All Comments on 'What The Future Holds'

This is one of the best stories I've ever read. Keep up the spectacular work.

It was indeed a well written story however it might have been slightly more memorable if it did not have such a "happily ever after" ending. The good guys won, the bad guys lost, and true love won out in the end.

Behavior rewarded is behavior repeated.

Great story, even with the grammar and typo's!

I read to be entertained and was. Good authors are valuable. Keep it up. Thinking up a good story is hard enough, I'm glad you took the time to write it down.

Rob

A very nice story and I really liked it. However I notices a few spelling errors that distracted me while reading your story. A very nice story all the way around keep up the good work and I hope to see more stories

you can write no doubt but your characters are...... let's say we have 7 billions living on earth and I guess nobody would fit your characters at all. they all would be in a mental hospital and not having a normal live.

A fun read.

I really enjoyed the story, but like some others, had a hard time grasping the character's motivations. Normal people don't just go around ruining people's hopes and dreams to this degree, then insult them by calling them a liar and a cheat, and then beating them mercilessly without any consideration of other people's positions or motivations. Not only would I leave the definition of "betrayal" behind, I'd include "sociopath" along with it. Anyone capable of this type of action is incapable of empathy; and I'd never, EVER, trust them anywhere around me ever again.

But then suddenly they're all normal people again who just somehow went temporarily insane. Well, once I got past that, I enjoyed the rest of the story with the help of some suspension of disbelief.

Could've been worse; it could've turned into some kinda spanking, dom/sub fetish thing or other such dribble.

Keep trying, though. Despite all this, it really was pretty good. 4*

Stiff, stilted, grammatically lacking and poorly punctuated.

If you're (not 'your') going to invest this much typing in a boilerplate story, at least get an editor. This is sloppy.

That said.... it was devilish hard to read. As one who did editing in the past this story severely needed some work. First, your syntax is choppy. Second, your characters change emotions, motivation and mind sets so quickly it makes no sense. Leaves the reader in a mind lurch. They do not really develop over the course of this story for that reason. A couple of examples. James and Carol go from being in doubt of where their relationship goes when they part to using "terms of endearment" over the phone. Then James and the Timmy go from being play acquaintances to dad-son love in the space of looking at presents. In the same scene characters will go from one extreme to another in how they look at another character. It was irritating to have to intuit what you wanted to say when you would use the wrong form of their and they're. Or since and sense. Many others like that. Or using the word flaunt when Carol is getting her new clothing. The salesperson had no way and nothing she would be flaunting. Look up the meaning to understand what I am saying. Another was when you used convent instead of convenient. Reminds of a Shakespeare play when a character says get to a nunnery. Most people think it is saying get thee to a convent but the use of that word in that time meant get thee to a bordello. Your dialogue needs lots and lots of practice. It is so stilted and unreal. The punctuation you use in your dialogues was inconsistent with many errors. The run on sentences in your writing was distracting and made in harder to follow. Then some of your plot development would not be possible in this reality only in an alternative one. For example, no teacher in public education would be allowed to paddle in the classroom anymore. That is even in most contracts for educators. Try again with an editor.

This is ESPECIALLY true if the abuser is not a blood relative but a relative stranger. To go from a "family friend" to abuser is even more emotionally shocking.

I agree with "Anonymous" the very idea that he would EVER forgive her an then become involved with her is outrageous.

This is actually a pretty awful story.

I liked the story a lot. Granted, it did have the problems others commented on, but still the story line was pretty good. I hope you continue to submit and the next will be even better.

Hey I thought it was great, I will let the many many critics who can write better but just don't to snip at every little misspelled word and every little misplaced comma. Personally I thought it was GREAT. THANK YOU

Really stupid!! Got bored after reading two pages.

It wasn't a bad story but I would look into finding an Editor is your going to submit again.

I noticed a few name slips and a few other things. It sometimes takes a second pair of eyes, plus I'll tell you what I tell the people I audit at work,

"For the life of me, I can not find one mistake when I work in the payables

department but I can tell right away when you've made an error."

Having someone else at least proof read might be a good idea, especially

when you submit a long story.

