All Comments on 'Valentine's Day Virgins'

Gave up after page 2. Apparently we strayed far from what Chloe usually writes. This here is not for me sadly. Usual Chloe stories are more or less believable. I can relate to some or all characters and understand them. Not here.

2/5

I usually love your writing/stories, but all this dissing of women was not my cup. But, I'll be looking for your next story ... Eagerly !!!

way too much swearing for no reason, too many “bitch” reference. Unless you were going for white trash in a wife beater, it detracted from whatever the story was going to be. Also, made up text slang like ‘coz’ has no place in narrative prose. If he was actually texting it then it flies and we’d assume he’s actually a tween and not a grown ass man. I got through a handful of paragraphs. Definitely not going to make it through 19 pages no matter how lewd the sex scenes. It just didn’t feel remotely genuine.

fucking hate stories where the so-called 'writer' has to use the fucking word 'fucking' at every fucking opportunity!

Gave up about one tenth of the way through page 1!

Wow, obviously a lot of effort, but unreadable! I kin lend yu a dickshunairy, if yu lik!

truly beautiful. It's kept me up till 4.30m, so it must have been good!

Always love your stories, so hot! Prefer your female POV though.... you know what the men like ;)

That was smoking good fun.

This is the longest, dumbest piece of literotica literature ever allowed on the web site. You dont need to worry about somebody copying it and putting it on another site because it sucks...completely.

The word “and” is spelled a-n-d. I know you are writing from a male perspective and sometimes you can shorten and to ‘n but not every time. It is highly distracting. I would suggest to do a find/replace and change all the ‘n’s to and, though it might be proper to allow some to remain inside quoted dialogue.

I'm sure that we could find a few troglodytes like your "hero" in a population of eight billion. Unfortunately, he is too far down the evolutionary scale for me to identify with him in any meaningful way so I couldn't suspend belief enough to get into the story. I gave up on page 1 and jumped to the end. By the last page he had not gotten any funnier, any smarter, or learned any significant life lessons as near as I could tell. Since I didn't read the whole story, I refrained from actually rating it.

Hey girl...well you weren't shitting us when you said this story came out of no where. You know I love you, and I've always enjoyed your female POV and the attention to detail and eroticism that encompasses the female form while preparing for and having sex. This one...eh...not so much. But ya gotta do what ya gotta do! As I was once reminded...Ïf you ain't crashing...you ain't getting faster." Glad to see you can jump completely outside the box..."n" don't stop! Luv ya...Snoopy!

Ms Tsang

Hi Chloe, I really hope you realise how talented you are, your imagination, your humour, your phrasing, and I hope that you utilise your talents in some way as a career.

Terry

I'm on page 3. I'm loving it. Funny as fuck. 69 500 words...?? I think it'd be closer to 40 000 if we removed all the fucking swearing, hehehe. I'm not bothered by it. I liken it to Strawberry saying 'so' all the time, Chloe is just getting into character. I understand there are a few nay sayer comments because there seems to be a little lack of gentle affection but honestly what would you expect from Chloe writing about a male lead that's rough round the edges?

Keep up the good work Chloe <3

He's an asshole and this is shit. We have all seen better from you.

Uh oh, reading thru the comments, came to the last one, and snorted half my fuckin’ coffee over my fuckin’ laptop. Yeah, Tom’s a bit rough around the edges alright, but hey, in character. As an experiment it was interesting but the real Chloe is back now. The next story will be less “abrasive”?

Your imagination and quality of writing always blows me away along with your inclination to write huge length stories, yours are by far some of the best this site has ever seen. Thanks for another entertaining one along with some entertaining comments by people who neither have the wit or skill to write a story or who get insulted and upset by fictional characters in an erotic fantasy. On another note any word on when your next novel is going to be released?

I prefer your writings from female POV, frankly speaking.

I like your stories, your style and most of your protagonists. I don'the like Tom! I don'the like the guys I know who are like Tom. Not a criticism of your writing, indeed perhaps you wrote the character too well. Keep writing, I'll keep reading

Amazing and sexy and a little reminiscent of my past (with less calling them bitches and more whores and sluts)

My biggest gripe is there seems to be a lot of extra in there. You have Tom and Penny going to two years of business meetings in there, with the second one happening in between him fucking Fiona in their own house and in the same day. So it comes off as confusing. Personally, I think you could have lost the entire flashback about the Vegas trip and it would have let the story be more coherent. You could have even done it as a simple callback without the expanded story if need be. Still, a hot enough read.

You did lose a few of us with this one, but thankfully for most not permanently.

I hope all kept in mine that this one is in the NonConsent/Reliuctance genre.

The Character Tom did point out that there are men who want their wives used as sluts., There are sites devoted to this.

Interestingly a couple Xiujie and I met recently have gone down this path. They are very pleased with their decision,

Anyway, back to the story: Too man "fucks" and such. Made him seem below your talent.

