Unintended Consequences Ch. 02

She cut me off, "Slow down, honey. You're getting all worked up. I wish I were there to give you a hug and tell you it'll be OK. I think you and Adam are going to have to figure this out. I'm really not in any position to tell you what to do. I trust your instincts and you're already expressing the very concerns I have."

"I'm having such a struggle, Mom. My intellect is saying no, no, no. My emotions are saying yes, yes, yes. The physical stuff - I don't think I should tell you any details, but I have never been so satisfied by anyone."

"Oh, my god, Zane."

"It's not like that, Mom. He's the most kind and gentle man. I know we shouldn't have. But we did it several times yesterday and then we did it again this morning. It wasn't a fluke. We knew what we were doing."

There was another long silence. "Zane, I have only one concern. I probably don't have to tell you. You need to be careful you don't - "

I finished her sentence, "Don't get pregnant? I don't want kids. At least, not now. I'm still on the pill." I heard her sigh of relief. "You know being a graduate student is a very selfish thing, right? I'm being all kinds of selfish right now for this part of my life."

"Zane, it's not selfish to pursue what you desire in life. That's how everyone is made."

"I know that, but this has a particular aspect that excludes all other interests. Well, almost all other interests. It's a singular focus on something without relenting. Adding Adam into my list of pursuits seems beyond the pale."

"Honey, I know you look at me and think Poor Mom dropped out of college to have me. But that's not the whole story. I was careful too. Nature found a way, and then I had you. I'd never take it back. You and Adam are the brightest spots in my life right now. My education became less important as I pursued making a place to raise kids the right way. My parents never had time for us. I wanted to make sure I didn't repeat their mistakes."

"Okay, I think I understand. Look, I don't want you to talk to Adam about this. I want to let him decide if he wants to tell you. I hate that I broke the trust so soon. I want to make it right, but I don't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. Oh, god, I still don't know what to do. Just fuck. Sorry, Mom. I'm losing my mind."

"I know, Dear. I've had a bit of that myself. I can come to see you. Both of you, if you like. You tell me what you want. I will keep your confidence; the mother-daughter bond is like a confessional. I think Adam will surprise you; he is very open with me too."

"I don't want to pressure him to go to UVA. I don't want what we've done to change his mind either. I never meant for it to happen. I'd say it was hormones, but I'm twenty-five and he's twenty-four; there's no excuse. How can this happen? How do you fall for the person society says you can never have?"

"You've got to stop beating yourself up over it, Zane. Look, this is what I was deciding if I should tell you before I called back. When your uncle was going through his divorce, I went down to comfort him. The whole time it was like old home week. Nothing untoward happened the entire time right up until the very last night. I don't think either of us expected anything like that to happen. Honestly, we were drunk. I don't even remember what happened."

She paused a moment and sighed, kind of melancholy. "My only memories are from afterward. His penis was so large and handsome when I awoke next to him the next morning. Then on the flight home, all I could think about was how the nerve memory from my vaginal canal and clitoris kept reminding me of their recent experience. I've carried the memory and guilt for these six years."

"Jeez, Mom. I don't know if I wanted to hear that last part."

"Now you're being silly. You think it was easy for me to tell you that, Zane? I'm telling you, because I want you to know that I know a little of what you're up against. I have never once told or discussed this with anyone, even Dan. So now, I know how you feel about the trust betrayal issue too. This is just between us, but I think you needed to hear it."

"Sorry, Mom. I wasn't thinking. I had merely deduced you were probably attracted to him. I didn't have any idea that had happened."

"In a lot of ways, it didn't happen. I really have no memory of the event. I have guilt, because I know it happened. I have guilt, because knowing it happened made me wish I could remember. I have guilt, because since it happened, I have thought about it happening again. I think about it almost weekly. On most days, I have come to terms with it. But there are days that the guilt returns, usually when I'm dwelling on it happening again. Which is why I'm finally going to find out, if I can. I think I'm going to go in September after the divorce is final. I'd be there in October for his birthday. He has a crazy work schedule, but I have to know."

"You don't know how Dan feels about you?"

"I have never had the courage to ask him. I've picked up the phone a hundred times, to try and talk about it. I just can't make the call. So I'm going to suggest you not make my mistake. Be open with Adam, tell him -"

"Oh, shit! Adam is here, I didn't realize how late it was. I love you, Mom. I have to go."

