All Comments on 'Unintended Consequences'

I vote no further. Rationale: this was indeed a A well rounded story: beginning, middle, end. It was humorous, had some suspense and was entertaining. It will be difficult to maintain the humour, lightness of touch, and a defensible plot without it just turning into a serial sex saga. I know some readers love those, but I tend to just get bored.

Assuming you ignore my advice there are directions you could go but beware. The office sex plot will get more and more ridiculous so it needs serious relegation. The two most promising directions are the bosses family and or the coven but whatever you make sure the context of the sex is defensible and there is a discernable plot with interesting enough conclusions. And keep the lightness of touch.

I pretty much agree with ag2507. If you leave it here all readers can imagine any further possibilities they wish. If you decide to continue this then you run the risk of disappointing readers that want you to go in a direction you don't go. I have always liked harem stories so I can see ways that the MC becomes Ash and 'collects them all' (pokemon reference)... lol. Since this is already a story involving witches, covens, and love potions; reality is already stretched and bent. Thanks for Sharing!

I enjoyed this, developed nicely with a plausible reason (the potion) for fucking 7 women in short order with them desiring it. But with married women and it being a work situation if it continues it should wind down to everyone's satisfaction and hopefully nobody got pregnant from the potent potion, lol. Just my 2 cents worth.

as crazy as it is, there are unanswered questions, ie birth control, how many of the women could he have knocked up? possible harem? maybe move several of them into the mansion together etc as his pregnant harem family? or how long does the potion last in his system, before his health might suffer?

Actually, I could have seen just a prologue to this, the few days of weaning the others off him.

The other option of a short continuance, maybe keeping the boss and her daughter on the side since she'd admitted to being bi. The secretary could go either way.

Are Allyssa, Alyssa and Alissa sisters? That must’ve been confusing for their parents. : )

As someone who's been through bereavement, that first page - that "I'm not ready yet" - was painful to read. Skillfully done.

I always love a good harem story, so a continuation could work. But if you feel like you've said everything you wanted to say... It's a fine place to end.

While I agree completely that as a whole story this one is amazing. I see it not needing a continuation, but at the same time a follow up could be just as fun to read as this one was. Another option is to open it up like several recent stories and let other authors take a shot at a continuation. Either way you finally decide to go, I say kudos to you for another great story.

It works well as a one off, but I can easily see a part two as well. I wouldn't go to a full series, but one more part. Unlike many MC stories, this one has multiple issues to be addressed regarding the fallout. For example, how long will it last knowing she severely overdosed him? What consequences will she face with Darlene?

Given how much he received, will it ever wear off? If so, what's to come of the many people who he slept with and how will it impact his job? If not, how will Alyssa handle having created a forcible open/poly relationship? Will he end up connecting with Janet too? Will all the women have to come to accept each other, as Mary, Ronnie, and Angel did?

There's still a lot to unpack here, so I think one more chapter if approximately the same length would be great

For me, the plot is good but could get repetitive. The next major point will occur when the effects wear off. What will all the women think of him then? Do their feelings change when he’s no longer being affected by the potion? Will they be angry? How many pregnancies have occurred?

A fun romp ... taking someone from a long-term marriage, to heartbreak, to a sudden rush of sex.

I like several of the characters and would enjoy reading more.

One possibility ... letting the potion wear off and then dealing with the new dynamic of a relationship where there is a clear memory of passionate sex AND the ordinary norms of business life. Some will want a repeat. Some will want to develop the relationship into something more. Some will be embarrassed and go out of their way to avoid contact. I think you could have a good time with the ambiguity.

love to hear what happens with Mary, Ronnie, Angel, Lisa and the others at work. Davids home life could become very complicated as well with the 3 women there also. OH the possibilities!

Thank for this entertaining story. I like your style and you struck just the right balance of intrigue/plot and sex. I would certainly like a follow-up, either as full extra chapter(s) or at minima a king of epilogue... Since you ask ideas: I would continue the streak for a while (witch coven fun, firends fun & work fun further), then look further at the actual "lifestyle" consequences of the potion's consequences. I'm sure you have an idea for the final closure that we'll like whatever it is...

It needs a part two at least, Janet hasn't had a shot yet, Darlene saw a future of Alyssa "naked in a canvas box", Mary's assistant (who controls her busses schedule) probably waited half the night hoping he'd show, and Rachel wanted a repeat. For starters.

LOL at Alyssa bemusedly asking him how many women he'd fucked that day. Harem stories can get monotonous but you kept switching things up!

A part 3 where the potion wears off would be cool too.

Please, please continue!!!

Good start. Looking forward to see how this story might progress. Thanks.

This has the makings of a great series. The walking sex magnet.

I enjoyed this story..... and not just for the hot steamy sex. Your plot was good and well metered. I would love a series of these with maybe a climax (joke sort of intended) with a crazy orgy linking all the women in his life.

I'd love the story to continue. Hopefully it continues on, although 8 pages, felt like only half way through at minimum

Sequel please! Now that he knows what's going on, him trying to work around the effects until it wears off would be really interesting I think. He tries to schedule a visit with a male doctor but good luck finding an all-male drs office, a female cop pulls him over, the chubby PTA president knocks on the door for a fundraiser...

Not just fucking more and more women all day at the office- that has to be a one-time thing. He'd switch to remote work, obviously.

I agree with a number of the points others have made - specifically: Janet never got her shot and what happens when the potion does eventually wear off?

