All Comments on 'Whatever Comes'

Wow!

Yes okay they cheated but to take everything from them? That is NOT revenge that is humiliation in the extreme. Everybody on this planet is human we all make mistakes what this story did is to show just what humans are capable of doing. That is destroy other human beings. I really don't care who cheated on who or why in fact the two 'hero's' are the ones I dislike the most. There was no need to go as far as they did, yes divorce, yes take half the money, yes have sex in front of them all that I can understand but to go further? there is no point! and besides if as we are led to believe almost EVERY state in the US has divorces that have fifty fifty splits a good lawyer would ensure that happened. So yes those on this site that applaud the actions of two bitter and twisted people will love this story, personally I don't see the point of it.

Scorpio,

Like GW66, I have to say your characters are pretty merciless. But, I look at the story as either being interesting or not, not the writer's position on things; and this story was verty well done.

Matt Moreau

I have enjoyed your stories, including this one. However, there was hardly any drama or suspense; it felt almost as if I were reading my morning newspaper. If the cheaters losing everything because they did not read before they signed the order of dissolution was supposed to be humorous it missed the mark; otherwise it stretches the bounds of reality a bit too far for me that their attorney would allow that. All that said, I still enjoyed the story and thanks for writing and entertaining us.

I knew I'd enjoy it after reading your introduction. A bit predictable maybe, but that's what they seem to like in 'Loving wives'

You'll be lucky to get an 'H' though in this catogory, as the readers are a bit special, and as many will hate you (and tell you) as will love you.

Good luck though. I'm off to read the rest of your stories now I've found them.

First I'll comment on grammar, spelling, etc. Just the following are examples from the first few paragraphs: "at one of his buddy's house," "In their forth year things were very comfortable for them." "Denise drove a hybred Toyota." The first is poor English and bad sentence structure. The second is use of a homonym (forth) instead of "fourth;" "forth" is used in "We went forth" (adverb vs. noun). Of course, "hybred" is simply misspelled. The author prefaced his remarks asking how to be a better writer. I think reviewing some basic English would be a start. If that is not feasible, then an editor could be of help. If you have an editor, maybe it's time to find a different one. With respect to the story itself, my feeling is that it has no credibility. A story has to be somewhat believable or the reader can't relate to the characters in the story. The tying of lovers to the chairs under threat of violence constitutes unlawful restraint (kidnapping). If a police officer stopped the couple trying to escape, the couple would not be in jail for driving nude. Mike and Denise would be arrested instead. The police could easily trace the phone call, find that Denise called (using Josh's phone), search the house, find evidence of the restraint in the chairs, and so on. Prosecutors like filing serious charges (kidnapping) far more than they like filing trivial ones (driving a car while engaging in indecent exposure). The tying to the chairs is so over-used (Hildy and the derivatives) that it really makes the story seem trite and unoriginal. Other than the revenge theme, I think this story has little to recommend it. Scorpio44, you have written much better stories than this.

When you fuck around on your spouse you place yourself and them in harm's way. I am sorry if you dont have the intestinal fortitude to do what is necessary but Lying, disrespectful, cheating, adulterers deserve anything that comes. If you dont real a legal document, despite how many pages it is, that is your fault and your lawyers fault. Those two cheated in their homes on their marriage beds, and already started dividing the community property. How many more slaps in the face did she need or did she need those slaps to be purely physical? The two could have pressed charges of kidnapping and false imprisonment but didnt, whose fault is that? Finally an excellent story on adultry and a spouse with the real ability to think. Mistakes are easy, salt in the sugar shell, a mistake is not made when you slip your cock into a different pussy!

Scorpio44a, Vulcan summarized the same issues I have with this story, so I won't repeat them. You've done better, never worse. Take his comments to heart.

First, a word to those who dismiss "unrealistic" criticisms with the tired "its just a story!" line:<br><br>

Its a tale set in the real world. Unrealistic events happening in a real world setting make the story unbelievable. The suspension of disbelief vanishes.<br><br>

The problems have been listed earlier - unlawful restraint, the fact that virtually all states in the US have 50/50 divorce splits regardless of cause, etc. Plus the bad spelling and lousy grammar. This is definitely a weak offering from you; you've done much better before.

I liked the story. I think that Scorpio has done better, both as Scorpio and in his 44a incarnation. He has also done worse and this one is well above his average. And it is far and away better than those from most other authors.

Long may he continue to write for us.

I am a fan of your writing, but this story just didn't cut it. I beleive Vulcan's comments are right to the point. When I finished the story, I didn't feel anything. It was as if I were reading a police report. I didn't feel an emotonal attachment to anyone here. Thanks for trying, I hope your next work is better.

I couldn't get into the story, the emotion wasn't there.

common sense in your writings make you different from the other writers.they not married and she slaps him and tire him to the chair,that kidnapping.you jump off the mountain with this story.

