Unintended Consequences Ch. 03

I only knew about the length of the affair now, because he'd yelled it at me in a drunken diatribe over the phone. Luckily, I'd started recording his frequent abusive harassment calls. I guess he didn't think it was fair that I'd get half of everything, but his inebriated admission actually gave me a little more negotiating power.

For a smart guy, Jim was led around by his pecker more than most and he had some freaking nerve. He'd cheated and left me, which, somehow, felt very intentional. I'd never intended to sleep with Dan; it was a drunken accident, and I didn't plan on it ever happening again. Sometimes, I wished I could get the memory of that brief glimpse I'd gotten, of him -- utterly and beautifully naked, his 'morning wood' jutting enticingly and magnificently from the thatch of hair at his groin -- out of my head. Other times? Well, no one has pure thoughts all the time.

I dressed as I tried to steel my self for the meeting with our lawyers, to finalize the divorce settlement. I hadn't told the kids, but Jim's harassment had escalated over the past several weeks. My lawyer had arranged fairly good terms for me and Jim wasn't happy about some of the details. Additionally, he just plain didn't put any value on me, or what I'd brought to our marriage. I didn't know how I could have ever loved that self-centered asshole.

I just had to get through this meeting with the lawyers and Jim, that day. Then we could sign papers, soon, and be done. The one thing that was sort of bugging me was that he wasn't even offering to help get the house ready to sell. Somehow, it was on me to make sure we got a decent price for it. It felt like I should be getting some help towards reaping the benefits from this exercise, but that wasn't going to happen. His twenty something girlfriend was keeping him too occupied to be bothered to help. Pettily, I thought about how she was closer to thirty now, but it still made me pretty mad. Honestly, it was probably better that he wasn't going to be in the house with me, because the thought of him sleeping with a girl just a little older than Zane was particularly troubling. Perhaps, I thought, it might explain his apparent avoidance of our children.

Looking in the big hotel room mirror I adjusted my skirt and blouse, finished brushing and blowing my hair dry to get ready to leave. It was almost 8:00 AM when I got out the door. I was in a bit of a hurry and I slid into the minivan for the short drive to the attorney's office.

If I were asked for details of the meeting, I would be hard pressed to recall them. The event was loaded with stress that has pushed those memories easy retrieval. The results were basically what my attorney had said I would get: half of the house proceeds, fifteen thousand a year, alimony, for the next ten years and there'd be a big transfer from his retirement funds to mine. Of course I couldn't touch any of that for another twenty years, without large tax penalties, but things could have gone a lot worse. There'd been a short attempted argument from Jim, but the lawyers told him he was getting off lucky with his admissions on tape a jury would likely award me more.

When I got to the post office, I sat in the car, thinking, for a long time. Then I called Zane to tell her I was taking her up on her offer, and got her new address. I think she was surprised and happy to have me come there.

Inside, I went to the counter to get my final mail, discontinue and forward on my current PO Box to Zane's. She'd gotten one before she'd moved from the apartment to the duplex. Standing by the waste bin I tossed most of the junk mail, but as I went through the bundle I found a card from my Aunt Audrey. I put the rest of the junk in the bin and opened the envelope immediately. There was a cute card inside which sent a tingle up my spine. Inside was a short but direct handwritten note.

My Dearest Katherine,

I was so sorry to hear about your impending divorce. I know this must be a tough time for you and your children. Please feel free to come and visit, anytime.

Love,

Audrey

It was the sweetest thing, and it brought tears of happiness to my eyes. After the meeting with the lawyers and Jim, I'd felt pretty alone in the world. My kids and Dan were all I felt I had left. I didn't know how she'd known or heard about my divorce, but her note brought my mood back up. I wiped the tears away and began to exit the Post Office, only to nearly collide with Janet, Jim's girlfriend.

"You're Janet, aren't you?" I asked as we stood in the heat on the sidewalk.

She backed away a step and looked me over, "Jim told me not to speak with you."

"I blame him, not you; you've probably done me a favor," I said looking at her baby bulge. "How far along are you?" I heard myself asking.

