Too Late to Say Goodbye

The other set of papers would be more moderate. I'd file under no-fault and even give Lori a few thousand dollars so she could get herself settled. I wouldn't ask her who she'd been screwing because as the lawyer said, it didn't really matter to me and I was better off not knowing. What I really needed to do was to just get over her and get a new start.

He told me that he'd done literally hundreds of divorces over the years and in most cases, people just grew apart over time. He told me that as bad as this seemed, neither one of us was a villain. We'd just made choices that seemed good for us individually. The best thing to do was to forget about all of the bitterness and concentrate on being happy. If I wasn't going to be happy with Lori, I just needed to find something or someone that did make me happy.

The one thing he'd seen over and over again was that the people who were able to put these situations behind them and move on, were the ones who ended up happiest. The people who dwelled on it and held onto the bitterness, were the ones who always died early or lived long miserable lives.

I didn't get it at first, but I agreed to do things his way. I wrote him a check and he told me that he'd have the papers ready in a couple of days and we could meet with Lori and her dad. I gave him my father in laws number.

For the rest of the day, I tried to concentrate on running my business. I figured that trying to keep the rest of my life as normal as possible would minimize the stress I was feeling from my marriage going to hell.

It wasn't to be though. Before lunchtime, my secretary called me up to the office for a phone call. Sylvia had been with me since I took over the company and she always put Lori's calls through. I guess I should have let her know what was going on with us.

I picked up the phone thinking that it was a customer or a supplier. I was in full business mode.

"Mark Brown speaking" I said, answering the phone.

"Lori Brown, trying to talk some sense into her husband," she said right back. "Mark I can't believe that you're taking this situation this far. You actually got a lawyer?"

"Yes Lori," I said. "That's what people do when they're getting a divorce. Besides didn't you get your father to tell me everything you would and wouldn't do? Isn't your dad acting as your lawyer? Remember all of that bullshit about how it wasn't in your best interest to leave the house. Remember him even telling me your strategy and how you were going to put us into counseling?"

"Honey, that..." she began.

"I've already told you to use my name when we speak," I said. "I'm not your Honey or any of that shit. You can save that name for whoever it is that you're fucking."

"Mark, that was just to get you to talk to me about this. I never expected this to go this far. Dad and I just figured that if we started talking about counseling and especially if I stayed in the house that you and I would sit down and talk about this like two reasonable adults," she said.

"Lori, when I first heard about this, I asked you about it. You wouldn't talk about it. I asked you who the guy was. You wouldn't tell me shit. You won, you protected whoever he is. I hope that you're as important to him as he is to you though because when this is over you won't have a home and I'm not going to give you a nickel more than I have to."

"Mark, you can't be serious," she said. "I'll tell you whatever you want to know about..."

"Look Lori," I said. "I don't want to know anymore. I don't care anymore. I just want this over with. My lawyer is pretty smart. He told me that the best thing for me to do is to just move on. I just want a new start."

"That's what I want too," she said. "That's why we need to just sit down and talk this out so we can just start all over again. I know that it's going to take us some time but we'll get past this and..."

"Lori, you just don't understand," I said. "When I said I wanted a new start, I didn't mean for us to start again in the aftermath of you fucking up our marriage. I mean me starting over without you in my life. I need someone that I can love who'll love me back the same way."

"Mark, we aren't done," she said. "It may take you a while to see it, but we're going to be fine. We have too much history together to throw it away over something this stupid. We have a child together and..."

"Goodbye Lori," I said. "Please don't bother me at work anymore. I'll see you in court."

After that I just hung up on her and went back to work. Three hours later I got another phone call.

"Dad, why are you doing this?" she asked. "After all of the years that the two of you have been together, doesn't she deserve better than the way you're treating her?"

"Katey, a woman who's cheated on her husband for a long period of time deserves what she gets. If it was a case where I abused her or treated her badly, I could see it. But I loved your mother from the first time we met. I have never even raised my voice to her. I've also never neglected her or put anyone else in front of her. If anyone deserves to be treated better it's me." She was silent after that.

