinous ways for god knows how long. How she survived at all is a miracle. So i feel Tefler is going about this the right way. Tashana can not be as easily fixed as the others. If at all.

And that they should have realized that she would do something, i totally dont agree with. as mentioned in several comments here, we as readers can see things that the crew of The Invictus is incapable of. And as also mentioned, neither of them are psychologists, and further on, they have come into the habit that John can fix anything. They are lulled into a false security that way. This will perhaps be an eye opener for that.

So give Tefler some slack. He is doing a great job. he is the only one that is seeing the whole big picture, and where all the subplots are going. I for one, look forwards to seeing what this marvelous writher comes up with next.

Tefler, back in chapter 71 I commented that I thought you had dipped below your normal high standard and I feel that you are still in the trough. However I am suspending final judgement on that until we have the full story context for the last few chapters when I hope the trough will prove to have been illusory. I am never the less continuing to enjoy your writing and thank you for sharing your story with us.

But still on par with your usual level of writing.

I'm looking forward to seeing what Tashana thinks she can do and how John's going to react.

You seem to have lately adopted a new style of storytelling where you withhold a lot of relevant information from the readers in favor of some big reveals down the road. We as readers experience the story primarily through John and usually have a good idea what's on his mind. However, in this chapter he discusses important details such as the conclusion for his plans regarding the Maliri but the readers are left guessing. Similarly, when Alyssa and Edraele form a new telepathic bond, its function is left unexplained even though John clearly knows about it and it is addressed in the dialogue. I would guess you withhold information to create suspense and encourage readers to speculate about story elements. For me that works in cases when we are offered a peek into a minor character's plans as was the case with the Kintark emperor's dealings. Others may disagree but in my opinion it feels artificial, slightly frusturating and results in poor dialogue when the main characters' motivations and conclusions are purposefully omitted.

Most jarring example of this is the ongoing refit. If I'm not completely mistaken we still don't have the overall plans for the refit and have to piece it together from the dialogue. So they are lengthening the ship but for what reason exactly? To support the new singularity drivers? Unless I completely missed it this chapter was the first mention of Dana having successfully compressed the singularity driver design. Same deal with the surprise of them adding new engines and power cores to the ship. You also spend quite some time descibing new support structures but their purpose isn't clear. I don't have a sense of following their progress. That combined with the more interesting Tashana storyline being on the forefront has made this the dullest refit so far.

I was also left disappointed in the Genthalas shipyard security. Tashana was able to take out two guards and steal a ship and no-one noticed until 10 or so hours later. With internal security so lax the other houses should have been able to wreak some major havoc in the past or has House Valaden completely relied on Irillith sniffing out potential threats? I would assume someone should at least be monitoring the security feeds.

Lastly, I nitpick but John was able to understand what the bickering Maliri nobles were talking about among themselves. I doubt they would argue in Terran and to my knowledge John does not speak Maliri.

All in all this is easily the best story I've read on this site but this chapter left something to be desired. Also for what it is worth, I disagree with some other commenters calling the Tashana storyline boring. I find its development very interesting and vastly preferred to adding meaningless action scenes just for the action's sake. House Valaden women have proven to be capable and cunning antagonists, even with their backs against the wall.

I have read all the comments of this chapter and the two chapters before and most are dealing with the way these chapters are slow, does not fit with the chapters before, and/or the way the crew of the Invictus dealt with the problems with Maliri, for most Tashana and Edraele.

Well, I find these chapters good reading because they are fleshing out the characters. I do not know more about the characters, but Tefler does. He let the characters dance a puppeteer does to a tune by using invisible threads, but I can not pull on those strings as much a would like to do. I must live with his story and his pulling of the strings and hope he will have a good solution for any situation he crates for the crew and the round-circling extra characters. And by fleshing out the characters he makes them more humane, more likeable and thus the story more enjoyable. No person is perfect, and by revealing the imperfections he deepens the running storylines.

This chapter sets up a new set of story-arcs and is about to close a number of others, in which the Invictus mark II (or is it already IV?), its crew and some extras will face new challenges, new deceptions, new enemies, new friends, more battle-damage and new revisions of all material used.

I hope the next chapter will see a close of the Maliri problems with the society. Tashana has, unknown to herself, revealed a huge fact that a Progenitor is connected again to the Maliri. She fears John because she has knowledge of the treatment the Maliri got in the past by Mael'nerak, not knowing what John really is, and certainly not knowing whatb his motives are. All she knows is the actions of Mael'nerak and the results of those actions, most bad for the Maliri and other races, including Terrans.