The premise had promise, and in spite of the writing and editing issues others have addressed, I enjoyed the story line.

Keep writing, and go back and reread it after you are done.

Good luck. I will look for your next submission.

I'll even edit it if asked.

but stilted and formal in the preentation. As others have mentioned editing issues and spelling would have helped. With those it would have been 5 stars but 4 was all I could honestly give it. Keep on writing.

boring

I hope that you will keep on writing & take on note of the negative conment's of people who do not give a name to there comment.

If you are going to continue submitting stories, please, please, find yourself an editor. The story line was interesting but the presentation was choppy and I don't know of any school district that would permit bear-butt spanking.

In the beginning I was thinking it might get a five. As I read on and saw the need for editing continue to grow, I decided not to rate it.

For your first submission this was very good. In my opinion, the switch from never to complete forgiveness was very quick. Also, prolonging the encounter or relationship with the principals daughter would have added some suspense.

Please keep writing.

good one.

You really do need an editor.

Liked the story although no one is as perfect as Jamie/James.

As others have suggested, get an editor. Too many mistakes.

You show promise. There were several good points about the story and it shows a good imagination.

Keep it up, work a little more on editing, and thanks for your hard work.

Woodmanone

The characters changed suddenly. There were punctuation, spelling and grammatical errors. The story could have used more time, more proofreading, an editor-and perhaps I'm being harsh, but the characters didn't make any sense to me, especially the teacher, but the parents as well.

Really loved the story. PLEASE don't take this as a negative comment, for I do not mean it so. You could use an editor, to check it over, that is why there are such people. You have a great talent, and like all talents it takes time to hone it.

This is a solid story - so much so that I've actually searched for it so I could give it a re-read after about 10 days or so. But, as Ballstone pointed out, your work really could use the benefit of an editor. English, even for those who have spoken it their entire lives, is a tough language. There are all sorts of pitfalls which a writer can experience when English is the language being used, and an editor's most valuable contribution is in being a second set of eyeballs to review your work...and to make constructive alterations and suggestions.

Keep with the writing, and let's see what happens with your next story!

Sorry – I can easily overlook any grammatical and editorial errors, but I cannot get beyond the lack of basic, simple justice. People can forgive almost anything except raw betrayal. Carol and Jamie’s parents committed the unforgivable sin of convicting an innocent person. You should have remembered the words you as the author placed in Jamie’s mouth, “Fine do your worst lady, but I will never forgive you for this!” None of the perpetrators deserved forgiveness, nor in the real world would they have ever received it.

The only valid negative comments made were about the editing. An editor will help with the errors. Negative comments about the story are all crap. This was a good story. For a first story, is was exceptional. You are a promising new author. Good Luck!

sorry but the end of story is .... a fantasy ... if you made a character with

a strong mind and a will to do the right.... he wont marry a woman who

humilliate and destroy the dreams of future... in the university.

in a more real world ... he wont do that.... sorry but the end is a disney movie. he will stay in california and seek a wife... not going home to the

person who betray everything.

the more real end is given to her a hi and bye and nothing more.

even if somebody loves a woman who is poison in the end he will stay away from the poison.

nobody put the hand in the fire twice....or the ass.

you have to think ... with his form of thinking.... what he will do?

not what you want to go the story.

you put the scenary but you have to give the "free will" to them.

p.d.

sorry for my bad english

but the rest of the story is good.

<p>It was a good story albeit a little sweet for my tastes. While a good, solid first effort, spelling and contraction use was distracting. One thing that really spoils the mood is when authors do not use your/you're, there/their/they're correctly. A good editor supplying a second set of eyeballs will help immeasurably..</p>

<p>I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.</p>

But a good escape fantasy. Thanks

James(Jamie) is a chump. He should have at least spanked her ass with a paddle and made her sign the nastiest pre-nup agreement ever penned. There is nothing more annoying or pathetic than a woman that uses "hormones" as an excuse for poor judgment/behavior to avoid taking full responsibility for her actions. James should have punched his father in the face a few times as well.

