Too Late to Say Goodbye

"I only wish that was true," I said. "Yep, you helped me. But in order to get your help I had to agree to have this talk with you, Lori. For twenty-five years, I gave you anything and everything you wanted with no questions ever asked. When I needed help with one thing and it didn't cost you a God damned quarter, you blackmailed me to get it. As far as Todd being a threat, you over looked two things. The first is that I love you with my entire heart. When you feel that way, having your wife tell you that a tiny part of her heart still belongs to another man, hurts. So if the bastard was blind, crippled and crazy he'd still be a threat. And through all of this, this you still haven't done the one thing that would have convinced me otherwise. You have still never told me that things with him were over. You still haven't actually said that things with him have stopped." Her mouth dropped open.

"Then lastly, with Katey; I've always known she was my daughter. I just wanted to shock her into acting like it. She has both of our genetic traits. She has my ability to reason and learn from her mistakes, but I had to shock those into activation because she was relying on your ability to sneak around and justify acting like a God damned slut."

"But..." she gasped.

"You also helped me more than you know. When you repeated your tragic story about Todd and our whole history for the DA to get the charges dropped against me, it was entered into public records. That means I can use that to get my fraud decree against you and end this farce of a marriage. So, you have some time before our case comes up, but you should probably start moving your shit out of my house."

The alarms connected to her started wavering and the lines on the machine started spiking. I wished her a good day and walked out again.

Three weeks later, I was leaning over the railing on a cruise ship. The ship was huge and as I looked down towards the surface of the water, I got dizzy. I'd always been a little bit afraid of heights. I didn't consider it a weakness or a flaw. I just considered it to be good sense to have some degree of trepidation about something that could kill me.

I had another week to go on my two week cruise of Caribbean islands. This early in the morning there was a definite nip in the air, so I put a sweatshirt on over my T-shirt. The sweatshirt was one that I'd gotten from the Woodward Dream cruise the year before. It was a Team Shelby shirt with a GT 500 on it.

My phone buzzed and I looked at the screen. At first I wondered what the fuck anyone from home would be doing up this early, then I remembered that we were in a different time zone. Shit it was just before noon back in Illinois.

My brothers were both bitching and they called me every hour or so during the work day to ask me the simplest and stupidest questions. What was the point of being on vacation if they were calling me every five minutes?

Lori's number was blocked so she couldn't call me if she wanted to. I also got calls from my lawyer to give me details about how the case was going but he mercifully kept his calls to a max of one a day.

I felt a tugging at my sleeve and turned around and didn't see anyone. I turned back towards the ocean churning past the ship so far down there.

"That's pretty rude," I heard from behind me. I turned and this time I looked down as well as back. At five foot ten, I'm nowhere near a giant but I was close to a foot taller than she was. All I saw was waves of wild red curls.

She couldn't have been taller than four foot eleven. She had a cherubic face that was framed by all of the wild red hair. Freckles danced across both cheeks. They didn't seem to obscure her beauty as much as they added to it. I saw pursed lips beneath the biggest greenest eyes ever.

"Are you going to jump?" she asked.

"Hell no," I said acidly. "Why the hell would you ask me anything that stupid?"

"I just thought that if you were going to jump, I wanted that shirt," she said. "Don't worry about it. I don't judge. I've spent a lot of time thinking about jumping myself."

"That would be the worst possible way to die," I said. "Hitting the water from this height would be like landing on concrete. You'd have all kinds of internal injuries and then you'd freeze to death and drown."

"Thanks for the cheerful words," she laughed. "If I go back into my depression, I'll find another way to end it."

"What would make someone like you depressed, let alone so depressed that you'd think about..." I began.

"What do you mean someone like me?" she asked. "Look I've heard every short joke there is and I don't need you..."

"Hold it," I said. "I never said anything about you being short. All I..."

"Then what the hell were you going on about?" she asked.

"You're kind of pretty," I said tentatively.

"What do you mean kind of pretty?" she said. She was smiling now.

"I was afraid to say it," I said. "I didn't want you biting my fucking head off or trying to start something."

