Two Christmases

"Should I be jealous?" asked a voice from behind us. Elizabeth walked over and sat down. Somehow her seat was next to mine. I wondered if it was a coincidence. But it really didn't matter. I was happy enough that it would take a lot to spoil my day. I hadn't actually seen Liz since the meeting for the divorce back in January. She looked really great. She seemed to glow. And her boobs were as spectacular as ever. I remembered how much time I used to spend licking and sucking them. They were once my favorite toys. The dress she'd worn showed them off and there were a lot of men staring at her. I'm sure that they were jealous of me at that moment.

"You have no reason to be jealous of anyone, Elizabeth," I said. "Most of the men here would die to be in my seat." I noticed as I sat down that her ass was bigger. And not just bigger, it was rounder. I started to wonder exactly how she'd done that. Even more of a mystery was why she'd do it. I was too polite to ask but I still wondered. I guess when it all came down to it, we all handled things in different ways. I's been so depressed over Cassie that I'd become a recluse. I'd taken to working out more and taking runs along the lake shore of my new house.

"Only most?" she asked. I wondered then why she was still standing.

"I guess I forgot my manners," I said. I stood up and shook her hand. Then I sat back down and she was still standing there like a fucking statue.

"I thought we were going to try to put the past behind us and move on," she said. I looked up at her in confusion.

"We are," I said. "I'd like that very much. Lord knows I could use a few friends right now."

"Hmm," she said. She put one finger at the side of her mouth which only served to highlight how red her lips were. She placed the other hand on her hip, which caused her chest to move forward to the point that every man in the restaurant hoped her boobs would come out of the dress.

"As I was on my way to the table from the powder room, I saw you kiss my mom on her cheek," she said. "Then you kissed Sarah on the cheek. And all I get is a handshake."

"I shook your dad's hand too," I said. "Everyone on that side of the table got kisses. Everyone over here got handshakes."

She sat down then and scooted her chair closer to me. "So how are you doing," she asked.

"I take it day by day," I said. "How are you?"

"It's the same for me," she said. We ordered and spent the time while we waited for the food talking. We talked about the ways that our lives had changed over the past year. I felt almost as if they'd been coached because no one brought Cassie up at all.

The food was excellent and after dinner the thought had fleetingly crossed my mind that I'd have to bring Cassie there. That, of course, sent me into a fit of depression. I excused myself and walked over to the viewing windows on the other side of the restaurant. From there you look across the river and see a lot of Windsor. It was strange to think that a shorter drive from where I was, than I'd have to make to get home, I could be in a completely different city. Not only was it a different city, but a different country and culture with completely different rules.

I thought about that to keep my mind from thinking about the same thing that had been bothering me for the past few months. I wanted my wife back. Cassie and I hadn't actually gotten married, but in my mind and in my heart we had.

I understood why I divorced Elizabeth. But Cassie's betrayal had caught me by surprise. She'd done it the correct way. She'd broken things off with me before she'd started fucking Josh, but it still didn't hurt any less. In fact, I'd been avoiding Josh for the past month which only made the pain that much worse. At least when I divorced Liz, I'd had my best friend there to support me and cheer me up. Not that I'd needed him, I'd been so busy with my family...I had to make myself realize that they never had been my family. They weren't my kids and Cassie wasn't mine, either.

"A dollar for your thoughts," she said. I turned and saw Elizabeth.

"I thought it was a penny," I said.

"Inflation," she said back.

"It hurts, Elizabeth. I miss her so much," I said. "It's like nothing I've ever felt before. I feel like I gave up my head or my entire digestive tract."

"Or like your right arm is missing and you're just off balance," she said.

"No," I said. "You can live a long and productive life with an arm missing. I can't live like this for very long. That's why I need to move away."

"Is it as bad as when you found out about me?" she asked.

"It's far worse," I said, without thinking about it. "Yours hit me when my guard was down. This time, I'd had the experience of losing you and it's just far worse."

"Would you like to spend some time with someone who knows that feeling?" she asked. "Maybe we could be depressed together."

"Elizabeth thanks for trying, but I've already told you, I wouldn't be good company. Any one of the guys in this restaurant staring at you would die to..."

