All Comments on 'Unconventional'

Sorry, but this is too long for one posting. May be a great read if it is split into several - perhaps 4, chapters

So annoying!

Interesting story, funny at times. Jackie is an unlikable, spoiled brat.

Loved "What are the odds?" and "New Kahala". Waited forever for a new post and got "Table for two" a few days ago. Wasn't impressed. When "Unconventional" popped up today I almost didn't read it mainly because of the incest category.(not my thing) Once I saw it was 19 pages I had to try a bit of it. Seems like no one can write 19 pages of blather so there must be some substance. So glad I gave it a read. Couldn't stop,read all the way through in one go. Definitely not what I expected in this category. It was funny and engaging and well worth the time to read. 5 stars and cant wait for the next good one.

Not too long, in my opinion. Sometimes a mad stroke piece is just what I want. This story, absent three sisters at once and a monorchid philander, has a sense of real affection. Who knows, it might even be so.

It is a great story. A full tale of love, compassion, caring and naughtiness. Yes it is a long read but worth it. I laughed, I cried and I felt connected to the characters of this story. If you are looking for a "pump story" this ain't it. But I was greatly entertained.

Nonsense, not too long. Well developed, beautifully written, i loved it. WELL DONE.

Dear Anon, Yes, it is very long. Competition rules are that stories must be complete and not part of a series.

There are three distinct sections within my story and headed chapters. For any other readers struggling with attention span, time availability or other distractions, i'd suggest reading it in chunks. At least try reading "The first time" in one sitting, then maybe "Bodies in motion" in one sitting then finishing the story after that.

Thankyou for your comment.

Bones.

if there is no sex between relatives it isnt incest

The long but excellent story throughout, the sex was in the right place and the twist and turns were very good. I enjoyed reading it a good story and I look forward to your next one.

at the beginning of the story,

Jacky's sister's husband would be her brother in law, not her uncle ...

I, for one, enjoy the longer stories, especially when they are as well written as this one . the character development, the humor and the self-doubt, all served to make it a more believable story. Well done and a well earned 5 stars.

I read this all in one day ... unusual that I would keep at it, but the characters were interesting, the language placed it in a different setting, and the events were (mostly) believable.

My one complaint -- things which would seem to be important dropped into the story, then vanished. For example, the link to the horse property and the rich folks who owned it. It cycles back (without details) to provide a setting for mentioning finding Simon -- but then disappears and is no more.

Nothing wrong with long stories, if the excursion through this imagined universe woven for us to observe is a continually interesting experience; this was, very much so.

As for one comment that this wasn’t "incest"; well, they may have a point in the legal sense, but it would still be considered a shadowy taboo/unconventional area of close relative relationships. And the other comment pointing out that Tim wasn’t an uncle demonstrates that skimming, rather than simply enjoying the full assimilation of the written words, means you missed the simple and girl-logical explanation for Jackie's term of endearment early on.

The other criticism about incidental background experiences disappearing without explanation (e.g. the luxury stables) is easy to explain because that is what happens in the background of life and while Jackie may have maintained contact for many years, it no longer had any relevance to the story; I mean, I’d like to know what happened to the old lady that ran the red light, but the story doesn’t need to tell us.

I loved this, the characters and plots, a tremendous piece of work.

I thoroughly enjoyed this, and wouldn't have grumbled at all if it had been longer. I loved the character development, while still keeping each of them unique and fixed within their mindset. The romance was touching, the ups and downs of their lives were fascinating, and the emotion between them felt real.

What more could I ask for in a story?

Well done, sir. Top score.

This is a fine piece of writing. I’m a sucker for multi-generational epic romances, but this one is unusually well written. I feel like rebutting each criticism that I read here, but what’s the point?

Thank you for writing, and thank you for sharing your work.

Always, Always, the numbskull 'wankers' that can't sit and read a real story complain that it's too long.

Yes, there were a few 'tense shifting' and bad punctuation's, for the most part I read them as colloquialisms (what the hell is a "sook?" ah never mind, I can figure it out from the usage) some I'm not sure weren't intentional. The difference between "perfect writing" and how we normally talk - how else do you put that into a story? Although there are a few edits that would be fitting, if they're never made it won't change the magnitude of this story.