"Is this going to turn into a conversation?" she asked. "Because if it is, you should either come inside and have breakfast with me or give me that sweatshirt. I'm cold."

Her whole manner changed. Her face got even prettier with a slight frown. I held out my arm and she took it daintily. Once inside the ship, we ordered breakfast at one of the countless restaurants on board.

"Emily Anderson," she said, extending her tiny hand once we were seated.

"Mark Brown," I said. We spent the morning trading the tragic stories of our lives. She'd fallen in love with a guy in high-school. They'd gotten married and spent eighteen years together. She'd come home from work to find him in bed with his own cousin. They'd talked and she found out that after the first few years, he'd discovered that her tiny size, her tiny proportions and the fact that they hadn't had any kids had him ready to move on. He'd been ready to split for years. He just hadn't been able to tell her.

She also found out that his un-married cousin's two children were his. Where they were from, it wasn't unusual for cousins to get together. She'd divorced him so the family could be together. As badly as it had hurt her, they'd all been on good terms when they left. Her ex had won the cruise on a radio station contest and gave her the ticket. She had no idea what she'd do next. She planned on just jumping back in her car and driving until she found a place where she fit. She couldn't go back to Tennessee. It would just be too embarrassing.

I told her my tragic story after that. "What a bitch," she said. By the time we finished talking and eating the sun was high in the sky and it had warmed up.

"What are you going to do today?" I asked her.

"You know," she smiled. "Go to the movies, stuff like that."

"Let's go out on deck and talk for a while longer," I said. "I know we just met but I like talking to you. I love your accent and your spirit and..."

"Mark, I like you too," she said. "But, in case you haven't noticed, I'm a redhead. I'm the real deal. I don't tan. I just erupt in flames and fry. Can I meet you somewhere after the sun goes down?"

"I don't want to wait that long," I said. "I can do indoor activities too." She smiled and I was hooked. We spent the rest of the week never far from each other except when we were asleep.

We talked about everything we could think of. I think I remember offering her a job once. But what I really remember was the last day that we were together. We started kissing. I knew it was wrong because I was still married to Lori. But kissing her was such a thrill. I don't think it was the fact that we barely knew each other. I'm also sure it wasn't the fact that I at least was technically cheating. Her lips tasted like fresh picked cherries and I just didn't want to stop.

"You need to know something," she said.

"I'm kind of tiny. I'm like that all over. I'm built like a girl but all of the parts are to scale. I have tiny tits, and a tiny butt. My pussy is as tight as a vise, okay."

I laughed. "Why are you sharing this with me?" I asked.

"I don't want you to be disappointed," she said sadly. "That's why I lost Levi to his fucking cousin. Men like to see big old titties flopping around and they like to grab a handful of booty while they're uhm..." she shrugged her shoulders. "I'm just not equipped for all of that. I'm wet, wild and willing but..."

I put a finger over her succulent lips and silenced her. Then I kissed her again.

I'd intended for it to be a gentle romantic kiss but she had other ideas. She grabbed the back of my head and started to devour my lips. She wrapped her arms around my neck then jumped up and threw her legs around my waist without ever disengaging our mouths. Between kisses it sounded like she growled.

"Bed," she commanded.

"But I'm not..." I began.

"Fuck the details," she hissed. "Live in the moment. Whatever happens, happens, okay?"

And it did. It happened again and again. We spent our last day at sea in my stateroom. In late afternoon, I woke up after a nap to find her spooned against me, nestled in my arms. Even in her sleep she was gently rubbing her butt against me.

I tried to move my arm and her hands shot out and pulled it back around her.

We did finally get up and go out for dinner, followed by a shuffle along the deck. We had to shuffle because our legs were so weak that a normal walk was out of the question.

The oddest thing about it was that we didn't talk much. We communicated with glances and small gestures as if we'd been together forever.

We ended up back near the railing on the upper deck where we'd first met, nearly a week before.

"I've never done anything like that before," she said.

"Wow, you're a really quick learner," I gushed. She punched her tiny fist into my arm.

"I've had sex before, you idiot," she smirked. "I was married for 18 years before I found out that I'm not sexy, but..."

