Two Christmases

When I looked back over Alan's actions and mannerisms only a few moments ago, I could see that my suspicions were correct. Alan had been caring and friendly towards Paula. That made sense because they were sharing the same sense of betrayal. He'd been cold and contentious towards John, but worst of all, he'd simply ignored me. I got the worst treatment because my betrayal had been the worst. There was simply nowhere to go but up. All I had to do was to figure out how I'd get him back.

As strange as it sounded, I realized that I had to let him go. I had to escape the remnants of our shattered marriage. The harder I fought to hold onto it, the angrier Alan would be at me.

I had to do everything I could to let him know that I realized what I'd done to him and how bad it was. I would agree to the divorce so he wasn't chained to the past.

Then I'd start all over, becoming first his friend and then a better friend and then I'd have a fresh new start with him. I called Paula. I was lucky that she took my call. I apologized to her again and told her that I realized how badly I'd hurt both her and my husband. I asked her to tell Alan that I'd sign the papers whenever he wanted me to, because I only wanted him to be happy.

Alan himself called me back two hours later and gave me the address for his attorney's office. I met him there the next morning. I brought my mother along to help me because I knew that what I was about to do would take far more strength than I could muster alone. As I signed the papers, my strength failed me. It took so much energy and effort to write my name on that document that I'm not sure I could have ever done it if I wasn't sure I'd get him back.

The very next day at work was the second worst day of my life. It was bad enough that John pretended he didn't know I existed. He berated me several times for nothing, as if he wanted everyone to be clear that I was just like the rest of the staff. But when I did do something well, he simply grumbled or pretended he didn't notice it.

Just before lunch, Connie, the office gossip came over and asked me about Becca.

"She is just the cutest little black haired girl I've ever seen," she said. "And she clearly loves Alan. Her mama seems to be pretty attached to him too. The four of them look just like a family. If I wasn't sure that you and Alan were happily married, I'd have suspected something. But then you never know how these things work out. You and John have always been a little too friendly for my tastes, but obviously you and Alan just aren't the jealous types."

"What are you getting at Connie?" I asked point blank. She just looked at me strangely. I guess she wasn't used to anyone getting in her face directly and just asking her something.

"Uhm, well you know, uh..." she said.

"No Connie," I said. "I don't know uh...what the fuck are you asking me?"

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I just thought you should know."

"Connie, tell me everything you saw," I said.

I was amazed at the clarity and speed of my thoughts. I was also angry all over again. I was angry to a level that I never knew existed.

"Well, I was at a grocery store near my parents' house," began Connie. "I'd been visiting them and had to stop off and get a few things. They have nice stores in that neighborhood, but as much as those houses cost they should give you your fucking groceries for free."

"What neighborhood Connie?" I asked.

"West Bloomfield," she said.

Not only did John live there but Alan's parents did as well and they were in Florida for the winter as usual. That answered the question of where he'd gone. I was feeling a sense of power. I had a good idea of where my husband was.

"Go on," I snapped.

"Well...I saw Alan. And he had a child with him. They were...shopping. I know that you and Alan don't have any kids yet so my curiosity got the best of me. It's really cool to watch things like that."

"You mean it's really nosey to stalk someone trying to get gossip, don't you?" I asked.

"No," she said. "It wasn't like that. If it had been, then I'd never have let him know that I was there. We're friends Liz. So I can tell you, your husband is a really special guy. He's cute, but it's like he doesn't know it, so it hasn't gone to his head. And watching him with that little girl was amazing. You can tell which guys are going to be great fathers. Some guys are assholes, they practically ignore the kids, or even worse, just drag them places and order them around. They expect the boys to be carbon copies of them-selves; and pay absolutely no attention to little girls."

"But Alan was fully engaged. As they walked around the store, they were talking and any time she wanted to see something, he'd pick her up so she could see it. He was letting her make a lot of the decisions on what they bought. It was like...He was like the dad we all wished that we'd had. It made me wonder about who she was. I was surprised to see you here this week. John had told us last week that you might not be here. He said something about a trip or a family thing. I guess I started thinking that maybe the two of you had adopted a child and you were taking some time off to let her get used to her new home."