I'm not trying to bash you, although I'm sure some of my comments may come off as that, but:

- You make a lot of characterizations of characters that you don't either stick with or you try to impress on the reader one thing while actually saying another. I know this was written as a "romance" story where you don't have to make it feel logical as long as it has a happy ending (that's not a slam, but actually how most romance writers often do it) but let me give you a couple of examples:

- Joe's character keeps being characterized as basically a "good guy" but he's not. he's a dick plain and simple. He keeps trying to bone his own son under the guise of "If he's not done something wrong we know about then he's done something we don't so its ok to hose him from time to time".

Why do you keep insisting he's basically a good guy then when you characterize him in your narratives? He tried desperately to hide his involvement with Jamie's plans going wrong and never really apologized, except when he had too.

You also designed him as very "manipulative". Calling Jamie to say "Your mothers biopsy came out fine" when Jamie was avoiding him smacked of the same mentality he had years back when Jamie wanted nothing to do with them for betraying him so badly.

-Jamie is defined as having "A strong sense of justice" yet the character is setup to do the "Whooops, this is all a cosmic misunderstanding" to make this a happy ending where Jamie ends up with Carol. Huh?

He ends up with the woman who beat him so badly he couldn't sit down for "days". Everyone in school knew about his beating and he knew they couldn't wait to "smack his butt" to make him feel it afterward. He then leaves town because of all of this and her screwing him out of his scholarships, the public humiliation of his friends and parents, giving up all school honors, and spends almost 10 years avoiding even mentioning her name....

...and "then" you go and stick them back together as if it never really mattered?

Really?

Then you have one brief apology, one he wouldn't accept before, by having her say "I was pregnant and my hormones were wrong" and then they are a couple?? They are pressing up against each other trying to make their bodies physically one when just moments before he was showing her his abused body where she beat him quite "literally" with a stick?

Really?

________

Did you want a happy ending that badly that you didn't want to take the same amount of time showing Jamie rebuilding something with Carol before you had them trying to find each others tonsils? I mean he spent almost 10 years hating her, and you showed that, then you have one "brief" conversation take place and not only is all forgiven but he's now trying to adopt her son and make her his wife.

What the hay? I'm not picking on you, but this is the second time you did this in one of your stories. And for right now you only have two up. I'm not trying to discourage you, but that isn't really helping out the reader when you do that.

You really should spend more time making the reader like the women who ruined your main characters lives more than just depending on sex as the catalyst to make it all better. When you do it so briefly like you keep doing, it then makes your main character look shallow that all it takes is sex to get past all the traumatic parts in his life when he is wronged.

Also you might want to check some of the facts better for your stories. Not a slam, but when you drop things in a story that are really wrong those who work with them are distracted by them.

For example this passage: "Unfortunately you are required by law to claim your parents income until such time as you turn 25 years of age, and that leaves you unable to qualify for any of our grant programs." He sadly stated."

Not remotely true.

I worked in the financial aid office at my school during college and I processed "a lot" of grants and loans. I even took out grants and loans in my own name to go to school. The only thing you have to prove is that your parents (or someone else) provided less than 50% (at the time it might be higher now) of your annual income and couldn't claim you on their taxes during the previous year to get grants and loans.

And I'm totally leaving out the GSL or the Stanford loans that everyone is entitled to if they want to go to college:

http://www.nls.org/benefits/stulon3.htm

You have talent, but I wonder if you start with an idea, have an idea of how you want the story to end, but have a small problem bridging the idea and the endings together.

-Risq

" I got two words for your story. Crap-ola" This woman has a misanthropic streak wider than the Mississippi and not only do you have your "hero" going back to her, you give her a son? You also had the guts to use the tired old "hormonal imbalance" saw? Not to mention how fucked up his parents are and he forgives them too. Contrary to popular belief, you can live a very rewarding life without schizo parents.

STINKER!

What a long winded story only to reach the end to show that Jamie is still every bit the pathetic pussy he was at the start of the story.

Nice story, albeit perhaps a bit long-winded.

The main problem is English. You must have someone edit these things for proper word usage.

