All Comments on 'Vanished?'

Your storie are always very entertaining to me. Thanks so much for sharing. I really like your style.

I didn't like any of the characters. Also, it seemed, to me, like you swapped around the protagonist and one of the antagonists part way through. Maybe I should have bought the program.

for their own well being. TK U MLJ LV NV

What was the point of disappearing to then reappear.

He was free and clear why come back?

The murderer got cocky and careless. Good story showing the devolution of a jealous man. Please keep writing.

reasonable man

Like watching paint dry ..... Into the wrong color :((. Sorry Mags but there was no payoff for the reader here and far to many loose ends But you have all the time in the world, lol. Keep writing fair author

Revenge is one thing, committing crimes is another! There are better ways to live your life than dishonoring yourself by becoming a criminal. Good story.

Just plain bad!!!

It all came apart afters... when he decided to fuck the bitch just "one more time".....

What?

For old times sake?

I guess the object lesson is that IF you leave, then

You'd better best stay gone....

That cop isn't the only one who has all the time in the world.

Gene wasn't the only one who could never forget what happened.

But he still managed to forget that to completely cover his ass, he needed to leave well enough alone.

Thanks Magmaman! Good advice for the more revenge minded here in the LW readership. Always cool to see a story from you. Thanks for you continued contributions. Much appreciated.

You give great detail when you want us to understand or appreciate a certain point, like what he now drinks. But way too vague on the important issues, like why would his war buddy rat him out? And why had he started out so clever and intelligent, then get so stupid? He would not have returned to the US to meet his friend, he would have asked him to fly to South America. Also, he would not hide in Mexico, but in some country with no extradition. And once he had a new identity it would not be that hard to transfer his money into a third identity, out of his friends custody. So the story was a good effort, but too many loose and improbable ends. Keep writing, but tighten up the plot.

The ass just couldn't leave the pussy alone. Should have stayed in Mexico and made babies with the senorita. Good writing. Enjoyed the story. Cheers!

You're the guy who wrote "A Different Thing Entirely''? This was just not the same thing now was it? By comparison this was thoughtless mindless tripe. You're so much better than this. Go home. Mix yourself a nice Jim Beam and coke. Use the double aged. Make it a double shot. Go back to bed. Get a good night's sleep. Wake up refreshed, and write something you can take pride in. Write something we can enjoy. You should be ashamed of yourself. I'm not even voting for this.

..Has pieces of truth, even if it is nothing more than a crazy fantasy. Time then adds memories, takes some away.

For example, a J/G in the Navy does not go out into the jungle.

I did....just once. "Safe" they said. Dumb kid, adventure and all of that. The "Dave" character? He died in the mud that day. Were I to open my own shirt you would say no way did I survive that.

I did.

Note the "Melissa", in some of my tales her name is Patty. Redhead, greedy, slutty. I have killed her in my stories about every horrible way possible.

Note Gene choked her while screwing her, how is THAT for a conflict? Love and hate is the same thing, some say.

Why go back, some ask? I did that once too, lord help me. Several of my stories have that theme.

Thus only bits and pieces.

Debs (my current wife) just came in laughing.

"There wasn't any Craiglist back in 1979, honey." she told me.

Oddly, no one has griped about that one yet?

LOL.

To those who enjoy, thanks. To those who do not, let me know and I will give you your money back.

Thanks,

MGM

he deserved what happened to him in the end...Why? because once gone, forever gone...Why the need to fuck his wife again? As soon as he saw her, he should have gone fast...pretend he was gay...anything!!! So stupid decisions lead to unwanted results...Only one small detail: How the inspector have found his friend Dave? Difficult to understand...

Where have you been, Magma? I've really missed reading your excellent stories and have even gone back and read a few I had read years ago. Just like I told JPB, there's a dearth of good stories any more on Literotica and regardless of the rantings of the FEW detractors of your writing, I always enjoy reading your work. I hope your return to writing signals more submittals from you. Rest assured that you will have at least one devoted reader!

I simply didn't believe Royster tracked the money. Where would he have started? And the DNA after all those years? That was just stupid. A man in Gene's position would have gradually moved his money over the years so that Dave had no exposure and he would have cut the last cord that anyone could possibly trace. Plus which all Royster has is a dead woman's word that her husband was still alive. And he STILL has no evidence linking Gene to either his wife's death or her boyfriends death. So the only thing he could arrest him for was faking his death. This story wasn't very well thought out. Poorly done and certainly not up to your past standards.

The other comments catch my feelings on this work. Good thing there are literally dozens and dozens of first rate stories to this author's credit that will do famously as an alternative . Looks to me MGM is trying to kickstart his muse and she's kicking back. He's in the arena at least , which is better then me .

so dave hanson did the killing thinking gene would caught and hanson would keep the money it backfired on hanson

Carvohi you are the guy who promised 2 years ago to finish your Revolutions mess. You have yet to do it. You hold other authors to higher standards than you set for yourself.

You totally screwed this up with your ending. # 2

I wanted him to get away with it all!

After all his work, to risk having sex with his "widow" was too stupid for words!

And how did the cops learn about Dave?

Hard to find anyone here to root for. Glad the protagonist and his wife are no one I know.

So all in all, I miss any drama. God knows why he went back to fuck his wife, other than he was stupid. Ultimately he lost, nobody in the world gave a shit about him. What a looser, what a sad life he was living..

