Unintended Consequences, Melissa

"Professor, how do I pick companies? I'm nineteen. I've been here for five years and barely got out of high school."

"What do you like to do?"

"Party. Hang with my home boys. Drink."

"How much money do you think your family makes now?"

"Dad is a gardener. I think he makes maybe forty thousand a year."

"Mom?"

"She works part time cleaning houses for people."

"So, maybe a total of seventy thousand a year?"

"Yeah. Both my older sisters work in a restaurant to help out."

"What do you want to do after you leave school?"

"Get a job."

"Making tortillas or driving a delivery truck full of tortillas?"

"Fuck no! I want a good job."

"Then the first part of your assignment is to find out where you can find that good job, one that pays a hundred thou a year to an educated twenty-two year old. It needs to be something that excites you. Then find ten companies that do what you want to do."

"This is hard."

"No. This is simple. Hard is doing what needs to be done to get where you want to go, especially if you don't know where you want to go. Imagine how you could help your family if you made eighty-three hundred a month."

"Eighty-three hundred a month?"

"That comes to a hundred thousand a year."

"Damn. That would be sweet."

"You can do it."

He stood, shook my hand and on his way out said, "Maybe."

At the forth week we had the mid-term. They hated it. At our university we use blue-books for essay exams and I told them to bring blue-books for the mid-term. I asked five questions. Ten points each. I gave them three hours for the exam and most of them came close to using the whole three hours. The first assignments were due the next Monday. I wrote the times on the board as they took the mid-term and the names of those who had signed up. I gave them a handout of all the time slots for the rest of the quarter and the available times were shown. One for the following Monday, one on Wednesday and one the following Monday. I knew I had thirty students left. There were exactly thirty slots for the assignments.

Over most weekends I went to a favorite membership resort and relaxed by the pool. No longer being married or seriously dating made my weekends open for whatever I wanted to do. Mid-term weekend the resort was always my place to read papers. Friday night after my last class, I drove towards the resort and had dinner in a nice restaurant near the resort. My car was already loaded with snacks, sodas, bottled water and sun block. All day Saturday I varied between being in the pool or sitting and reading papers. My friends, who belonged to the resort, had known me long enough to know it was mid-term week. One friend, also a teacher, stopped by and read three of the papers with grades of forty-five or above. We talked about the assignments and she wondered how she could use something like it for her high school students.

I gave her the list of the assignments so she could read over them carefully and see if any could be modified for her classes. We agreed to share lunch on Sunday. She left to join her husband for a doubles tennis game with some other friends.

When it was almost five and the sun was getting pretty low in the sky I saw a blue VW bug drive into the resort. I only noticed because it was unusual for people to show up as the sun was going down and VW bugs make an unusual noise. Most of the members enjoy being in the sun, swimming, tennis, shuffleboard, and sometimes other games best played in daylight.

I noticed the car and went back to reading.

The VW moved to the parking lot after the driver visited the office and I couldn't see the car anymore.

A few minutes later I heard a gasp and looked up. Melissa Watkins was standing fifteen feet in front of me. She had a bag in her right hand carrying her towel, sun screen and a book. She was wearing flip-flops, sun glasses and that "Idaho" cap.

She looked frozen in place and scared to death. I stood up and walked to her and softly asked, "Is this visit for your project?"

She looked straight ahead, not at me, and nodded. With a hand on her back I guided her to the table where I had been sitting and I spread a towel on the seat and then helped her sit. I resumed my seat.

"Look at me." I said. She looked me in the face. She still looked scared.

"It's Ok. By the way, on first read your mid-term looks pretty good."

Somehow that snapped her into the present. "MrPetersonI'msorry?" It came out of her so fast it was one word. I smiled and said, "Relax. Nothing to be sorry about."

"I am here because of the project! I didn't think there was any chance I would see anyone I know. It's two hours from campus."

"MS Watkins, it's Ok. Tell me about your research, please."

She refocused again and started. "I interviewed thirty-eight people. I know you only required twenty-five but I wasn't done, you know?"

"Yes. I understand."

"I discovered that some people are afraid of some dumb things. I'm including the list in my presentation."

"Please, Tell me some of the things they are afraid of."