Of course this is a new direction for you, I am not ready to call for you to stop writing from the man perspective. but perhaps you could move him out of the wife-beater T-shirt and into something like golf shirts. Gives a bad name to us plumbers,

But maybe that would detract from the story.

Perhaps he goes back to school, becomes a Mechanical Engineer and helps

Fiona grow into a fine mother for the kids.

Yes I read all 19 pages and gave it 5 stars as the story kept my 74 year old cock hard for hours.And got Xiu laid 4 times in 3 days,

Thanks!

George and Xiu (although he was too rough for her and she gave up on about page 5)

Fantastic. Loved every minute Chloe and you are a fantastic writer

Wow... I feel like I have taken a deep dive, into a very involved story. I enjoyed it! I admit there were times where I sort of. “Lost track of things.” I did have to pick it up and put it down. So I’ll definitely reread it. However first I’m going to dive into some of her older works.

Thank you for putting ourself out there like this. I’m looking forward to reading more of your work.

Though I doubt that many men are as crass as Tom unless they are showing off to their buddies, or that most women are so totally giving to their men as your women. That said, you rock!

This is very erotic but it's not literature...one of my least favorite by Chloe. Check out her long short story about old Shanghai, written well, very interesting, and erotic too!

Did you grow up in Australia? Because Tom reads and talks like a bad photocopy of a bogan’s second favourite wet dream (ranked after a Holden comeback producing sick V16 Commodores).

Try talking to some real guys about how they feel and think - premise was interesting, but really needed more editing and less rapey-ness.

Okay, just 2/19 of the way through it and I have to give it a rest while returning to what passes for the real world. To quote another troglodyte asshole "I'll be back," to finish reading the story and probably to make more comments at the end.

For now.

1) Great writing and great imagination.

2) I'm amazed at the number of people who don't realize that Tom is a caricature of the modern American macho narcissist. That said, I think one of the comments said something about one in 8 billion. I fear there are a lot more than that like him.

3) That makes sense to me. I can see a female author writing her first male POV opting for an over the top caricature. Think of the paintings produced by caricature artists all over the world vs. portrait art of the great masters. The prototypical male chauvinist pig on steroids has got to be easier to write than Gatsby.

4) A lot of the reviews seem to react to Tom being an obnoxious, unlikable asshole. Yeah, true -- but credit has to be given for him being a well-drawn obnoxious, etc. He's not someone I'd be comfortable being around (and I've been around some weaker echoes of Tom), or even watching. But he is (in his overblown way), a coherent, believable character. You don't have to approve of the product to admire the technical prowess that produced it.

5) Still working on the idea of Kim, the super bright submissive Korean. Being neither Asian, female, nor submissive, I'm trying to figure out if she's as much a caricature as Tom. While there is plenty of room for exploiting racial stereotyping here, my gut says she isn't, since she would be easier to write for this author, and hence does not require the exaggerated detail.. (It may be that Kim turns out to be simply part of the background here -- certainly she seems to be from Tom's POV. If so, too bad for me.)

Bottom line: very much enjoying the originality of this story -- interested to see where it goes. And also now interested to see some of your female POV stories.

LOL. Tom's American macho guy all the way thru. I've read about Aussie bogan's and they're very much the same in some ways, bar the accent and the slang. And yeah, he was meant in part to be a bit of a caricature. This was written for a Valentine's Day competition and I entered it in NonCon (a guaranteed way NOT to win a competition LOL) and like White Wedding, it was meant to push a few buttons. I sort of took half a dozen guys like Tom I knew in real life (yeah, they do exist, you just gotta move in the right social circles LOL - I am a bit eclectic with my friends) and merged them together, and he was meant to be obnoxious and unlikeable - but also very real in his own beliefs and attitudes - the sorta guy that would beat up dudes causing trouble in his girlfriend's dad's store simply because she was his girlfriend and family's family and you look after family come hell or high water. He has his own moral code and he sticks to it. As for Penny, she's one of those girls that falls for a guy hard, and sees the gold underneath the exterior - Tom really loves her, he cares, and he likes a good hard fuck - and Penny likes that too - but she's a secondary character to Tom, and its Tom's POV so you see everything thru his eyes.

1star

how come any of your stories win valentines award ?

none of your stories have to do anything remotely related to love or respect from a white man for his asian beloved

all your stories are just brainless self hating asian chicks being humiliated and degraded by big cock white guys

makes me feel like u are some old retired pervert white dude writing some degrading racist fap porn pretending to be an innocent asian lady

and i am saying this as a proud white man with a loving devoted korean wife and one hapa son

i have huge respect for my wife and in laws and their beautiful culture which supported me through my worst

i cant find a single story of urs where u havent insulted asian women so i never enjoyed any of ur stories

even mild raceplay stories like these enables white worshipping / yellow fever and thus enables racial prostitution and thus defeat the entire purpose of interracial marriage and love