The criticisms were sad and very upsetting.

Remember these writers do this for free! They do not owe ANYTHING to you. What makes you all think writers owe you a life? That, people, is something only we can do for ourselves, i. e., get a life.

I thought it was a good read, with life's usually peculiar twists and turns. Only a few grammatical errors. I really enjoyed it.

Excellent story, great job with the characters. Loved the romance. You should do a "loving" wives story, like this one. The only drawback was a lot of grammatical errors.

That was absolutely beautiful... For some reason I kept picturing james as a layed back American James bond. Keep up the great work!

Keep writing. Great stories...I like stories like this with a happy ending!

However, I do find it weird that violence between two would-be lovers is acceptable in a romance story. Why didn't you have James beat Carol, instead of Carol beating James, prior to the romance beginning? If you say that's not acceptable, then it's really a double-standard.

Women should never be forgiven just because they're so feminine and desirable. It's totally the wrong thing to do. I agree that she was remorseful, but it's very difficult to have such a romance. As you noted, he still remembered when she hurt him very, very badly and also she robbed him off his masculinity which he had to work hard to get back by joining the Marines.

It's the fixation around one woman, to the point you give up your masculinity and marry the woman, that is so appalling. I'm a one-woman man myself, and I would try to treat my woman like she's the only woman in the world. But if I were hurt like James, I would not be naive enough to still be so infatuated with the woman as to pursue a relationship with her still. There are always other women, and "fame", "glamour", "too many greedy women" are just excuses for not finding any, really. How can your best option be the women who hurt you?

Trust me. Women think like that about men too. They would advise each other to find other men who have not hurt them, and not to fall to the lowest choice available to them just because they can't find any better. And, they are not all the nice bubbly people who JUST occaaaasionally have hormonal problems, lashing out in a hormonal-driven anger.

I'm not trying to put you off from writing but I do want you to think about this more. Your writing seems too much like DanielleQSteele1 on this website. I hope you don't take this criticism personally; it's just some issues that I meant for you to think about while you're writing, because forgiving someone and marrying them are decisions that should be with many milestones, possibly an infinite number, between them. I have read almost all your stories now, and I liked the vast majority of them, apart from the way this story and your story Here We Go Again went - it seemed like the women conspired to get close to the men they hurt, and work on him to forgive them by forcing him to communicate and be nice to them and their children. It seems like a plot, and it's not very nice; if a man did it, he would become outcast, but if a woman does it, the women all become friends and force the man to cooperate.

This is what I was talking about when I commented on one of your other stories. You show great promise as a story teller. Please keep writing.

However, I still have to re-emphasize, please get and use an editor to clean up spelling and grammatical errors. With some polish this could have been one of the great stories on this site. While still a very good story it still needs to step up another level and a good editor will help you get there.

One of the biggest flaws a a Writer can make is inconsistency w/the Characters. Yours changed with the weather.

I really liked the story. It held my interest and was definitely a feel good story.

There were some technical criticisms about the story that were valid.

An editor would catch most of them. Like bartered when you meant bantered.

Still this is an amateur site and some of these are to be expected. At least by reasonable people.

Shango however does not fall into that category.

People like him should be banned from reading let alone commenting on stories.

What is it with these idiots that think just because they can type that they have the right to treat the hard working authors with a complete lack of respect.

Thank you for the story.

Your characters change personalities like quicksilver with no valid or big enough reason overall 2*

When James' commander asked if he should let the parents in to the hospital room, James asked if he had to see them and his commander replied that hecould order him to.... That would not be a lawful order, and an nco would know that and inform the officer if it was tried. If James really did not want to see his parents he wouldn't have to and could have them removed and his commander's ass in a sling. I know it is part of a story, a story I enjoy, and someone may not like my semantics but too bad. I, my self was an nco back in the day.

But then he did. Why?

the characters are fickle - the thing is believable for a while, parents and teachers are brainless automatons, and Trish's Daddy knew exactly what a loss of grade would mean for choosing a Valedictorian. then things get weird, Carol offering to bed a student (!).

