All Comments on 'Vacation at the Resort'

Sorry but this just doesn't work for me. You are telling of something that happened so should be consistent and use the past-tense. Also, beginning each person's speech with "Mom:" and "Timmy:" is like writing the script for a play.

Please either get an editor or take a few lessons in written English.

burn in hell

This looks like a storyboard more than a story. Badly in need of editing before posting.

The last line of the story sums it up nicely. There is something deeply amoral and troubling about raping one's own mother. Keep trying?

Sicko.

Poorly written rubbish

If at first your don't succeed,

Give up. This is not something you are good at.

I don't know what made it worse, the raping of his mother in her sleep (seriously, if your main character is a psychopath you need to foreshadow that in the story), or the raping of dialogue. Unless you're writing a movie script you never, ever use "Timmy/Mom: ". Write what's said and then, if needed, add "he/she/Timmy/Mom said" to the end of the sentence.

Also, a C-cup isn't big enough to merit the tag "big breasts".

Dont you idiots understand. iF YOUR MOM SHOWED HER PUSSY TO YOU AS A CHILD, you would hate her. He fucked her out of hatred. Howw can this pervert mother sticking her pussy in her childs face and not fuck him, sticking her pussy in his face was tormenting him, then she didnt give it to him, and we dont know if he was wwanting it or not. He was probably wanting it, as the pervert pressured and molested him into rubbong suntan lotion on her, she drove himcrazy so he did noy rape her, the bitch asked for it. And he gave it to her, just as Marshall dillon. When the prisoner asked Festus for his gun back. Festus asked Dillon what should he do. Dillon said he asked for. You give it to him

Anonymous told the guy to burn in hell for raping his mother who showed her pussy to him during childhood. Then anonymous, where is he going if he doesnt rape, where is he going if he makes sweet consential love to her. Lol !!!!!

Who cares if he raped this pervert cockteasing pervert bitch asleep or awake. His mother stuck it in his face as a youngster. Any decent one wouldnt shed any tears for her.

He rapes his mother who is hooked on sleeping pills and all these 2 anonymous readers are worried about is a couple of spelling errors. Lol !

What a abomination! - Not quite that kid, it's still completely degenerate!

Or maybe because degenerate, that is a kid ??

If at first you dont succeed. Give up. This is something that you are not good at. One anonymous comment stated. Well, he did succeed. He got it. Marshall Dillon gave it to him with both barrels. Noi whiskey barrels. Two wheelbarrows.

A lot of good ideas but writing style is awkward. Keep writing, stay realistic. Good potential.

In the first four paragraphs, the story gets confused between past tense and present tense and you begin your awkward style of dialogue. I stopped reading at that point. There is more to writing than putting words on a page. You need to study the work of other writers who consistently get good scores, such as cphucker.

I suggest you read some of alwayswantedto's stories. (The rambler series is a favorite of mine that would serve as an example for mother son fun. Also read just as many of the writer's helps as you can. (These are published on this site.)

I don't agree with those who say you should quit, you show signs of real talent. You just need a lot of hard work. One positive comment I can give, you know a lot about penis size. Too many writers, myself included, write about a world we'd like to live in, instead of the world we do live in. As any Marine, or any other Service member,who served in the days before the invention of shower stalls in our barracks, can tell you there are a hell of a lot more dicks about six inches than there are seven inches and above. Keep writing.

good premise but very very badly executed

LOL LOL LOL

Okay, young Timmy's a pretty self-centered guy. He fucks his mother up the ass, then he fucks the same cunt he came out of, blowing his young balls both times. Then, since there's still more semen percolating in those hot young balls of his, Timmy sticks his big cock in his mother's mouth and unloads his balls there too. Poor mom expostulates: "Why would you do that? Cough." And her son explains: "I was hard. What else was I supposed to do?" Now, that's funny.

Good set up, terrible ending. Would have been good to develop Tina, teen girls, then mom gets involved. Let mom be the agressor. Much better premise. Keep trying .

The story has a good idea, but the flow was choppy and didn't develop. The conversation between mother and son could have done without the descriptor of which person was talking. I recommend finding one of the many wonderful editors on the site. Keep writing and I would love to hear about it from the mothers perspective.

Unadulterated crap, from word one. You have no knowledge of writing, and you sully the electrons used in this mess. Pull it down. Quit. What a waste.

One of the worst stories I have ever read.

The initial concept of a mom and son going to a resort together for five days had me excited that this would be a long story detailing their multiple sexcapades through the week. But what I got was chopping and bland writing about the first day of the trip and the rest of the days being concluded with one sentence.

Once you meet Tina you think the story is going to pick up and have some intrigue, however the only thing to happen after that is Timmy forcing himself on his mom and the story abruptly ending.

Great ideas, but that was about it.

Don't pay attention to the awkward critics. I liked it, I felt identified in it. Your story was good, just rushed to public, you needed to elaborate more in every section of the story:

When your mom was in underwear, you needed to describe her, make her drink and get wet, let her open her legs and show off.

At breakfast time put her sweaty in a negligee with no bra telling sexual fantasy stories that happened to her "last night", embarrassing you.

When she got accidentally the penis in her lips, she had to paralyze hungrily on it for half a minute, leaving you stuck in it, shocked, not knowing what to do, then she had to taste it and clean the pre-cum with her tongue, not with her hands.

Tina had to last longer, do more things, teach you more, be more descriptive preparing you for the main dish, "your mom".

The teens deserved a separated story section, lasting a day each one of them. All young females want sex but they want it smoothly not roughly.

Mom had to "be kindly used" all five nights, not waking up the first night, just suspecting the next morning, "something happened to me last night" and you would say "another story, mother?" leaving her with no answer.

The second night you had to take her to dancing and drug her with wine or vodka.

Each following night needed to have increasing sexual tension, new positions and less drugs.

Then the last night, after a long dancing night that left her tired enough to take a shower and sleep without pills, there she had to wake up impaled, liking it, realizing that all five nights she was serviced and love the situation because she got a "new, well endowed, lasting lover".

Finally you had to wrap the story back at home after a long trip in which mom's hands couldn't be away from your penis. Then closing it with a "possible" saga because mom wanted "more than you got" and you had several friends that liked your milf mom and they had sisters that you wanted and/or you were in college and need to enter a fraternity and then you needed help from some professors that liked your mom.

Young Moms are good for everything and in real life they do more that is told and they do it liking it because they are women, love their children and they love being admired, complimented, harassed, "accidentally touched", kissed, caressed, then they want sex a lot of it, because dads are always already bored with them.

Ohh, I am oozing just remembering all the things I did to my mom and other milfs.

As an advise for your next story. When you think "it is done", read it again, at least five times. In time you won't need to read it again but while you are practicing, DO IT.

It was a great idea and I thank you for sharing it. I think there is a place for everyone and everything in the literary world.

I hope you continue and grow in your writing, and continue to post.

it was funny, a family rune because mother wasn't smart enough too know how a penis works.

she won't be taking him out anymore.

Great story, I hope you write a follow up story to this one. :)

Hope kept fucking your mom got her pregnant with your kid in her

You have no talent as a writer.

Don’t write anything else…. ever. Your writing ability is awful and was basically a poorly disguised rape story.

Poor