All Comments on 'Valentine's Day Sucks!'

your stories are in a class by themselves.

I've received several emails saying he couldn't earn that much in a single 14 week summer.

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Example:

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"$12,000 in one summer an underage kid working against union rules to bank $12k would have to make $20k in thoses 10-12 weeks of summer"

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In my state you can work at 14 with parental permission so there is no underage issue. As for unions Most contractors around here are non union shops anyway. Yes he could. Making $10.20 cents an hour and that doesn't include overtime pay at time and a half for every hour over 8 per day. The overtime alone would pay the taxes on it. I did exactly that my senior in high school so I know it can be done!

It was a very well written story but the ending doesn't seem to match the beginning. In the ending we see Brock AFTER he proposes to Wanda being miserable. The ending shows Brock proposing, so what happened between proposing and the next Valentine's Day to make him so miserable? The story doesn't tell us. Did you forget or is there to be a sequel?

the story drags. too much individual drama that is really nothing more than miscommunication. and why does the saintly hero hate Valentines day?

First of all, this story was way too long. Chapter 2, for example, was nearly all repetition of Chapter 1, and therefore very dull.

Also, all the intricate details of how Brock was making and saving money were unnessecary. I understand that you wanted to paint him as a fiscally responsible character, but that could have been achieved with a few sentences without mentioning figures. The way you handle this actually works against the character; the reader gets the sense that Brock is just as hung up on the importance of money as both sets of parents are.

And lastly, I had a hard time believing in the humanity of any of these characters. They all proved at one time or another to be reactionary and unreasonable; I think you wanted to fill this story with drama but your plot lacked the richness to make this belivable.

On the other hand, I wouldn't have bothered with this critique if I didn't feel you have potential. And, hey, I did make it to the end of the story. Good Luck.

You told me you had one in the works. It's a winner too! I like the way you write. Now to address some of the comments I've seen on this one. Notice they are almost all from people I call "Annonymous cowards", they don't have the balls to sign their nitpicks. Repitition? Telling the story from 2 points of view will cause some, but making it read like two people telling the same story with the nuances that would occur in real life is a bitch. You carried it off great! Too long. You do get a bit long winded at times but it takes quite a few words to create full, rich characters and you are a master at that, so no complaint from me.

Thanks for writing again, it's been way too long. I hope there is more coming. If you have fun the stories will be just fine.

just as signed critiques are by readers. The difference is not in the critique but in being registered, so one opinion is just as valid as another with regard to who read the story. This was a good story and I enjoyed it. A shame it is difficult to follow in some regards mentioned before. Women do weird things when pregnant, when they miscarry, and when they have children. The hormone flow and physical changes within the body can made for some very disturbing events. Luckily most women weather it well enough and return to stablity and most husbands understand and care for the woman and what is happening in both of their lives. It will be a very lonely man that does not take care of his mate and keep her safe and sane.

""""" Okay...

01/28/07 by azraelgr in Greece

It was a very well written story but the ending doesn't seem to match the beginning. In the ending we see Brock AFTER he proposes to Wanda being miserable. The ending shows Brock proposing, so what happened between proposing and the next Valentine's Day to make him so miserable? The story doesn't tell us. Did you forget or is there to be a sequel?"""""

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after 7 years and he closed joint accounts THAT fast, eh?

the drama is waaaaaaaay to exaggerated. always showing digital pictures to people, saying how hurt it is to see one's beloved kissing so many people, wetting one's bed so and so,,, gosh, I never knew this woman for over 7 years,,, she's fucking 7 different guys in my own bedroommmm

it's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to exaggerated. decent story but way too exaggerated

Well Wayne old friend it's been far too long. While I dislike having to read a story this long I must say it was good to see a story from LANDRIOUS1 after so long a respite. Lengthy, maybe too lengthy, yes but boring never. Your excellent writing style makes the time spent in reading well worth it. Your first three paragraphs imply future heartache and problems – do you plan a sequel to this story? Regards, Pete.

I loved the story, I even liked the part where you see it from both sides of the situation. For those that said it was way to dramatic and that he jumped to the conclusion that she was screwing 7 different guys, if you've ever had pneumonia that bad you understand how he could, if you haven't ever been that sick then you don't that simple, especially when you take into account the way things had been going in their relationship up to that point. So the beginning doesn't match the ending, authors screw up sometimes too, it didn't detract from the telling of the story in the long-run just ignore beginning part.

I hope you will keep writing, for you will have many fans that will follow you works.