"Anyway, I went over to them and she looked up and grabbed onto him before I even got close. That's pretty normal for little kids when an adult they don't know comes over to them."

"I asked Alan who she was and he just said "Becca."

"Out of nowhere, a woman who just had to be her mother and a smaller child, a boy, appeared. The woman held onto Alan's hand and arm as if she was claiming her territory. She looked at me with that look that women always get when they think someone is going to try to move in on them. They just continued shopping and then went up to the checkout line and left the store."

"Thank you for the information, Connie," I said. Then I turned and went over to John's office. I told John that I had some errands to run and I'd be back in a bit. He looked as if he was about to say something very loudly so everyone could hear him put me down again. I quietly closed his door and walked up to his desk.

"What are you doing?" he asked loudly.

"Shut the fuck up, asshole," I sneered at him. "Do you want to get fired anyway?"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean that Alan hasn't gone to the company to get you fired. He wants us to continue to work so we can pay our alimonies as they are. That means that you can pay Paula and he doesn't have to pay me a fucking dime. I was fine with that because the only thing that means anything to me in all of this is that I get my husband back. I don't give a fuck about you, your marriage or even your life. You were only able to get to me because I had been feeling bad about myself. I kept thinking that everyone around here, and everyone I know was special and I wasn't. But now I've realized what I'm good at. I'm good at being Alan's wife. I'm going to be great at being the mother of his children."

"Well, good for you," he said. "Everyone needs to have a dream. But to me, it just seems like yours is going to be unfulfilled. Life is like that sometimes. So if there's nothing more..."

"Did I tell you that you could talk yet?" I asked, pressing my face closer to his. "Did I tell you to open your fucking mouth yet?" He looked at me as if the past few weeks he'd spent fucking me hadn't shown him this part of my personality and he was surprised.

"As I was saying before you started flapping your big assed mouth," I hissed. "Your fucking job is still not secure. Alan isn't going to the company asshole, but it doesn't mean that I won't. What's to stop me from dragging my ass down to personnel right now? I'd be crying and sobbing and sputtering out how my marriage has ended due to you forcing me into an affair. Who do you think they'd believe?"

His eyes got huge.

"When they talk to your wife, they'll find out that you have a history of that kind of thing. And I've never done anything like it. I'm only twenty seven. I've only been married for five years and I could take a lie detector test and prove that you were the only man other than my husband that I've slept with. Your ass would be grass. Without your job, you wouldn't be able to begin to pay Paula what you owe her."

"What do you want me to do?" he asked. The fear and the disgust in his voice were obvious. I decided I'd used the stick enough. Maybe it was time for a little bit of carrot.

"You don't have to do anything," I purred. "Just stay out of my way. I've recently found out something that might help both of us. The key to this whole thing is Alan. Did you see the way that Paula went along with what he wanted? They even said that they'd been speaking to each other..."

"You think that they were...?" he sputtered.

"Relax idiot," I said. "They aren't having an affair. Neither one of them is the type. But I think I found a weakness in Alan's defense. I might be able to work it so that I get him back sooner than I thought. And if he takes me back, maybe Paula will give you one more shot. But just so you know, this job doesn't mean shit to me. Maybe it never did and maybe that's why I was miserable and weak enough to let you take advantage of me. When I get Alan back, I'll quit and tell management that you were the best boss ever. And maybe while we're working on this, if either one of us gets...lonely...but we'd need to be a lot more careful..."

He started smiling again and nodding his head as I left. What a moron, I thought. There was no way that he or any man except Alan would ever touch me again. But if I kept hinting and holding that carrot out there, I could get him to do whatever I wanted.

On my way to my car, I called Josh Daniels. Josh is Alan's best friend. Josh is a realtor. He also serves as a property manager for several development companies. I don't like Josh at all. I've tried to separate Alan from him on numerous occasions. Of course, they were all just harmless things like forgetting to invite him when we had a party or a barbecue. I also made it a point not to tell Alan when Josh called and asked him to do things.