So, Tefler needs time to create a backdrop on the set, and the only way to do so is by creating an interlude in which not much seems to be done with the story, but behind the scenes a complete new staging is set up, only to be revealed when everything is ready to continue with creating havoc with the plans of Kintark, Enshunu, and possible Kirrix (maybe Drakkar too??)

I think this is one of the best stories I have read on this site and on storyonline.

Thanks Tefler.

I personally don't think the standards have dipped. I think the story is great. I anxiously wait to here more about the Invictus mark 2.

Interesting how enthralled the Maliri are towards John. Human mother and Progenitor Father must breed a pure Progenitor son. I would have expected his poweres to be similar but reduced due to his half breed status. I've read the story from the beginning, but I suppose I always thought in the back of my head that he was only a half-breed.

I wonder why the Maliri are blue when the "purebred" progenitor John is Human. I'm not sure if it has ever been stated what skin color John was. Hopefully one day it will basically be unimportant in our civilization, but no need to open up that can of worms. My main question is why weren't the Maliri made in the progenitor's image, unless they were originally blue. If they were originally blue, why isn't John blue.

Given Tashana's paranoia I do not think that she would find the evidence of John's benevolence convincing. I think she would see it as John lulling the Maliri and Terrans into a sense of false security and that when he had enslaved a sufficiently large proportion of the populace he would show his "true" colours.

I spent three years in the British Army in the early nineteen sixties and from that experience find the ten hours before the attack on the guards was discovered to be unbelievable. Standard practice for guard duty when I was in the army was two hours on and four hours off. Also if the duty was of the nature described then one of the guards would be required to phone a report to the guardhouse every fifteen or twenty minutes. In the event of the report being more than five or ten minutes late a detail would be sent find out what was wrong. I would expect the Maliri security to operate in a similar way. This means that Tashana would have a minimum of five minutes to a maximum of thirty minutes before her escapade was discovered. If there was no report to the guardhouse required then the window of opportunity could be up to two hours. A far cry from the ten hours Tefler gave them.

In addition given the ease with which Tashana overcame the guards I deduce that they were probably not wearing armour. If not why not?

Great story as always, nevermind the haters and keep up the good work. I really hope the tashana storyline ends happily, because I think why some readers don't like it is because,it gives off the feeling that it will end on heartbreak which is making them uneasy, either way still a fantastic work, and I can barely contain my excitement for the next chapter. 😁

TheGreatDoubleE

I had to drop off patreon right after ch73 was released on there (financial issues) & can't believe how long I had to wait for this chapter! Hoping the next chapter includes a visit from Ceraden! I want to see how he reacts! War against Tashana's allied fleet would be a great test of the capabilities of the new Invictus! Where is Mikaboshi? When do we get to see Sakura showcase her skills in melee combat? And so much more to look forward to!

As I recall, without looking, the Irillith story line went 3-4 chapters before she got her "hair bleach". Yes those chapters went fairly quickly since there was action involved, i.e cops, and mercs, etc.

Tashana is going in a different direction. We should at least applaud that it isn't following the same formula. This time, PTSD and other damage. No action scenes. An escape. Far less time in "the progenitors" presence, so the genetic instinct is thwarted.

Yes, I was a little disappointed in this chapter. I too, wanted some action. But, I also know that these building scenes are important. This chapter did seem a little "discombobulated". Some areas seemed skimmed over, others rushed.

I also agree that the guards not being found for 10(ish) hours very unrealistic, for the above stated reasons.

I am certain, that the next chapter will get things back on track. One, Tefler has stated the Tashana thread will be resolved. One way or another..... Two, the Invictus will hopefully get put back together, with all the upgrades. Then we'll find out all the new stuff.. Then we can go on to where ever is next. Whether they get a message about the Kintark, or go off to Brimoria (or whatever their planet/trading post is called).

been inhaling SciFi/Fantasy for close to 45 years, I find 'some' partial validity in what 'almost' everyone says. (Tef not included, what he says is determinate; everyone else's comments, {except his editor, who didn't weigh in this chapter, so far}, are speculative}, however, one factor overlooked is the interruptive nature of serializing a story.

Typically, we buy books. Professionally written and edited books. Books are a complete story arc, even if that story arc is only a portion of an overall plot arc. They are designed to have a 'complete', yet unfinished feeling, (that way, you are more motivated to buy the next in the series.

When reading these books, the reader chooses when to stop, or not stop. If the author is in the middle of plot or character development, and the action is lagging, WE can choose to read on, and satisfy OUR needs emotionally.

In serialization, such as we have on Lit, we CANNOT chose to read on, since we are NOT in control, Tefler is. He dictates when we stop reading, and when we start reading.