"I'm not talking about any of these fucking guys," she hissed. "I'm talking about you and me. God damn it Alan, I still love you. Forget about her. She doesn't want to be with you. And she was never right for you anyway. I want to be with you more than anything. I made a big stupid mistake but I'll never repeat that. I know what I have to lose now and I'll do anything to make sure it doesn't happen again. Do you realize that the last time I had sex was Christmas morning last year when you and I had a quickie before we went to my mom and dad's house?"

"I've been totally faithful to you, Alan," she said.

"Why?" I asked. "We're divorced. You need to move on." I saw him out of the corner of my eye then and rage took over. I left Elizabeth standing in front of the large viewing windows and just took off across the large room.

"Bastard," I yelled and swung my fist as hard as I could. My first punch knocked him off of his feet and he got up groggily and stared at me. Most of the patrons at the restaurant jumped up and moved away from us.

"What the hell, Alan," he yelled. "Are you crazy or something?" The woman he was having lunch with just stared at us wide eyed. It wasn't Cassie. I wondered why. Had he dumped her already?

"You were supposed to be my best God damned friend and you knew I loved her," I yelled back at him. His face was already swelling up. I dove for him and knocked him to the floor. He tried to crawl away as I rained down punches on him. He finally got enough traction and kicked me in the face. I fell back and he took off running. Two burly security men grabbed me and pulled me onto my feet.

They escorted me to the door and closed it behind me. A few minutes later, as I started to walk away, Elizabeth came out of the restaurant. "Alan," she yelled. "Where are you going?"

"Apologize to your parents and sister for me," I said calmly. "I need to go home and think."

"What the hell was that all about?" she asked. "I'll go home and think with you. You shouldn't be alone. We need to get out of here though. They called the police and gave them your description. Josh isn't going to press charges but he's confused. I'm confused. You've known him since high school. You've known him longer than you have me and you married me. You were supposed to spend the rest of your life with me. What the hell is this all about?"

"Cassie," I said. "It's about Cassie."

"Think about this Alan," she said. "You have just severely damaged your relationship with your lifetime best friend for a woman who does not care about you. You asked her to marry you and she turned you down. It's worse than that, she told you yes and then broke off the engagement for no good reason. Then she dates your best friend and from what I've heard, dumped him. I'm too much of a lady to say what else I've heard about them, but trust me, they were probably doing it before you and she broke up. And he isn't the only guy either."

I didn't believe a fucking word of what she was saying.

"Why is Saint Cassie the only person you consider worthy of forgiveness? She did the same thing that I did and more. I was your wife, Alan. She's just someone you picked up off the street. Why the hell can you forgive her when you wouldn't forgive me? Have you ever considered that you don't love her at all? Alan, all of this is really about your relationship with me. When I made my mistake, it hurt you and you found her. You clung to her so desperately because you just didn't want to deal with the failure of our marriage. You let yourself fall for her, but you never really loved her. You just depended on her to shield you from all of the pain of my betrayal. So when she left you, you got hit twice. The first part was because she'd left you and the second part because all of our unresolved pain was still in there."

"Alan, I'm not even sure if she ever felt the same way about you that you felt about her," she said. "I think that she was just grateful for all of the things that you'd done for her. She showed her gratitude in the only way she knew how. Don't read more into it than it was. And in a way, she did you a really big favor. She broke off the engagement because she couldn't marry you under false pretenses. She started moving on with her life after that and trying to find someone that she did feel that way about. She wasn't a bad person, Alan. She just wasn't the person you needed her to be."

"But..." I began. She really was making sense. I hated to admit it but she was making sense. I went back in my mind to our first night together when she'd offered me sex as payment for...Shit maybe Liz was right. That thought got me even more pissed and I left Liz standing there. I got in my car and drove away.

The next day was Friday and after work I went and got the kids. They ran over and hugged me. They saw me almost every day but this would be the first time in a long time that we'd left the school together. The woman that ran the after school care service smiled at me. As the kids ran to get their coats she whispered to me. "Does this mean that you two are getting back together?" she asked.

"I don't think so," I said sadly.

"Pardon me for intruding," she said. "But someone has to say something. Both of you love those kids so much and you obviously love each other so..."