"I did a lot of interviews in the student union. I interviewed some of the ding-bat girls who aren't in our class."

"The ding-bat girls?"

"That's a term my Dad taught me. It's from an old TV show, or something. They're the girls who think college is all about partying and laughing and maybe getting their MRS instead of a Bachelors."

"Ahhh yes. I know who you mean."

"Anyway, they were afraid of getting dirty, having dorky clothes on in public, or being embarrassed in front of their friends. A couple said they were afraid of marrying the wrong guy."

"And, the others you interviewed?"

"Some of the men are afraid of looking weak. Mostly those were Hispanic men. They are also terrified of being seen as gay. A few of the women were afraid of that too."

"I don't see any of those fears as dumb. Are you afraid of being seen as gay?"

"No, I'm not. So what if someone thinks I am. I've been dealing with people coming on to me since the sixth grade, both male and female."

"Afraid of wearing dorky clothes?"

"I think the clothes they wear are outfits for clowns in the circus or hookers. I like my clothes. I don't flaunt, or show more than I think is appropriate." I didn't mention to her that she was nude.

"Where do you think the fears they told you about come from?"

"Their families, their friends, teachers. I think."

"Good. Who else did you interview?"

"I visited two churches and interviewed people there. That was interesting. If they were over forty they were afraid they might not be good enough to get into Heaven. Under forty they were afraid they weren't good parents. If they were single they were afraid they wouldn't find a good spouse or be good parents if they did find a spouse."

"None of that scares you?"

"No. I think I'd like to be married, or love someone enough to want to live with them and share my life... like a best friend. The steady lovin would be good too, I think."

"But...?"

"But I don't get all crazy looking for someone. If I meet someone and we become great friends and it develops into more, great. Right now my focus is on having me be the best person I can be."

"So, who did you interview that told you about being afraid of being seen naked?"

She looked down at herself and realized we had been talking for a while without the slightest notice of being naked. She blushed. She looked at me again and said, "I interviewed another teacher at school. I don't know her, but I saw her in the library and thought, "Why not." I approached her and asked if I could interview her. She read the assignment card and smiled, then she agreed."

"What did she say?"

"She has a recurring nightmare. In the nightmare she is teaching her class, it's the first day of the quarter and she looks down at her notes and she's naked. She looks back up and some of the men are obviously excited. Then she sees her mother in the room and she wakes up."

"Did she tell you why she is afraid of the dream happening?"

"Yes. She was seen once in high school. She was in the girl's locker room and four boys climbed something so they could look in. They saw her and for months they taunted her about her birthmark. She didn't tell me where it is but she said only someone who saw her naked would have seen it. She hasn't let anyone see her naked since then, except her doctor."

"I see. Pretty hard to recreate a nightmare, so what did you do?"

She looked at the blue-books on the table and said, "I asked my mom what she would do to confront the fear of being naked. She called me back the next day and said, "If it's too late to drop the class, I'd go far away and go to a nudist resort."

"And, here you are."

She nodded. "I didn't want to come alone, so I invited her to come with me. She's seen me naked since I was born. She wouldn't come."

"Why come this weekend?"

"I have been studying and all my mid-terms were this past week. It just made sense to come this weekend. Anyway, my presentation is in three weeks."

At that moment I noticed my teacher friend walking towards us, still carrying her tennis racket.

"We won!" she said as she got closer. Melissa turned to look at her and I stood. "Carol, I'd like you to meet Melissa."

Carol extended her hand and Melissa shook it, trying not to look at her naked body. She failed. Her discomfort was obvious. Carol looked at me and asked, "Number twenty-three?" I nodded and Melissa looked at me. Carol sat beside her and said, "Your teacher lent me the assignment list so I could see if I could adapt any of them to my classes. I teach at Paul Revere High, in Banning."

"And you figured I was number twenty-three?"

"It's fairly obvious that this is your first time in a socially nude environment. You sit like you were taught. Knees together, arms at your sides or folded in front of your boobs. You don't look either of us in the face easily until you forget you're naked and so are we. Not only that but look at your tan and then look at mine."

Melissa looked and saw that Carol didn't have any tan lines. The lines of her own very modest bikini showed.

"Oh."

Carol put her arm around Melissa and said, "You must have a thousand questions about being here, about the people who come here, are members and everything!"