Now, I know this is a stretch to suggest, but if the pacing, amount of character/plot development, lack of action, seeming stupidity of characters, unbelievability of characters is so frustrating, read something else. There are hundreds of other great authors on Lit, thousands of other very good stories.

There are even many other genres on Lit you might actually enjoy, IF you gave them a try. The non-human category is a strange category to me, it's just a sub-set of SciFi/Fantasy; more Fantasy than SciFi, but there's lots of SciFi in it, just as there's lots of Fantasy, (non-human), stories in SciFi.

Remember, the categories are self chosen by the writers, no one reads and categorizes anything on here.

As as example of how good some of the other writers are, the author of my favorite, all time, cross category tale, predominately writes in Couples, Non-Human, and another couple of categories. He had a feeling for 'the human condition', and the suffering it can bring, and the ability to describe it like VERY few writers can. If conditions were different for him, he would be a NY Times Best Selling Author, and all that 'title' brings, good and bad.

I have been catching up on a half dozen or so stories I'm in the midst of, (waiting on the next submission) and also reading a new author I found interesting, plus reading Electronics text, and technical stuff on the 'net, trying to learn Electrical Engineering, and haven't been to the SciFi/Fantasy main page for a month, or more.

I was done with my catching up, burnt out on SCR's, capacitors, and the difference between PNP & NPN, let alone AC-DC and plus, or minus, and went looking for something/someone 'new' to read.

I scrolled down to the Hall of Fame to see who was winning the domination battle, Etaski & 'Surfacing', Tefler & 'Three Square Meals' and who was sitting at the very top, but BurntRedstone, (mentioned, but unnamed, above). He had decided to "take his first foray into SciFi”, (magic specifically), with his newest story.

Of course, that's ignoring his other SciFi/Fantasy stories parked in Non-Human.

And, he is obviously kicking butt with it. I read it, it WAS great. Different style than Tef, Etaski, or the Dream Drive author, who's name I can't remember. But they are all diferent from each other.

Point is, you can either go with Tefler's flow, or be frustrated, OR you can enjoy something else, perhaps even discover other writers or other genres. You might even find complete story arcs, written ten years ago, which will blow you away. Give it a try... (you will also find some REAL duds, too, but they give even more appreciation for how good some of our amateur contributors really are. Some are REALLY, REALLY bad, laughably bad.)

=====

Another 'weird' category on Lit is Novels & Novellas. No defining genre or topic, it is completely based on length, but even that is self-selected. You never know what you might find in there. You just pick one, at random, and start reading. If you don't like it, stop.

I warn you, though, you WILL like some. And the subject matter you enjoy might surprise, (embarrass?), you! {{{Go on, nobody knows what you're reading.}}}

And the morale of this short tale, is:

Just like the red, blue, brown & teal colored women John has to choose from, (well, he is still wondering what's up with the red, but my point is the same), there is a LOT to choose from on Lit. Why not sample it, and avoid the serialization frustration?

GeoD

Keep up the great work!

It's always amusing reading the comments. Some people saying great chapter, some saying too slow not enough action, others saying the Tashana arc is getting dragged out too much. Everyone has their own opinion about the chapter and believes their opinion is the correct one. The funny thing is opinions are like assholes everyone has one, just because one asshole thinks their opinion is the correct one doesn't mean the other assholes are wrong.

The only opinion that counts is Teflers. And I am sure he is paying close attention to the comments and ratings on this site and more importantly the patreon site and will either keep going the way he is or go back to the old way he wrote the chapters.

My opinion for what it's worth (yes I too have an asshole) is to try combine both action and story arc/plot in the same chapter. I think the main problem with two or more chapters in a row without much action is that a lot of people were attracted to the story because of the non stop action. They have become so used to their weekly fix of action packed story, that going 2-3 or more weeks without is starting to annoy them, no great drama for Tefler as long as the same thing is not happening with his paying customers on th patreon site.

Good luck with this one Tefler, I hope you work out a way to keep everyone happy with your writting including yourself.

Any update on the next chapter

Really, I think the issue here is that in the recent past, long segments where there's little action because the main cast is waiting for a refit or to get somewhere have all been combined into one big chapter, as in chapters 55 and 70, for example. I find it likely that if 55 and 70 had been split over multiple chapters, there would have been complaints then, and if this chapter and the last one had been combined, a lot less people would have taken issue.

"I would more like to see an up and honest alliance between him and The Maliri, after he helps getting their society on the right path. I see him take action just if something goes completely wrong, and otherwise let them rule themselves in the future."

