What She Didn't Tell me

"Look, everyone likes to be touched and flesh on flesh will always make your skin feel warm," I told the both of them.

"So I guess if say your boss rubs your arm you'll get warm and start to sweat?" She didn't give me a chance to respond.

"This week, I want you two to talk to one another. I don't care what the topic is, only that it lasts for at least a half hour per day. My only stipulation is that you do it while the two of you are alone without any distractions. No TV, radio or anything like that. Do you understand? See you both next week."

All in all, the weekend went pretty good. Saturday we did family yard work and played a couple of games of lawn darts and Sunday we stopped at Denny's on the way home from church. We saw a few people we knew as they gave us more than a once over. Everyone knew that we'd both filed and were kind of shocked we were still together. Besides our families, no one else knew about the counseling and I wanted to keep it that way.

The first couple of days we talked about crap just to get in the required time. After that we hit on a few touchy subjects like my crack about Ronnie and the condoms.

"I'm sorry Ann, I didn't know. If you would have told me that afternoon I would have understood where you were coming from and why you acted in that way."

"Steve, I guess I tried to repress it and drive it deep down inside of me. It's not one of my proudest moments," she said trying to smile.

I felt sorry for her. She'd given up everything for that jerk and I couldn't understand after all that, why she'd want to get back together with him again. Every time I thought of Ronnie my blood boiled and I wanted to hurt him, hurt him bad for what he'd done to me, to us.

I was expecting another touchy feely session and even dressed appropriately for one, guess I was wrong.

"Today we need to address some of the hard issue that brought us here. I've tried over the last couple of months to put you both on an even keel with one another. The burning hatred is gone, but the hurt is still there for both of you," she said taking out our two pieces of papers.

All right I wasn't ready for this just yet. I could feel my pits start to sweat, my neck felt damp and I was scared. Hell, I was petrified of what was going to happen next

"Let's start with Steve's answers," Ruth said looking at my sheet.

Hell, I wanted her to start with Ann's. I hadn't wanted to be the one that went first and I was going to say something and started to until Ruth spoke.

"Interesting," is how she phrased it.

"What do you mean interesting? Read the damn sheet," my brain yelled, but she didn't.

Ruth then took out Ann's and I could see she was uncomfortable. Just read it for Christ's sake but again she just looked at the two of us.

"Well?" I finally said unable to control myself anymore.

"It seems we have a problem here with both of your answers," as she looked at first Ann and then me. "Steve it seems, even after all the crap he said you put him through, would still have fought for you. Why is that Steve?"

"I guess because I thought she was worth it at the time," I replied.

"And now? Would you fight for her now given the chance?"

"I'll give you that answer after I hear what Ann put down on her sheet," was my reply.

"Good answer," Ruth said as she picked up Ann's paper. "It seems that she would pick you Steve give the choice between you and Ronnie, all things being equal."

That surprised me and my face must have shown that.

"Did you hear me Steve?" Ruth asked.

"I heard you but I don't understand," I said now looking at Ann who had tears in her eyes again. "Why Ann? Why would you pick me over Ronnie?" I asked her directly now.

"If you don't know by now," she started to say but I stopped her.

"Spell it out for me. I need to hear it from you own lips, why."

"I picked and would pick you again, because of who you are. You put my needs first even in front of your own not because you have to, because you want to. You don't ask for much and demand nothing. You love our children and me but the look on your face when you walk through the door every night says it all, you want to be with us. Steve, I don't need bone crushing orgasms to know that you love me, I just know that at night I can cuddle up to you and know I'm safe in your arms, that I'm totally yours and you're all mine."

"Well, it looks like we're finally starting to make progress," Ruth said making a few notes.

"Steve, I never cheated on you with Ronnie no matter what you heard. We were both drinking too much at the Reynolds's party and he grabbed me and kissed me. I don't know why, but I kissed him back before realizing it wasn't you. I pushed him back and told him that could never happen again and it hasn't, you've got to believe me," Ann said trying to grab my hands.

"Steve, does that fall into your definition of cheating?" Ruth asked me while Ann looked on.

"I don't like it but it's far from a deal breaker."

We spent the rest of the hour talking about needs verses wants and Ruth sent us home with a tough assignment that was due Friday. We were to write down if we wanted to continue on our present path towards divorce and or where we wanted our marriage to go from this day forward.