James should have refused to see his parents, and we should find out that he had a vasectomy to make sure he never impregnated anyone, in addition to using condoms for disease. He should never have returned home.

He should have discovered Timmy by way of Brian coming to his company with a deal to finance his batteries, and happening to discuss women and the imponderability thereof.

Trish could have sought him out after he became "home town famous" to apologize to him, and they could discover lots of mutual interest... she turns out to still be a virgin and they marry.

Still, I give you 4 stars.

Even if the writing style was a bit poor ;-)

Loved it!

Read after a long time and still sucks for the simple reason that the hero turned into a wimp by forgiving those monsters too easily. Monsters because they cost him a scholarship, own parents refused to believe him.... These are no small things. The parents and carol deserved some punishment in the end. In the name of romance dont turn hero's into wimps.

I enjoy reading some of your stories. I really do.

But for God's sake, you need to find yourself an editor. There were countless mistakes I've picked up as I was reading it. It detracts from the story.

If you don't want an editor then at least read over your work.

at some level, but in other ways a bit sickly sweet. Reminded me a bit of Love Story by Erich Segal.

I do not understand the big deal with the readers whining about spelling errors and grumble about grammatical gralloching. On this site puns are punnier, alliterations are stultiloquentic and malapropisms are maliciously delightful.

Spellcheck software is homophonephobic and editing functions that auto-replace the wrong word in the right context are hilarious! i.e. convent for convenience store, on a website devoted to sexual experimentation. Of course then these stories would have to be listed in the 'First Time' genre?

That is the only complaint I have about my editing my own stories, there are so few unintentional errors. I miss out on all the wonderful quirks of accidentally misusing Academic English, that no one actually speaks. I'll just have to settle for viciously abusing the Britamerican language, which is what real people use globally for communication.

First half of the story was strong. Great build up. Yeah, he saves the VP and all, but the second was too predictable. Needs a little spice, some twists and turns. Not to get to hung-up on the spanking part, and you did provide some explanation for why it was excessive, it would have been great to see her bring him the paddle to use on her arse. Of course, being at least a bit wimpy, he would have declined to give her the same beating, but instead used his hand for a nice reddening.

I enjoyed reading your story, but one criticism, its PRODIGAL son NOT proverbial.

Have to agree with other comments that highlight the fickle nature of the characters.

The teacher should never have been forgiven so lightly, she not only claimed he was a lier and assaulted him she ruined his chance to pursue his dream of going to mit, yet her meaningless excuse of hormones out of sync was all it took for this genius to forgive her.

very unrealistic behaviour.

For that and the grammar i can not rate this, as 3 4 or 5 stars is far too high yet 1 or 2 stars is mean for an 8 page story.

Great read.

Hot for teacher, war hero, the inevitable Literotica Medal of Honor winner'' even.

There is always room for forgiveness. Reconciliation is also an option. In fact such behaviour is common and logical for proper cathartic release.

What you have done however is not forgiveness nor reconciliation. Neither is it logical or common. The woman tore his heart out, betrayed him, ruined his life, turned his parents and the school against him but also physically abused him enough for it to not only hurt but by her own admission looked bad enough to warrant legal charges and possibly a hospital visit. It is unjust that she gets help from parents who screwed their own son over with her due to her error. Unfair she, a woman who beat a child under her care and ruined his life is allowed to continue in an educational capacity. A hormonal imbalance cannot be an excuse for a deplorable act. All women have such imbalances during pregnancy. A free pass on moral and ethical practices does not come included in the hormone bundle pack.

Her fate to be the wife of a smart and kindhearted war hero multimillionaire is undeserved. He deserved better. She deserves jail or worse.

You make stories with a good ending at times. However you need to realise not all relationships should be salvaged. Some bridges are better left burned and the wronged party is better for it.

So what??

It was a story - we all know that - or did you think you missed the headl9ens and the election of a VP to President of the USA - oh yeah and the White House wedding too.