I've read newspaper adds that had more emotion than this

The storyline was well known. It would have been nice

to know the background on the first three couple getting

together. We only really know about how Mike and Denise

happened. This story sounds almost as if it were written by a computer! It could use more dialogue.

I have liked some of your stories but this one? Just bullshit. Regards Umbert

And in today's headline, couple cheat on their spouses....film at 11.

GW66 and Vulcun summed up my main feelings about the story. I can take or leave the money scam at the end, not really righteous, not horrible just well, highly highly unlikely and probably very very illegal given todays courts. Kills believability. I'd take it as remotely possible if only the cuckolded wife managed it and the cuckoled husband didn't.

Another problem was, the lack of emotion shown makes it hard to sympathize with the victims here and honestly, makes the cheaters not look so bad. You weren't real clear that the cheaters were truly preparing to move out/divorce beyond a few throw away lines.

Usually a fan, I was disappointed with this story. I do mean the story - as a whole. The telling was telegraphic and monotonic. Initially I thought you saved this tone for ironic purposes but I was wrong. You kept at it even at the most emotional moments.<P>

The shift to the betrayal and the divorce was as abrupt as much as it was unexplained. It moved from an ideal couple to a mistrusting full blown cheating in a blink of an eye...so much for development in the plot. <P>

The one original part which I enjoyed at the start - the codes for the miscellaneous love acts, even that part was kind of ruined for me as it became the tool of discovery for the wife. I mean - PLEASE! This husband could have never qualified for any job above sorting nails if indeed he was that dumb. And we are supposed to go with the narrative that he actually documented each and every occasion of his cheating in plain sight? <P>

The revenge scene was something which have been done endless time, but the robbing of the money/property under some incredible 'legal' blackmail was simply beyond the pale (not to mention distasteful). What legal system was this divorce based on - Somalia?

Why did you rush the story to get to it so fast. It started out like a narrative with no embellishment or detail, so there wasn't enough build up to a truly great ending.

You need to put more thought into your stories... if I were caught cheating on my wife, I'd certainly love it if her and the other husband were to assault me, and commit a felony. They would face 7 years, or sign both of their assets over to me. You created two people that thought everything out, but then were stupid.

I had Mike and Denise arrested if I was Josh for unlawful restrainted and or Kidnapping for holding me against my will. Then I'd counteried sued on co grounds of adultry in their revenge act, but I bet one thing for sure If I lost in court I'd of burned both houses to the ground, but heck I am locksmith tough have practiced since I got out of the army but still have all the tools to open any lock without a key, since was a secondary job in service I've never been officially register anywhere by civialian agencies but hell that is why I've never left Tennessee nor put either of my exwives name on my place cause what you bring in to marriage here doesn't not become part of community property. Shucks darn since I was rich before we were married and I haven't worked at a paying job in years, all they got was half of interest earned for 5 and 10 years. Hell plus both my sister and myself take big time advantage of our late parents living trust we've both fuck over our spouse in hiding assets in it noone but us can touch, plus it still technical in parents name so unless you know about it to being with no one knows it is there.

I've read all but maybe a couple of your stories--you as Scorpio44 and 44a--and it's obvious revenge has become the prominent theme of many of your recent tales. I gave this one a (rare) less 100 score because of the repetitive theme.

I very much enjoy how you write, but the rehashing revenge is starting to get tiring. Why so many revenge-themed stories?

A bit over the top. I liked parts of it but as the Jaded One said, "Most states are 50-50 on the financial and property split thing". On top of that, felony criminal charges could have been filed on the illegal restraint. I would guess that the screwing in front of the cheating spouses would also count as adultery by the judge since their divorces hadn't been heard in court yet. I think you may have ruined a very good story with all the unbelievable revenge taken... Makes one feel a bit sorry for the cheaters, doesn't it? They were baser in their actions than the other two...

Ok to get divorced for what happened but to take revenge like that is totally criminal and they should both be jailed for what they did as they are both total hypocrites.

Where the hell did this story COME from?

Some times I just get a kick out of reading a good revenge story and this has to be one of the top revenge stories on a cheating spouse that I have read. Yup, it's fiction and it probably wouldn't happen in real life.

The pace of the story was a little fast at times mainly about the time the PI got involved but it didn't detract much from the telling of this tale.

What made this story unusual is the man doing the cheating and the woman doing the divorcing, that is until Mike got involved. Don't think this is a criticism, because it's not.

This tale is fresh, crisp and tasty.

EXACTLY !! :-)

From the woman's point of view. Great read thanks for sharing.

This story is besides any reality. It is simply a nice-to-happen fantasy but thankfully things can not happen as the author of the story describes them.

I've been reading your stories - first 44 and then 44a - in alphabetical order, so I don't really know if you're falling into a rut or working over and over on a set of themes. But, it's gotten to the point where I pretty much know the arc of the story and various elements that continually appear.