I've yet to read every story in this contest, but from those that I have, this is one of those that deservedly is on top!

Well done!

Great story,

Nice job! Enjoyed it greatly! Couldn’t put it down!

This is not your first rodeo, you are one heck of a writer, I don't know who you really are but you are good. The story is long but you are one great story teller, I'll bet you are a famous writer doing your thing in a perfect way, I saw no flaws in your writing but I am not a proof reader. Keep with the good work, you deserve the best in the world.

Written from the heart, it would seem. A charming tale that makes me want to believe in magic. Incidentally, if any should find the slap hard to believe, it happened to me the first time I told a young woman in my practice that she had herpes. Anyhow, a very sweet page turner.

Excellent story! I think the length was perfect and I loved the characters. I think it’s hilarious how all of the negative comments are from anonymous commenters. It’s obvious that they don’t have the courage to speak their minds and apparently they lack the imagination to write anything of substance. I hope you don’t let them get you down! I’m American and while I wasn’t familiar with some of the terminology, it doesn’t take much to figure it out. Anyway, fuck the haters. It’s a free story on a free site. I think it was lovely and romantic and it held my interest until the very end. Thank you for sharing it with us!

Loved the reference to Cascade - grew up in Tassy in the 60's and 70's - now in qld.

Enjoyed the whole story and the twists and turns - worth the win.

Absolutely loved this story! The tone is perfectly bittersweet so as to keep it from being "So, she just moved in with us and the three of us lived happily ever after" But at the same time left us wondering "DID she and Tim spend the rest of their lives hooking up after that?" because after she asks him to promise never to let her stop he kind of side steps the question. I hope it goes back to the way it was before she got married but I guess it's up to each reader to decide. Only con was the elder sister hooking up with him. It didn't take away from the story or make it bad but it felt like a throw away as it never came up again after Jackie came back. Also, it felt like the whole reason it was "OK" was because he always held such a special bond with her, that was lacking with the elder sister so again it felt a little forced. Small detail though.

5 stars

I loved this story. The biggest issue I have at times with some erotic stories is that each person is so perfect. But your people aren't and it makes the story that more amazing. I loved how Jackie and Trish each have their own issues and worries about the relationship, but through talking and having people who accept them it just changes things a bit and makes the story even better. I also like how a common theme is expectations for sex and taking it easy and talking it out, from helping Jackie over come her issues with bozzo, to Tim talking to church guy. Gives it a strong message. I'll have to remember the advice "What will it be like in fifty years."

The relationship is bit weird, but hey, this is fantasy and it was awesome.

This is a movie script. A rough one needs some cleaning up with things that happened. But this is one of the very best stories on this site. Very well done very creative thinking.

Loved it! This story held my interest like some of the books I buy do. (in other words, a LOT) Incredible characters with real lives, issues and hang ups just like the rest of us. Please keep writing, I’ll keep reading!! Beautiful.

I'm quarantined at home with my family during the COVID-19 crisis here in Detroit (March 28th, 2020), i've got lots of time right now obviously so I turned to Literotica. This story is sooo long, but I blew through it in a single day! I absolutely loved everything about this story, it has better characters than any other story I have ever read on this site in the literal YEARS i've been on this site. Hell this story has better characters than any story I have ever written for this site and makes me want to do a better job developing my own characters in my own writing. Jackie, Trish, and Tim felt like such real characters that you want them all to be happy and are freaking terrified when Jackie has her accident. I wish I could forget about this story so I could rediscover it again and experience it all over again. The thing I loved the most about this story was the fact that it wasn't centered around long raunchy sex scenes; the story was more about plot and less about the sex. This greatly helped the story and is why I've given it such a high rating.

10+/10 What a fantastic read, you should feel very proud of this story.

Extra fucking good

When I began this epic journey I had no idea where it would take me nor for how long. I admit I almost quit when the chapters seemed to go on and on and on, but I am extremely happy I stuck with it. It all made perfect sense in the end and was perfect in its entirety. Beautiful, erotic, passionate love story. Unconventional, but epically perfect. Bravo!

This went from a Favorite Story at page 5 to barely 2 stars at page 10. Started so wonderfully but just went too long and too far. From Hot Damn to yawn.

How this got favorite Valentine's story is beyond me.

