All Comments on 'Vampire Seeks Sub'

It had a lovely tone to the whole story, not so much a gothic tone, although you could've done that if you wanted to by using darker imagery and phrases. The end definitely casts a sense of passion to continue. Lovely style.

I like the premise of the story. Betty and Veronica (as vampire mistress) has potential to be steamy. Would suggest a little more character development and detail in setting up the scenes. Good beginning, look forward to more chapters.

One thing's for sure, you can write. Now you could build on this promising start by making the story a little darker as the gothic tradition demands. It will be interesting to see where you go from here.

I sincerely hope you continue this. I normally hate sort stories but this one hooked me like a fish on a line.

I love a short story. Thank you for this one!!

Yes please write more about these two and please ad more pages 😁😁😁😁🤩🤩🤩😍😍😍😍

..well built up. Very much enjoyed.

I really enjoyed this story! I think if has a lot of potential if you’re planning a continuation or if you want to build upon it. The build up is great though I admit I find the pay off a bit lacking. My biggest critique of the story is that it needs a bit more editing. Some words are weirdly misspelled (called the character Becky at one point) and the sentence patterns can be a bit samey after a while (too many start with the character’s names). I feel like this can be fixed with a bit more revision. The reason I say the pay off feels lacking is becuse the characters go in negotiating a sub/dom dynamic. Their dialogue conveys this really well but their actions, especially when they actually have sex, do not. This being said I totally see this as part one of a longer thing where we see them further explore the sub/dom roles and I’m excited to read more of your writing :)

Thanks for a fun and sexy story.

It gets a bit confusing at points because of overlapping feminine pronouns. You might consider substituting descriptive nouns in a few places--for example, visitor, guest or host.

I hope you'll write more.