All Comments on 'Trapped in a Game Pt. 01'

The story suggested you were inspired by the early seasons of Sword Art Online which had a similar start.

It almost has a feel between Sword Art Online and Log Horizon (if you liked SAO, I would also suggest watching that).

Looking very much towards more of this!

Re: anon, sword art online was the major influence behind this one. In a huge fan of the issekai genre in general tho. Watched everything from //sign to log horizon, ngnl, konosuba, grimgar, Dan machi etc etc. I even read the light novels of some that didn't get an anime yet. :)

That was fucking amazing. Great story, even without the sex.

The story that made me think the build-up the carryover this story is so great and I can't describe it and put it in a setting where you are locked there until somebody fixes it you had me crying so many times thinking that these two characters were going to die and I hope they aren't going to die but in the game it's a 50-50 chance I myself will never play this game knowing all that I've seen here you are a great writer keep it up please don't let these two characters die thank you very much

Which alphabet agency do you work for?

This story was so good I had to make a literotica account lol. I've found that unlike a lot of stories out there yours actually has an enjoyable build-up and isn't just about a quick heated scene, I'm dying to read more! :)

I loved SAO and this is a very well-written homage with elements that would have made SAO even better. Kelly reminds me of Suguha, who I always felt sorry for in SAO because she never got to be with Kirito. I can't wait to see the direction you take these two.

I honestly can't believe that this story hasn't been rating higher, but don't let that discourage you.

Well done. Keep it up please.

This story drew me in can't wait for more good story line with great build up

Don't stop writing. Please. I need this. That was awesome

Loved it .. and im not a gamer. Drew me in well and im looking forward to seeing where they go from here.

Hope to see more chapters. I love it so far!!!

Thanks. That was awsome 😊

Please post more chapters 😊

This was so good! You must post more chapters for this, it's the kind of story that's so brilliant it becomes completely addictive!

I love the idea for this story. I'm a fan of erotica that is more than just about the sex and this fits the bill. I love the world you are creating her. A game world full of people who find out that it's no longer just a game, it's survival. Our heroes are obviously true of spirit, but who can say what other peoples motives are. I can see some of the players losing their grip with reality and taking it out on others, while other character will have to rise to the challenge and become true virtual heroes.

I eagerly await new chapters and I commend you on your story thus far.

SoB

I'm guessing you took your inspiration from SAO, but honestly, i like this angle you are coming at it from, even without the whole sex part this is amazingly well written and i can't wait to see how the rest of this goes.

This is the first ever time I've felt the need to comment on a post, but I'm seriously considering making an account so I can get a notification when the next one is posted. Really hope you finish this off, and I'm about to go re-watch SAO now.

I have never commented on a post before but the sheer captivating brilliance compelled me. Please finish this series.

Like someone else said, this is my first comment ever and this story is amazing. Thank you so much for writing it and I can't wait to read the continuation. This was just fantastic.

Must continue, please for the love of all that is holy please continue.

You have a tendency to repeat yourself every few sentences and in the sex scenes, one line after another. Just look at the action on the last page. I'd fix that if I were you.The VR set up is kind of silly, but this is already incest, so suspending reality to silly levels isn't far fetched.

There is the matrix, the Deathstalker novels, eXistenz, Ready Player One, in a way, Westwolrd, all kinds of 'real game' type movies/books, and you settle for a fantasy world? Nice imagination. Instead of having a giant menu world where they could jump into sci-fi, history, fantasy, apocolyptic, maybe all at once in some bizarre steampunk-marriage, you give D&D. Nice imagination (but the shitty VR hurry up explanation shows you glossed over what could have been the best part of the story).

Complains that the author repeats himself, then proceeds into a rambling rant where he keeps repeating himself. Well done, anon.

Maybe it was to demonstrate how annoying he thought it was? Now that I read that, I see it more clearly when I go back to read the story. Now that's annoying.

Anon you know this whole thing is a reference to Sword Art Online right? It's not a shitty VR game in a shitty fantasy world, it's a nod to SAO. While I agree maybe OP isn't the best at narrating sex scenes, he did do an amazing job of character development. MC and his sister have an amazing depth, close to that of Tristan's Tales if you've read those.

