All Comments on 'What Goes Around... Ch. 03'

It looks like everything is okay now ... except everyone is expecting an ending for "When Sorrows Come" - I know I would like to see it.

I thought you did a great job with this story. It's hard to get consistent reviews from readers in the LW genre, but I think this fully deserves a 100!

Regards, Jack

Your talent begs for more reality instead of weak simpering lesser men with convenient fervently forgiving memories and selfish subordinate needs.

It doesn't become you and it discredits your efforts needlessly no matter how well written.

without respect

I think this is how life sometimes happens. Thanks for sharing your take on a slice of it.

Boyd

But disappointing just the same. He's weak, I don't think there is anything here to salvage. Your male characters tend to be weak, what gives??? Are you really a woman?

It is just sad to make the husband so much the betrayer more then the wife. Who really buys any of this trumped up stuff of he is so bad to be forgiven by the adulterous wife. God Blue you are in for all the hits again on this one.

Sorry I cannot give you much on this so weak ending and the husband being castrated one more time.

I will look for your next submission with hope.

PT

I am not even going to waste my time critiqing this bullshit story.

Thanks for giving the readers enough sense to write the last lines of the story. I know what I'd like to see happen, but someone else might have other ideas. It's a good ending where it is.

The only think I did not like about the story was in chapter 2. I smelled a set-up from Jackie from the get-go; I couldn't see why Max was so blind to it. When his enemy came on to him, it should have been a HUGE tip off that something was up. I lost some belief in the story when Max was sucked into a happy relationship with her.

Still, the fact is most of us are fairly blind when it comes to things relating to our own heart. It's crystal clear in hindsight and when it relates to someone else, but when it involves our own hearts, it is something else. I am willing give Max a little slack for this here.

Cobbler

I feel you should have ended this story at the end of chapter 1. It's inferred from the title that what goes around, comes around, but the whole "coming around" sections falls short. The premise is ambitious, but fails to deliver. Of the three parts to this story (Tina's cheating, Max' cheating, and the reconciliation), the latter two are extraneous. I just don't care that Max had to go throught the same thing Tina did. Were Max a more likeable character, I might have been more interested.

Max did not do anything wrong until the last chapter. He wasn't married so his "cheating" is nothing like Tina's cheating. Drugged or not, Tina cheated, therefore did not love Max (by definition of love). It was good that she got the boot. Max ought to have educated Sam and Jackie after their stunt. Friends don't conspire against friends. I didn't realize that Max was mentally handicapped until chapter 2 when he started dating Jackie.

He's just a big LOSER-------

Oops-I almost forgot: Thanks for a very well-written story!

this was a intentionally set up,he wasn't married at the time.force the hubby and wife back together,sucks.your common sense in your stories sometimes come up short.

I have normally enjoyed your writing, but this one missed the mark by a mile. I agree that he over reacted to his wife's actions, and without looking at all of the facts. However, to have him totally manipulated that way was not realistic. I cannot imagine anyone reacting in any way but anger and a sense of betrayal by all involved, especially his friend. The more likely reaction would be a total backlash to being manipulated. You created a character that was already prone to reaction first, so it is difficult to imagine your character reacting in such a logical manner after being so manipulated. Your story, your characters, but it just did not fit or flow.

The premnise of the 3 of them conspiring to teach this weak stupid Husband a lesson.... was that his wife TINA got taken advantage and his reaction was too intense... and lasted too long.

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OK fair enough. That is reasonable.

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But why then did JACKIE develop a significant long term realtionshop with the pussy husband????...

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<b> If the wife did NOT have a relationship ... if it was just a 1 night stand ....why did this husband's ahem "Punishment" involve GETTING HIM TO FALL FOR jACKIE? </b>

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Blue 88 fucked this up again.... You see the number 1 principle in Blue88 stories is hat all men are stupid and are shit. Even if this pussy man accepts WHY these 3 conspired... the punishment was amazingly severe.

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so what does the hsubandod ... when he sees Max his FRIEND? oh yeah gives him a beer..

sure ... whatever Blue whatever

I've read this story a couple of times and, sad to report, it's not one of Blue88's better efforts. The prose is good but the characters are thin parodies of real people. Max is pathetically weak-willed. I don't particularly like super-macho men but this guy takes limp-wristed to new heights. Tina's a party girl who gets drugged and screwed. When Max discovers her cheating, she's so guilt-ridden by her night of debauchery that she packs up and moves out without even trying to save her marriage. I guess that tells us what she thinks about the quality of her nuptial life.

