All Comments on 'What Just Happened?'

I love it. Hope to see more of this

Good, fun story. Surprised though that Ed didn't tell them to come back the next day.

Great story. Hope the girls come back. For more flavor, female Mormon missionaries, which these are not as they were wearing crosses, go out at 19 years old for girls and 18 year old for boys and stay out for two years, if you want to use any of them, and they wear special holy underwear, that they believe magically protects them, though they are offended by the word magic as they view that as for being for other people's beliefs. Note, it used to be 19 for boys and 21 for girls, but they lowered it because a lot of Mormon kids were leaving the church after being exposed to a year of college.

Jehovah's witnesses operate more like how these women do, but they also do not wear crosses, believing Jesus was killed on a tree. Mormons believe Jesus is a god, but not the god, and JWs believe that Jehovah is God, but that Jesus is not Jehovah, though he is special. JWs also do not wear the ugly underwear that Mormons do.

I just mention this, should you ever want Ed to play with real world religious door knockers. Or maybe another writer may want to do so. Maybe Ed's power finds people who might have an excuse to come to his door, come to his door so he can exploit them. I would also ad that this is a Census year, hint hint.

Thanks everyone for your comments, and thanks for supplying the information about Mormons. I grew up in Alabama and though I haven't specified a setting for this story, it's "somewhere in the South." Evangelical Protestants regularly knock on doors throughout the South, and for whatever reason, a lot of times women are the ones to do it. That's what I had in mind when I wrote this part.

Part 2 is out now.... :-)

story! Love it! On my way to look for part two!

Obviously it's not real but even so having two religious people call each other "hon" took me out of it (silly I know)

The writing is also a bit long, in that you need to break up your paragraphs. Especially when some new starts speaking, get an editor if need some help. Reading a whole paragraph which is twenty lines is way too much

oh my. Very good story, can not wait to read the rest.

Hi - you were kind enough to comment on my story recently and I looked you up and realised I had read the "What just happened?" series a while ago and enjoyed them, so just returning the compliment!

Thanks clantongang! I always appreciate the feed back. Keep up the great work!

Format dialogue so that when multiple people are speaking the reader doesn't have to take notes to figure out which character is saying which line to the other. Formatting, paragraph breaks, etc. Could have been a lot better with some decent editing.

Great work. Hope there'll be a sequel.

What a nice surprise to stumble upon a surreal sex story. It's sweet the way the older woman gently teaches the younger one (who's never seen an erect cock before!) how to give a blowjob. I was a bit surprised they didn't try to get the narrator to commit to letting Jesus into his life, or give him some literature about their church. Maybe they did that, off-screen. If they did, I'll bet he starts going to church. It seems like a decent method of conversion. 5*~~JB Edwards