For once I wished we'd ridden together because I didn't want this session to end. I raced home only to find her parents there with the kids. They weren't sure how I'd react to them but when I greeted them with a smile that broke the ice. Ann flew in the door not knowing what to expect.

"You parents are having dinner with us tonight, I hope there will be enough food for everyone."

"Why don't you and my dad grab the kids and set the dining room table while mom and I make a few extra items," Ann said pulling her mother into the kitchen.

Dinner was normal or as normal as it could be with everyone on pins and needles. I think Ann told her mom about today's session as she kept one eye on me all the way through dinner. There was the usual small talk with the kids carrying the majority of the conversation.

With dinner finished and the dishes in the dishwasher her parents said their goodbyes and left. I got the kid off to bed and kissed them both good night. It had been quite a day.

I found Ann sitting in the kitchen with a glass of wine in hand.

"Any left?" I asked.

"About half a bottle in the refrigerator."

I poured about three inches and sat down across from her.

We just sat there staring at one another. I think we both wanted to say something but I guess neither of us knew how to start.

"Dinner was nice and I'd forgotten how good your mom's pot roast was."

"I don't want a divorce," Ann almost shouted at me. "I love you and I want our old life back," she said reaching for my hand. "I can't wait until Friday for your answer Steve. I've got to know how you feel and if it's just wishful thinking on my part or if we've got any shot at picking up the pieces."

"Ann, I love you and have since we first started going out together. This Ronnie thing put a hell of a wedge between us but I never really stopped loving you; I tried to hate you but I still loved you if that makes any sense."

"All I'm asking is, do you want to try again?" Ann said holding both of my hands now staring a hole right through me.

"If it's you and I ALONE than I'm willing to take another shot at it, but like I said, it has to be just the two of us."

Ann kissed my hands and the tears started flowing again as she raced around the table and jumped into my arms kissing me for the first time in forever. She sat on my lap and I just held her as she continued to cry.

For the first time since that ugly night we slept in the same bed together. We kissed but took it no further. I think it was something like a contest to see which one of us would fall asleep first as we were both totally drained. I woke up first and just watched her sleep for about ten minutes before getting out of bed; I still had to work. I was quiet enough not to wake her and kissed her forehead before leaving.

The day went great. Maybe it was my upbeat attitude but nothing went wrong for a change. Ann e-mailed me saying that she was sad when she woke up and I wasn't there next to her. I replied that there was always tonight.

The kids noticed a change in our behavior as we now talked to one another and not just small talk but said nothing other than to ask what was on the agenda for the weekend.

"What do you want to do, babes?" I asked.

"Why don't we play it by ear, we can always go to the water park if it doesn't rain," Ann said smiling at the kids.

For the second night in a row we slept together but besides kissing and spooning we did nothing else. I think we were both more than a little hesitant on what to do next; I know I was.

"Where are your sheets?" Ruth asked us on Friday.

"We talked and we both want to take another shot at it," Ann told her and then informed her that we'd shared the same bed for the last two nights.

"Have you been intimate yet?"

Ann just shook her head.

"Didn't thinks so," Ruth said looking at both of us.

"When a person writes a book, he's got an idea in mind and has something he wants to say. He makes an outline, does a rough draft and makes sure each chapter contains everything he wants it to. It's time to close one chapter and open another so to speak," Ruth said putting her note pad down.

"Ann, you have to close the chapter on you and Ronnie. It has to be over, finished and done if you have any real expectations of saving your marriage. No more contact what so ever. No phone calls, e-mails, letters nothing at least for now. You tell him face to face that the past is just that, the past, and you're moving on. And I want you to do this as soon as possible."

"Steve, you need to open a new chapter in your life. You need to take back your wife not physically but mentally. In your mind you have had doubts as to how Ann felt about you and Ronnie. If she is to be truly yours, you need to stake your claim to her both physically and mentally. You have to have faith and believe in her, you must be able to trust her and above all remember that she picked you not Ronnie. Only then can you look at her and no longer have any doubts. If you two can do that, you have a chance at making it," Ruth told us. "Also, just because you two shared a bed don't think for a minute your problems are all solved, I'll see you both next week."

Since we'd driven together, we left and yes, we were holding hands. Ruth didn't give us an assignment this week; she said that we had enough to work on. I was a quiet ride home. We talked but we both had a lot on our minds.