Adam was coming in the front door. I forgot that I'd given him what was supposed to be Sally's key. I ran to meet him with a hug. "So, how was it?" I tried not to sound too cheery.

"It was OK. Today was a lot of general stuff and all the team building things. All the Hi, my name is and I'm interested in stuff. Tomorrow I get to go around with people in my area of interest, but you knew that right?"

"Yeah, I figured. So, seems okay so far though?" I pressed.

"I'm definitely still interested. Sounds like they weed out people hard though. That worries me a little. I texted you before I left, but I take it you were on the phone with Mom?" His eyes penetrated through me.

"Yeah," I said. Dreading what might come next, I tried to divert to talk about dinner. "I went to the grocery store and got some food. Nothing fancy, but that's the grad student life."

"Oh, well, I had thought I might take you out to eat. I'm still working part time and have some money saved. I have no idea how the stipend will work. It's less than what I make now," he said, kind of deterred.

"Well, I tutor on the side. It helps. Being a graduate student is a lot like being a monk, I think. We have what we need to make it, but no more."

"Graduate student monks. Sounds like a movie idea," Adam laughed.

"Also that's why lots of graduate students get roommates," I couldn't help myself. I was giving information that was true, but it carried that undertone of Please, stay with me here. I so desperately wanted him to stay, to come to my university, my apartment, my bed, and me.

"So, where's a decent place to eat? One that a poor guy, like myself, might take an outstanding girlfriend, like you," he asked.

Girlfriend? My heart was melting again. Again and again. "Oh, there are some local places that have reasonable food prices. It doesn't have to be fancy." I hugged him again.

"There's a decent Italian place, or Chinese; both are really close. Walking distance actually. They were part of the reason we picked this location," I said, thinking about Sally. So many changes in my life right now. I drifted off again.

"What would you like, Zane?"

"Oh, um - I could really go for Chinese. We had that pizza last night it's still hanging with me. Too many carbs in all that pizza and beer," I finally decided.

Adam was holding the door as he said, "Sounds good. Lead the way."

We walked the three blocks to the Chinese place. Adam held my hand the whole way. He opened the door for me and pushed my chair in when I sat. He kept doing things that made me want him all the more. All the little things he was doing. Where does that come from? I never saw Dad do anything like that for Mom. Maybe it happened early on in their marriage. I felt like I needed to ask her, but I pushed that thought away. I pushed away the thoughts that I'd betrayed Adam's trust as well. I was still processing all the things Mom had told me.

Adam was asking me something when I came back to earth. "I'm sorry, Adam. I am really trying to focus, but the past day and a half are taking their toll on me. I love you," I said, taking his hand. "What were you saying?"

"I was just saying that the food was very reasonable. The meals come with an egg-roll and soup. I was watching some of the dishes come out and the portions look big. Like so big, we could take some home." He squeezed my hands gently and winked, "I love you too, by the way."

I wondered if he knew how he was affecting me. What effect was I having on him? Was this who Adam was now, or just the person he wanted to be for me? I liked looking into his eyes. There was such adoration and devotion there.

The waiter came to the table and took our orders. "Hi, I'm Tian and I'll be taking your orders. Have you had enough time to look over the menu?"

Adam started, "Yes, I think we're ready. I want the Shrimp Lo Mein meal with Egg Drop soup."

"I want the Beef and Broccoli with Hot and Sour soup."

"How about drinks?" Tian asked.

We both said "Water" in unison. I guess graduate students are cheap. I couldn't stop thinking about how it'd be if Adam moved in with me.

Tian said, "I'll have that out to you in just a few minutes."

"So what were you talking to Mom about?" Adam asked, reverting back to our earlier conversation.

I didn't answer right away and that's probably when he knew. Finally, I said, "We shouldn't talk about this right here or now."

His penetrating blue eyes flashed his intuitive awareness. "Oh, okay," he said kind of sadly.

"Look, it's not like that, really. Everything is okay," I reassured him.

"You sure?" he pressed.

"I promise. We simply can't discuss it here. I'll tell you at the apartment."