Janet hesitated and answered, "I'm due in early August."

My head was nodding, but I wasn't saying anything. I wanted to be angry, I wanted to hate her and her youth. I needed her to be a slut, but she wasn't. She was simply a mother to be, carrying my soon-to-be ex-husband's baby. It was probably how I'd looked, all those years ago, when I'd gotten pregnant with Zane.

"It is his, right?"

"Yes."

I didn't see it coming, or even understand it as it happened, but there I was, hugging her and whispering, "Good luck, I hope he changes, for your sake and your child's."

She hadn't expected it either, and was giving me a very odd look as I released her. There was an air of worry upon her face, as I started to walk toward my van. I felt her eyes follow me as I walked away. Somehow, I held pity for her -- for them -- because Jim hadn't helped with the raising of our children, much at all.

"What did you mean?" she shouted.

Initially, I ignored her as I got into my van and started it. Then I thought more about how this might turn out for her and her child. So, I pulled up beside the sidewalk where she still stood, and lowered the window as she approached me. For a split second, she looked a little like Zane but with much shorter cropped hair. Her lip was quavering lightly and her eyes dripped tears at the edges. Certain her hormones were dialed up a notch or two, I found no malice in my heart for her, in its place was concern for this new child. She needed to know.

I took her hand, squeezed it, and said, "Jim wasn't involved with raising our children, much at all." Janet seemed bewildered and I didn't want to leave her without hope, but I couldn't allow myself to become involved. "I honestly hope he treats you two better," I said as I rubbed her belly. Then I knew what I wanted to tell her, "Maybe you need to make him help."

When Janet drew away, there was still some worry but there was understanding and she spoke gently to me, "Thanks for your openness. I'm sorry."

"Don't be, but be mindful you're not next," I said.

The odd encounter was over as quickly as it had happened. Pulling from the parking lot, I headed toward the hotel to gather my stuff before heading to Zane's place. If it were possible, I was angrier at Jim, but couldn't find any of that emotion for Janet. For all I knew, he'd used his position over her to take advantage.

I felt Adam get out of bed quietly. He'd grown so thoughtful and caring. Why in the world was I letting him go to interview at NC State, again? The thought of being separated from him pressed on me, although I knew he'd always come back no matter how far apart we were. It felt pretty hypocritical to tell him he should go, and wish for him to stay. I had to hold in my heart that the right thing would happen. I lay in bed until I heard the shower, then I jumped up and joined him. In the shower I'd hugged him tight and told him I would be okay while he was gone, despite the fact that I didn't know if that was completely true. I didn't want him to worry about it, and I hoped Mom would take us up on our offer.

When we were done, I watched him dress and come over to the bed to kiss me goodbye. Just a sweet, simple kiss, his face shaved smooth, his lips lush and gentle. I wished it could have lasted longer or been more, but I suspected this was as hard for him as it was for me. I hugged him tightly, wished him luck, and watched him depart from the duplex front door.

After his truck pulled away, I went back to lounge on my bed. Lying there, I realized I had nothing to do, for the rest of the day, except think about my choice of advisor. My mood was wonky, like when he'd gone to help Mom. Thinking about the choice that lay in front of him, I tried not to worry. I dozed off for a while and was awakened by the buzz of my phone.

Mom had decided to take us up on our offer. She got my address and told me she'd be arriving a little after noon. I was excited that she had decided to come, so I got up and went to make sure the second bedroom was clear for her to move into. In all the moving and cleaning I'd done when I moved in, that room had gone unattended. Last night after we set up the bed, we'd cleared all the empty cardboard boxes I'd dumped in there. So now, I took some time to put clean linens upon the bed and checked that Adam's old dresser would be available for her to use.

The rest of the morning I spent reading and working problems from my old text books in preparation for my written qualifier exam. From what I was able to hear about it, there would be a variety of questions covering a broad range of topics from my chosen field in chemistry. The tests were similar for all the various specializations with questions designed to test the students knowledge in depth. Around three o'clock, there was a knock at the door and I went to let Mom inside.

"Hey, I'm glad you came," I said and invited her through the doorway.