<P>

Jackie's gung ho to teach Max a lesson. Say what? Why in the world would she care about Max one way or another? Sam is supposedly Max's best friend. Really? His actions don't seem all that friendly. He sounds like a dick to me. Bonnie's a skank and at least she acts the part. She's the best of the loony characters in this story, and that's really kinda sad.

<P>

I'm still trying to figure out the rationale of Chapter Two. For once I agree with Harry: if Jackie's long-term goal is to teach our hero a lesson (that being that anyone get drugged and drunk then get humped while they're unconscious so it should be okay?), why invest significant time and effort in their relationship? Perhaps Max is the greatest lover since Casanova. Or mayhap Jackie's brain-damaged. Either way, it's an improbable turn in the storyline, and one that did not satisfy.

<P>

Insofar as the future with Tina goes, why would she bother with Max? It's been years since their divorce, and I can't imagine why she wouldn't have gotten on with her life. She and Max don't seem to have kept in touch. I'd expect her to be sadder and wiser, but surely she would've moved on by the time Max "learned" his lesson. A rapprochement seems unlikely, and ultimately Chapter 3 is unsatisfying as well.

This was just bad. Thw wife left the husband, remember? That's what you wrote! He asked"why" and she said she was drunk/stoned/pissed off at him. Then asked about a "get-out-of-jail-free" card and split! She left HIM.

So why do you make him the villian? This is really a cuck/humiliation story, right?

The general jist of the story seems to be a guy who is manipulated and set up by just about everyone he knows, used as an emotional whipping boy, blamed for being shit on (as if he had any control over that) and ends with him attempting to kiss the ass of the woman who wronged him. I'm sure there are a few types like that on this planet...completely emasculated suckers who neither grew balls nor learned to stand on their own, but regardless of all that, it's a very sad, pathetic and peculiar story. It's not badly written, no major problem there...just so wildly unbelievable and annoying that it's difficult to find satisfaction in it. Of course, I'm old fashioned and still believe in John Wayne; were I more metrosexual or less confident in my manhood I'd probably like the story plot more, but undoubtedly it is very satisfying to those who like that kind of story.

Sorry but this is one of the worst wimp story's I've read yet.. Did someone do brain surgery on you here.. This guy is a wimp being fooled over and over again by all, taking the world on his shoulders blaming him self... Not acceptable, sucks, stinks, awh.. An embarrassment for us both, me as a reader you as a writer.. Cheers Yoron.

... it could happen, sometimes love does win out. I think it is highly improable as the time line both should have moved on. That being said I liked the story as it does not seem to be a wimp story. Thank you for takeing the time to entertain us. Mike from Texas

The one wronged person in this story is treated like shit by everybody in the guise of friendship and harmony. The women in this story are manipulators and have a weak-willed man they can kick around for sport. He is a masochist and needs serious help. Going back to Tina is the worst mistake he can make until he gets therapy where he will learn that he chooses people to hurt him -- all his so called friends and more so, his enemies - the bitches - work him over mentally and while he thinks he does not like the pain, in fact he revels in it and persues it. You have created a character who would have been better served in a mental ward with happy pills than going back to a woman who will feed his need for pain.

sure neither of these two love each other as I define it!

Like most other commenters, I have to agree that you've created the perfect wimp...brainless, dickless and nutless. He lets everyone walk all over him, lets everyone manipulate him, and to top it off, everything eventually becomes all his fault. This story is the blueprint for how to not act like a man; it defeats logic, common sense, and most social graces. Your writing is fine...but your plot stinks to be damned, and here's hoping there isn't actually any dude out there who behaves in this fashion.

I'm sorry. This story was so below your talents that I can only assume that you were on some strong medication or drunk when you wrote it. You have to start giving your male characters some backbone not just the cheating wives.

YOU COULD HAVE TOLD THIS STORYIN ONE CHAPTER.Instead you rambled on about nothihg knowing in the end they would get back together.BORING;;;

She cheated - he had sex with someone else after he was single again. He had no reason to feel ANY guilt and she deserved to be kicked out bag and baggage. The words "I Do" mean a total committment. She broke that committment.