His mood eased a little. I loved looking into his eyes. He'd gotten Mom's blue eyes and blond hair. My eyes were mostly blue but were tinged with hazel like our Dad. Luckily, I had gotten Mom's blond hair. Mine might have even been a little lighter than Adam's. I guessed we'd both gotten her dyslexia; Dad used to tease her about it constantly. Genetics is a funny thing. Random bits of DNA from two people make a new person. That expression from Einstein kept coming back to me. God, doesn't play dice with the world. Supposedly, he was dyslexic, too, and married his cousin. Not saying I'm smarter than Einstein, but it sure looked like probability fluctuations ruled our lives from conception. That's not even on the quantum scale of probability that he was arguing against.

"You okay, Zane?" Adam asked, squeezing my hand and looking anxious.

"I'm great. You have the loveliest eyes," I said dreamily.

"Um, thanks, I guess," he stammered out. "What are you thinking about?"

"Just how much I love you and want you," I said, still a little distant. "Right now, I'm hungry though. I forgot to eat much today." I came back to reality. "Did they feed you during the tour?"

"You know they did. It was standard cafeteria food near the student union."

Tian was back now with our soup and egg-rolls. I guess water had already been delivered while I was daydreaming. He placed the food neatly on the table. "Your main courses will be out in about five minutes," he said. "Sweet and sour sauce and spicy mustard is here on the table. Is there anything else I can get you two?"

Adam answered for us, "Can we get some chop sticks for the meal?"

"Sure thing. I'll bring them with the main course," Tian replied as he left.

We ate our egg-rolls and soup in silence. I hoped Adam would understand my revelation to Mom. Perhaps her understanding would set him at ease too. I watched a couple at another table observing us and wondered if they saw the resemblance.

"Hey, did you get to see any of the labs?" I asked Adam, thinking about my tour nearly a year ago.

"Yeah, they were just the general labs though. I wanted to see some of the research labs."

"I'm sure you'll get to see them tomorrow. I guess all of the departments run things about the same. Are you planning to stay tomorrow night, too, or will you need to go back to Mom's house?" I asked without thinking it through.

"I am playing it by ear. My next campus tour is Wednesday; I really packed them into the next few weeks. With Mom selling stuff Monday and Tuesday it's all a big jumble. I think I can drive home Monday morning. I kind of want to delay the confrontation I have coming."

Oh jeez, I hadn't even thought about that part. Mom knew and he'd see her before I did. My guilt settled in hard now. "Sorry" was all I could offer; our food was being delivered.

The Beef and Broccoli was steaming as it arrived on a huge plate; it smelled wonderful and garlicky. Adam's Lo Mein looked great, there were so many shrimp. The surprise on his face was obvious. "I can see why this place is popular with the students. Large portions and great price," he said, digging into his dish, twirling the noodles around with his chopsticks like a pro.

Although guilt diminished my appetite, I still managed to eat about a quarter of the huge meal. All of the emotional angst and physical activity must have contributed to that. "I'm going to have plenty of left-overs," I said, setting my chopsticks on the plate. "I didn't use any of the rice, so that'll be good to take too."

"Yeah, I can see that when you eat out now; this place is definitely a winner. All the food was really good. Excellent choice, Zane!"

Adam got Tian to box up the left overs. He also gave us the bill with a couple fortune cookies.

"Mine says A new relationship is blooming.," I told Adam.

"Mine says 3 5 21 32 35," he said laughing.

"What's it really say?" I pressed him. Instead of reading it he handed it to me, smirking. Fate rules your life for now. "Seriously? The whole thing is rigged." I gasped, laughing. The Chinese really believe in all that fate stuff. I wondered how fate and probability are different.

Tian showed up with a plastic bag of our goodies. Adam gave him a twenty and told him to keep the change. I hadn't seen the bill, but guessed that was at least a 15% tip, probably more.

We walked back home. It was pretty near dusk. It was probably about seven-thirty. The air was taking on a little chill, not much. It was late-spring-early-summer weather in the south. At the door to the apartment Adam used the key I'd given him and let us in. He took the leftovers to the refrigerator. Such a great guy, Mom was right. Adam had changed his leaves. The party guy was all grown up and I loved everything about him.

"Wow, nice selection of produce, Sis. You can afford to get all that on your stipend?" he asked, a little amazed it seemed.