Keep up the good work OP, but I'd suggest studying some other works to spiff up your sex scenes.

if Kousaka is just ripping off Sword Art Online - which looks interesting now that I've looked it up on youtube - why isn't this under fan fiction? That would make more sense instead of trying to pass the concept off as your own idea. It would also explain the week VR explanation if the author expected people to just 'get it' based off the anime. Now I have to watch the anime.

It might take items from other stories but I still enjoy reading it. I am looking forward to the other parts.

Thanks

I really enjoyed the story. I think we can all agree that we'll be thrilled to read the following chapters, even thou some anons actually "critic" out of spite. I have enjoyed all your previous stories but this one really stands out right now. Love your character development, descriptions and the scenes. Keep it up.

I love the SAO series and am impressed with how well you have started this series.

I often wondered if there was a more "adult" version of SAO that included sexual interactions and i think your story will fill that void.

You have to continue this one.

From the beginning I felt like this was a book I had picked up somewhere. That's a good thing to me. It makes me want more. This is the first story of yours I have read so I don't have a background for your work. I'm not a gamer so I don't know about any resemblance to other games. I just like the story. Please keep going with it.

As a fan of Sword Art Online and other anime of that nature I for one think the way you brought the characters into play but still having the sexual context underline in the story. I look forward to seeing a few more chapters when you can.

Please write more!!! I can't want to find out what happens next

Im kind of bummed he didnt tell his sis that he wouldn't go with the priest without her.

This was absolutely the best story I have read in a long time. Porn aspects aside, it was the kind of story I'd totally and absolutely buy from a bookstore and the kind that could make Bestseller's lists. If anything, as much as I love the genre, turn it into a real book and change the sister to a female best friend - keep the love scene but make it less porno and more adult novel and totally market it.

It's a piece of art, it was a pleasure to read it, I can't wait to read the continuation.

More! (Please?)

More More more

you can tell when the author is doing his own anon comments.

It's an average story, average writing for an amateur and a stolen idea about anime characters that look like kids (wonder how the author pictures them?) his name already indicates he's a manga-pedophile freak.

@lavalamp, ignore him. People have told him many times that he's under no obligation to read but that hasn't stopped him from following me from story to story. He's upset me a lot in the past, but I've come to realize that honestly no one loves me as much as he does! The dedication he has shown, trying to get me to stop writing is unparalleled really. Unfortunately he has no idea how much support I've received from readers like yourself privately, so if he wants me to stop writing, he won't be achieving that quite so easily. :D

Getting obsessed day and night over something a "manga-pedophile freak" amateur has written on a whim. You sure are one fine sophisticated human being.

"doing his own anon comments" said the guy who probably still spamming 1 stars with his puppets right now. Lmao, the projection is real.

No seriously dude, do something better with your life, the sooner you stop it, the less shame you will feel later on.

I'd like to see this story continue.

Love sword art online! This is a great spin. Will actively follow!

Complete bullshit.

Great effort, loved it.

I'm a fan of SAO, and this story has me hooked. Looking forward to the next part

I knew this was a S.A.O. based story before they jumped into the game having watched the anime for the first time recently. Like others that have commented before, this is a very good read that is, in my opinion novel quality.

Glossing over the VR? So what? It's a fantasy based story and modern tech is still catching up to the concept of what this is based off of. It has a computer and a headset, enough said, there is no need to go into technical details.

Please continue this storyline as it has become very difficult to find stories with this much depth and character development. It is rare when i bookmark a submission so i can follow the author on upcoming installments and i have to say this will be one of them. 👍👍

To all the others that have commented about this being like S.A.O. and like the D&D aspect of it, check out Etaski's Subterane series. It is very much like stories of the Forgotten Realms and the series is on its way to being published as an E-book. I will forwarn you it can be very graphic and brutal but that should be expected with those familiar with the Drow.

-Eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

while good for Etaski if she can make some money, but she better modify the drow a little. While I think she can use the word 'Drow' (it's older than D&D) if she has them worshipping lloth and comes across mindflayers and other creatures trademarked by that parent company, she could be in for some infringement penalties - Wizards of the Coast still own it? It's not under the Public Domain umbrella.

While Wizards of the Coast may have copyright and trademarks on the demon goddes Lolth and Ilithids, im not sure how that would work out internationally as Etaski does not hail from the continental U.S. I know she deals with editors and publishers that would most likely guide her through the figurative hoops. Also the stories posted in Literotica are Rough Drafts, final edits to the E-books may be a little different from the stories posted to this site.

Please say there is more to come

it's all speculation until she prints something, but if she sticks to her current story, she's fucked.

I too thought of SAO when I read this. LOL! I will look into the other stories mentioned as well.

Please be a part 2!?!

Dude this is amazing please by all that is good in the world continue this it felt more like a book than some of the average stuff here please I need more of this in my life

read like a book? this reads like a thirteen year old's fantasy. Poorly formatted, blandly written. If this wasn't incest, it's be a solid 2.

Don't listen to the salty clown below, i thought it was very original and pleasant to read as a Gamer myself :) also very sweet and romantic. Looking forward to the next chapter(s)!. Keep up the good work!.

I love the setting and the detail in establishing the game world. Feels like there's actually something happening instead of just a convenient backdrop. Although you could touch on the real world implications a bit, I'd imagine they'd be having more conversations with their mother/friends via cell phones.

I do wish there was slightly more made out of the oddness of being with his sister despite her having a different body, but you did reference it a few times so it's not like you completely skipped out on it.

It'll be interesting to see where the story goes from here. Looking forward to chapter 2.

It is not that I didn't like your story. I read the wholepiece, although I am not sure why. There was so little sex on this that it might be better published in an RPG fanfiction site. I just kept waiting and when I got there and saw how little of the chapter was left I was disappointed. It was like waiting in line for Space Mountain for three hours and when you get to the front you find out you are in the line for It's a Small World. I will try another chapter, but if it moves as slow as this one I will cut my losses. I sure hope his ex-wife showing up isn't the next cliche.

Bro when. Will you publish the second one I need it in my life

Okay I don't know if you need time write part 2 but you need to get more out there quickly. There's going to be some that will nitpick your form and style but the content, the way you're putting it together and making people wait between sex scenes is excellent. It's not some quick fap piece it's actual literature keep up the good work.

Please soon write part 2....Please please please don't bring ex-wife!!!!

I've never been more thrilled to see "Pt. 01" in the title of a story. You've created a world and protagonists that I'd like to read about for at least a couple of novels. I'm sincerely hoping you continue this work.

***** and just between you me and the other commenters here are some more ************!!!

I really liked your other stories, but I absolutely LOVE this story.

I apologize for not being able to give you any constructive criticism him because even after reading the story twice I am blinded by the story itself, the immersive virtual fantasy RPG, the nerd-gasm factor, romance, etc, etc. :)

Please feel free to write as many parts/chapters as you desire. I'm adding you to my favorites so I won't miss any!

Thank you!

MDG1969

Any idea how long before chapter 2?

Love all you've written. Great work.

If my schedule clears up it could be as early as Saturday. If not then by the middle of next week.

lol kind of like sword art online but with magic and sex. Love it. Hopefully you continue this story and we see a part 3 and more.

I can feel a lot of Sao and a little existenz I this wonderful story!

I read hundreds of Literotica stories, and this is one of the most exciting in a long time. Being a computer game player myself is of course part of its' appeal, but it's

also really very well written, and I hope for a many more parts of this story and for next part to come soon. I'd lift my hat off for the author, if I wore one. I think I will take a bow instead!

Please don't kill kelly

I don't know if you'll read this but your story was amazing! I hope you're going to continue writing, if not here then for yourself.

So I'm not going to berate you like some of the other anonymous commenters because I actually like the story, but your writing needs help. Slow it down, this story is progressing way too quickly because you are missing opportunities to dive into details that while reading I'm finding I wish were there. Not just about the VR, although that is buy far the worst of it.