And his so called friend who set him up with the slut deserved a major butt kicking.

any comments on this page that make sense.The story is actually very realistic when you consider that we're talking about two people who got married after knowing each other for all of 6 SHORT MONTHS you idiots. So the premise is there for a bunch of people to act like High Schoolers.From that position the story follows logically.It reminds me of shit I witnessed when I was a kid.And his hesitation about confronting Tina in Atlanta was almost palpable-FROM A HIGH SCHOOL STANDPOINT!I get the feeling too many readers on this site view every story within the same context.Maybe once in a while roll the dice folks and step outside your chosen parameters if that's possible.Awaiting your indignation I am,Pistolpackinpete

I just cannot accept this guy allowing himself to be railroaded by Bonnie, Jackie, and Sam. Not only does he get to suffer from Tina cheating on him, he gets set up by his supposed best friend Sam because Sam just cannot handle letting the guy move on with his life. Sam would be lucky to escape with only a smashed nose if this was a real situation... the friendship would definitely be over.

While I can suspend my disbelief for most stories, this just pushed me over the edge. And what gets me is I know you can write characters more realistically. A Study in Scarlet was much more realistic variation on this storyline.

personally, i thought the story wasn't as bad as the people posting comments seemed to think. granted alot of it was over the top, the set up by sam and co for example, the week long stalking thing as well. in the end, the outcome was probably fair, yes she cheated but she was drugged. he didn't just jump back into a relationship again, they are dating - something they should have done before getting married. seems like they have both grown some, maybe it'll work out this time. also, he's not so much a wimp, seems like he did a number on the guy that did his wife.

Betrayal on all sides and he sucks up to the cheating bitch and basically sucks Sam's cock.

the guy writes and u AH knock write ur own

Blue88 is a very imaginative writer who, unfortunately, does not posting his articles in this website anymore. I first read some of his excellent stories when I found this website about 6 or 7 years ago. Blue88 come back and post again in 2010. RAG

Bottom line is that Tina should have kept her ass at home. She admitted it to her husband. Her friends and her selfishness were more important at that time. Maybe they could have worked it out maybe not. The trap set by Jackie, Bonnie and Sam was bogus and Sam should have had his ass kicked for doing it. Every body said they should be together (so the fuck what) Tina was the one that left. She knew he was devastated but she still could have fought for the marriage. However it appears that even she didn't know the whole story and if she did she never conveyed it to her husband. That was not his fault and he shouldn't have had to pay for it.

Do you read what you write? Cause here is the epic "Huge Fight" scene:

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"Why? Just..... tell me why?" I asked, my voice tight. Tina knew exactly what I was talking about. It was now all in the open. I could tell by her demeanor that she was resigned to this conversation. Her color was poor, her face ashen. She finally looked up at me and sighed.

"I don't know, Max........no, I do know. I won't lie you or to myself." Tina paused and continued. "I was angry at you, I got drunk and stoned. The liquor was there, the grass was there. I was stupid. I'm sorry. She smiled crookedly, almost a grimace. "Being sorry isn't going to get me a 'get out of jail free card', is it, Max?" I could see the unshed tears in her eyes.

I just sat there, silent, almost paralyzed. My mind was a blank, I couldn't really think, I couldn't get my head around her betrayal. I felt numb, I couldn't put my thoughts together.

Tina nodded just a bit and continued. "I'll sleep in the guest room tonight. I'll move out tomorrow while you're at work." The tears were now flowing. She rose and walked from the room.

I continued to sit. I didn't know what to say or what to do, so I did........... nothing. It was as if an iron curtain (borrowing a famous phrase) had descended over my emotions, over my heart. No.... not quite. It had not descended, I had pulled it down.

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I returned home from work the following day at my usual time, and the house was cold and empty. Tina had packed up her clothes and things and, true to her word, was gone. She left me a letter...