After the kids were down for the night I walked into our bedroom, yes it was our bedroom again. I watched Ann getting ready for bed like I had for the last seven years. She glanced over at me, smiled and finished brushing her teeth.

"You want to talk tonight?" Ann asked wiping her mouth.

"Not tonight, I'm all talked out for now. I just need a good night sleep for a change."

"Well, hurry up and come to bed," she said pulling the covers back."

I did something tonight I hadn't done in years; I shaved before coming to bed. They say young men shave at night and old men shave in the morning; I felt young tonight.

As I lay next to her, I kissed her. Hell, we made out for the first time in a long time.

"I could get use to this," she said feeling my face with her chin. "No stubble or whisker burns tonight.

I wanted to make love to her so bad I ached. Up until our problems it just happened, it was never really planned and now I was second guessing myself. I remembered Ann saying that Ronnie was bigger than I was and how she loved it when he threw her down on the bed and ravished her which all now made me question myself. I guess after so many years your partner starts to know you as well as you know yourself.

Ann moved over to me, kissed me with more than a little tongue and whispered in my ear.

"Don't think about it just do it," she said kissing me again. And we did.

No I didn't pound her pussy until she screamed that I was the best lover she'd ever had or shot three loads in her while I was knee deep in her ass. We did it the same way we had for the last seven years. We kissed and licked one another until I just slipped in and made slow and gentle love to my wife. It had been too long and I didn't last nearly as long as I'd hoped but I never pulled out, as I got hard again within only a few minutes. After shrinking and falling out of her warm velvet glove, Ann jumped up and ran for the bathroom to clean up.

"Why is the wet spot always on my side of the bed? Next time we make love on your side of the bed and see how you like sleeping on a wet spot," she said tossing me a washcloth and pulling the sheet back. "And look at the size of it, you're going to have company on your side of the bed tonight whether you like it or not," she said cuddling up to me. All right we weren't totally back together, but this was a start.

Saturday Ann left just before eleven. I knew where she was going and I just gave her a kiss just before she left. I could see it in her eyes that it wasn't going to be pleasant. About one thirty I was playing with the lawn mover in the garage when I noticed her right behind me.

Her eyes were red, her makeup was smeared and she literally flew into my arms. Ann didn't say a word; she just led me upstairs to our room, locked the door and took me. I didn't initiate anything; it was completely her show as she balled my eyes out.

"Hon," I started to say but she just said put a finger to my lips and just told me to hold her. We lay that way for the better part of an hour.

We took a shower together and I cursed myself as I caught myself looking at her body for sex marks.

"In order to take her back, you have to trust her," were the words Ruth had said to me yesterday. She was right; a roll in the sack wasn't going to solve all my problems.

"Do you want me to tell you what happened today?" Ann asked as we lay in each other's arms that night.

"Not really. I just want to know that it's over."

"I've closed a big chapter in my life and now I want to write a new one with just you, me and our kids," she said kissing me. We started that night.

We finished up our last month with Ruth. We'd gotten a little cocky and she took us down a peg or two before we finished. She was happy for us.

When we went in front of the judge, for the last time, he warned us if he ever saw us in front of his bench again for the same reason, he'd throw us both in jail and throw away the key. Thank God I saw him smile.

It was a tough hall for the next two years. We had spent the majority of our savings on attorney fees and now the kids had soccer and dance lessons so we were going non-stop most of the time, but we made time for ourselves.

After four years and at the same Mexican restaurant as before, I dropped down on one knee and asked Ann to remarry me. I embarrassed my kids but at least my wife said yes. We didn't get a cake this time; I guess you only get one for the first time around.

With just family in attendance we renewed our vows in the backyard of my parent's house. A friend of ours was a notary and presided over our small ceremony. We wrote our own vows and by the end everyone was crying, me included. Her parents took our kids and we went on a four-day cruise to the Bahamas'. We came back a little burnt but happy.

I suppose your wondering what happened to Ronnie? Well, he left shortly after he and Ann talked. I think Ann knows where he went, but I couldn't care less as long as he's not here.

Do I trust my wife? Yes, totally, which took me a lot longer than I thought it would to get that through my thick skull. We are happy, content and are looking forward to many years of happily married bliss. We talk incessantly and no longer have any secrets; past, present or future. When I think about how close we came to losing it all, I thank God for Ruth and a tough judge who knew better that either one of us.

However, we both remembered his last words to us. That is one man I wouldn't want pissed off at me.