To Love Again - Al

I laughed. "Okay, then. I'll talk to you later, Vik."

He forced a smile. "I'll talk to you later, Alice."

*****

It hurt. It hurt so much. Letting Vik go was the hardest thing I had ever done, but I knew from the bottom of my heart it was what was right. We couldn't keep holding on, it was just making us both miserable.

I don't regret any of my days with Vik. Given the option, I would do it all again, time after time. I knew that we helped each other grow as people, and even if things didn't turn out happily ever after between us, he was still my friend.

I called Michael. I already had one man get away, I would be damned before I let another slip, too.

"Hi, Al."

"Hey, Michael. I've been doing some thinking. I talked with Vik."

"Did you make a decision?"

"Yes, I did. Michael?"

"Yeah?"

"Please be my boyfriend. I want to run with you and see where it takes us."

I think I heard a sigh of relief. "That sounds perfect."

"Do you want me to come over?"

"Whoa, slow down. You have to at least take me to dinner first."

I laughed. "Sounds fair. It's a date."

I couldn't help the ridiculous grin I had on my face when I hung up.

*****

I felt that anticipation, that nervous excitement that only could come before a first date as I got ready for my dinner with Michael. We already knew each other pretty well at that point. We were friends and we'd already fucked twice, but it was the first time we were going to meet under the pretense of being boyfriends.

We met at an Italian restaurant I really liked. I was wearing jeans, a blazer, and dress shoes. We already said we'd be dressed semi-formally.

When Michael walked in I hardly recognized him. He had clothes similar to mine, slacks and a black dress shirt, but he was fully made up. He had smoky eyes, red lips, contour, the whole nine yards. He turned himself into this creature so beautiful and perfect he didn't even look human. He greeted me with a gentle kiss.

"Hi, babe."

I blinked, still taken aback by his appearance.

"You look stunning."

He smiled. "I wanted to look pretty for my man tonight."

His man. I was his man.

I realized I was just gaping like an idiot, so I tried to lighten the mood.

"You're giving me such a confused boner right now," I joked.

He laughed. "Giving men confused boners is one of my favorite past times."

We got to our table and had dinner.

There was some cognitive dissonance when I interacted with him at first. I'm gay. I like men, and feminine men had never really done it for me in the past. In fact, with my long hair and occasional makeup, I was usually the more feminine one. But with Michael it was different. Even though he wore makeup and women's clothes a lot, he didn't act effeminate. He still had a deep voice and talked like the 23-year-old guy he was. I had asked him in the past if he ever wanted to be a girl and he laughed at the thought of it. He just liked the look of it and was in the mood sometimes. The weirdest part of it all was that he pulled it off, at least in my eyes. He was in front of me, done up like a girl going to prom, and still I didn't see him as anything but 100% man.

A hot as he was, what really drew me to him was who he was as a person. He had this sort of strength to him, a resolve that seemed beyond his years, though considering what he enjoyed doing, he probably went through more than the average gay man. He was always willing to lend an ear, always ready to help in any way he could. He helped me out of one of the most painful moments in my entire life without expecting anything in return.

Michael did remind me a little of Vik in that way, like he was almost acting motherly to me. He made me feel wanted like I hadn't since I was with Vik. Even so, he wasn't just a new Vik to replace the old one. Vik had always been more agreeable, more likely to compromise and think of others before himself, to a fault sometimes. Michael was still caring, but more resolute, more willing to stand his ground when the need arose. He had a power, almost an authority to him that Vik didn't have. When he talked, I couldn't help but listen.

I wasn't in love with him, not by a long shot. Until that point we had been mostly just friends, and I only ever thought we could be anything more that night at my apartment, but for the first time in forever I felt that intrigue, that pull that made me want to get to know him better, want to move forward. It reminded me of the curiosity I had when I first met Vik.

We finished up dinner and we went to his apartment, immediately making out when we walked inside. He walked to the bathroom and I grabbed his hand.

"Can I help this time?"

He looked confused, but said sure.

I took off his makeup and he gradually became an entirely different kind of sexy. He was tan, rugged, and handsome.

"You didn't need the makeup, Michael. You're just as gorgeous without it."

He smiled, blushing slightly at the compliment.

It seemed that the next thing I knew we were making out nude on his bed. His hands went everywhere, my hip, my ass, my chest. It was like he wanted to feel all of me. He nuzzled my neck and ran his fingers through my hair.

"Al, I don't think I could ever be as gorgeous as you. Not if I tried for the rest of my life."

Now it was my turn to blush, not knowing what to say.

He cupped my face and kissed the tip of my nose.

"I'm glad I can be here for you."

I stroked his jaw with my finger. "Not as glad as me. Right now I feel like the luckiest person in the world."

His eyes shone. "What do you want, baby?"

I felt so good as I answered, "I want you to make love to me."

Not long after I was in his lap, his long cock buried deep inside me. I was facing away from him, and he held me tight in his arms. He nuzzled my ear and kissed my neck. It was better than the first two times we had sex put together.

Both of us came at the same moment, him biting and sucking on my neck so hard I knew I'd get a hickey. I didn't mind.

We cuddled after sex, and when I was in his arms, feeling his affection, I started crying tears of pure joy.

"Sweetheart, you okay?"

I nodded. "This is the best I've felt in a long time."

He nuzzled me tenderly.

"I'm sorry you had to wait for me."

"Never mind all that. What matters is that we're here now. We can move forward together."

For the first time in so long, that didn't sound like a pipe dream anymore.

*****

Michael and I have been dating for two months now, and still going strong. It wasn't until a few days ago that I told him that I loved him for the first time.

I'll admit, at the beginning I almost felt bad about how happy I was with him. I didn't think I had any right to enjoy my life so much with somebody that wasn't Vik.

It felt wrong to be happy dating someone when Vik was alone, but he was always quick to remind me that he chose his path of his own accord. Since he moved he'd sworn off sex, living a celibate life. Me, his mother, his friends, and pretty much everyone else told him it was overkill, it wasn't like he became a priest or a monk, but he did it anyway and stuck to it. Every time I'd call him on Skype he'd still have that purity ring on his finger. I definitely respected his dedication, even if I didn't know why he was doing it to himself.

Vik and I are still friends. We call, text, and keep each other updated on our lives. He'd tell me stories of the people he met at his job, and new friends he had made in Los Angeles. I kept him posted about my life as well. Neither of us really talked about Michael much, we just had an unspoken agreement that he was happy for me and left it at that.

Michael has become such a huge part of my life. We go on double dates with Cary and Danny all the time, spend nights and the other's apartments, and lived our lives together.

I still miss Vik, and still cherish what we had together. But now things have gotten better. It felt wrong at first, but Vik and Michael both helped me come to terms with the fact that it was okay. It took a while, but for the first time since Vik left, I allowed myself to be happy.

I was able to love again.