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How in the hell is that a huge fight? One question from him. She does most of the talking, and while he sits there in a state of shock she decides that she needs to leave, just quit and move out. Then his 'friend' and the bitch squad do a number on him in his unbalanced state and convince him that he is some kind of unfeeling bastard that tossed the poor wretch to the curb in a 'cavalier' manner. Does not compute. If you wanted to play him as the son of a bitch you did in the last chapter and a half, you should have done a better set up argument then a 'huge fight' consisting of Five Words. Unless you wanted to use that ellipsis as a "I can't think of good dialogue for a huge fight, so I'll use dot dot dot (... = ellipsis, look it up)" type of solution. That would have been very lame and unfair to the reader as you said nothing to indicate that.

To sum up my thoughts: Pay Attention!

Let us review your story basic premise... she is drugged and raped... her best friends all know this and feel bad that they didn't help, but the wife when the husband wants to know why doesn't think she should mentioned that she was drugged and raped... her friend tells him a year later??? really?, that is what you thought would make sense? Personally, when there is a hole that large I just can't get with the rest of the story... really a shame. There was absolutely NOTHING wrong with the husbands reaction since HE DIDN'T KNOW. You're story missing completely on all logic? Like one of the other commentors said... you write like you're a woman? Oh and by the way... your committment when dating is not exactly the same as when married... otherwise what is the concept of a marriage... and the vows?

Well written but dumb.

Story

Things happend, the marriage was no longer and the persons moved on. He didn't and he should have. Her too. Even with the struggle to find another, it must be easier that what comes with her, even a touch of once cheated....

He should dump his so called best friend but only after beating the shit out of him. He should then move on! I hate these stories where the bereaved husband let's himself get played like an idiot. Tina is an arrogant bitch who left him without even gving him the respect of allowing enough time for him to consider forgving her worthless ass. The fact is, she just didn't love him enough not to cheat the first time, drugged or not. She made choices and put him in second place. Why would he want to put himself through that again? Ohio, USA

Each of your stories has a male lead who is supposedly technically or professionally competent, but is emotionally immature, totally self-absorbed but not introspective, cowardly, insensitive, arrogant, sanctimonious (thanks for the word from another story). He runs from any confrontation, looks for others to goad him into action he should be initiating, and lets them make decisions he should be making. No wonder readers froth at the mouth over your stories. Even the endings trail off with no definite direction, just a whimpered "We'll what will happen." There needs to be a major restructuring of your mental outlook in writing a story.

You are trying to establish moral equivalence between two very different things. You start with a wife who is a bit wild. She has two single friends who don't give a shit about anyone else and are trouble looking to happen. Hubby voices his concern about these "friends" and she blows him off. He gets pulled into a work trip that he is required to go on and she is pissed because she was planing a night on the town that she never bothered to tell him about. The ONLY thing he does wrong is be a bit pissy about the situation. She goes out anyway, pissed at him and the trouble twins help lead her right into fucking away her marriage. She chose her friends and the environment she was in. it was only a matter of time until something went wrong. Hubby even warned her and she was too into being the independent woman to listen. <br><br>

Now the divorce starts. He doesn't know she was drugged but decides he can't live with someone who is going out with friends looking for trouble. She doesn't make a very convincing effort to prove to him that it won't happen again. He could have gone either way. He has to decide what he can live with. The people around him (and the author) try to make it a failing to recognize that you will not be happy with someone after they fuck you over. That is bullshit! If he won't be OK with her it's his choice to make. So the divorce concludes. <br><br>

Now we have a single guy who is set up by one of his "best friends" and enlists the trouble twins to screw him over. First, that he would be that trusting of Jackie after their history is unbelievable. But stumbling forward his "buddy" helps set him up. He gets pulled into an another unbelievable conflict of the bachelor party vs. the reunion. He didn't know far ahead the things conflicted? How contrived do we need to get? Of course he gets drunk and fucks Bonnie. GOTCHA! Is he a dope? Yes. But he wasn't married. Should Jackie leave him? Sure, if that's what she wants. But the situations are very different. He wasn't constantly hanging around with friends looking for trouble. Sam deliberately fucked him over. If Sam had walked into my apartment after I would have offered him a beer too, cracked over his head. But this moron drops the whole thing. <br><br>

Of course from that point everything was obviously his fault. His wife created and maintained the circumstance in which she cheated, over his objections, and it was HIS fault. He then acts like a lost puppy dog for the rest of the story. Pathetic. <br><br>

I would have no problem if he had originally decided to stay with his wife. She had a one time drunken hookup. I would have expected the trouble twins to be held at arms length as a condition of working through things. But his choice not to was just as valid. Having people manipulate him to screw him over was interesting but the lesson learned was that the two bitches really are bitches and Sam is an asshole. His sudden attack of guilt was contrived and out of character. Lesson NOT learned!