My explosion of laughter interrupted her. She flipped her mane of wild red curls away from her face and showed me the fire in those green eyes.

"Who says you're not sexy?" I asked. Then I grabbed her and kissed her again.

"Only everyone," she said. "I'm thirty eight years old and my thirteen year old niece has bigger boobs than I do, so can I finish?" She looked up at me with the fire still in her eyes but a smile on her lips.

"Anyway, I've never done anything like that before. My ex was more like GO GO GO when it came to sex."

"Maybe I should try Viagra," I said. "I could probably keep going longer..."

"You'd probably kill me then," she said. "I can barely walk now. You don't get it. When I said, "GO GO GO," it isn't a good thing. I meant he gets on, gets himself off and then gets out. There was never any romance. All of that kissing and cuddling, that you did, made me feel...sexy for the first time ever. And I felt loved. I feel ready to go out and take on the world now. So I just wanted to say thank you."

"Huh?" I said in shock. "This sounds like some kind of kiss off."

"It's not like that, Honey," she said. "I was married for a long time to a man who liked me but never really had any passion for me. I was stuck in a small town in Tennessee. I want to get out there and see some things. That was what I wanted to do from the beginning."

"I spent the entire first week of this cruise in my room. I was depressed and hiding. The only time I left was to walk around the deck, early every morning before it got hot. Meeting you, woke me up, but there are things I need to do. Places I want to see. And for the first time in my life, I want to face the world alone."

My face fell. I couldn't believe I'd met this amazing woman who'd over the course of a week made me forget about Lori completely. She'd effortlessly taken me from the depths of despair, to new heights and now she was moving on.

She lifted her chin for me to kiss her as a tear rolled down my cheek. A flash of anger went through me. I wondered if I should even kiss her. After all, we didn't really know each other that well. I wondered if I should even want to.

How could I resist one more stranger's kiss? Should the thrill be gone?

But if I must refrain will I wind up the same as the jealous dog?

From this day forward may be too long.

But crossing the border would be so wrong and you're right.

She didn't wait for me to make up my mind. She grabbed me again and took what she wanted. Her cherry flavored tongue probed my mouth leaving me hungry for more. I grabbed her tiny butt and pulled myself into her.

"Oh no, cowboy," she said. "You're not sticking that thing in me again so soon. I need time to recover from that assault. But I promise you'll get your chance."

"But..." I began.

This time it was her who silenced me with a kiss. "I suck at saying goodbye," she said. "So in the morning, don't even look for me. Just remember me and go on with your life." She kissed me again and walked over to my closet. "I'm taking my shirt to remember you by," she smirked. And then she was gone.

The next day was a frenzy of activity and travel for me. I turned my phone back on and returned calls to my lawyer, my daughter and my brothers all of whom were angry at me for disappearing for a week.

When I got back home I went immediately to work. My brothers, who by that time couldn't stand each other, left with barely a word. My oldest brother, Jeff, the teacher, told me that my other brother was an asshole. He didn't provide any details, he just left.

When my brother, Mike, the writer left, he told me that I needed to train someone to take over and run the place in my absence because he wouldn't do it again.

I later found out from my secretary that my brothers hadn't actually done anything in my absence. They had each managed to screw our receptionist, which started them fighting with each other and countermanding each other's orders.

My secretary had finally fired the receptionist who'd only worked for us for a short time, but it was too late. My brothers were too busy fighting to get any work done. Each had sent messages to the other's wives about the incidents and it looked like all three of us would soon be single like our father before us.

I spoke to my lawyer and found out that the judge though sympathetic to my claim had ruled against setting aside my marriage on the basis of fraud. On the other hand, he would definitely grant me a divorce if a reasonable settlement could be arranged.

My lawyer had been dickering back and forth with Lori's dad for over a week. They couldn't come to terms because my father in law wasn't trying to. He was just trying to delay things until I got back and Lori could talk to me again.

The latest thing that had occurred was that my lawyer had gotten Lori to move out of my house in exchange for his promise that I'd meet with her again as soon as I got back.

I went to see her at Katey's tiny house as had been agreed upon.

"I'm here," I said looking at her. "What do you want to talk about?"

