by PrevertedMe
you started with the juvenile oooooohhhh and Goooooddddd stuff
In the first part of the story it was "rrrrrurrrr" and here it's mmmmmmmm or ooooooooooooooooooooh. Stop it! Your killing what could be MAYBE a good story. Get an editor, you need help!
Awful long punctuation that kills my interest in reading the story.
Good story until the rrrrs and the oh gods came into it... I like the concept though. Would like to read another intallement.
I'll go for an 85%. Everyone's so harsh here. Great writing and loved the way you really made it last. Just edit out all the oh gods and rrr's, the reader can put those in by ourselves. Wish she'd get taken in the ass as well. Maybe Morant could use a helper? ;p
Hot hot hot stuff! Hope there is a chapter three, maybe victoria could be the woman on top? Or show the beast some discispline?
Literotica as a whole could be more fun to read if there were real people. Damn few people have 10" cocks. Get real, makes for a better story.
Most of the comments below are true. One can depict the character drawing out a sound without requiring so many extra letters. 100/100 for the subject matter; an editor would make the overall score higher. :) Never take anything to heart, and at least you are writing and posting it where you can get constructive criticism. Feel free to ignore the bullshit comments ;)
Whatever! I loved it. This is fantasy and there are no rules other than yours. It's readable and enjoyable so I don't understand the problem.
well i absolutely love this story, i have read it....A LOT lol, and every time my pussy gets wet, my nipples harden and my breathing gets heaver just thinking about being in her position...well, all of her positions lol. anyways, i love your work and i hope to read more stories about beasts love your fan, mia
Great story but not enough from his point of view, lots of "ooooohhhhh gggoooods from her but not much about how he feels...
This was one hell of a sexy story !! So, is there a next bus leaving for Ecklo ? I'm dying to know if the General wants Victoria to stay and if she wants the same ...
Great story, but why get the bus if she gets called the train will be quicker for her to get involved in a 2nd session with the general