It needs a more definative ending. He seems to really still love Tina and from the little you told us in the last two paragraphs she seems to be like minded. What some of us need to know is if they really will get back together.

This story is so very very BAD!

damned double eight ball looser story, I can't believe how much worse these are getting. I'm going to take your previous advice about not reading any more of your stories.

Tina fucked up and Max is the bad guy. Max's friend then sets him up for humiliation at the hands of the bitches that broke up his marriage. But it is "no harm no foul time" and Max let's his good buddy slide because all of the sudden Max becomes a helpless twit! So he then crawls back to Tina and begs her to take him back. I guess that he must have told her that she could fuck around on him again any time she wants. But the way you ended the story it almost seems like Tina still thinks that Max is the bad guy because all they are now are good friends who love each other. Johnny got beat up. The story would have been better if Bonnie and Jackie would have gotten slapped around as well for what they did. They get off with nothing and are probably out fucking some one else's life up.

Not your best Blue.

I think that is why I get SOOO peeved with your plots and your consistent record of RAAC.

There is something wrong with a writer who deliberately and consistently fails to satisfy his readers.

I'm so glad I'm reaching the last of your stories.

The foot ball gets yanked away again.

kick up your heels and say ?????????!!!!!!!!TK U MLJ LV NV

Okay, I get the wife's cheating and it not being completely her fault, but that was just a straight betrayal of trust and friendship on Sam's part. Bonnie should have got her ass kicked in the first place and the guy Tina cheated with should have been castrated. Jackie, well that 'lady of the evening' needs the same treatment. See how that feels when your friend does something like that to her. As far as Max is concerned, I was in his shoes once. It hurt like hell, still does. But I had to move on, even though I still love her and always will.

His inital thoughts were correct. It was HER FAULT! She fucked around on him. SHE took him for GRANTED. SHE put her FRIENDS BEFORE HIM! As for Sam Able he'd be in traction for a long time with TWO Broken LEGS! He shit on his so called friend. As for the two BITCHES, they just prove why God gave women a PUSSY, So Men wouldn't hunt them all down and KILL them ALL!

All in all the hero(?) is a stupid ass who needs to get a Life and find some DECENT Woman.(There are a FEW out there). Lastly the ending really was incomplete.

But it was well written as usual. Sorry to be so hard on you, but it's how I feel. You can diss one of my stories if you want to.

Story had potential loat it in chapter 3 and this ending is just pathetic

I'd have hunted Jackie and the major bitch down and burnt them... Sam would be dog food... this poor character development.... he beats hell out of the man she cheated with, then forgives his "friends"? don't think so...

Sam would have his head on a spilint in my front yard, Fuck Tina, Betty, Bonnie and the rest of those fucking moron also fuck the stupid ass writer

After reading ch3 and being thoughly disappointed with your ending it makes me want to take back what I said earlier about this being well written. This last chapter was so lame, it should've had Max burning bodies in oil drums. I mean if your going to write a story that's fantasy and over the top then get it right.

Look, it's a really good read and all, very well-written, etc. But, it just isn't as satisfying a conclusion as I could have hoped for. I don't mind the open-ended nature of the ending at all (though I do kind of like a little more resolution, typically, in a reconciliation story). That said, I thought this sentence by Tina was off-base: "What do you want, Max? Why the sudden interest in me now? You had made it quite clear that we had no future. You were quite voluble just now with Hank, but you never made clear just why you're here."

When did he make it clear that they had no future? After the discovery, they had like one very brief conversation, and he never said that. Did he make it clear by his silence and inaction? Cause she was the one who moved out and filed for divorce, not him. Also, hadn't he just spilled his guts out emotionally, telling the cop the whole story? She overheard it all, how didn't she understand why he was there? I was a little confused by that exchange. Seems like the author was just trying to engineer getting them together again, had a cute device for doing so, but didn't put in quite the same level of care and attention that he did for the previous 2 chapters. Still gave it a 5.

As I had guessed and stated in my comment on the last chapter, the author has totally turned Max into the bad guy. It is almost as if he cheated on her, not the other way around.