I agree with some that since this is an adult literary site, that the sex was not in keeping with this site. However, please keep writing even if your style is not as welcome here as you would like, it is awesome!!!! If you decide to go mainstream, I feel you will do well, especially with the feminine side of our population. WELL DONE from a man who appreciates good if not great writing. THANKS!!!!

Linda should have told the nurse "Get a Life" this is great Landrious1

Hey Landrious1, I really like this story for several reasons: For one, it is very well based in reality and I could feel the humanity and heartache and really empathize with the characters. I actually think it would be interesting to watch this on the big screen. Perhaps you should transfer this to a movie script since it seems it could be very cinematic. The reason this is a good story is because most everyone can relate to being a bit unlucky in love, heartache, and a bit of jealousy. The theme of Valentines' loneliness has universal appeal. I'm a big lover of realistic dialogue, and everything in here feels like it really could happen. I think the reason the cheating scene is so poignant is because we come to like the main character after he has been elevated to hero status. He has saved the girl twice. He is a self made man and has proven both his parents wrong at what he could do. Heck, I kind of wish I was this dude. Forget the naysayers that say this was too long. It felt like it was just the right length to me. I also think use of a point of view device was ingenious and cleverly done. I did look back in the beginning and wondered for a second what happened to Brock and Wanda that he's feeling miserable. Did he have a small marital spat (argument) that broached the touchy subject of divorce seeing as how it crossed into his and Wanda's parent's lives? Did he cheat? I think you probably meant this as a flashback when Brock is hallucinating down the alley on his way to catch the Greyhound after his argument with his Mom in the hospital, but the time frame is a bit unclear.

All in all, keep up the good work. If you actually lived this situation. Wow!

EVERYONE is focused on Two things Both of which that TOTALLY miss the KEY point

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1) How Brock could of earned that much $$

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2) how his illness distorted his perceptions so that he THOUGHT he sa Wanda fucking other men.

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<b> The BIG issue that is totally ignored is Wanads's decision Not to tell Brck she was pregnant. At that point her thinking was RATIONAL </b>

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<i>...I wanted to wait until Brock and I had a couple of days together before I told him about the baby....</i>

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Her Hormones and her depression were NOT out of

whack until AFTER the miscarriage.

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At the end of the story all Brock says is that " WE lost the baby". Why doesnt He get around to asking ... baby? what Baby?...

WOW LOLZ SUM GOOD TWIST AND TURNS REALLY HAD ME GUESSING IHT WAS REALLY GOOD

The story was superb and the different viewpoints was just icing on the cake thanks for sharing this story

I love this story, but I think the title is misleading. And based on the intro paragraph, it feels like the author ended the story with a cliffhanger. But still a great story.

hey landrious if you read this and are well please start writing again

is what sucks, they are for love and family's/ TK U MLJ LV NV

The two characters were supposed to be very smart, but somehow there was little mention of any real closeness, just good sex. Not good enough for a good story. The other plot contrivances were lame and could have used more imagination.

nice read!! It was truthful and realistic..but i dont get how a person can get delusional stuff

I thought "How can this be since they had the idyllic relationship so far?" and then let us believe it for a while. I don't really know how you could have worked it otherwise but I was not happy at that time. I guess I am getting too involved in the story although I know that it is fiction. I guess the romantic side is overwhelming the perverted side. Thank you for writing.

That’s a tear-jerker for sure. But a heck of a good story. And very well written too. This one is definitely worthy of Five Stars.

5/5!!!!

I had to stop reading after one page description of an absolutely impossibly perfect, totally self-reliant, self-made, conservative extreme example of a golden unicorn...

what Brock saw kina reminds me of the old saying you didn't hear what I was saying

His parents work hard to give the little prick a better life, and for that all they got was disrespect. He was a walking advertisement for abortion.

The retelling of how their relationship from Wanda's point of view is a waste of time. Anyone finding Brock in his Springfield apartment fast enough to save him from his lungs shutting down does not make any sense. He. Brock should have been passed out in the empty apartment for at least 2 or 3 days before he was found. I stopped reading once he woke and started the conversation with Linda. At that point it was just all reconciliation and happily ever after crap. No thanks

It's ashame you've been gone from here for so long. I know one story u wrote didn't seem finished Yet your gone now.. I believe I heard u were in an accident.. Wish you well sir. Sorry you've had some * complicartions* in your life.. hope your doing better.. thks for it x here.. have a gd life... Y'all readers say byebye.. writers ** retired** it seems. .have a grt dy folks🤷👍😉👁️👁️😁

Folks, it's romantic FICTION! Accept it for what it is:; a nice feel good story.