"Let me ask you a question. If you found out that I'd been cheating on your mom for years, if I'd been screwing my clients or my secretary or just picking up hookers whose side would you be on? You'd be defending your mom right?" I asked.

"I guess," she said. "But I think I'd still want the two of you to stay together, I'd just want for you to stop what you were doing. I'd want you to fix whatever was wrong. I don't think any kid wants their parents to split up, ever."

"So why aren't you on my side in all of this? I'm not the one who did wrong," I said.

"I guess it's because this is my fault in some ways Dad," she said. "If I hadn't gotten angry and opened my big mouth the two of you would still be happy."

"You mean I'd still be stupid and in the dark," I said. "Somehow that just doesn't seem right to me. Another thing that I can't figure out is why if you knew she'd done this, you never told me. Was I ever a bad father to you Katey? Did I ever treat you badly or even unfairly? Why don't I get the same degree of loyalty that you showed her?"

"I don't know Dad," she said, beginning to cry. "I'm sorry. I should have told you. But she told me that it was over and you'd worked it out. And you didn't have to tell Eric. He's so upset at me right now that it hurts. He used to look at me the way you look at Mom. That's a big part of the reason I fell in love with him. But now when he looks at me, it's just not the same. Even if we can work this out, things may never be the same between us."

"Katey, you're really lucky that you never had a chance to do it again. Your mistake ends up being a one-time drunken thing. Eric is going to give you shit for it Katey, and you deserve it. You cheated on your husband."

"But I was drunk," she cried.

"Shut up, Kathryn," I said. "You're a grown woman and you have common sense. You have above common sense. You know that if you went to a party without your husband, you shouldn't have been drinking in the first God damned place. Men are going to go after anything they think they can get. A married woman should not put herself in that situation. If the guy had raped you, I'd have been on your side. But like you told your mother, you weren't that drunk. You knew what was going on and you chose to allow it because you thought Eric was boring. You were even asking her if she thought you should try it again. You're really lucky, because like I said, Eric is pissed at you but he loves you. He's probably going to give you shit for a while, but since it only happened once and he doesn't know that you were thinking about doing it again, he's going to forgive you. But what you did was bad and I hope you've learned your lesson."

"I have Daddy," she said. "I really have. It won't ever happen again. I realized over these past few days exactly what my life is like with Eric angry at me. I don't ever want to see what would happen if he left me. I thought that I was a grown woman, Daddy. And I thought that I loved Eric before. But sitting there in that house with him refusing to talk to me, made me realize just how much I really do care for him. I also realized that part of the reason that he isn't exciting is because he's so God damned tired from working all of those hours to pay our bills."

"Well I'm glad for you, Honey," I said.

"But Daddy, what about Mom?" she asked. "She wants to fix things between you two too."

"It's a different situation," I said. "Your mom wasn't drunk. She cheated on me and apparently did it for years. She made a conscious effort to do it and I just don't think I could ever trust her again. It would be better for us to go our separate ways."

"Daddy, she doesn't want that. She loves you. And truthfully I don't think she will do well on her own."

"Katey, that isn't my concern. Her boyfriend can take care of her from now on. I have nothing against her or them. I just don't want to be the short leg in this lover's triangle anymore. Now I have to get back to work. I hope things work out for you sweetheart."

Three days later was the next time I got to see my wife. I looked at her across a long table in my lawyer's office. She'd dressed up for the meeting. Her hair was freshly styled and she looked good. The years hadn't changed her much. There were some lines in her face that I hadn't noticed before but she was still just as beautiful as ever.

"What are you looking at?" she asked me.

"I was just wondering if you had any idea of how beautiful you are," I said. "And I was just wondering how the hell I'm ever going to get over you."

"You really don't have to," she smiled.

"Yeah, I really do," I said. "And it's going to take some time, but I'll be fine in the end."

Her face dropped. "Mark, we need to stop this before it goes too far and..."