Read and enjoy what it was - an extreme fantasy story and a romance -

And bit of fun too - thanks

a Frog that turns into a Prince.

a Glass Slipper that fits a poor abused Girls foot

a Pumpkin and mice that turn into a Coach & Horses

True Love's Kiss that wakes a comatose beautiful woman

lol just a selection of other extreme events

in Fictional Romance history

xxxhugsxxx

makes u want to cry

or makes u want to puke ...

lol i voted 5 stars ...

guess i wept.

not too bad a plot, but badly in need of editing.

If we cut males the same slack for hormones as we do psychotic behavior in women rape for boys/men would be all but impossible to prosecute from 15 to 30.

Prescription hormones for depression?

But just how effective would those nonexistent things be for treating psychotic behavior?

Please get an editor. The story was kind of cute but the many, many errors made it difficult to appreciate.

Although the story was quite dark in the sentimental / emotional front and wasn't great at titillating the erotic senses it nevertheless made good above average reading overall as far as I'm concerned. 

However, if you had noticed the lack of punctuations in my opening commentary, you surely would not have missed the spelling and homonym errors scattered all over the 8 pages. Was it not edited at all?

A great read. Too bad there are too many grammar nazis and armchair literary critics on here. I don't see any of you esteemed scholars writing, just criticizing. Et tu Brutus?

He gets betrayed by the people who should have been protecting him, completely fucked out of the life he should have had, and somehow all is forgiven ? There is fantasy, and there is "no way in hell" that breaks you right out of the story.

First, as someone over 18, HIPAA would have prevented disclosure of his medical condition to anyone who was not listed as his NICE, and did not have his healthcare proxy. His C/O would NEVER have ordered an NCO to meet with his parents. And he would have hated that stupid bitch Carol until he died.

but corny as hell and even more fun was the stupid mistakes HEY ROTFLMAO!!! and you might want to consult a well read third grader on how to use the words, then and than.

Unreadable. NEEDS an editor.

all the sorry cunt needs to do is admit she is a slut and cry hormone like all the other rag wearing cunts who punish people for their pleasure. all is forgiven. Jamie boy is one dumb mother fucker

The reconciliation was well within the realms of fantasy, and in the rea word it probably wouldn't happen. Having said that, it didn't detract from what is a well-written and lovely story about true love.

The only quibble I have, for what it's worth, is that James was annoyed that nobody told him about Carol's son, when he HIMSELF instructed his parents not to mention her and that he didn't want to know anything about her.

This was an entertaining tale and a fun read. The only problem is it badly needs an editor. The need for an editor and a proofreader is very evident in the first three quarters of this story.

Would I have forgiven them? Maybe, but NEVER allowed ANY of them in my life. That's more like reality than this story.

This is a great story everything is there for a complete story. All characters based lined and have substories in the main story

I must be one of the few who read stories for content. When telling a story yes grammar is important but, Not more important than the story being told.

I'd rather have a good story than a story that's spelled incorrectly than a bad story that's spelled correctly with great grammar any day. I'm not a grammar teacher or an editor but, I know a good story when I read one.

Good stories people will read them, good grammar or not.

Those people who tell you the story is unreadable because they say so and try to use bad grammar as a reason are only bullies who want something or they want to control you.

You were strong enough to put your story online for reading under your name but the anonymous commenters must be afraid we will know who they are and where they are.

This is a very good story keep reading!!

Jamie took pictures of the injuries from the illegal beating.

He then went to the hospital for treatment where the ER personnel called the police.

The police then arrested the perpetrator and her co-conspirator the principal of the school, who were convicted, served their sentences and then never allowed to teach or administer students again.

The settlements for the lawsuits funded his higher education.

The thought of driving or worse yet riding a bus for days in pain to the USMC recruit center was too much to bear for someone that would not sit on a bench for two hours to get his diploma.

Child abuse should be rewarded.

Fantastic.

1*

All this james suffered at the hand of his loved ones while being completely blameless. I find every character in this story worthy of being beaten to within an inch of their life and everything they had taken away so they could start over at the same time. Then they can ask forgiveness. Except for the father. He should be castrated, whipped bloody and then left to slowly die of exposure. Why? Because when you betray your own children, you are worth less than nothing. then he tried to cover it up and pretend he was never wrong. James should just be put out of his misery quickly since he seems like fucking up his life so much. Timmy would be better in an abusive foster home than staying with these nut jobs

..at one of the most important times of his life. He wouldn't have forgotten or forgiven quickly or easily. Reconcilliation with Carol was far too rapid.