I'm not sure it's a crime to fake your own death, n it's not proven gene did the murders, could have been Dave, which reminds me I got 3 more episodes of Vietnam in HD to finish. Burn all them rice eating slant eyes bastards

Would have been better with editing - many spelling and punctuation errors.

The story was pretty unlikely surely his voice would have given him away immediately to Melissa and evidently his brain capacity had diminished in proportion to his muscle growth. That aside you cut and pasted a passage on page one which looked as though you meant to move as it reappears five or six lines later. This leads to the impression one has skipped or lost one's place. So the storyline had problems and with the overall editing issues it was not one of your better stories. However, thanks for taking the time to entertain us.

thanks for the offering.

Newly purchased 79 Chevy---Craigslist--Amazon investment.. Timeline so far from reality not even close to good writing. In case writer does not know Craigslist, Amazon, computers, internet did not exist in 1979.

I want the time I spent reading this back! A cheated on husband that went to the lengths this one did would not make the mistakes this one did.

.....proportionate with the otherwise epic soft-BTB story.

He went back and fucked her, then went back to the same place he'd holed up all that time in Mexico? Dumb. Dumb. And dumber.

Then he went back and killed her? Dummy!

Then he went back to see his buddy after a cryptic note said there was a problem with his funds, news that was wholly at odds with what he knew? Super dumb!

Well that just about covers it for a whole lotta dumb.

And it doesn't fit the character you created at the beginning of the story. He was purposeful, methodical and clever (mostly). You should have taken this one in a more consistent and cohesive direction.

Oh, and the cop was trite.

You are one of the better writers here. Please try to do better.

kinda story, which is what this tale so fun. After almost a decade of "getting away" with it, the author showed hubby as a changed man in all areas. The same side of the "patient steady" coin of cop vs. hubby was a nice foil.

May not have been all that great (or well received) but still a visit from an old master is still a valued visit.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

I guess this should be the next seasons plot

Just goes to show how stupidity ruins lives. Cheating and murder. Stupid.

Everyone who has ever served should shit on this story and then on you. You have done a great injustice and have insulted those who have served and those who paid the ultimate price. It is quite obvious you have never been in harms way or you would know we would never choose betrayal over Honor for someone who saved our life. PLEASE STOP WRITING ABOUT THINGS YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT! You did harm here.

So I just spotted Rephil's comment. The truth? I do have a couple of holes in me, from Vietnam.

Yes, some men will always choose honor, but.

Sadly, some will not. Not even for their brothers.

Just life, and that IS truth.

MGM

Ok, he's in anorher country and the american detective is there? He assaults (Mr. Miller) Gene. I don't think so. You jumped from one country to another in what, a paragraph? BS

So he successfully disappears. Does a big makeover, then runs into the ex after coming back to murder the boyfriend? Maybe.

Screw her, knowing she'd make him to the cops? Naw.

Sorry to be so simple minded. The boy friend and the bitch get away and live happily ever after = 1. Since he was stupid enough to come back he deserved to get caught. One minor detail, the evidence and the trial. The faked death over the cliff, maybe. But the death of a drug dealer, with no witnesses, no weapon, and how many other people were the bitch and drug dealer screwing, so a lot of people had motive. Maybe you just took that for granted and left it out, but I don't see this being an open/shut case from the details provided. And coming back to kill the bitch? Why? She was now living a life of misery, why end that?

Still, a good read. Thanks.

I was hoping the cop and his old buddy would show up dead before his trail started. Now he was totally free with all his money and stayed in usa this time. Too bad your screwed up a good story. THE END

Hey, I was there in Nam. The author has no idea of our band of brothers. Our friendships were better than our marriage vows! We would have no problem doing the bitch and her boyfriend. The author was probably one of those war dodgers. Crap plot. The cop would never have found him. Gene wouldn't have told the bitch his name. Dave would never give up Gene. The cop had nothing on Dave.

Dave simply doesn't give him up. Warn him? Yes. Gene simply moved to another place in Mexico and changed his name again. Even he can count. Plenty of money. This made no sense. Besides the Cop really doesn't have anything that connects Gene to the murders. You had a good idea, but you executed it badly.

The police had nothing on Dave! Gene dragged Dave out of the Nam jungle and saved his life. The author really doesn't understand that kind of military friendship. Dave would have died rather than give up Gene. The ending of this story is bogus!

Have TO take a good shit after reading this story.

Good ol’ Gene should have listened to Thomas Wolfe in that regard. If the damn fool had just stayed away from his old home town he would probably have never been caught. His own curiosity, and hubris, was his undoing.

In poetic justice, Detective Royster dropped dead of a heart attack on his way back to his car.

...but I honestly don't know a wife, even a former wife, would not recognize her husband. I still recognize old girlfriends from 40 years ago that I have every reason to forget and have tried.

Just don't buy it. Should have done Melissa in the first time. No reason to.come back again.

Felt totally empty after this story. No pay off what so ever for the reader.

They all had it coming, I suppose. Disappointed that Dave sold out the guy who saved his life, even if it was under duress. Humans will be flawed.

why come back to the US, also what did the cop do. Hit him with a cop in the neck warrant........lol

Curiosity killed the cat, or in this case Gene.

Ahh, the wheels of 'justice' hey?

In the end he should have divorced the bitch the first time, he ended up getting fucked over anyway, but at least the first time, it would only have been his money he lost.

Well another idiot that didn't remember that vanish means vanish. When you burn bridges. They should remain burned.