"I don't know what to ask."

"Ask why I am a member. Ask why all the men aren't walking around with erections. Ask why your professor is a member and is here almost every weekend. Ask why we love it."

"Ok. I want the answers to all those questions."

"I promise we will answer all your questions, on two conditions."

"They are?"

"First, I get in the pool for a little while. I want to cool off from playing tennis. Two, that you and Nick join my husband and me for dinner. It's tacos made with turkey meat, a tostada salad and diet Cokes."

I said, "Deal!"

Melissa hesitated and said, "Ok. Sure. Can I bring anything?"

"A towel to sit on and your ready! We don't dress for dinner." We laughed and Melissa almost laughed. Carol looked at the big clock on the side of the building and said, "How about in an hour at cabin number four?"

"Great! Thanks for the invite. I'll make sure Melissa finds cabin four."

Carol walked to the pool and Melissa looked at me. "You're friends?"

"For about ten years. I introduced her to her husband."

"Wow! I feel like I'm on a different planet. You are so different. This place is so different than I thought it would be."

"Less or more to be afraid of than you anticipated?"

"Less!"

"Do your parents know you came here this weekend?"

"No. Mom thinks I'm coming next weekend. My Dad doesn't know anything about it. He'd freak."

"When you checked in, did you rent a cabin or bring a tent?"

"I brought a sleeping bag and hoped to rent a cabin. They're all taken. The lady in the office said I could toss my bag on any lawn. I thought if I liked it, I'd stay, but I also thought about driving home tonight."

"I think you ought to stay. So far you've only really met one person. I don't count, you already knew me."

"I didn't know you at all."

"Well, anyway, did you get the tour?"

"No."

I stood and moved to collect all the blue-books and stash them in my roll around bag. I picked up my towel and said, "Come on. Pick up your towel and follow me." She did and I gave her the tour. We saw the tennis courts where the lights were on and another doubles match was on. We watched for a couple minutes and when someone missed a ball one of the players called out to me. I waved and we moved on. No one was on the dark basketball court. Four of the older members were playing horseshoes and they greeted us as we passed. One of the men had a long scar down the middle of his chest.

"Jack had open heart last year. We almost lost him."

"Oh. I've never seen a scar like that before. And even with the scar he keeps coming here?"

"This resort isn't about having the body beautiful. This place is about the body, mind and spirit healthy and vibrant and joyful. Jack thrives here. When he and his wife retire next year they are moving here full time. Just think of the money and time they'll save. No new clothes and less laundry."

"I didn't think of that."

By the time we were headed for the cabins Melissa was comfortable enough with me that she took my hand as we walked. I liked how it felt to hold her hand.

At number four I knocked and Carol answered wearing a man's shirt. "Pardon me for dressing but frying meat naked can be hazardous to one's skin." I smiled and we entered the cabin. Carol's husband, Phil came out of the bathroom and I introduced him to Melissa.

We sat at their table and Carol served dinner. It was great. During dinner Carol and Phil answered more of Melissa's questions and introduced her to naturist thinking. By ten I could see it was time we should leave. Melissa went out the door first and Carol and Phil both winked at me. 'Not a chance', I thought, "She's my student."

The lawns were dark and the night sounds of the country were strong. We heard crickets, dogs barking in the distance and as we got close to her car we heard a coyote singing at the moon. She got her sleeping bag. As we walked back to the lawns she asked, "Will I be safe sleeping on the lawn?"

"I've never heard of anyone getting hurt there."

We walked on and finally I stopped and said, "This would probably be a good place for you. It's pretty flat. Did you bring a pillow?"

"No. I'll be Ok." She said the words but she didn't sound Ok. I pointed to my cabin. I'm in number six. If it gets cold or the noises get to you. Knock. I'll let you have the couch." I hesitated and said, "Forget the knock. The door is unlocked. I'll leave a pillow and sheet on the couch. There's also a bathroom in the cabin."

I hugged her and quickly turned and walked to my cabin. I didn't look back. Inside, I tossed a pillow and a sheet to the couch and went into the bathroom. When I came back out the door was open and Melissa was standing in it.

I walked to my bed and got in. When I looked again she was still there. I sat up.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm scared."

