All Comments on 'Welcome to the Literotica Universe Ch. 02'

Yet another hysterical offering from our Miss Mary! You covered everything so thoroughly, it's hard to imagine anything left out; however regarding that Super Sperm produced in LU males, it only takes the slightest opportunity, and WHAM, she's knocked up. Never mind condoms, pills, IUDs, whatever, LU's Super Sperm will conquer all!

That thing about the wandering hymen is a pet peeve of mine, too. Oh, and oversized dicks. I'm not large (almost perfectly average — just 6% over), but enough women have vaginas of the smaller sizes that even I can bottom out in and cause them pain — some who have borne children. That's not good.

One of my favorite things about the Literotica universe is that it’s so damned big! I’m constantly surprised when I find great authors I have previously missed. And I’ve been reading on the site for several years now. Somehow I stumbled onto “Welcome Ch. 2”, which led me to chapter 1, which of course, led me to your other submissions, which of course, are bookmarked now. Thanks *****

Perhaps if you'd spent less time writing satire and whining you'd have more time to write the incredible opus that would break all these rules and deliver the masterpiece of erotic literature we've all been waiting for...

As for the rules, most are just the "You never see people in entertainment take a shit."--of course not; nobody wants to see that.

And about the rules painting women as sluts, exhibitionists and succubi. Well, there's a simple explanation for that. All the authors that wrote women with a modicum of reluctance got hounded off the site by the roaming moral/grammar police this site is infested by. Leaving behind nothing but the bland taste of Vanilla. Enjoy.

Just as hilarious as chapter 1. All caps and exclamation marks included in title as per universe requirements ;)

Wonderful cross view of several lit universe truths. We need more of this kind of dissertation! Thanks for sharing.

Rnebular

For brightening my day. I read this in the morning and am now in such a good mood that today has to be good! You do humor well!

You wrote, "There is no divisive politics, it's more, "Sure Senator, I'll vote for your bill, whatever you want." for the Literotica Universe, but I suspect this has crossed over to the real universe. If you saw the Kavanaugh hearings and you saw all the Republican men, with their old, wrinkled, screwed up, nasty, angry faces, and perhaps you pictured (as I did) a nice young, sexy lobbyist seduced one of them (as difficult to do as tying one's shoes, I'd imagine) and even supplied the viagra (lobbyists are always thoughtful), then after sex I'm sure they'd vote for the lobbyist's bill, if McConnell gave the okay. (The smart lobbyist would seduce McConnell first, something I for one cannot possibly imagine happening.) It would not go against their principles, because, well, their principles are hard to find. They're hiding next to the vibrator in some woman's lingerie drawer. And yes, before you ask, I like beer.

Also, re your remark "monster truck pulls are usually a no" you should instead consider Tractor Pulls for Hoosier women. That's a major seductive move, I'm sure, and I'll bet Indianaboy79 would agree. And let's not even get started on the Indy 500. It suffices to check out the tales of Kathy Gray on Literotica.

Thanks again for your wonderful essay. Five stars. -- JB Edwards

Ha! Thanks for both being good and doing well. I’ve enjoyed both the “real” universe and the decidedly “non-parallel” Literotica universe, as well as your ability to traverse both!

My dear Mary Anderson,

This lack of worldly experience is rather sad, as the most rabid commenters dwell in the commentaries to the LW genre of stories. Despite this, I must admit that you have created a quite comprehensive list of the 'conventions in the Literotica universe'.

One unique and very important feature of a 'Loving Wife' is that she has a married pussy. While conducting an adulterous liaison she will scream "fuck this married pussy". It is rare for her to comment on the married or otherwise state of all her other bodily parts.

As I said before, the LW commentariat is also unique. For many commenters, the reason for reading the story is to criticise any wife who may think of wandering outside the bounds of marriage. Apart from any other reason for avoiding sex with a man who is not her husband is the inevitability of contracting an STD. While it rarely happens in the stories, it will definitely be predicted in the comments.

I have enjoyed both your chapters so far in this study and, as there is clearly more material out there in the Literotica universe, I look forward to Chapter 3.

Lue

Your hilarious summary of what's normal on literotica has prompted me to introduce the all purpose literotica couple called Norm and Norma, the erotic equivalent Of John and Jane Doe.

I wish I had written that.

The massive amount of cum in most stories suggest the male is weeks or days away from a prostrate removal for a hyperactive over sized likely cancerous prostrate. Seriously. Same for the porn videos showing the same. I keep thinking... "If that's real then he's in surgery next week or dead soon."

BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I tried, really tried, not to laugh out loud while I'm concealing from my wife the Literotica reading that she mysteriously seems to keep introducing to our sex life.

because you said it all so brilliantly!! very humorous!!

You've obviously seldom read the Fetish category if you claim characters never take a poop in public. In the Lit Universe, it's a frequent occurrence as well as those Golden Showers. Perhaps you'd best carry a brolly along, just in case.

In this world, the average coupling lasts less than 30 minutes. Actual intercourse is around 5 minutes. In LU it goes all night.

All real men love oral, which is always sweet.

With Loving Wives, wives not only say, "Married Pussy", but ask to 'cockle' their husbands. (Thanks luedon)

The adulterers always discuss their affair in minute detail just as the husband sneaks up on them. This, of course, is when most couples chat, just before orgasm.

Your addendum added to the wealth and knowledge of all of us in the LU. A the delightful read, even though short.

As they say down here, "Thanks a heap!:

ttom

I might point out that there are no politics in Literotica because politics are polarizing, and no one wants to instantly piss off half their readers for no good reason.

I wrote an essay called How Sex Really Works based on my 30 years as an RN. I tried keep a little humor in it, and it's very highly rated, but it comes across a little dry compared to your work, and also unlike your fine work, it's limited to human anatomy related issues.

Well done, 5 stars! I'll be looking forward to your next chapter.

Fantasies are always fragmented. A bit of reality here, a pile of off-the-wall there, a whole lot of oh-I-wanna all around, oh yeah. Authors do not write of IRL (In Real Life) incest, which is almost always rape; or IRL anal, which isn't sanitary; or IRL aliens or demons, because there ain't any. I doubt LIT readers flock here for reality.

You've pretty well covered all the bases, with a couple exceptions. Yeah, there are the gals whose orgasms last all night while they scream, "OOOO...MYYYYY...GGODDDD!!! at the top of their lungs while the guys pump them full of sperm with 12-inch cocks.

For some reason, the Literotica Universe seems to lack us older guys who have ED or the women who've reached menopause. We may have lost our ability to perform as well as we did in our 20's, but we haven't lost our interest in sex.

Otherwise, you've nailed it. I thoroughly enjoyed your essay.

If we are to heed the gospel according to Literotica, we must also be wary of bringing a girlfriend to your fraternity gathering; advice to which only a fool balk. She will seem to have disappeared when you return from getting your drinks and you will spend no less than 30 minutes searching for her or just wait there for her to return. The next time you see her her hair will be disheveled and/or have her makeup smeared as though something(s) roughly tube shaped rubbed back & forth across her lovely face. Does anyone else smell a musty cock like odor? In her absence, she will have either fucked your 'best friend' or, hopefully, been gangbanged by every swinging dick in the place minus yours.

Not sure if I missed it from chapter 1 or subsequent comments, but with all the references to semen volume, I didn’t note any regarding taste. In the Lit world, the semen of the man the wife or GF cheats with always tastes better than her husband’s or boyfriend’s. I know it always does in my stories 😂.

Body fluid odors and taste are variable in the Literotica universe. They always taste or smell good, unless it's from a soon to be cuckolded boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. In reality, sex fluids have very little taste unless there is a hygiene issue or UTI, both of which are way too common. When an issue is present, fluids taste and smell bad. That's why people don't actually like to give oral in the real world.

I can smell it when my girlfriend is about to or is having her period. She can't, because she's inured to her own smell. Knowing this, I also make sure that my own equipment is clean when I get home and before bed. Good hygiene is something that everyone should maintain for their own health and their sex partner(s).

5/5 hilarious.

I have another curious observation about Literotica Universe anatomy. Besides the wandering hymens and monster cocks, there also appears to be an adaptation among some women that allows penetratrion through the cervix and directly into the uterus.

A delightful laugh-out-loud multiplicity of hoots. Five strong hoots on the Hoot-o-meter (leaving many more capering invisibly on to some 4th risible dimension).

To add to rule 5, poverty does strike sometimes, but there is generally a rich dude who will pay incredible amount of money for a incestous photoshoot and/or videos.

Also, one definite way to get laid is to send links to some really scary/creepy Literotica stories to women you've just met. In the Literotica Universe, all those gorgeous women you are lusting after will beat your door down and push you down on your living room floor, ready to do every creepy/scary thing they've read. I'm gonna try this with my wife in the real world, and I'll let you know how it goes...