"Mrs. Brown, the reason we're here is to discuss the divorce and figure out what form it will take," said my lawyer. "We're here because your husband, instead of simply having you served with papers, wanted to discuss the case and allow you to decided how we proceed. He's being very open and honest about everything and I hope that you can proceed in the same sense of cooperation."

"Why should I?" she snapped. "I don't want a God damned divorce. I love my husband and we belong together. This whole thing is stupid. So I'm going to do everything I possibly can to prevent it from happening."

My father in law told Lori to calm down.

My lawyer presented her with the two sets of papers.

"What is this?" asked Lori's dad.

"There are two possible ways for us to proceed," said my lawyer. "Personally, I like the uncontested, no fault route. It will move far more quickly through the courts and involve less stress on all parties. On the other hand, if she isn't willing to settle, we'll just play hard ball and go the other way. My client might be willing to negotiate on the settlement amount but that's the only concession he's willing to make."

"But this is pure bullshit," said my father in law. "He'd be basically kicking her out the door with nothing but the clothes on her back and her car..."

"She cheated on me for years," I said. "She isn't willing to even say how many years or who with. Let him take care of her. Our marriage is over. I acted in good faith the whole time. I loved her and I never once cheated on her..."

"I loved you and I didn't cheat on you either," she snapped suddenly.

"What the fuck do you call it," I snapped. "You went out and fucked another guy for years and now you expect me to just..." My lawyer elbowed me and I stopped talking abruptly.

"I'm going to petition the court to order counseling," said my father in law. "They obviously still have feelings for each other. This marriage can be saved and..."

"There's no need to petition the court," said my lawyer. "My client agrees to counseling. He will also agree to pay for it. You can select the counselor we use."

"No I..." I began. He silenced me with a look.

"But in the event that the counseling fails, you need to decided which course we're taking for the divorce," he said. "Young lady, you do realize that the court records are public, right?"

She looked at him as if she didn't understand what that meant. "It means that all of your neighbors and everyone in town will have access to the records and know why the two of you divorced. Now on the other hand, an uncontested, no fault divorce doesn't have to include a reason. You can tell your friends and neighbors anything you please."

Her face never changed.

"Half of the town will think you're a whore," he said.

"Fuck the town," she said. "I'm not giving my husband up without a fight."

"This is all wrong," said my father in law. "Where did these records come from? He has to make more money than this. That car he bought her...How the hell can he even afford the maintenance on the car if he only makes two hundred dollars a week? They have no children in the home. Most judges are only going to give her alimony for a set period of time. Let's assume that it's four years."

"Three," said my lawyer.

"That means that even with a fifty/fifty split, he had the house before they married so that's his most likely. He's probably only going to end up paying a total of about fifteen thousand dollars and that is spread out over three years. How the hell is this fair?"

"How was it fair for me to support her and buy her everything she wanted for twenty five years when she was fucking some other guy?" I asked. "I wanted someone I could love and who loved me back for the rest of my life. I wasted my best years on a cheater. I think she's getting off way better than I did. I wanted someone to love and grow old with. Someone I could spoil my God damned grandkids with. I got sloppy seconds from a part time wife and full time whore. Don't you see it Dad, I went into this thing with the best intentions. We took vows in front of our families and friend but only one of us was willing to live up to them. If this was business, I could sue her for non-compliance of the terms of a contract or fraud even."

The air in the room was becoming heated and Lori had tears running down her eyes. "Don't you see that you got what you wanted," she cried. "I love you Mark. I always have. We would have grown old together. Just like you want and we..."

"No I wanted that for the two of us," I said. "Not for three."

"We're not making any progress here," said my lawyer. "I have come up with an alternate strategy. I have to warn you about that but I don't have to tell you what it is. In the absence of a decision by Mrs. Brown, at the end of the counseling period I will be filing under infidelity. Please let me know before then if you've changed your mind."

Lori shook her head. "Please contact me once you've found a therapist to do the counseling," he said. "That shouldn't take more than three days. I'll alert my client to assure that he attends the sessions."