The author even made up events that never happened to support his ending, like the fact that Max had made it clear they had no future. From what I read, Max never actually said one word to Tina after she admitted her adultery. If she listened to what he told her "friends", she was a fool.

The ending would have been easier to take if Tina exhibited the least bit of contrition or responded in kind to his statement of still loving her. Something like "Oh Max, I am so sorry for what I did to us. I am glad you are here and I still love you too." would have been nice. Instead she almost acted like she was annoyed at his being there.

With some differences along the way, it could have been a good reconciliation story. As it was, it missed the mark by a wide margin.

Poor Max - he is just like a dog licking the hand that just got finished beating him. If he had any balls at all, he would flush his so called "best friend" Sam down the toilet and move on. Instead he is back sucking up to his ex-wife just like a dog licking up vomit. Pathetic!

gave this a 1* without ever reading it. No need to I'm sure Max is a championship WIMP.

in reading this story it seems it is ok to drink and screw around so the next time she gets screwed by some one outside her wedding vows just blame drink

wow whinny little women well she was female and they have no character so at least she will die in pain drunken alcohol misery, and same goes for the wife

Wow talk about a real let down from chapter to chapter. Most of the time in LW we just read about wimps and while this guys was a wimp, his main issue was stupidity. This guys couldn't even get out of his own way if it meant life or death! Moron!!!

But do not ever let her off the hook guys damn she obviously wanted to be drugged and raped - Oh yeah and she has not grown up or learned anything since either -

Wait - that was not in this story - that must have been some other story -

This one had stupid people who were flawed - fucked up - grew up - and are trying to get back on track - sorry wrong editorial - RIGHT??!!

Well.. he's simply a dumb ass wimp. period. Got himself on the wild park ride and came out in a fucking daze. His inability, stupidity, insecurity, top it with faggot outrage was his own demise. The ex bolted. ends up with other men rejects. yep, the bitches. dog pound was it? hell! he even became a sorry ass retriever. what the fuck! dumb ass.

Sam was not his friend and if Jackie actually cared about him she wouldn't have let it go through. Complete Bullshit!

Five stars. Although, I wish the ending had a more complete resolution. I do think there is a flaw in that he didn't know about her being drugged until after the divorce.

You know why I gave it five stars? It's because they didn't get back together and live happily ever after. A lousy series with a great ending.

There is NO equivalency between what happened to Tina and Max. Tina got mad at Max and went out boozing with her "friends," who did nothing to prevent her from drinking with a strange man and going off with him. Max didn't set up the situation to deliberately get her mad at him, nor did he conspire with her "friends" and the guy who drugged her to set her up and rape her.

The only "lesson" that this should have taught Max was that you can't depend on your friends and loved ones. But he didn't need that lesson, because he'd already gotten it from Tina.

I gave 2 stars only because it wasn't HORRIBLE.

I go back to what I said in Ch 2 - Fuck Them All!

As another commenter said, there was no real similarity it what they did.

She went out against his wishes just because she was pissed.

HE was set up by supposed friends.

Chapter 3 was rushed, for me. Plus, I just can't get over how SHE cheated while they were married, SHE just had to go out with her whore friends. And SHE had to get smashed on booze and pot and then SHE got naked and spread her legs.

And with friends like Sam, no one needs an enemy. If he were my 'friend', he would be in the hospital next to the beds of Jackie and Bonnie.

So you think betrayal all around makes a good case for reconciliation.

Do you happen to have a spouse you could loan me?

I like this do anything you like, no consequences thing you like writing.

The main character DID NOT LEARN FROM HIS PAST, that is to say he will repeat his past mistakes in his future.. Drop Sam as a friend first off and forget Tina. Move away and start over.

This is some of the most convaluted logic I've ever seen. If you lie with dogs, you get fleas.

She should have put her husband first, not the club scene. Everything else flows downhill from this error.

Bull Shit!!!

He was at fault? I would hate the friend that orchestrated the setup.

I re-read this and came to the same conclusion...bull shit...she should have jumped into his arms when he showed up...she fucked up royally as a wife. Even a dumb bitch could see that his being there (in Atlanta) meant something. Her betrayal was way beyond what his so called "friends" pulled on him. I would kick Sam to the curb as a friend. Sorry this one has some real holes in it.