Josh had also given me the once over too many times for me not to know that he'd love to get his dick in me if he had the chance. But then that was his biggest weakness. Josh would fuck anything with hole in it. I pitied the woman that he would someday settle down with. But at the same time, I knew that if there was anything going on in Alan's life, Josh would know about it and probably be a part of it. As I started driving, I switched to hands free mode on my phone.

"Hello scumbag," I said.

"Hey, Bitch. Why are you calling me?" he asked.

"I need help with something," I said sweetly.

"Why the fuck would I care?" he answered.

"Because it's in your own best interest to help me," I said. "It involves the person we both love."

"You mean my very best friend and your very, very, very soon to be ex-husband?" he asked.

"The same," I said.

"And exactly why would I help YOU where he's concerned?" he asked smirking. "Getting you the fuck out of his life is a good thing. Plus he and I can hang out till the cows come home and he won't have some bitchy, conniving woman coming between us. It's back to Bros before Hoes and all of that. I see Mardi Gras and other good times in our future."

"No you don't," said. "Alan grew out of all of that shit years ago and you should have too. God damn it, you're almost thirty fucking years old. What are you going to do, drag him down to Florida for spring break? This is a light bulb moment here Josh. When you're almost ten years older than some of the college kids, it's time to hang up your spring break spurs. The thought of you down there screwing some freshman girl is no longer exciting and fun, it borders on creepy."

"Alan is not going to do that anymore, he's just not. But what would you say to a future where you're a valued member of the family. Where you're invited to everything and I'll even serve as your wing girl and steer all of the eligible women your way?" I asked.

"I already have enough women coming my way without you," he said.

"But don't you think that you'd be better off starting to meet the type of woman that you want to settle down with? And more to the point, you know that Alan would be happier back with me. Think about it? Do you really see him going back to doing what you guys were doing?"

He grew silent. "Alright," he said. "We'll have a truce. But only because he loved you so God damned much. And I do want to see him happy again. But the path he's heading down now will only lead him to more pain. Those things never work out and he's a glutton for punishment. At least you were his type."

"I'm almost to your office," I said. I pulled up in front of an office plaza that had all kinds of small stores and offices in it. I saw a bright red Charger SRT with the license plate, "JOSH," and grimaced. How much lower could I sink than to make a deal with the devil?

As I pulled in next to his car, I wondered why he hadn't bought a different one. For the life of me, I couldn't tell the difference between his Charger and Alan's Mustang. Maybe the Charger was bigger and it had four doors. Of course, it didn't have that stupid little horse on the front of it. But to me they'd both have been better off buying Cadillacs or BMWs.

As I got out of the car, I noticed that Josh himself was waiting for me. "My receptionist quit recently," he said. I heard a tittering from the back of the office.

"Did you have anything to do with her QUITTING?" I asked.

"Possibly," he said, looking down. "But it started out great."

"Josh, we have to work on that," I said. "It is very difficult to sustain a relationship, even under the best of times, but for God's sake, don't shit where you eat. Sooner or later, one of these bimbos is going to sue you."

"I have a temp coming in for the next few weeks," he said sheepishly.

"Why not just hire a new receptionist?" I asked. "Why waste the time getting a temp up to speed and then have to do it all over again when you get your next permanent employee?"

"We'll talk about that in a bit," he said. "So I get valued family member status, including Christmas and holiday parties and all of that shit right?" I smiled and nodded.

"How about first kid named after me?" he said.

"Only if it's a boy," I grumbled.

"And what about...? " he let his words trail off, but from the direction his eyes were looking in, I could tell what he wanted.

"Never," I said.

"Relax," he said. "I was just testing you. Besides, when I spoke to Alan yesterday, he gave me the whole run down on why you supposedly did what you did. And believe it or not, it kind of made sense to me. Besides, I know that coming from me this won't mean much, but you're better than the alternative."