Also, though - I'd be interested in seeing what happens if he goes to talk to Lisa while her wife is around. Similarly - and honestly more so - I'd be curious as to a possible interaction with him and Darlene. How does she take it? Does she try to give a potion to nullify the effects? Does she completely succumb to the feelings she has when she's around him and maybe make more so that the effect never goes away?

There are other aspects that haven't been addressed. Some people pointed out pregnancy - did he just knock up 7 different people? But what about jealousy? It seems like everyone he's with is quickly ok with him sleeping with a bunch of other girls. It says that there has to be at least a tiny amount of attraction there to begin with - is that on both sides? Would his attraction to a girl increase while maybe she is not attracted to him at all and so nothing happens for him? Or vice versa - are there girls who previously were like "eh - he's cute" who now find him irresistible but he's just not interested?

Lots of different avenues to explore. I'd be interested in seeing where you take it.

Great start, Keep going until you feel you need it to end.

Would love to see a part two where the fun continues and then address what happens when the potion wears off. Does she give him the rest of the bottle? Do they decide to just be happy together? Does he lose his job after 32 sexual harassment violations?

Really enjoyed the story and would like to see where it goes

A remake of 'Five Dates?' Even so, worthy of 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS!

My fantasy would be that Alyssa becomes involved, and gives him the rest of the bottle, and somehow makes it permanent. Love this story. Long time fan

this could easily be the start of a multi part series.

Look forward to further episodes.

Keep it going!!

Great story. How should go forward? Find a path that ends with him marrying Allyssa who shares and controls access to the other women, whose desires are more controlled. Maybe everyone ends up living in his boss’s mansion. Just an idea. You could take it in many directions, but since this is erotica I suggest weekend orgies (with him the only male) should definitely be included.

I really liked your story. It is a great concept and has at least one more chapter to it. He should marry Alyssa. Given that he's been heavily dosed, Alyssa accepts the fact that he will always fuck others but only makes love to her. It would also be great if Darlene came to live with them, too. After a while, he should be able to control his effect on others so that he can live a productive life, but have the ability to fuck women into submission when it's necessary.

Echoing many of the other comments, you tell a good story that's also really hot. I like how your characters are all at least mostly unique. My only criticism is that your dialogue is a little mid, but it wasn't enough to put me off the story as a whole. Good work, would love a part two, but please please please just make sure you write a conclusion of some kind.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Nice! Normally I like to see a definitive conclusion to stories, as long as one like this doesn't turn into 8 more pages of uncontrollable fucking. It gets to be too much. I was laughing my ass off as he was fucking his way through the office. Not sure if it was supposed to be humorous, but I thought it was hilarious. Great stuff. Probably doesn't need another chapter.

Loving it! I eagerly await the next instalment. The story deserves some sort of resolution.

After reading some of the comments, I had a thought that this would make a good harem story with Alyssa as top girl.

Please make it a series! There is so much potential. Harem, kids, growth of the coven, magic, business growth, well shit, boundless opportunities.

Nice, and a good end. I could see it going on further, and think that'd be a fun trip. While the "mind control" wasn't really there since everything was happening as a secondary effect, it might be nice to explore just how much control he can exert over the women. What will they find themselves doing just so they can stay in his good graces? What unintended consequences of that might there be?

I love your work. Look forward to the next piece.

This one absolutely deserves further development. He seems like a good man in a strange situation, which I always appreciate. The potion is designed to produce intense lust but also attachment. it may not wear off for weeks. He's going to be around these same women that whole time. It's an ideal setup for some form of polyamory.

I have been following for many years. My favorite writer.. I believe you may have a very good hit with this one.. keep it going and see how it goes.. my guess is like all the others.. it will be a massive winner !

I do hope you continue this story!

In some ways this is really a sci-fi thriller. In any case, it has a terrific plot and it really needs to be made a series to fully do it justice. Five stars.

How much will he be corrupted? Will he try to fuck others on purpose? Will he try to make the effect permanent? Will he take over the whole coven?

Great premise, great execution. I felt from Darlene’s warning that Alyssa would use too much, but the way it played out, I don’t regret that little give away.

Beginning is a harem? It wears off and the women push him away? He beds every woman in the company and even the friends of Alyssa at a future party/orgy? Any way it plays, I’ll read it.

" With great power comes great responsibility" , said the great Stan Lee ... Alyssa had that power and now David has a great power... Alyssa, Mary, her daughter and niece should stay around. The story could easily continue for many chapters with those and lots of new ladies coming around him... Pun intended... He would be a hell of a salesman and business negotiator for the company moving forward. JMO

A fun story. By all means carry on. I enjoyed it immensely

I read this before and liked it a lot. I was going to read it again, but noticed it hadn’t been continued, and it most certainly felt like it was left incomplete. So I’ll pass on any subsequent readings and won’t be waiting for the follow up.

How can he not have more of a relationship with Alissa, but then how can he go to work and not do his boss and her daughter? He has problems many men wish they could have!! Sounds like he could ride the wave of sex for a while anyways!

Love they story, more would be fantastic

Too many typo's or just plain wrong words. But over all a good tale. Keep it going!

Kevin.

This is too good of a story to leave unfinished.

I really enjoyed this story. Definitely want to see another chapter

If you're asking for ideas for a direction to go. I'd say it's very unlikely that any of the women would have been on birth control, since the only one that was having sex regularly was the lesbian. Alyssa is going to have to accept a harem situation, especially since she caused the mess.

Just my thoughts.