What a great story, well done. You're right, it wasn't appropriately placed...romance, loving wifes, etc. but I'm so glad I found it. You had me rooting for the three of them from the very beginning

I usually don't stay for long stories like this, BUT you are a very good writer. Story line was very good 👍. Character development was excellent. Excellent grammar (extremely important!). No misspelled words and excellent punctuation! I never had to stop to figure out who was talking. I stayed to the end and did not jump ahead. KEEP writing! Always keep your readers in mind when you write. I hope to see a novel from you in the future. My best to you!

What a beautiful story. So much love. And twists and turns and all sorts of things that make it feel real. Well done. I'd give 6 stars if I could.

There are hot stories, and there are emotional stories, but few that are both. You nailed it. Please keep writing. Thank you.

Loved almost all of it, humor, hot sex, dialog, drama, characters. I didn't like them fucking just before the wedding but understand why it works for subsequent story line. Best line of the whole story was the name tag, laughed out loud. One of a very few I've rated a 5.

5 stars

Great to read a story on lit from an Aussie and a qldler to boot!

Wow. Just wow. A beautiful story. Thank you

Way too long.

A fine story. Yes, it's a long epic. But well thought out and well written, with plenty of natural dialogue. So ❤️❤️❤️

Dang it, you made me cry a little a couple of times there. Great story, great characters.

One little detail, 'obviate' means 'to make unnecessary' or 'eliminate the need for'.

I enjoyed the story immensely. It left things to wonder about, such as s what happened with the older sister in law and are "things" still ongoing with Jackie. Will there be another part for ongoing nuances or is this the last we hear from this family?

REALLY enjoyed it!

This - "Trish is crying. I don't understand how women can cry so much. I think men are more like cars. They have a reservoir to wash the windshield and someone keeps forgetting to fill it, but women must have a plumbed in water supply." - gave me a belly-laugh.

But WHY (some examples): -

# The crappy "instinctually" rather than the accurate "instinctively"?

# "baseplate" rather than "crease"?

# "angriness" (in iffy context) rather than "anger"?

What a wickedly stimulating roller coaster of a story. I laughed, I cried, I was sad, I was elated, and in the end thoroughly entertained. Thank you !

I wish I could give this story more than just five stars. It deserves many more.

Thank you.

Wow what a rollercoaster of a story, I loved it. 5 stars doesn't do this justice

One of the best stories I’ve read. Seeing place names and landmarks in my own country and my own state made it even more endearing to me. Quality of the highest order mate. QLDer.

Well, that was a hell of a good story! Thank you.

I really enjoyed the story. Like a much earlier comment, I am inclined to rebut many of the more critical reviews. Life is too short though, and we like what we like. Definitely 5 stars.

Loved this story, and it has really weird personal resonance for me, as my wife (then fiancé) put me in a very similar situation, as she asked me to be the one who took her sister's virginity for much the same reasons -- she felt I would be a more careful lover than to boys her sister was starting to date. Unlike in this story, I decided not to do it, as my fears about how it would affect the relationships were something I couldn't get past. (And given how my sister-in-law turned out I have equal portions of regret -- as she ended up in some really messed-up relationships where she really didn't assert her self-worth -- and relief, as I'm totally convinced it would have messed up my primary relationship.) This story was very well done, though I think the part with the older sister was rather gratuitous, and wonderfully written.

Great story, couldn't stop reading it. Lucky guy Tim, very understanding wife, very sexy sister in law. I was presented with a similar situation many years ago ... I didn't go there, my sister in law was the human equivalent of a Rottwieler

!!!.

I rate this as up with that February Sucks story of George Andersons, the one that has had so many other endings.

For you, you wrote this in such a way it will never get as good ratings because you closed the loop on it.

BUT I think you wrote a blinder with this, at first glance I thought 19 bloody pages….. It's going to be just him or her fucking and fucking, but it's a true story, well thought out and so well put down on paper, ( you know what I mean ) . Can't give it anymore stars than 5, shame.

Holy HELL!! I saw 65k words and thought, "No way will I finish this one." I figured I'd read a few paragraphs and move on to something else. Had a bit of a tough time with some of the Aussie slang ('cause "Merica") but, MAN, that was a fantastic read. Thank you for sharing!!