If you haven't already, read Dream Drive as I feel like your story is closely related to it, just don't get attached to the story, cause it's been dead for almost 2 years.

Personally, I don't care about the sex scenes. After reading hundreds of stories on Literotica, it's nearly impossible to write one that is original. It's the build up to the sex that makes it hot.

Last but not least, your misuse and overuse of - is distracting as hell.

Awesome setup very well-thought-out first story in a long time that I've taken the time to comment on. Have read the other two installments looking forward to the 4th.

This is the erotic version of SAO.

As a gamer, I have to say I was amused by the "It's dangerous to go alone" reference...I got it and yeah, it was dangerous to try that quest alone back in the day. I think the story has the right mix of tech and fantasy and personal interactions that make it more than just a jerk off story. There wasn't even really any sex in it until the very end of the first chapter, but I wasn't missing it since the story itself was so engrossing. Thanks for a great read and I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.

Just finished watching Sword Art Online. This peaked my interest and I have yet to be disappointed. Just please put a Leroy Jenkins quote in it and it will be a masterpiece lol. Great idea on the story. On to chapter 2.

Not each sentence should be a new paragraph.

That's my biggest issue with the story. Its caught my attention and I'm not harbouring it against you if that's your style, but it has made the tale drag in some areas.

Great use of character building.

From the limited interactions we've been given, you've developed some really superb images and people traits within these 'players' great job.

Scrimping in details

Some of the things you've developed seem under developed. The towns, the cities, the landscape. They all feel like they're drawn in pencil, lacking the colour and vividness that brings a picture to life.

JC

I also had the same thought anonymous. This story is taken from sao where the sister is the beta tester . On 2nd page right now will post more comment as the story progress.

The premise is kind of worn, especially as I'm one of the few people who enjoyed that show, apparently. Still, the writing is good, and I'm looking forward to a Good End.

Liked the opening chapter, it is definitely SAO, not that there's anything wrong with that, I loved the anime, also JC I've noticed you tend to over describe details, often using full paragraphs to describe simple things, it makes the chapters you write hard to get into, so don't be too quick to comment on another's way of writing. Enough ranting, keep going Kousakacomplex.

Spoiler alert, seems this series is abandoned now. Continue at your own disappointment (at the discontinuation).

Descriptive, creative, well written. I cant wait to get to the next chapter.

I've written (with far less dedication) some short stories. Reading this makes me think of a scene I wrote in I believe it was the third chapter of what I've submitted on this site. I'm no asking for views nor anything, just wanted to say: Be Well. And thank you for your writing. Now, I'm off to binge read some more of this story too ^.^

Your comments have been quite thoughtful, detailed, and very much appreciated. I will definitely check out your stories some time, and I'm really glad to hear that you're enjoying my own work. Take care! :)

Even without the sex, this is a well written character. I have grown attached with the sibling duo every passing page. It has a sword art online vibe

Excellent 5 star story! Off to chapter two.

Re-reading this for the third time in hopes for the ninth part to appear.

Great start. Fascinating plot idea! Can't wait to continue.

"though he wasn't prolific; every game he designed redefined gaming altogether."

What do you think 'prolific' means?

I, although I am a bit of a connoisseur for the taboo and an avid writer beyond the realm of erotica, I don't find reason to comment very often, and believe it or not, never once have I been enticed through my reason for reading these to begin with.

Having said that, you are a fantastic writer, with a natural ability to pull the reader into your imaginary world, and keep them there by consistently reminding them where they are with subtle descriptive cues that melt seamlessly into the dialog every step of the way.

Not sure if you write professionally or not, but you should. Even this story itself can be easily edited to remove the focus from an sort of romantic bond between the two characters, and leave the inherent protective nature a brother has regarding his baby sis.

Amazing.

I know you wrote this before "Ready Player Two" released, but I instantly thought this was such a better versi0n of this. Not sure I'm ready to embark in this whole tale, been burned by long stories before, still 5/5

immensly enjoyable

This is basically Sword art online ( adult version with a little bit of incest ) , but i like it so far.

Gotta say, the immediate sensation of danger was palpable. This is good stuff.