Sam turned out to be a blackmailer and a pimp, sort of.

Who would have figured that out?

But the process was pure bullshit.

Objection! You are assuming facts not in evidence! That was my first thought reading this chapter. I agree with others that the ending here doesn't match up to what was written before it. (That's long for bullshit) :) you really never demonstrated how Max changed. Nor Tina for that matter. It was all glossed over with "we talked, and talked, and talked." Well, that's where the reader can see if they really have changed and how much. This is where the reader feels conectivity to the characters. The part where the cop neighbor caught him and the secret confession to Tina was good. But overall it's just not fleshed out enough.

DB71

Just a really rushed chapter.

An ambitious plot, but a lame execution. It would have worked if you had given it more thought, and plausibility.

Her friends knew she was drugged? That's rape. Why weren't criminal charges brought? Nice excuse to present a year after the alleged crime.

She wants to claim she was raped? Why not tell her husband she was raped? Why instead go into this big "let me make it up to you" mode? If she was raped, what is she making up for?

She still loved her husband and wanted to reconcile? Why did she propose moving out, and then just disappear from his life? Why did she file for divorce? Why didn't she wait for him to prove he didn't want her by letting him file for divorce? Then why did she move away? Why didn't she ever write to him, explaining that she was drugged, guilty, full of remorse, and simply felt obligated to set him free?

Yeah, really really ambitious. I wish you had succeeded, it could have been a really compelling story.

Maybe next time?

with a crappy reconciliation. Your husband characters in most of your stories are weak and apologize for things they shouldn't. Being a constant in your story I guess that there is something really wrong with your vision of love, marriage and cheating.

This is just so wrong. 1 *

Entirely too wordy, your main male character was too stupid to get out of his own way and extremely unlikeable, then the ending was ridiculously rushed.

Max didn't do anything wrong, Tina was in error. If she had paid more attention to her husband and less to her so called friends there would not have been a problem.

Sam wasn't much of a pal either.

Another rushed ending leaving us with a more ' mature ' Tina ....... Max needs to just tell her " too little, too late " , and walk off to a new job, new life.

The author still is trying to get Max to take back Tina the slut back! Tina caused the divorce by being a slut. She went to a predator bar, got picked up and fucked some guy. Max did nothing wrong in their relationship. Tina and her friends keep saying that Max should forgive Tina for making a simple mistake is crap. I don't agree. Tina showed what a slut she was. Why should Max take her back?

For the people who read the comments first. This story starts out brilliantly then ends very poorly. The wife is the cheater yet the MC friends think he's in the wrong. He's betrayed by his friend and doesn't do anything. Basically it's a about a man who is a immature child who is a wimp. Plain and simple.

Jameson Jones

It's hard to feel any sympathy for Max who was not only stupid but also a grade A coward and hypocrite. His tantrum when he told her not to go to their pre-arranged dinner date because he had to leave the next day at short notice was both childish and unnecessarily nasty.

He made no effort to talk to her even when he was told that she had probably been drugged and continued to behave like a cold hearted, self-righteous moron until his friends conspired to make him face up to his pathetic behaviour. Even then he didn't have the courage to confront her.

Why Tina would ever consider taking back such a sad excuse for man is a complete mystery to me. But there again woman are as much a mystery to me as the Literotica readers who see him as the innocent victim of an evil woman rather than the complicit author of his own misfortune. Depressing.

LA

...and he needs to see the error of his ways. His wife cheats on him, his friends deceive him but it's all his fault. Seems the theme for all this authors work.

Start. I liked the first chapter, but it all went downhill pretty fast from there. In the second chapter, when Max’s “good buddy” Sam decided to teach Max a lesson in humility, I got disgusted with the story. Not because of what Sam did, but because Max didn’t beat the holy fucking shit out of Sam for doing it. The third chapter was just blah. Max and Tina met up and made up. But there was no definitive ending. The author suggested at the end that we readers decide in our own mind how the story ends. Well, fuck that shit, you’re the writer, you tell US.

Me, I'd of kicked Sam's ass, those two sluts, I'd of put the word out that they are just a pair of sluts and to stay as far away from them as possible. Tina, who gives a shit, "once a cheater, always a cheater". Maybe I should quit my job, pack my stuff and leave the area without contacting anyone.