I see that as the best of both worlds. John keeps his freedom, the Maliri get to continue to rule themselves, Tashana realizes she has no clue (at least eventually), The ruling houses stay in power, and Maliri society gets fixed.

I am thinking Tefler may have alluded to something like this in this chapter. I am also wondering if there will be something like the English Constitutional Monarchy with a House of Nobles and a house of Commons in an attempt to bring hope to the masses who have none.

I wonder if Tefler did a nice understated action here: Tashana has fled to the other Maliri Houses to warn the Matriarchs for John and Edraele.

The reaction on the pictures shown was quite dramatic and I wonder what will happen when they combine their forces and make contact with the five Matriarchs who are allied with John. Speaking him can be arranged with Irilith together with Faye by hacking their communication-arrays, and as he has an almost hypnotic attraction to them he can almost force them to come to him. Of course, John is a gentleman, but Edraele and Alyssa will see that he connects them to Edraele as the first four; staying alive is a good motive to "persuade" them to bond with him.

Well, it is all up to Tefler now, speculating on what will be done is his and his only. But that is the fun of the commenting, on Patreon (which I don't follow) and StoriesOnline: To be able to guess what will be next on his to-do list, and see what he brings us in the next chapter, just like a small child lives in the expectation of what Father Christmas will bring him.

So again: Thanks and keep up writing Tefler.

48.5k words is coming down the pipe.

Suspect it will be on Literotica in a week's time.

If you, like me, think Tefler deserves to be rewarded for his hard work and creativity then join us as a Patreon.

"However, I still haven't heard anyone suggest an alternative plan that would actually work. ;-)"

Jade takes it on her own to go heal Tahsana because she has known centuries of abuse and realizes that no amount of time will heal Tahsana; she needs a load of cum. So, she enters Tahsana' room morphed into the form of Tahsana's father (Faye helped hack the image from somewhere) after a session with John. Tahsana's strong connection to her father inspired some Daddy/daughter time where the outcome was the exchange of fluids. The next morning Tahsana shows up for breakfast with a full head of white hair and everyone is confused. Jade tells her side of the story, apologizes, and the story moves on.

Interesting idea, but it's not viable for a couple of reasons:

"Jade takes it on her own"

While she's independent now, she knows John's all about consent. She'd never dream of going against his wishes like that.

"enters Tahsana' room morphed into the form of Tahsana's father"

Jade can only copy one other humanoid (Alyssa). All sorts of animals are fair game, but no other people. Sorry. :-)

Tefler

Tefler has it all scoped out. He always does. Take a chill pill and relax until it posts.

Way to leave us on a fucking cliffhanger. Great story though:)

A-Pilot-D

Tricky Dicky Tef, man once I figure I know where you´re going , I don´t, well done as always. Really like your work Tef and Thanks again.

"... If you, like me, think ..."

This is a cheesy NLP/Robbins/seduction pattern designed to get people to like you and agree with your suggestion.

NLP can be far more elegant and helpful/nuanced than this. Your example is garbage.

I had already subscribed, and if I hadn't yet and was considering it, this manipulative bullshit would be enough to stop me. Delete that shit, asshole, you're only hurting Tefler.

It occurred to me as to the reason why I for one love your stories so much. You've managed to come up with the perfect balance between hard core sex and an exciting sci-fi story. And the sex side is so interwoven with love and respect it is far beyond the typical sex stories usually found here on Literotica.

Sci-Fi is historically far fetched plausible fantasy and perhaps there are those who know so much more than me (very likely in fact) about the science in your stories but many forget that you are sharing from your imagination. Thank you as always for giving us all you have. I am proud to be one of your patrons.

"Re: BruceWo's comment...

"... If you, like me, think ..."

And I get chastized for putting up too many posts that are constructive while you say THAT!!!???? LMAO.

Again: Get help. You don't have to live with all that hate.

+ 1 on Subman.

Now, to the upgrades:

Tefler: I have a question about the engines. I recognize that a 4th main engine was added to the Invictus, but it seemed that all the engines were upgraded. While I applaud this, I thought the FTL drives were the things the Ashanath gave to John and those were the drives that Dana had the Progen schematics for. The sub-light engines came from the Trankarans and were not stolen/misunderstood Progen Tech. Yet no mention of the FTL drive upgrade is mentioned. Was this intentional on your part or did I miss something?

I put my money where my mouth was. I signed up as a Patreon of Tefler. No one asked me to do it. I reckon that Tefler should be rewarded.

If you don't think that Tefler for all the work he puts in is worth $1/Chapter then maybe you should no longer read his stories.

I note that you are using Anon rather than an login in name.