"I'm surprised at myself for not immediately accepting your offer. It was silly to stay there while you have an extra room. What was the girl's name again?"

"Oh, Sally. She didn't make the grades and had to leave the program. I need to call her and see if she's okay. Here's the room," I offered leading her into where Adam's bed and dresser were. "His stuff is in my room for now."

"Have you heard from him? You think he'll really choose NC State over you?"

Mom wasn't pulling any punches, "Fuck! I -- don't -- uh --" I choked as my eyes welled with tears.

"I'm sorry dear, that wasn't nice or fair. I've got the blurts or something."

"Come in here and sit on the sofa."

"Sorry again," she offered.

"It's okay, I wasn't expecting that bluntness, but it's fair as long as we're both being open," I suggested.

"Okay, you first," she prodded me as she sat.

"I honestly want Adam to do what is right for him. I desperately want him here for selfish reasons which aren't entirely sexual."

"It's pretty surreal, hearing you say that about Adam," she admitted, shaking her head.

"How about you tell me what is going on between you and Uncle Dan."

She gave me a crooked smile, "Look, I don't know what you know, how you figured it out or what, but this stays between us."

"Of course, we share but we don't gossip," I replied.

"I don't know if you remember. About six years ago, Dan got divorced."

"I remember, vaguely; I was in my first year of college."

"That's why I don't understand how you know anything. I flew down to see him for his birthday in October. We had a great visit."

"Oh, is that what you're calling it?" I teased her with her own words from the other day.

"I'll have you know it wasn't like that," she said defensively.

"Oh; so what's the big deal then?"

"I guess, I should have said that it wasn't like that until the last night there. I don't know what got into us. I remember going to a bar and having drinks."

"Mom, you didn't get him drunk, did you?"

"No! I don't know. I don't think so, but we got drunk. So drunk that -- well, I wish I could remember it all more clearly, now; I don't even recall the cab ride, home, but I had a receipt in my purse."

"At least you were smart enough to get a ride."

"Yes, but evidently not sane enough to stay out of his bed, or off of his huge --"

I blurted out, "Oh my god, you did do the deed with your brother; now I know where I get it from..."

Mom gaped at me, blushing hotly.

"Sorry, I interrupted," I said, blushing along with her.

"No, I surprised myself with how lusty that sounded," she replied shaking her head.

"Adam's is gorgeous. Is that TMI?" I asked embarrassed.

"TMI? Oh -- um -- no, I know he's built pretty well. He's probably bigger than Jim, but I think Dan --"

"Jeez now I'm wondering how you know about either of their -- um -- equipment," I said astounded at her admission. "You implied you'd been drunk."

"Well, I saw Dan's 'morning wood' the next morning, before I left," she said. "I can't believe I'm saying this," she mumbled and continued. "I could feel how big it'd really been, the whole flight home," she admitted softly. "Now, with all of this," she waved her hands trying to indicate the tumult of her life, "it's all I can think about, sometimes."

"I see," I said and then asked with a tinge of jealousy, "You've seen Adam's, recently?"

"No, not recently, but he was still making some mistakes his first year in college. He must have been pretty messed up, because I found him passed out, nude, on your bed, Christmas morning, the year you didn't come home."

"You never told me about that," I said oddly.

"I pulled the door closed and hadn't told a soul, until now," she said hoarsely. "I guess maybe Adam has been attracted to you for a while," she said making the realization as she uttered the words.

We both sat silently thinking about that for a time. Maybe Adam had been chasing me as he claimed, but if he had, I simply hadn't known or noticed. The parallel between our relationships with our brothers weighed upon my mind. It seemed an unlikely coincidence and I felt the words before I spoke.

"Was there anything like that between you and Uncle Dan?"

"No, I'm six years older and often behaved more like his mother than his sister. It only happened that one time and even six years later it's still a dreamlike bolt from the blue."

"I'm only ten months older than Adam and he's like a part of me. When it happened, though, it was definitely electric."

"You really need to make sure to use protection. I ran into Janet today --"

"Dad's slut?" I asked.

"Be kind," she chastised me. "She's due in August."