"Why can't I just tell him who the therapist is," said Lori.

"We're only going to see each other at the sessions," I said. "We're not going to be speaking to each other."

"Why not?" she asked. "My father said that you'd have to move back home after we started this. It doesn't make sense for you to stay in a hotel for the whole month while we're in counseling. We can sleep in different rooms if you insist, but it is your house."

"It makes a lot of sense," I said. "We've begun divorce proceedings. We're in a legal battle. I don't want to do or say anything that you could use against me in court. I've made other living arrangements."

"Why would you do that?" she asked tearfully. "Don't you even want to try to put us back together? Do you want to throw away twenty five years?"

"Lori, you're the one who did this to us," I said. "You threw the years away. I'm just trying to pull the pieces of my life back out of the trash."

Lori and her dad had probably already arranged a therapist. My lawyer called me less than an hour after I left his office to tell me when and where. He'd checked the woman out and said that she seemed professional and she had the right credentials. Our first session was arranged for the next evening. Apparently, Lori really believed that the counseling would work magic.

The therapist was a big boned woman with giant glasses who appeared to be a very kind person. She smiled a lot and radiated good feelings.

"Okay," she said. "Let's start by arranging our chairs. You can sit wherever you'd like but try to do it so we can all communicate easily."

I sat down in a chair and when Lori moved her chair over next to it, I just looked at her.

"Interesting," said the counselor.

"What's so interesting?" I asked.

"Usually I can tell a lot by where the couple sits," she said. "Like in your case, I can see that Mrs. Brown was the one who cheated. But strangely after seeing that, I expected you to move your chair away from hers. But you didn't. I haven't figured out why yet." I shrugged my shoulders.

"The first thing we need to figure out is why we're here and what we hope to accomplish. My hope is that the two of you will leave here in a better state of mind regardless of any other result. Mrs. Brown, why don't we start with you? Why are you here and what do you want?"

"I want to call off my husband's divorce and save my marriage," said Lori quickly.

"And you Mr. Brown?" asked the therapist.

"I'm here to speed things up," I said. She looked at me with a confused look on her face.

"My lawyer knew that they were going for counseling," I said. "If we waited for them to find a judge and get a hearing and have the judge order counseling, I'd still probably have to do it. The judge would have probably wanted a longer period of sessions and it would have taken five or six weeks for him to even make the order. So I got the term of therapy cut down to one month and started it immediately. That means I'll save at least six weeks and probably another month of therapy. So just by agreeing to do it instead of fighting it, I've knocked almost three months off of the amount of time I have to put up with this shit. I'll get my divorce even faster."

"So you've automatically assumed that there's no chance your marriage can be saved?" she asked.

"I'm sorry, but it can't be," I said.

"So let's start with you this time Mr. Brown. What is the reason your marriage failed?"

"My wife has been cheating on me, so I don't want to be married to her anymore," I said.

"Do you agree with that Mrs. Brown?" she asked.

"No, I don't," said Lori. "He just doesn't understand the situation. I want to be married to him. I love him."

"The reason I don't understand the situation is because she won't say shit about it," I snapped. "I'm just not putting up with it. I don't know how it started. I don't know when it started. I don't know who the guy is or even what I did or didn't do to start her cheating on me. I've done the best I could to be a good husband and..."

"And you've been the best husband any woman could ever ask for Honey...Mark," she cried suddenly.

"It...It didn't start. It just never ended. You didn't so anything wrong. You did everything right. I just owed him and he just..."

"What do you mean it just never ended..." I exploded. I got up so fast that the chair I was sitting in fell over. I looked at her. "It's Todd isn't it?" She broke down and started crying. The therapist tried to calm her down. I just shook my head.

I turned and headed for the door. "Mr. Brown, where are you going?" asked the therapist.

"I don't need to be here anymore," I said calmly. "I'm not upset or anything. I'll make sure you get paid for the entire term but this case should be over. I don't even need a divorce."