The use of 'we stopped being married as soon as you screwed the other person' may have emotional resonance but it has no legal meaning at all. I'm waiting for characters who get - and act on - the difference. The wronged spouse seems always to have the perfect replacement lover/spouse in the wings and however deep the wound from betrayal, they get right into bed. Someone, betrayal and divorce often seem to enrich your character. On the other hand, the 'making the life of the other work' works in your stories because you so clearly believe and understand it.

I look forward to many more stories and seeing you grow as a writer.

The whole idea was working for me, including fucking in front of the cheating spouses.

It lost it's appeal when the judge allowed the agreement where the cheating spouses lost all their money. That goes against everything that laws try to enforce. The whole point of a separation or divorce is to separate the parties involved, not ruin them.

pay attention to all the small details. TK U MLJ LV NV

They can sue their own lawyers for not pointing out the possibility they would lose money with the agreement they signed. They had their money taken because they were stupid.

Thank you for writing, I have enjoyed several of your stories.

Extreme revenge against the cheaters. This tale just made my day.

OH YEAH

Gave u a 5 but little emotionless.

Loved it!

Not a bad tale but has all the emotion of a rock.

YOU CAN DO BETTER DUDE, BUT FOR THIS ONE ...

UNO ESTRELLA

Good little story for the most part if a little on the clinical side. The cheater's signing away all their savings will a great idea just felt too far fetched.

It's funny how 99% of the posters who hated this story are all Anon's just like the 99% of the poster's who love the cucky stories and wish it were them are also Anon's! What a coincidence!

high school kids actually count and keep a record of how many times they have sex! I liked that the cheaters were punished, but this story seemed like it came from a very childlike pen.

And silly. Two married adults independently keeping track of the number of times they have sex on identical unpassword protected laptops. Meh!

Who wrote this? Not on par with your usual. The style and lack of emotion felt like a different writer.

Revenge is sweet. Josh is an asshole. Don't know Sarah very well, but she is too.

Mike and Denise were arrested for illegal restraint of Josh and Sarah. They got 1 year each! Josh and Sarah then brought civil suites against their spouses for violating their civil rights and got all of their money. You can't tie people up!

pettifogging at best, who cares anyway

Story made absolutely no sense.

Story.

Not bad, I like anything with good revenge on cheating spouses.

I'm never one for the whole "you cheated, so watch me fuck this guy in front of you," revenge shtick. Usually it's used in big misunderstanding or cuck stories though not in this case. Even still I find it over the top and the fact that Josh and Sarah just sat there and snuffled a little made no sense. Then to tell them to drive off with no clothing or the contents of their wallets and have them comply was ridiculous. Then they sign their altered divorce papers without checking them or having their lawyers go over them a final time? Riiiiight. Yeah, I get it, it's a fantasy but it was still incredibly silly.

I was fine with the story in principle, it seemed like a cathartic revenge on the cheaters type story. What really lowered the quality for me, though, was the lack of clarification or post-divorce details. Why did Josh do it, other than "because he could"? More importantly, why was he beginning to separate his assets? It's not like he and Sarah were going to run off together. Just made little sense. Add to that the fact that Denise and Mike's relationship wasn't really explored and it just came off a bit cold and unsatisfying. I feel like a whole extra page should have been written to describe how and why they got together other than the fact that they were both loyal people who kept promises. Flying clandestinely to spend weekends together fucking doesn't really tell the reader why they supposedly made a good couple. Didn't sound like they "went slow" either.

All in all it was a good idea that sadly wasted its potential by being unrealistic and somewhat shallow in its reasoning. Shame, it could have developed into a much better story with some work.

Well, at least this car crash was short. And it ended.

There. 2 nice things.

The story wasn’t all that bad until after the revenge fuck. First, I really doubt they would have had the problems with the cops. They would have explained what happened and once they showed their IDs, they would have probably been fined, but they wouldn’t have spent time in jail. Also, if their names are on the lease/mortgage, without a court order, they can’t be summarily kicked out. Finally, no lawyer would let their client sign something without reading it and I doubt any judge would let something like that agreement go forward. It just became so unbelievable there was no way to enjoy it anymore

No cucks in this story!!! Women can be cucks too!!!

Denise and Mike would have been charge for tying their d-opuses up!

Again. I thought it was going to go the other way, but it ended nicely. I’m for anything where the cheaters don’t win.

A tale built on the premise of so many coincidences is unbelievable. One, maybe two is manageable, but that they both use exactly the same symbols completely independently, and that they swapped laptops, both had no login passwords, etc, etc, etc.

I call bullshit.

Why all the separate travel in the end. Completely unnecessary. Premise is familiar and done well enough but you added strange unnecessary extra details, in an effort to make it your story that you didn’t really need

Bloody silly story BUT liked it a lot

What utter RUBBISH