by Pappageno
I was extremely impressed by this. Even though the writing itself was somewhat dry and un-stylized with fairly "flat" characterizations, you definitely managed to get the feeling across quite nicely.
I noticed some typos here and there, small ones. Those can tend to break the flow when reading erotic fiction. I would encourage you, in the future, to go over your work at least three times before you submit it and pay very close attention to syntax, typos and grammar.
I also get the sense that you have not yet "found your voice" when it comes to writing. That said, I can see the potential that is there. Keep working at it and, if you want, feel free to explore these characters some more and breathe more life into them!
A good love story makes my kinda weepy. Really! Hope they are always together. May we all be so damn lucky...
Great story - lets hope these twins stay together and have children (maybe twins) and start a family tradition - Great writing - keep us up with these two characters please