"Come inside and close the door." She took two steps and closed the door.

"What are you afraid of now?"

"The noises out there and the man in here."

"Ok. The first fear is irrational so it doesn't matter what I say. The second fear is worse. You have nothing to fear from me. I should be afraid of you. What would happen to my career if you went back to campus and told anyone that you slept with me?"

"We haven't done anything."

"If you curl up on the couch and sleep and I sleep over here in the bed, who would ever believe I didn't have sex with you? No one. I'm willing to trust you to stay quiet. I'm not into forcing people to do things they don't want to do. You are as safe as if you were in a Jewish convent."

"Jewish people don't have convents."

"My point, exactly."

She put her things down and spread the sheet on the couch. I waited until she was covered and then shut off the bedside light. The small night light shown from the bathroom. I got comfortable and went to sleep.

In the morning, I woke to the sound of the toilet flushing. I didn't move. She came out of the bathroom and went to the couch, but she didn't lie back down. It wasn't quite sun up but light enough. I watched her look at the couch and then at me.

She walked to the bed and slowly got in with me. She backed up against me and settled in. I relaxed and started to go back to sleep, resolved that the game was now in her control. I was almost asleep when she gently lifted my hand and brought it over her body and put it on her chest. Not on her breast but right under them.

I went to sleep.

She woke me. The sun was up and she was facing me. I opened my eyes and she said, "I want you to love me."

"Good Morning. This is a little sudden. Tell me again."

"Ok. I'm not asking for sex. I'm twenty-six and I don't ever want just sex again. I dress like I do to discourage the men who are interested in fucking. I want to be loved. I've spent since four or five yesterday afternoon with you, naked and you didn't grope me, kiss me, or even get erect! If you aren't gay, I want more. I want you to want me and I want to participate."

"You're in my bed."

"I've been in bed with you since five. You held me tenderly and when I rubbed my butt against you, you got hard."

"What do you want me to say or do?"

"I get to say? I want you to kiss me like I'm the woman in your life. I want you to love me the way I deserve to be loved."

"What about 'I think I'd like to be married, or love someone enough to want to live with them and share my life... like a best friend. The steady lovin would be good too, I think?"

"That's what I said yesterday!"

"I know. I was there. What about it?"

"I've met two men in my life I would consider having as a best friend. My Dad was the first. You are the second. I don't want to take six months playing the dating game before we get serious. If it blows up in six months I want to look back and say, I gave it my all. I learned valuable lessons and I'm better for loving Professor Peterson."

"And, you want to get serious by opening your legs to me, even before you start using my first name?"

"Yes. I don't want to offend you by using your first name without permission, but I'd like to use it. I've been on the pill since I was sixteen. Maybe we should us a rubber too, but I want to do this."

"Did you bring a rubber?"

"No. I wasn't planning on having sex and, to be honest, I've never even seen one."

"I haven't used a rubber since my divorce five years ago. I also haven't had sex."

"Ok. We're both safe."

"How long has it been since you had sex?" I asked thinking back to her statement of never having seen a rubber.

"I'm twenty-six. It's been eleven years."

"You had sex when you were fifteen?"

"I was raped by the high school basketball coach." She said it with almost no emotion in her voice. It was there but held deep.

"Oh. Was that your first coitus?"

"First and only. I decided after that that a man had to be more than a dick for me to be interested. He had to be a man, a gentle man, and he needed to care for me more than getting inside me."

"Melissa, I want to say yes. You can tell my body loves the invitation. I can't. It isn't that I think you'll tell. If I thought that I would have locked the door last night and you'd still be out on the lawn. It's, It's that I want what you want. I want to be loved. I don't want to be a dick! I will hold you, kiss you, and become your best friend on the planet... then I will joyfully and repeatedly use every part of my body, mind and spirit to love you. Ok?"

A tear slid from her eye. She leaned to me and kissed my lips, softly. She backed away until our eyes could focus on our faces and she softly spoke. "I cannot believe what I'm feeling right now. On purpose, I'm in bed naked with a naked man for the first time in my life, he's hard, and we're not going to have sex! My body is ready! I'm dripping wet. And, I feel so respected, so... cared for and you want me to love you before we have sex. Really love you."