"Since when does SHE love me?" I asked.

"She hasn't been the same since you two broke up," she said. "She used to be so happy and she just glowed. Now she barely talks and she doesn't look like she's eating. Any time I mention your name and tell her that you've visited the kids, she lights up. It's kind of the way that you're doing right now."

"Uncle Alan, are we going for pizza?" asked Becca.

"We're going for anything you want, Honey," I said.

"I've missed you Uncle Alan," said Timmy.

"I've missed you too, Timmy," I said and for the first time in a long time, I was happy.

We drove to the house and stopped for pizza on the way. Both of the kids wanted to sleep in their own rooms but I had them camp out together in Timmy's room. The paint was different shades of blue with murals of cars and trucks on the walls.

After I put them to sleep and was thinking about how much I enjoyed being around them again, I started to feel angry. I was pissed at Cassie. How could she just shunt them off to the side like this so she could go out of town? Since when does a receptionist need to travel out of town for business? More than likely, Josh was taking her out of town to fuck her. I thought about it and remembered what being with her was like and got jealous all over again.

I was thinking evil thoughts when Becca came up behind me. "I forgot to kiss you goodnight, Uncle Alan," she said. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me on the cheek.

"Uncle Alan, why don't you like Aunt Cassie anymore?" she asked.

"Your Aunt Cassie has a new man in her life now, Honey," I said.

"No she doesn't," she said. "She cries all the time and looks at pictures of you."

There were a lot of things that were not adding up. I picked up the phone after putting Becca back in her bed.

I called Josh. He answered with confusion in his voice.

"You broke my fucking nose," he said. "So if my voice sounds funny, fuck you."

"When you get off of Cassie, can you have her call me?" I asked. "I'm tired of being used. I'll keep the kids until you guys get back but after that I'm done. I'm probably going to move out of state. This gets weirder every day."

"Alan, I've known you since we were kids and I've never seen you this way," he said. "This has gone too far. I have to fix this. Are you on your iPhone?"

"Of course," I said.

"Face time me," he said. I switched to face time and we were able to see each other. His nose was wrapped up and there was a woman in the background. I got pissed because she was naked. He waved to her and she came over and stared at his phone. I don't think she realized that I could see her. It wasn't Cassie. It also wasn't the woman from the restaurant. Josh got around.

"Wow, you're having a three way," I said.

"Alan, this is Meredith," he said. "I guess I owe you one for bringing us together."

"How did I do that?" I asked.

"She was my nurse in the emergency room," he laughed.

I laughed when I thought that in three days he'd have forgotten about her. "So Cassie is okay with you cheating on her?" I asked.

"Alan, we've been friends for a long time," he said. "Have I ever sold you out for a woman?"

I thought about it. "I went out with Cassie one time. I swear it," he said. "All she did was talk about you. We didn't even have a date, it was a lunch. "

"So all you did was took her out to lunch and then started having sex with her?" I asked.

"What sex?" he asked. "Cassie wouldn't let me touch her arm. We didn't even shake hands. She loves you so much it's crazy. Alan, we need to talk. At the end of it, we might not even be friends any more but as your friend, I need to come clean. Your head is being played with and you need to know about it. Are you taking the kids out to breakfast in the morning?"

"Yes," I said.

"Take them to the Big Boy restaurant on John R in Madison heights. Try to sit in a booth near the back. You'll see me. I'll have a hat on and my face covered, just in case," he said. Then he hung up.

The next morning, I woke up after barely sleeping. I'd had dreams all night long. And they'd been crazy dreams too. I dreamed about Santa, but he was just standing there in the dream. It was like he was trying to tell me something but the volume was turned down. It was really frustrating. I also dreamed about those fucking reindeer, especially Shitter and that evil Rudolph. But the dream that frustrated me the most was the one about Cassie. I dreamed about Cassie all the time, but this one was like no dream I'd ever had. I kept dreaming about Cassie being trapped in a castle. In the dream, I had to fight a monster to save her. It made no frigging sense.

I didn't wake the kids. Becca was in the second grade now and Timmy was trying to survive the horrors of Kindergarten. He'd already told me that some of the kids had laughed at him because he made his trees purple instead of green when he finger painted. I told him that he was just artistic and that someday his differing vision would make him famous.