"The same thing I always want to talk about," she said. "Us."

Over the next thirty minutes she gave me every argument she could think of to explain why her years of cheating had never hurt me. She told me that I was completely wrong and that the only reason that I objected to her relationship with Todd was jealousy and I had no reason for it.

"Why was it okay for me to spend most of my time with you when I was engaged to him, but not okay for me to spend a tiny bit of time with a sick man now that I'm with you?" she asked. "It's your ego, pure and simple. It was fine for you to share me when I was his. But you can't share anything."

Then she hit me with her final argument.

"Mark, I've always loved both of you," she said. "Maybe you treat me better, but that's because you can. You have money and all of the other advantages. I can't abandon him while he's down. Mark, he isn't going to live for very much monger maybe five years at the most. He can't even get it up most of the time now. Lately we haven't even been able to have sex and..."

I smiled. "Oh you think it's funny that the poor man can't have an er..." she began.

I shook my head. "Nope," I said. "I've just realized a few things. My going on the cruise that I was going to take you on, did wonders for me. I've gained the ability to see things in perspective. For a long time, I've felt bad because our marriage failed. I guess it was because I loved you so much that I thought you were the only woman in the world for me. Throughout our divorce there's been one thing nagging away at me, but I didn't figure it out until just now."

"What's that?" she asked.

"This whole time I've been trying to compromise and make deals when it wasn't necessary. You haven't tried to at all. For someone who supposedly wanted to try to save our marriage, you haven't been willing to do the one thing necessary to even give us a chance. You're still seeing him aren't you? You're still trying to have sex with him. You can't give him up, can you?" I asked laughing.

"Just like I couldn't give you up back in college when I thought he was going to go pro," she said.

I shrugged my shoulders. "You don't have to," I said.

She smiled as she heard me. "What about the divorce?" she asked.

"Fuck it," I said. "I'm wasting so much money on legal fees that it just wasn't worth it."

"I can't wait to get you home," she gushed. "You won't be able to get out of bed for a week. Not that I'd let you if you could."

"Yeah, tell that to Todd," I said. As she came over and reached for me I avoided her and turned to leave.

"Mark, what's wrong?" she said. "I wanted a kiss."

"Kiss Todd," I said.

"You've got no reason to be jealous," she said.

"I'm not," I said. "I no longer care what you do or whom you do it with."

"But you won," she said. "You'll end up with me in the end."

"Who said that would be winning?" I asked.

"Then why give up the divorce?" she asked.

"Because a wise woman recently made me realize that life is too short for stupid shit and I have to live in the moment. Just because I gave up the divorce, doesn't mean that I can't find my own happiness. Just because we're legally married, it doesn't mean we have to live together or have anything to do with each other. In the end, I really did win. I got you the fuck out of my house. Now all I have to do is find someone who makes me happy and move her in."

She had no idea of what to say. She just stood there with her mouth open.

"I hope you and Todd are happy," I said. "Give him my best."

I spoke to Eric on my way out. I explained to him that I wanted him to come and work for me. I wanted to take it easy sometimes and having someone who could take over for me was a good thing. I asked him to stop by the plant so we could discuss it at length after he'd thought about it.

I got several angry phone messages after that. Some were from Lori's mother and father, a couple from Todd and one from Lori who called using my daughter's phone.

Lori's dad was upset because my calling off the divorce meant that Lori wouldn't get shit from me. I didn't have to give her any money or anything because we weren't divorcing. I also didn't have to support her though. Lots of married couples maintain completely separate finances and I'd cut off her access to all of my accounts. That literally meant that her father had to support her again. Lori's mother was also upset at having her grown and nearly fifty year old daughter moving back in. All of Lori's complaining and crying was getting on her nerves.

Todd had gotten used to the money he got from Lori and she no longer had any. Lori was so angry that she just cursed at me over the phone. Apparently, several things had happened that pissed her off. She'd found out that none of her credit cards worked. She'd decided to move back into our house after an argument with her mother and found that the locks had all been changed. And finally when she'd run our conversation through her head, she realized that I'd spoken about a woman who'd given me advice.