"Oh, shit..." I said realizing what that might mean. "Is that why?"

"I'm sure it's part of the reason, but he's been having sex with her for over seven years."

"Why'd he stay?" I asked, puzzled with all of this.

"I guess for the family, but we haven't been getting along for years."

"The whole thing is crazy. I've heard of a 'seven-year itch,' but a seven-year affair?"

"The part that bothered me most is that she's about a year older than you," she told me. "Jim wanted more kids but I couldn't stand trying again after my stillborn..." she sighed and stood up. "We need to get off of these topics before I get all emotional again. Have you eaten?"

I stood to hug her. When we released, I told her, "No I haven't eaten but there's a great little Chinese restaurant down the street."

We walked there and, while we ate, we discussed what her plans were. We talked a bit about Adam's graduation and what we should do for that. When she talked about Dan and possibly going to see him, I could see her wrestling with the feelings she had, and what might happen if she did go. When I asked if she thought about having sex with him again, she was quiet for a while and finally admitted that she'd tried not to, but had found her thoughts drifting in that direction more than once, lately. I took that to mean because of what Adam and I were doing. She seemed to carry a lot of guilt about her feelings that I simply didn't have.

As we returned home, she brought up traveling and I suggested she get her passport so she could travel outside the states too. The idea seemed to strike a receptive cord with her and she asked where we could get our pictures taken. Before I knew what was happening we were both headed to have our hair done and then have our photos made. Right as the picture snapped, I got this weird feeling about Adam. While we waited for the pictures, I got a text from him. I knew it was his by the sound I'd set up for his messages, but I didn't read it until I was back in the car and when I did, I about cried.

Mom asked, "What's wrong?"

"I hope I haven't made a huge fucking mistake..." I nearly bawled and showed her the text.

"I'm sure he'll make the right choice," she consoled me.

"I know," I said and shook off the premonition. "What should we do now? We can't apply for the passports until tomorrow."

"Let's go home; I can finish moving my stuff in from the van and dig out the papers we'll need."

"I hadn't even thought about that. What about Adam's?" I asked.

"He's already got one. He went to Canada with the track team, in high school. It's in the fire safe along with every important paper in my life."

Back at the duplex, I helped Mom move the boxes from her van into her room. She honestly had very little left. She'd done a very complete purge. She had a metal fire-safe in the locked under-floor storage compartment. It had all her important papers and our birth certificates. Since I was technically between semesters, I suggested we could go apply tomorrow.

The second day of interviews at NC State went so-so. The professor's work I'd been most interested in was very old. I didn't want to be an ageist, but I really got the feeling that he might retire before I could graduate. Lots of professors do stay on in an emeritus status until their students finish, but I didn't want to have that risk thrown into the mix. The rest of the professors hadn't been as good a match as the one I was already interested in, at UVA. It was kind of a huge emotional relief in a way, because my choice would be easy and clear. I hoped that Zane would believe me, when I gave her my verdict and the rationale that supported it.

At the end of the second afternoon, when the interviews were over and I was getting my stuff ready to drive back to Charlottesville, I texted Zane so she would have some preparation: "There isn't even a choice to make. I'll tell you more when I get back."

When I arrived back at Zane's duplex, I found the apartment was empty. I texted to see where she was and she texted back that she and Mom were applying for their passports. When I asked if I need to worry about them heading off to Mexico or something, I got back an odd text saying You never know. I replied back Does this mean mom is moving in with us? I was already thinking it was probably the case. The spare bedroom door was closed. Zane's reply confirmed that it was Mom's stuff and she'd decided to take us up on the offer of staying instead of paying for that extended stay hotel. Should I make dinner or are we eating out? was answered with Mom would love to have you cook.

Having that settled, I went to the kitchen to see what was in the refrigerator and cabinets. I found Zane had gotten everything I'd need for spaghetti and a spring salad, so I got to work making it. With all of the food ready except the noodles, I started to wonder when they might get to our new little home. I'd filled the large pot with water and some olive oil, when I got a text telling me they were on their way home. The pot had just finished boiling and the noodles were draining when they came through the door excitedly.