He told me that he'd punched them in the face when they laughed at him. He told me that he'd heard me telling his Aunt Cassie about how when John had made me angry, I'd gone to his house and beat him up.

I told Timmy that I'd been wrong when I did that and he shouldn't do things like that. But inside I was thinking, "Way to go kid. Don't take any shit."

"Timmy, we can't solve our problems with our fists, okay?" he nodded and I gave him a hug.

That morning when they finally woke up, I asked them if they wanted me to make breakfast, or if they wanted to go out to Big Boy.

Less than five minutes later, Becca was back and changed from her Powder Puff Girls pajamas into jeans and a T-shirt. Timmy was running behind her asking her to tie his shoes. "Did you guys remember to brush your teeth?" I asked. They both ran back up the stairs.

As we walked into the restaurant, Becca and Timmy looked around at everything. Becca smelled everything in the area. She loved the Christmas decorations. Timmy looked at the display of toys they had near the counter. I spotted Josh near the back. I wondered why he had a baseball cap on and sunglasses inside of a restaurant.

The waitress told us we could sit anywhere and she'd be with us in a few minutes. I pointed to the booth near Josh and she nodded. We looked over menus. Becca wanted a stack of peppermint pancakes and bacon. Timmy wanted blueberry pancakes because blue was for boys and peppermint looked girly to him. I rolled my eyes and ordered coffee and French toast.

"I know why you ordered that," said Becca. "That's what Aunt Cassie eats when you take us out to breakfast." I just nodded my head. The waitress came over and took our order. I gave the kids a handful of quarters so they could play the video games in the corner while we waited for our food.

As soon as they skipped off, Josh started talking. He didn't even turn towards me he just started talking.

"Alan, ever since before college, you and I have been friends," he said. "We were each other's wing men through more girls in college and beyond than I even want to think about. Do you remember Christine Daniels?" I nodded my head and then realized that since we were back to back he couldn't see me.

"Yep," I said. Josh had met Christine first and introduced me to her. I had been gobsmacked by her and thought she was the woman I was supposed to marry. She was a promising chemistry student and very beautiful. Josh had noticed my interest in her and asked me what my intentions towards his girl were. I'd told him that I had none. She was his and we were friends.

Josh had thought about it and told me to go for it. He even set me up on a date with her because I was so nervous around her. Josh had only intended to, as usual, fuck her and then flee her.

I dated Christine for three of my four years in college while Josh went through at least half of the girls in the school. He'd screw them once or sometimes twice and then he was after someone else. There were a few times when I ran interference for him to help out when he had failed to get rid of one woman before another came along. There were also times when the women really fell for Josh and refused to go away gracefully.

Christine had been a really special woman and Josh had simply given her to me. If Christine hadn't been a year ahead of me in school and hadn't gotten an offer to do research on indigenous plants in Borneo, we probably would have gotten married. We'd sent letters and emails back and forth but she got busy and I was busy and I met Elizabeth. At the same time, she met a man from England who was one of the researchers and the rest is history.

"Well," continued Josh. "No woman has ever come between us until you met Elizabeth. She and I got along like dogs and cats until you two broke up. She was always doing whatever she could to exclude me from your life. When you guys broke up, at first I thought it was a good thing until I saw how hurt you were. Alan, I'd have done anything to help get you out of that. So when she came to me with her offer, I had to think about it. She'd offered me everything I wanted. You know, I'd be included in everything you guys did. She even promised to name your first kid after me."

"We were going to do that anyway," I laughed. "She gave you something you already had coming and acted like she was giving you some kind of reward." I was laughing so hard that people in the restaurant were looking at me.

"Anyway," he said. "She told me that the best way to make you happy again was to get the two of you back together. She gave me all of this stuff about how Cassie was using you and she wasn't the type of person you should be with. And Alan, I thought she was right. I was worried about you and Cassie at first too. I mean, you do have a soft spot for women. They tend to just come along and wrap you around their little fingers. I mean, I thought that you and I would be hanging out and doing stuff, but from the very first, Cassie had you playing daddy. Maybe I was a little jealous because I saw us going to spring break and stuff like that. So I went along with Elizabeth."