Returns home > Meet & greet > all is forgiven. All in one afternoon and evening.

Far too quick and easy.

In Elementary schools when I grew up it was legal to smack a kid on the ass with a half inch thick paddle with holes drilled into it or a thick belt. The teachers who didn't hit would make you duck walk with around the back of the room with a bunch of books held out in front of you.

So you can kiss it if you happen to have not experienced that! The teachers then didn't allow students to disrespect there class or not do the work. Yeah laugh but I don't remember any mass shootings by students.

I'm not saying corporal punishment is a good thing but, a lot of stuff didn't happen because of it.

Wow, what a great story. Total fantasy, of course, but isn't that what all really great romance stories are? I loved it, definitely a 5 star story. And much thanks to the author for this contribution.

While the story was interesting enough to keep me reading there were a lot of occasions where incorrect words or spellings were used. I'd advise you to use an editor or maybe just get someone to have a read of it before publishing because I TV does take you out of the story a fair bit. Other than it was fairly good. Maybe the whole billionaire thing was a bit off. Oh one thing I'm pretty sure there isn't a school in america that would permit spanking at the time of the story. At first I thought it must have been set quite a while ago but cell phones were mentioned so it had to be modern day.

Lost me on page 4

When everything was suddenly forgiven. What bullshit.

This was gay. Sithlord is right.

ss

The story wasn't bad, although the "forgiveness" was given a little too fast.

(I suppose a near death experience of being shot & almost blown to bits, could make it a bit believable)

The biggest negative, IMO, is that the timeline is way out of sync...I don't think you can get a teaching degree at the age of 19, which is what she would have had to have done.

This was a really excruciatingly pathetic story … Can’t believe that James just lay down and allow his parents and Carol to piss all over him.. regularly !

My biggest problem with this story is her assault on him, and her explanation of I was hormonal. Try that in a court of law.

so he holds this deep rooted resentment for years against his parents and carol… and then forgives them within minutes of seeing them for the first time again…. ok… everyone in this story was written like a 7 year old with a learning disability. they’re all retarded

woulda thought his anger at his betrayal woulda went deeper

When the report he made on 'The Bard' got lost, she then showed her true colors.The colors of a bitch. His parents too showed him that they didn't really give two cents for him. It was only after he had become famous, then wealthy, that they all wanted him in their lives.Had he not become famous and wealthy, the whole town including parents, would still have cared less than a gnats ass for the likes of him. Piss Poor People. LP

Not a bad story. There were some wrong words used, i.e. 'reframe' for 'refrain', (find this in page 2). Also, I thought that James, after holding a grudge for so long, forgave his betrayers too quickly. I have no objection to reconciliation stories, it is just that this reconciliation happened to fast, to easily. But, this is the story that the author wanted to write and I can not fault the author for that.

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Pasqual

The storyline was a bit erratic but I still liked it. Quite a quick turnaround on the abusive treatment. One weekend in the sack and all was right with the world...

I should sue for whiplash. He leaves everyone behind when he's betrayed by everyone with his future is destroyed forcing him to join the military instead. Then, whoosh, for no reason at all, he forgives everyone and marries the woman who destroyed his dreams.

The word bullshit comes to mind. Inventive bullshit, but still bullshit. Or maybe science fiction since the protagonist was able to rewind the memories in his mind like a resurrection. Must be that alien DNA.

I am so happy you started using an editor. But marrying the woman who beat you, nah

Ridiculous

This site gets worse every year.

I mean seriously. This is absolute drivel. I get that this is a sex site for a variety of different people but Jesus Christ what I wouldn't give for some actual realism and verisimilitude

What terrible bullshit is this. I stop reading at page 4 & check the ending before I had to hold my vomit in. What a waste of time reading up till then. Stop writing if this is the only kind of bulls you can offer !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!