Yeah, she’s still single and interested after all this time. Really?

Show of hands. Who would have let max off for playing with their life. Or the 2 sluts.ots of people desrve a beating in this story. But none mre than B88.

Enough to enjoy here without bothering to look for things to criticize. I liked it so much, I wish it were longer!

Not a bad story at all. I enjoyed reading it. I kind of hope they get back together.

Sam & Jackie manipulated the hell out of Max - he needs a better 'friend' than Sam, and Sam needs his butt kicked. Max needs to move on personally and professionally - the whole place is toxic.

Overall an interesting and well put together story, but it left me a little cold.

The rest was decent. And thank you for not bringing the evil three back for chapter three

Really??? Wife disrespects husband to hang out with slut friends, going to clubs drinking and partying with other men. Of course the inevitable cheating happens!

The rest of the story is all about blaming the husband. Written by a feminist, trying to justify her own cheating probably. Blue88 has a few good stories but he must let his wife some. I give it a one!

Reconciliation sux. BTB!!!

So all my predictions were correct. Bleh.

He never got the help he needed. The narrative was that Max was at fault. He stayed friends with the lying bastard, Sam. He left the toxic and dangerous Jackie alone. He went to Tina with the sole purpose of getting her back. And then we got an open ending.

Exactly as predicted after reading chapter 2.

I don't think Max changed much at all, except for becoming more docile. It was stated that his problem was "not sharing any misgivings I may have had". So basically just going along with what others did. And he ended up with "We sat and did what Tina wanted".

At least Tina realized "that she wasn't very discriminating when it came to trusting others". Perhaps Max should realize that the same is true for him.

So he didn't really change, except for being more damaged. Is that what the whole detective cock and bull was about? A result of his wounds?

Why didn't he just call her? A good coming-of-age character development would be if he would start taking responsibility for himself, and what he does and doesn't want. But all we got was "We sat and did what Tina wanted".

What a tragic story!

Terrible story the author obviously doesn't know how to learn from criticism when it starts to go downhill, and he can't have his characters act like real people, but instead forces them to fit a contrived plot rather than have them be coherent.

terrible terrible story of a man who looses his balls

If ever a husband deserved to be disrespected it was Max. He tells his wife to go out and get laid and then washes his hands of all responsibility when she does. She behaved like a flawed human being who made a mistake. He behaved like a petulant, callous, self-righteous prig. The mystery for me is why would any woman in her right mind would want to have anything to do with such a dick.

The fact that the BTB brigade are howling their disapproval that Max didn't his ex serious harm is a major redeeming feature so I'm giving the story an extra point for pissing them off.

LA foce

Tina didn't inform Max of her plans that night to go out clubbing with her promiscuous friends, who are single and like fucking around. He asked his wife, Tina to cancel the outing and stay home with him, her husband, but she didn't, she ignored his request, and chose her friends over him and went ALONE to a club, got drunk and high, and finally got laid. This is clearly a more than enough REASON FOR A DIVORCE. She put herself willingly in a situation where her seduction could take place. The rest of the story is really long bullshit trying to "give Max lesson in intransigency" and show him that people are human and do make mistakes. Come on, if you go to a bad part of town, and leave your car's doors wide open and the key in the ignition, would you cry wolf because your car was stolen? The author makes Max fall like the stupid and moronic guy he is in a complex trap leading to a drunken, one-night-stand sex with no less than Bonnie the tramp, and then voila! The light goes on in the head of Max, and he runs to forgive Tina and eventually, I guess he will also learn to eat creampies and fluff and clean cocks... The real end is: Go to your doctor and get tested since Bonnie fucks plenty around. She is for sure a Petri dish for STDs. Dump Sam, he's not your friend, just another asshole. Dump Bonnie, who's a total whore, who sleeps with anyone with a hard cock and should be working in a strip club, and finally... humiliate Jackie for playing with you like a foolish fiddle, and move on and find better friends and acquaintances. The end of the story was totally moronic. All characters and by extension the story are just simply pathetic! However, the sex scenes were OK. Jackie and Bonnie are good for booty calls, not for dating. Max first impression about them was correct. They are just good for Booty Calls!

PS. Burn down Sam's cabin. It's going to hurt him and teach him the lesson: do not mess with Max.