"What alternative?" I asked. "Does this have anything to do with Becca?" He nodded.

"Becca isn't the one you have to worry about though," he smiled. "You should be worried about Cassie."

"She's one of those low rent, single mother types. She has two rug rats and already has Alan playing daddy. Alan is so stupid sometimes. I don't know why he couldn't just fuck her, give her a couple of dollars and send her on her way like everyone else probably did. You don't see a daddy in that picture do you? And when you mention daddy, father, or any of those words, the kids just look confused. I've run into women like that before. He's better off without her in his life."

"She's the one I'm supposed to be holding the receptionist position open for. He's sending her to that clerical and office skills class over at the community college to get her up to speed. Of course, I agreed to it because he's my best friend and shit, we go through a lot of receptionists. They seem to come in all sizes and all flavors. I just don't see her as being Alan's type though."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Oh come on," he said. "You and Alan fit. You and I don't get along, but we're both from the same background. We're the same kind of people. You're the type of woman that will fit in Alan's life both now and in the future. I see you two going places together. You're an upscale Chanel type of woman. You know about all of that fashion type of shit. You're classically beautiful. You'll age well. You're educated and I hate to say it, but you're classy. Even though you cheated on him, you're classy. You even cheated on him with a guy who was like us."

"But she just isn't. She's a toy and a broken one at that. She's the kind of women you're always saying that I play with. She's got an incredible ass and a rack of titties that have to be seen to be believed, but in ten years they'll be hanging by her knees and she'll need a crane instead of a bra. She's one of those beer and pretzels girls that are great to fuck once or twice but there's just really nothing there. She's probably going to try her ass off to make Alan the daddy to baby number three so she'll have a meal ticket for life. Or at least until his kid is grown. I just don't want to see him end up like that. Shit, it seems more like the theme from one of those reality TV shows. So if I have to pick the lesser of two evils for my best friend, I guess that's you. It's not much of a choice though."

"Well gosh thanks," I said sarcastically. "Don't tell him about our little arrangement."

"Do I look stupid to you?" he asked. I didn't answer him, I just shrugged my shoulders.

At first, hearing about this woman had pissed me off royally. I was wandering around depressed. The only thing that has pulled me out of my depression was the fact that I had to work very hard to end my own pain. The only way to end it would be by getting my husband back.

But now I'd found out that Alan was already moving past our life together. He'd replaced me with some down on her luck single mother, with a sad face and story to tell. She was also dragging two kids along with her. Maybe to Alan it was some perverted version of our dream.

I wanted to kill that bitch, whoever she was. But with my new found clarity and focus, I realized that she could be useful. Alan was very angry at me. I'd seen that in the restaurant the day before. That anger stemmed from the fact that I was the person he loved most and I'd betrayed him. It would take some time for him to get over that anger. The best way for him to get past that anger would be for him to work through it and forget about it. And if not forget, at least get to the point where his anger wasn't in the forefront of his thoughts.

This Cassie woman would be a perfect distraction for that. And the longer she and Alan stayed together, the more obvious their differences would become. Even the children would help. Being around them would do two things. Number one, as Connie had said, it would help to train Alan to become the super dad that he'd be to OUR kids someday. And secondly, no man really wants to raise another man's children. Being around Cassie's brats would only make him long for his own children.

All I needed to do was to let nature take its course. And when Alan was done playing Good Samaritan, I'd be there to pick up the pieces. Maybe I'd even be there to trigger the explosion that blew everything to pieces. And poor little Cassie or whatever her name was, could go back to wherever she came from.

She'd make out alright. For a few weeks, she'd live a life that was far better than she deserved. I wasn't too happy about the thought of her probably fucking my husband, but if it helped to set us even in Alan's mind about what I'd been doing, so much the better.

I did need to limit the time they spent together though.

As I drove back to work, I called Alan.

"Hello," he said.

"Hi Honey, it's me," I said.

"What do you want?" he asked. His tone had soured.