"I recognize that a 4th main engine was added to the Invictus,"

The Invictus originally had four engines, but during the refit an additional two were added, taking the total number to six. A large number of retro-thrusters were also added along the new section of hull. The additional engines and the retro-thrusters were based on the Trankaran technology they were already using.

"The sub-light engines came from the Trankarans and were not stolen/misunderstood Progen Tech."

That's correct. They were added to the hull, to compensate for all the extra tonnage the Invictus is now carrying.

The new Progenitor devices are: 3x Power Cores, and a Tachyon Drive. These replace the Ashanath based variants, which were crude copies of the original Progenitor devices.

So the Invictus has doubled its FTL speed, but its sub-light speed is unchanged.

Tefler

...I think it's because the dynamics of John and his crew, both sexually and otherwise, are what actually make the story. This chapter gave a nod to different aspects of their intrapersonal dynamics, but because there are so many threads involved, the overall impact was muted, at least for me.

I readily admit that a version of the story where they fly around in their mighty spaceship and only interact briefly with outsiders would ultimately be boring in the extreme. However, unless there's some incredibly subtle foreshadowing going on that neither I nor anyone else have picked up on, this wasn't your best, IMO.

Nevertheless, Tef, I commend you for your ability to weave all these different threads together and I'm looking forward to seeing the entire tapestry completed.

Any update on ch75 tefler

I hope we get to read it soon

Btw how big of a ch it will be ???

I think there might be room in the market for a Trivial Pursuit game based on 3 SM.

Lots of questions already.

I almost choked when I read "John's marvelous hair tonic." Definitely my favorite one-liner so far.

I think the next chapter will be released around two days from now maybe earlier, it seems to be around 50k words too!

Your writing just keeps getting better

I almost choked when I read "John's marvelous hair tonic." Definitely my favorite one-liner so far.

The one I choked on was Sakura being called a Chinese dish by Dana (in abstencia) and Sakura's comment to Jade that at least she didn't have to hear any Sushi jokes. I spewed my coke on that one.

This is my favorite kind of story sci-fi and fantasy... I don't give a fuck with modern ones... and there are no other better sci-fi than this.

“The new Progenitor devices are: 3x Power Cores, and a Tachyon Drive. These replace the Ashanath based variants, which were crude copies of the original Progenitor devices.

So the Invictus has doubled its FTL speed, but its sub-light speed is unchanged.

So, from the story quoted below: after the original refit, the Invictus FTL was 3 times faster than a Terran Cruiser and 1.5 times faster than a Maliri Cruiser class vessel.

“the Maliri navigator pushed their ship faster. Eventually the acceleration levelled off, and Alyssa's melodic laughter echoed triumphantly around the Bridge, as she realised that was the fastest the Maliri ship could go.

"They actually have pretty good FTL tech," she admitted as she glanced at their current speed. "It looks like they are using a very similar Tachyon drive to those the Ashanath fit as standard. Ours is much better, but this Maliri ship is still twice the speed of Terran military ships."”

and

"The Navigation computer is reporting that we'll get there in a third of the time it should normally take!" Alyssa said with surprise. "Nothing's that fast!"”

Based on the above information

Now they are double that so they can travel at 6 times faster than a normal Terran Cruiser and roughly 3 times faster than a Maliri Cruiser class vessel. That is a very serious strategic advantage.

Concerning the power cores after the Ashanath refit:

"OK in layman's terms we now have about twelve times the power as before. We can run the entire ship at full power constantly, so the ship will be able to fly faster and our shields will be able to regenerate quickly, without me having to divert power from the weapons or anything like that." Dana said excitedly.

With an original 12x times the new 3x, the new power cores are 36 times the original Terran equivalent. And the Invictus has three of them so they have the equivalent of 108 Terran Cruiser class power cores or 9 Terran Battleship power cores.

All that additional power to the sub-light engines, with the addition of 2 more coupled with better, Maliri, power cables and upgraded distribution hubs and regulators should increase the ship's overall top end sub-light speed, due to the Physics Laws of Motion, even with the additional mass added from the upgrade. The additional power would keep the acceleration curve relatively the same due to the increased mass issue, but the top end would be greatly increased due to the frictionless atmosphere of space.

My original post was correct but I see the confusion:

"so the ship will be able to fly faster "

When Dana said that, it was in the original Invictus, where she had to shunt power around to different systems. Since they got the Ashanath power core, they've had more than enough power to fully charge the weapons and shields, and keep the engines at maximum.

Dana can turn off the safety overrides, and make the ship go faster, but that risks them burning out.

Your numbers below on the relative FTL speeds were accurate:

6x Terran military FTL

3x Maliri FTL

2x Ashanath FTL

Tefler