"Yeah. It was only like $150. I really bargain shop. I looked for some bath towels, but only found six-pack of dish towels. I might be able to use one so we don't have to share the towel tomorrow. I really only went out to get a few things plus groceries. I know you won't be here after tomorrow, but I try to eat fresh things. They cost a little more."

"I might come back Friday and stay the weekend," he said thoughtfully. "Next tour after my day-trip Wednesday is Monday. You'd think they'd all pick weekends. It's got me taking off work for basically the next month."

"Okay," I said finally. "Come in here and sit with me."

"Uh-oh," he mumbled.

We moved back into the main room and sat on the love seat together. I took his hands. Looking into his soft eyes I finally admitted my confession. "Adam, I didn't mean to out us to Mom."

"I'd considered talking to her myself," he admitted. "I just didn't know how I was going to do it."

"I was having a lot of guilt. I didn't know how to deal with it. I thought maybe I could talk around the thing without telling her, but moments into the call, I was blubbering it out. Can you forgive me?"

"Zane, I love you. It was my fault. The whole thing."

"Adam, you didn't initiate anything. God, I just came right out and grabbed you at our old house. Then to top it off, I invited you to help me move, only to seduce you in the process."

"I've been lusting for you a long time," he admitted shamefully. "You came home for Christmas a couple of years ago from VPI and I saw how beautiful you were. Then, I accidentally saw you undressed. I can't tell you how many times I made myself sore re-imagining that day."

I was blushing now. I saw how excited he'd become again. "How can it be wrong? We've both been wanting this." I reached out to take his hand and place it on my chest. Then I put my hand on his trouser front. "I want you so bad," I whispered, leaning into him.

His hands were soon exploring me and I shivered from his touch. I was loosening his belt and opening his zipper and latch. We joined mouths and our tongues played while our hands continued undressing one another. When we reached the point that we needed to shift to remove my panties and his pants. I paused with Mom's words in my head. Nature found a way.

"Adam, I don't want to stop. But we need to talk for a minute longer."

"Zane, you can stop any time. I love you. What do we need to talk about?"

"I should have said it before I attacked you," I apologized.

"That wasn't an attack; it's what I wanted."

"Mom said one thing to me earlier, which has stuck in my head. Nature found a way, and then I had you. I'm on the pill, like she was. I think if we continue to have sex; then maybe during my fertile time we should double protect," I said, hoping he'd understand.

"Sure thing. Yesterday I was about to stop so I could go to the truck for a condom, before you told me it was okay."

I couldn't believe my ears, "You'd have stopped and done that for me?"

"Zane, I would never want to hurt you or put you in a spot like that. Do we need one tonight?"

Now, I felt silly for bringing it up. "No, I'm on day 24 and I'm regular like clockwork, with a 29 day cycle. We'd only do that during days 8-19; it'd be just under two weeks. Did I kill the mood?" I asked, stepping out of my panties and heading quickly to the bedroom.

"No way!" he said chasing me to the bed.

In bed he was at me right away, eating me the way he had that morning. Adam was making me crazy with his mouth. My labia and clit were electrified. I hadn't had this much sex in such a long time. Adam was so patient and attentive to me. When he inserted those two fingers again, I began bucking against his face. I tried to control myself, but it was no use. Adam's fingers were working me inside and his flat tongue was on my clit now, I lost it. I was cumming in another gush. He greedily slurped my nectar and worked me more gently until I relaxed.

"I don't think I can get enough of that," he said smiling at me.

"Now, you're going to give me a complex." I said.

"Why? It's so beautiful. I never had a girlfriend who did that." He said, climbing up next to me in the bed. He took more time today, inspecting my tits and kissing me lightly. His kindness in making love seemed even more generous than yesterday.

"I love you so much, Adam." I said as I began to kiss him deeply and then climbed on top of him.

Now, he was beginning to tremble beneath me. I could feel his heart racing and the pressure of his handsome cock pulsing between my legs.

"I don't want this to end, Zane. I know you want me to check out the other schools, but I'm thinking I should come back here Wednesday."

"Adam, I need you inside me, but you've got to promise. You can't make this decision based upon sex."

"It's not sex, Zane. Can't you tell how much I love you?" He sounded desperate for me to believe him.